Is it possible to be doomed to life of being single?

[XD005]

I read somewhere where someone said that marriage isn't a given.
That God might actually have a plan for you to live your entire life single.
I just wonder if thats possible. I recently broke up with my ex and I'm having a tough time getting over completely
and signs have been pointing to "you won't find another girl like her". And as you might remember in my last post,
we split because she wasn't a virgin and it was too much for me to take emotionally, combined with her constant putting me down about me feeling bad. But anyway, I just wonder if thats possible or does the bible say otherwise? Also sorry for making all this threads about similar topics, I don't know who else to ask. XD

 

[Ugly]

Its sad you couldn't accept and forgive someone of their past and allowed it to interfere in your relationship. It sounds like she was hurt by your attitude, which would explain her putting you down. You essentially put her down by saying that though God was able to forgive her, she wasn't good enough for you. It's probably good for Her that you guys are not together.

 

[AprilAngel]

ya know...in todays society, you will be hard pressed to find someone who isn't a virgin (sadly). Does this make them unlovable? no. I'm not saying lower your standards, I'm saying be a little nicer, and wiser in your partner choices. That would have been a question to ask and ponder before going out. Also (i dont know if you are or not) but if you are not a virgin it is impossible and hypocritical of you to hold someone else to the standard you cant face. And, if you are a virgin, good for you, that's awesome. No, she should not have put you down, but you should not have belittled her over past sins that she may or may not have had control over. So, you both did wrong and is best to not be together. Those thoughts of "there will never be another you" will fade.

To answer your question: the bible says that marriage is a gift, I have known people who did go their whole life being single (just a fact) but that doesn't mean you will. you're 20!!! plenty of time to grow in Christ and make him the center, dont worry about if you're going to go your whole life single! wonder about how you're going to live the next 20 years of your life pleasing God first. not someone else!

good luck, praying!

 

[T_Laurich]

Paul explicitly warns about a young man trying to decide a life of singleness at a young age... he tells a person to pursue to relieve their sexual tension and if life passes them by then consider if God is calling them to a life of celibacy...

You are going about this the wrong way because you are hurt or just out of a relationship... Best thing for you right now is to get outside and to hang around some friends... If you don't have friends make some...

 

[KJV15John11]

I read somewhere where someone said that marriage isn't a given.
That God might actually have a plan for you to live your entire life single.
I just wonder if thats possible. I recently broke up with my ex and I'm having a tough time getting over completely
and signs have been pointing to "you won't find another girl like her". And as you might remember in my last post,
we split because she wasn't a virgin and it was too much for me to take emotionally, combined with her constant putting me down about me feeling bad. But anyway, I just wonder if thats possible or does the bible say otherwise? Also sorry for making all this threads about similar topics, I don't know who else to ask. XD

If you believe that "you won't find another like her," you won't, because it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. If, on the other hand, you believe that God is in control, you will open yourself up to opportunities, and allow God to help you grow. As a virgin, are you thankful that God has been with you to avoid temptation, or are you a virgin so that you might have pride?

 

[AAAPlus]

I recommend reading this thread:

http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/75402-do-you-need-spouse-what-need.html

 

[Elizabeth619]

Since when is being single a bad thing?

 

[MrHonest]

Seriously though being single for your lifespan is a rare and spiritually blessed gift. These people can handle that because they recognize the love of Jesus Christ more than they recognize the love of men or women. Usually to a spiritually strong person after being married they won't consider remarrying because they learn the love of a relationship with another person can never compare to the love God shares with us.

Its one thing to know you are spiritually blessed to remain happy as you are and another to feel tempted to look, touch, seek, and want a man or a women with whom to share every moment of your life.

Its our responsibilities to communicate to our brothers and sisters our emotional intentions and not expect them to read our minds or body language or subtle hints. Seriously if you want a date just communicate it like a normal person and don't expect God to throw women or men at you because that is not fair to either of you and God is a just God.

 

[zaoman32]

Some people actually see being single as a gift shocker!

 

[secularhermit]

Virginity is not a reason to break up (that´s a personal choice). Virginity does not make a woman or a man faithful or loyal, even when being married. The thing she used to put you down is OK, it was not part of healthy LOVE. The idea echoing in your mind "There´s no one like her" is your fear telling you "come back". If she calls you, give her a 2nd chance. No one knows the truth, but God. Ask HIm to lead you in those issues.

Wish you the best!

 

[XD005]

Thats exactly what I thought. In fact, I tried hard to make it work regardless of that fact.
I hate to bring up an old argument. But I know for a fact that I didn't do anything wrong.
I was quiet about it for the longest. She would tell me about her past and what she did with the guy.
I never asked her about her past. She told me on multiple occasions unsolicited information. Of course I told her I didn't want to hear about it because it made me sad. Then one day, I really got deep feelings for her, she continued to hint at her past, every time it was like getting shot in the heart.

It started to reflect my average mood and i would be continually sad about it.
She asked me what I was sad about. I told her it didn't matter, she would eventually force me to tell her, saying that I'm only human, etc, etc. She got mad because I wouldnt open up to her. So I did one day. And I simply told her I've been sad about her past. I didn't tell her anymore than that. She told me at first that she wish she'd have waited. I told her that day I didn't want to talk about it anymore because it isn't doing any good. After that, I got nothing but her continually telling me that I'm never gonna find a virgin, that I need therapy, that I'm holding her to a double standard (which does not even make sense considering I am am a virgin), and all this other stuff. It was downhill after that, I tried to keep the talk to a minimal.
Everytime she told me that she was upset because I didn't open up to her. I tried to to convince her and myself that the past didn't matter. I told her what really matters is that her heart was pure. But even then she tells me she didn't regret a single thing, I didn't even ask her. Never once did I tell her that she needed therapy or directly insult her, etc, etc.
Every thing I said was my feelings, I went through some pretty painful moments emotionally but its all over now so thats pretty irrelevant. But I just felt the need to clarify that I wasn't being judgemental or choosing to bring up the past.

I want a waiter like myself not because I'm overly concerned about being compared to other partners but because I have discovered that I cannot handle the hurt of another man being intimate with my wife, especially if she consistently brings it up and I didn't ask her.

 

[FireWire]

Well if you imposed your own standard on her which she can now do nothing about do you blame her for treating you like that?

What did Jesus do when he came across a prostitute? (obviously not implying she is).

In saying that it doesn't excuse her behaviour either. She could've dealt with it differently. You may have come across as being self-righteous. You need to look at how Jesus dealt with the Pharisees vs any other sinner. You'll see a marked difference.

 

[TheAristocat]

Its sad you couldn't accept and forgive someone of their past and allowed it to interfere in your relationship. It sounds like she was hurt by your attitude, which would explain her putting you down. You essentially put her down by saying that though God was able to forgive her, she wasn't good enough for you. It's probably good for Her that you guys are not together.

Yes, it is sad. It's sad for the person who is rejected. It's sad that the person gave up their virginity. And it's sad that they will have to live with the consequences of their sin. But that's the way life is. Adjust to the reality of your past choices and your present circumstances. Accept it. Fear God lest you sin again. And move on. It's best not to take out one's shortcomings on someone else because of a guilty conscience.

I don't know the woman personally. And from what I heard of her all I can assume is that she was probably hurt in the past and hurt by her boyfriend's reaction. But she neither made the right choice in the past nor it seems in the present, since her lack of self control is driving her to make fun of her boyfriend. Where is humility these days? Where is the submissive spirit? The guy didn't say that he broke up with her because of her past alone. He said he broke up with her because of her past and the fact that she was making fun of him. If she showed herself to be a changed and more godly woman maybe he would have chosen to remain with her and come to move beyond his feelings.

we split because she wasn't a virgin and it was too much for me to take emotionally, combined with her constant putting me down about me feeling bad

 

[isaria]

Heard of a woman who died a 92 year old virgin.

One would want experience making love b4 one dies but then again not wanting sleep around and wanting it kept in marriage waiting and waiting and nada happenz.

Keep the faith.

Though did this 92 yr old woman keep the faith she would marry and experience sexual love making b4 she dies....


You will probably not meet another like her as even a clone of her may not be like her but you could can meet some one different who is well suited and compatible.

 

[FireWire]

Some people actually see being single as a gift shocker!

Well it must be a gift...the gift of not wanting to get married and dealing with the issues that are inherent in being in such a state and not to mention the gift of peace n quiet.

 

[maxima]

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”i think its good to find someone and not be single or remained single..two good heads ,they say ,are better than one

 

[XD005]

Heard of a woman who died a 92 year old virgin.

One would want experience making love b4 one dies but then again not wanting sleep around and wanting it kept in marriage waiting and waiting and nada happenz.

Keep the faith.

Though did this 92 yr old woman keep the faith she would marry and experience sexual love making b4 she dies....


You will probably not meet another like her as even a clone of her may not be like her but you could can meet some one different who is well suited and compatible.

Thats exactly the sort of thing I want.

I honestly don't really have much of a problem resisting temptation.
Its become easier and easier. It just seems so hard to find another person
whos doing the same thing, that I click with, that likes me back, that I like as well.
But would you happen to have the link for that story? I'd like to read about her.

Yes, it is sad. It's sad for the person who is rejected. It's sad that the person gave up their virginity. And it's sad that they will have to live with the consequences of their sin. But that's the way life is. Adjust to the reality of your past choices and your present circumstances. Accept it. Fear God lest you sin again. And move on. It's best not to take out one's shortcomings on someone else because of a guilty conscience.

I don't know the woman personally. And from what I heard of her all I can assume is that she was probably hurt in the past and hurt by her boyfriend's reaction. But she neither made the right choice in the past nor it seems in the present, since her lack of self control is driving her to make fun of her boyfriend. Where is humility these days? Where is the submissive spirit? The guy didn't say that he broke up with her because of her past alone. He said he broke up with her because of her past and the fact that she was making fun of him. If she showed herself to be a changed and more godly woman maybe he would have chosen to remain with her and come to move beyond his feelings.

“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past."
~Isaiah 43:18-19

Agreed. I would have treated her so much better than him but... I can understand her being hurt.
Heck, I'm a different person and I was hurt by her past.
It still makes me a bit upset, being a whole month after. But thats because I'm thinking of what
could have been. But I know that guy is probably getting what he deserves. As the bible says that the sexually immoral
people will be punished. It would have been great if the circumstances were different. But I do have to constantly re-read Isaiah 43:18-19 to keep myself in check. I need to learn how to let her go I suppose.

But I didn't break up with her just because of her past like you said. I was sincerely hurt.
And then instead of getting some words to make you feel better, you get more details and hurt even more. But again,
lets not dwell in the past.

Wow, we sort of got off topic here.

 

[rachelsedge]

But I know that guy is probably getting what he deserves. As the bible says that the sexually immoral people will be punished.

This statement...just unsettles me. I heard something a long time ago that has really caused me to look at my sin differently: If I was as disgusted and sorrowful at my sin as I am at others' sins, oh how much quicker I would be to repent and be humbled! As it were, I sometimes brush off the "small sins" because I think, "Well, at least I'm not shooting people." Sure, different sins have different/worse consequences than other sins here on earth, but understand this: Every sin deserves death. Every single one of them. Every thought that you stop on for just a bit longer than you should, every second glance, every mumble under my breath deserves death to my body and soul. Not just a, "Whoops, sorry God." Death.

Thankfully, that's why Christ died for us. He took that death upon Himself. Our sin still has consequences, yes, but Christ ultimately took what we "deserve".

That guy who hurt your ex? What if he has repented? I'm not sure why you single out the "sexually immoral" as being punished, because that is what we all deserve and it's all sinful people, not just the sexually immoral.

Despite all of that above, I struggle with that as well. When I see horrific acts that people have done on the news, I think, "Wow, I hope they have ____ and ____ happen to them, they deserve it, those sick people." But I am just as much a vile sinner as they. When I catch myself thinking that, I try to redirect my thoughts and think, instead, "Wow, Jesus. Thank you for saving my sinful heart."

I'm probably going way too much in depth in that one sentence. And I don't mean to attack. The attitude just bothers me a bit, I guess, because it does seem a bit "I'm above them because I am pure." Christ didn't save us in order for us to look down on others, Christians and non-Christians alike, or to compare our sins. He came with the same love for us all. That is my main point.

 

[XD005]

This statement...just unsettles me. I heard something a long time ago that has really caused me to look at my sin differently: If I was as disgusted and sorrowful at my sin as I am at others' sins, oh how much quicker I would be to repent and be humbled! As it were, I sometimes brush off the "small sins" because I think, "Well, at least I'm not shooting people." Sure, different sins have different/worse consequences than other sins here on earth, but understand this: Every sin deserves death. Every single one of them. Every thought that you stop on for just a bit longer than you should, every second glance, every mumble under my breath deserves death to my body and soul. Not just a, "Whoops, sorry God." Death.

Thankfully, that's why Christ died for us. He took that death upon Himself. Our sin still has consequences, yes, but Christ ultimately took what we "deserve".

That guy who hurt your ex? What if he has repented? I'm not sure why you single out the "sexually immoral" as being punished, because that is what we all deserve and it's all sinful people, not just the sexually immoral.

Despite all of that above, I struggle with that as well. When I see horrific acts that people have done on the news, I think, "Wow, I hope they have ____ and ____ happen to them, they deserve it, those sick people." But I am just as much a vile sinner as they. When I catch myself thinking that, I try to redirect my thoughts and think, instead, "Wow, Jesus. Thank you for saving my sinful heart."

I'm probably going way too much in depth in that one sentence. And I don't mean to attack. The attitude just bothers me a bit, I guess, because it does seem a bit "I'm above them because I am pure." Christ didn't save us in order for us to look down on others, Christians and non-Christians alike, or to compare our sins. He came with the same love for us all. That is my main point.

Yes, I know I come off as self righteous. But I assure you that isn't the case.
While I don't particularly struggle with that issue, at least not now. There are others.
I understand we are all sinners. We are born into sin.
But the one issue of sexual immorality bothers me the most out of the other sins.
It's a sin that not only affects the sinner but can affect other people as well.
While its true there are other sins that can do that such as murder or having an envious attitude towards someone.
But this sin specifically is the cause of a lot of sorrow and disappointment in my life and likely others' as well. Because of this particular sinner, I've been robbed of something that likely would have been great, and this is likely to happen again, considering the direction that society is going now. Sometimes, I think... Why her? Why not someone else? Sure some people are able to just say "oh well" and move on but not me. I just wanted to explain my reasoning.

But anyway back on subject, I know for a fact that he isn't sorry and has not repented.
While I do try not to look at the sexual immoral as vile or gross. I can't help but feel alone in a sense.
As waiters are such a minority, all of my friends are non-waiters and often can't believe that I'm still waiting.
My sister is on the same team as my friends, my brother, my father, my cousins, my ex girlfriend, even some of the girl I have been talking with now. Although some of them have waited, they don't necessarily want to wait or realize the importance of doing so. And looking at so much of the general population, just disappoints me. Ya know? Its easy to say that oh yeah, there has got to be one other person in the world or somewhere within a 40-mile radius of you that is waiting JUST for you. But ya know it just seems more unlikely than likely.

 

[creativone]

It sounds like you are high and mighty on yourself, perhaps a little Humility in the discovery of a mate is necessary? Phrases like I do so much better than him. I am better for her. I try to make it work, but she... We need to know that everyone is a different person and that they are special and cursed. All of US equally, until we are humble and Realize how similar we are. You have to be on the same level to play the same relationship. It also brings up a question... How long of your life have you been single in a row. like I have been single for 28 years, give or take a few dates. I have come to know myself and therefore know better what I feel is good/ compatible for me. If you have rarely been out of a relationship, it will feel like a need to be in one.