Christians have varying views about the ethics of engaging with extreme fertility interventions. There is more to be examined than simply "should I do this to get pregnant?"
Here are some things you need to consider:
(Note, some of these will be uncomfortable to consider. I'm not trying to be mean or harsh. I just think that such a huge decision really requires a clear-eyed examination of all possible ramifications).
1. Why are you prioritizing "birthing" a child? Is there something that makes a child you birth more valuable to you than say, adopting and raising a child? Could this desire possibly be a selfish desire based on your own expectations vs. God's plan for you?
2. Is it ethical to create fertilized eggs that will likely be destroyed? The typical course for IVF is that many, many eggs are fertilized. Two are implanted. If those are successful, the others are kept frozen for a period and then destroyed. (I do know that it's possible to donate fertilized eggs, but if there are no takers, eventually eggs are destroyed). If you believe that life begins at conception, how is allowing for the destruction of already fertilized eggs any different than abortion?
3. Considering the importance of fathering, and the way that children suffer when they are inadequately fathered, is it ethical to deliberately decide to give birth to a child who will have no father? Could your desire to bear a child regardless of the presence of a father be a kind of selfishness--like you will make sure you fulfill your dreams without considering how painful it might be for a child to grow up without a father?
4. Are you in a position to actually raise a child by yourself? (Or CHILDREN, since IVF often results in twins). Do you have the extensive spiritual, social, familial, and financial support you'll need to really do right by the child? Can you supply for all the child's basic needs? Will you be able to handle the enormous stress of single-parenting?
5. Can I afford these procedures? IVF can be very expensive, sometimes without a resulting birth. Does your insurance cover this? Do you have savings to pay for it? Is it ethical to accrue a serious amount of debt to have a child and potentially cause suffering for the child (due to financial stress) after the child is born?
If it helps, these are all issues I have personally considered in my own life. I was raised in a large family and always wanted to have many children. When I was in my 30s, the fact that I was unmarried and childless was very painful to me. Now that I'm 45, barring some miracle, it's unlikely that I will ever bear children. Over the years, various friends have suggested, "Why don't you just have a baby?" Even now, people say to me, "Oh, medicine is so advanced...women are having babies in their 50s." Having examined these questions, here's what I've decided:
1. I genuinely love children and don't think a child has to come from my body to be valuable and worthy of love. While it might have been an adventure to experience pregnancy, my happiness and purpose are not based on having this experience.
2. I find IVF, and other extreme procedures, to be very morally dicey. I am "prolife" in the largest sense of the word. I believe abortion is wrong, but so is destroying fertilized eggs. I could never engage with a method that would give me a benefit (I get to have a baby) at the expense of others (the destroyed eggs).
3. I think giving birth to a child without a father is completely unethical. If someone becomes pregnant and the father opts out...that's one thing. Deliberately choosing a fatherless life for a child is another. For me, the idea that I'm so special that I deserve to be self-fulfilled regardless of any pain my fatherless child would experience is not morally sound.
4. While I have a stable income, family, friends, etc., I don't know that I would make a good single parent. Certainly, I *could* do it if it was necessary and God would provide, but to deliberately decide to do it seems like it would set me up to potentially create a mess. I don't think that my desire for a child outweighs the discomfort and pain my child would experience having an introverted, slightly anxious mother with no spousal support. I also don't think that I could teach full time (which is very high-energy and demanding), and raise a child well. I'd likely be both a C-level teacher and a C-level mother.
So, obviously, having examined these questions, I decided that the answer for me was "NO." I could not in good conscience get pregnant and have a child. Because of this, I have submitted myself to God's will regarding this issue. It's not fun. I don't entirely understand why I, who really love children, have none, while others, who clearly don't, have children of their own. It can still be a painful area for me. However, I do believe that God is good. If this is His will for me, I don't need to fully understand it now, I just need to accept it and trust that His plan for me is better than what I always imagined for myself.
I'm not presuming that my conclusions will be your conclusions. I'm simply sharing the ideas I examined around this issue. It's possible that you could examine these ideas and decide that your conscience would allow you to go forward with this idea. Ultimately, it is between you and God.
The comment about it will be more like Mary confuses me. Mary was divinely impregnated, but IVF uses a man's sperm so even though you don't have sex, you're still being impregnated by a man. You ain't gonna be having no divinely immaculate birth..lol
