Is It Acceptable as a Christian to Say That Looks DO Count?

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#1
May 23, 2009
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Hey Everybody, With all the talk about what we hope to find in a spouse... I must say that I do admire the people who can say, "Well, looks don't really matter to me, it all depends on where their heart is with the Lord." I guess I wish I could say I were that advanced in my spiritual walk! So, how many Christians are willing to admit that yes, looks do count for something, and is it hypocritical or a "weakness of faith" to be willing to say that? Because even though we are Christians, we're still human... I could be wrong, but in some cases, I personally believe that some people "like" a certain "look" or even race for a specific, sometimes God-given reason. (This is NOT to say there isn't such as thing as being superficial, but I do think some preferences that we have are led by the Lord.) For instance, my little brother (who is white--brown hair, blue-green eyes, very athletic) got to a point where he told God he wanted to marry "a beautiful Asian girl," and his prayer was answered. She's native South Korean, a devout Christian, and an absolute doll. But her father told her to break up with him immediately when he learned his daughter was dating an American (interracial dating is frowned upon in Korea.) However, when her father met my brother--even though they did not speak the same language, her father somehow knew my brother had a sincere heart and gave his consent. Watching the challenges that they are going through in their marriage... including prejudice and bias... and how they are handling the situations they face with God's grace and strength, I truly believe God put it in my brother's heart to strongly be attracted and desire to marry an Asian girl for a reason. Now I'm not trying to say we should all be chasing after models. :) But I do wonder if maybe sometimes God has a purpose and maybe even a hand in what we seem to be attracted to looks-wise. What do you all think?
 
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Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#2
Jan 3, 2007
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For me, looks count. So does spiritualism, but I'll be the first one to say. LOOKS DO COUNT. To an extent lol. no one is perfect, but I'd be hard pressed to say I'd date someone no matter what they looked like PERIOD and youd be hard pressed find any guy to straight up say that without lieing through his teeth. Just being honest.
 
MahogonySnail

MahogonySnail

Banned
#3
Jan 8, 2009
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#3
Christians are supposed to look at the heart and not judge by external appearances.
 
Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#4
Jan 3, 2007
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MahogonySnail said:
Christians are supposed to look at the heart and not judge by external appearances.
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Although there is a distinct difference between judging and preference in attraction, yes?

While I'm on that note, what one person finds attractive might not be attractive to another person. So saying that looks are important is true for everyone, but "good" looks are subjective"
 
MahogonySnail

MahogonySnail

Banned
#5
Jan 8, 2009
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I agree Kakashi very well said. Gosh you see some funny looking people around these days dont you hahahah.
 
G

Groundhog

Guest
#6
#6
It comes down to attraction. If you're not attracted to someone, there's nothing wrong with that. Now, sure, I'm going to be instantly attracted to someone who is good-looking, but I also have things that attract me (I like the Tina Fey type!) that might not necessarily attract other people. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" as they say.
 
MahogonySnail

MahogonySnail

Banned
#7
Jan 8, 2009
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#7
I like lady gaga types as long as they wear pants.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#8
May 23, 2009
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#8
Mahogony--I'm sure it is probably of the Lord (He put it on your heart) to be attracted to women who wear pants in public. At least, I hope. :)
 
dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#9
May 4, 2009
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#9
Yes, looks do count, they aren't everything, but they do count.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#10
May 23, 2009
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#10
I hear a lot of people give good, Christian answers to various situations and questions... but part of me always wonders what's really going on beneath the surface. I have always found it fascinating that in one translation of the Bible I encountered a few years ago, it said that when Samson fell in love with a Philistine girl (before meeting Delilah), he told his parents to get this girl for him as his wife, and they were very distraught, but that "they did not know this was of the Lord, because He was seeking an occasion to confront the Philistines." Apparently, in this incidence at least, God heavily influenced, or had a strong reason, behind Samson's attraction to this girl. Now, I'm not saying we should all be like, "Well, I'm sure it's of the Lord that I marry someone who looks like Megan Fox/Christian Bale," etc.... but... it's interesting... and of course, we know that Samson made terrible mistakes. But... what will happen if we sit back and let God choose for us? I admit to being a little afraid because I've heard TONS of stories from other people at my church who said, "When I first met my spouse, I wasn't attracted to him/her in the least!!" Makes you kind of nervous as you look around... :)
 
Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#11
Jan 3, 2007
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seoulsearch said:
I hear a lot of people give good, Christian answers to various situations and questions... but part of me always wonders what's really going on beneath the surface. I have always found it fascinating that in one translation of the Bible I encountered a few years ago, it said that when Samson fell in love with a Philistine girl (before meeting Delilah), he told his parents to get this girl for him as his wife, and they were very distraught, but that "they did not know this was of the Lord, because He was seeking an occasion to confront the Philistines." Apparently, in this incidence at least, God heavily influenced, or had a strong reason, behind Samson's attraction to this girl. Now, I'm not saying we should all be like, "Well, I'm sure it's of the Lord that I marry someone who looks like Megan Fox/Christian Bale," etc.... but... it's interesting... and of course, we know that Samson made terrible mistakes. But... what will happen if we sit back and let God choose for us? I admit to being a little afraid because I've heard TONS of stories from other people at my church who said, "When I first met my spouse, I wasn't attracted to him/her in the least!!" Makes you kind of nervous as you look around... :)
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lol did they tell you that was physical attraction? They could have meant their personality ya never know. As long as ya are attracted to them in the end, that's all that matters! haha

No use in worrying. Jesus said to ask for anything in his name. i don't recall him ever saying that asking for a certain type of girl or guy in particular was wrong unless that person wasn't right with God( like Pauil talks about in 2nd Corinthians. )
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#12
May 23, 2009
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#12
To be honest, I've only had four relationships in my life (unless you count my kindergarten boyfriend and a guy from summer camp? If all those count, then I'm a relationship expert!! HA!) and to be perfectly honest, I was only physically attracted (as in, you look at him and think, "MAN, is he ever good-looking") to the one I married (that's NOT why I married him--it was just kind of icing on the cake). However... as you can see... none of it worked out... so... I'm trying to learn from my mistakes and try to do things God's way this time. I always have this thought though, that we have to "sacrifice" for the faith... you know... that we have to "settle" for someone "highly spiritual" but not all that attractive to us... do you know what I mean?
 
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M

MusicalMe

Guest
#13
#13
When my parents met, my mom thought my dad was a country hick and had no interest in him. Once she opened her mind a little and saw how funny and smart and creative he is, she fell in love with him.

Looks are important - or at least attraction is - but there's a lot to be said for being open-minded. In other words, I don't think there's anything wrong with saying you have to be attracted to the person or they have to look nice - but if you will have nothing to do with someone that you don't find attractive, that's where the problem lies. I hope that makes sense...

Oh, and this year my parents celebrated 32 years of marriage - so they must have done something right!
 
Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#14
Jan 3, 2007
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#14
seoulsearch said:
To be honest, I've only had four relationships in my life (unless you count my kindergarten boyfriend and a guy from summer camp? If all those count, then I'm a relationship expert!! HA!) and to be perfectly honest, I was only physically attracted (as in, you look at him and think, "MAN, is he ever good-looking") to the one I married (that's NOT why I married him--it was just kind of icing on the cake). However... as you can see... none of it worked out... so... I'm trying to learn from my mistakes and try to do things God's way this time. I always have this thought though, that we have to "sacrifice" for the faith... you know... that we have to "settle" for someone "highly spiritual" but not all that attractive to us... do you know what I mean?
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Yes, i do and i think that's something a lot of Christians might try to shove into our consciousness to keep us on the "straight and narrow" and only think of someones spiritual state and never even consider the physically. Which is a load of crap because it happens no matter what. It's a natural response.


Obviously I'm not saying to just disregard peoples spiritual state. It IS the most important cornerstone of the relationship. I don't think we have to "sacrifice" finding someone whom we are attracted to physically to find that either! To a reasonable extent anyway. If your standard is "they have to be a model and a christian, then you might be waiting for a looong time. BUT I don't think it's unreasonable at all to meet soemone you are spiritually, menatally and physically attracted to at the same time!
 
M

MusicalMe

Guest
#15
#15
Kakashi said:
BUT I don't think it's unreasonable at all to meet someone you are spiritually, mentally and physically attracted to at the same time!
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It's not unreasonable but it suuuuure is difficult!!! lol
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#16
May 23, 2009
14,943
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#16
I do agree with being open-minded, Musical. When I started going out with my first boyfriend... some people declared him, "funny-looking", but I didn't care. My ex-husband... other girls I knew said he was "too skinny" and didn't like his longer hair (but I thought he was absolutely HOT)... people in general have often criticized my choices but I went with what I thought was best for me (yes, I know, major mistake, because I didn't ask God first if the relationship was best for me) and I have found a wide variety of guys attractive. But I also try to think of this in the opposite way as well... I mean, some guy who's attracted to mega-tall blondes... obviously isn't going to give me a second look... so instead of feeling completely rejected... I try to think to myself, "Well, maybe God has it on his heart to look for someone like that for a reason..."; and go on... pretending not to be hurt but trying to get over it faster than I used to.
 
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Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#17
Jan 3, 2007
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#17
MusicalMe said:
It's not unreasonable but it suuuuure is difficult!!! lol
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Indeed it is!!

Seoul, you just supported something I said earlier, people are attracted to different things than different people!
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#18
May 23, 2009
14,943
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#18
Kakashi said:
Indeed it is!!

Seoul, you just supported something I said earlier, people are attracted to different things than different people!
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And you already know I think YOU'RE adorable, Kakashi! :) *winks* *Hopes she won't get in trouble for harassing another user.;))
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#20
May 23, 2009
14,943
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#20
A person can't say he's a victim of harassment if he actually enjoys it, right? Uh, I may be getting myself into trouble here. ;) I prefer to call it... um... giving someone a compliment. :)
 
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