Ladies: How Important Is It to Feel Protected in a Relationship?

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crosstweed

Guest
#41
#41

I'm sitting here with a huge grin plastered on my face while I read all of the "cold hard logical male" comments. The last man I heard say something like that turned out to be one of the more emotionally needy and self-perceptionless guys I've seen in a good long while. Logical he is not.

Don't be too proud of how logical you are. :cool:
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#42
#42
crosstweed said:

I'm sitting here with a huge grin plastered on my face while I read all of the "cold hard logical male" comments. The last man I heard say something like that turned out to be one of the more emotionally needy and self-perceptionless guys I've seen in a good long while. Logical he is not.

Don't be too proud of how logical you are. :cool:
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Great minds think alike, what can I say? ;). Its ok to be emotionally needy and self perceptionless, as long as you do it logically :p
 
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crosstweed

Guest
#43
#43
Donkeyfish07 said:
Great minds think alike, what can I say? ;). Its ok to be emotionally needy and self perceptionless, as long as you do it logically :p
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LOL
Except the part where if your perception is warped, your conclusions will be warped, and your logic will be bad, and girls 10 years your junior will notice your incongruity and giggle at your "logical male" statements. :cool:
 
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crosstweed

Guest
#44
#44
:cool: I like how this one says "normal" logic.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#45
May 23, 2009
16,246
5,213
113
#45
Donkeyfish07 said:
Great minds think alike, what can I say? ;). Its ok to be emotionally needy and self perceptionless, as long as you do it logically :p
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Donkeyfish is always logically illogical, but we like keeping him around anyways. :p
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#46
#46
crosstweed said:
LOL
Except the part where if your perception is warped, your conclusions will be warped, and your logic will be bad, and girls 10 years your junior will notice your incongruity and giggle at your "logical male" statements. :cool:
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Your just being emotional :cool:
 
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crosstweed

Guest
#47
#47
xD Just realized that whole post sounded super passive-aggressive. My bad. I really wasn't being that way, though; I was legitly giggling the whole time. xD
 
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Rosesrock

Guest
#51
#51


disclaimer: I'm totally kidding and know nobody in here......so just fun'n
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#52
#52
Rosesrock said:


disclaimer: I'm totally kidding and know nobody in here......so just fun'n
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Its all good. That one is totally true though, I do it all the time. For realz
 
gypsygirl

gypsygirl

Senior Member
#54
Sep 19, 2012
1,394
60
48
#54
Born_Again said:
Lets face the possible reality. It is entirely possible we may never get married or be in a relationship. So, isnt it just good business to learn how to function on your own? That way, when a relationship does happen, you are set to go. Look at the metric ton of emotional distress scattered across this forum. If you are seeking God and are still a mess, then you have a long way to go. Trying to navigate a relationship and be an influence in someone else life should not be top priority. At least, it wont fix the source of your distress.

PEACE!! BA
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i want to challenge your perception on the concept of "security" or "protection" in the context of a relationship, however, i don't think that you're entirely off-base. i just think you'll find that protection is really more complicated than that.

what you wrote there suggests that protection sought in a relationship is a need based upon a lacking or inability in someone. and if it were simply a life skill (which many aspects of security and self care are) your above statement would ring true for me.

speaking only for myself, i'm incredibly independent and have made self-care, experience and learning how to take care of myself a rather high priority. while i'm better at some things than others, i have worked hard to do what needs to happen to be secure and happy, and even happily single. i'm a grown up, with reasonable expectations--i'm not looking for anyone to complete me--because that's God's and my job. so, while i absolutely agree many people go into relationships with expectations that someone will provide or fulfill lacking and overcome baggage that no one should be called to do, i don't think that the need of protection in relationship is necessarily related to an insufficiency in another.

however, a relationship is so different. and what one seeks in a SO isn't necessarily based upon a lacking or neediness. have you ever watched a three-legged race? generally, these are people who are entirely capable of walking, or even running. but, they're experiencing the learning curve of coordination with another person.

in my experience, making a deliberate decision to share your life means that you are cultivating a trust-rich environment so that you share the life experience and journey together. that cannot happen without a basis of trust, and safety. that's why being vulnerable to someone is so scary. i'm convinced no one experiences the best part of relationships without a sense of security, acceptance and vulnerability. for many of us, protection and security is both defined and evidenced by that trust, care, and love.

so in a lot of ways, being on your own and being self-sufficient is easier in so many aspects. i know myself, and what i want and value. but a relationship provides a lot of things that you can't experience or even enjoy by yourself. it comes with maintenance and responsibility on both parties. and in that sense, everything that i desire from another in that relationship is the very same that i'm prepared to offer in return because both need that sense of security--even if two don't define it in the same way.
 
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crosstweed

Guest
#58
#58
Rosesrock said:
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>u> True.
Except for if I'm going for real blood sport.
Meaning a firearm and probably some sort of license is in order.

Unless I'm going to the BDF, in which case a modestly sized grenade launcher would be preferable.
 
Faith-n-Christ

Faith-n-Christ

Senior Member
#59
May 12, 2016
443
365
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#59
I am a bit confused on the meaning here. Since I am now single, my relationship is with the Lord, and I feel very protected. I had it backwards a few years back. I believed my spouse was suppose to protect our family and household. according to the Bible. as I understood it. " I am a southern country girl. I physically need no man to protect me ". Anyhow, I put my hope, trust and safety for my household in my spouse, instead of the Lord. My spouse did not see the need to protect or even erect a wall of protection around his own heart, for our marriage, or family. He is a man, and he failed. God will not fail. See before all this I did not have a personal relationship with the Lord, nor did I know I could have one. My church focused on the rules and doom and gloom. instead of love and grace. Because all that has happened. I now have my priorities straight. My protection comes from my Lord. Yes the Bible puts in on the man to be the head of a household, and he will be held accountable. However just like David, he is a man and will Fall. (not just pointing out you guys, for us women fail just as much) The point is, Protection comes from the Lord. All humans will fail you as some point.

Now if you are referring to trust, that is a whole nother ballgame.
 
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Mitspa

Guest
#60
#60
Rosesrock said:


disclaimer: I'm totally kidding and know nobody in here......so just fun'n
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Yea I was working too much so I could afford to buy the things she wanted ... and didn't miss her enough :confused:
 
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