Let's just be friends.
- Thread starter Snackersmom
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G
Okay, so, I need some advice (mark the calendar, I don't ask for it often 
).
Say, for instance, that a guy likes a girl, and has made it clear that he would like to be more than "just friends".
However, said girl doesn't think that he's "The One", and she's reluctant to start something she can't finish (plus she's a minimalist that doesn't like to let things get unnecessarily complicated. Also she doesn't want to toy with his heart. Also she wants to stay in God's will, and she doesn't think it would be right to take things further).
Would it count as "leading on" for the girl to remain on friendly terms with the guy? I would think not, but I also know that guys can sometimes interpret friendliness as romantic interest.
So, what do you guys think? Is it better to be shut off cold-turkey? Does continuing a friendship with someone who is "still hoping" send the message "Not now, but maybe someday"?
I welcome all comments, suggestions, and criticisms!
).Say, for instance, that a guy likes a girl, and has made it clear that he would like to be more than "just friends".
However, said girl doesn't think that he's "The One", and she's reluctant to start something she can't finish (plus she's a minimalist that doesn't like to let things get unnecessarily complicated. Also she doesn't want to toy with his heart. Also she wants to stay in God's will, and she doesn't think it would be right to take things further).
Would it count as "leading on" for the girl to remain on friendly terms with the guy? I would think not, but I also know that guys can sometimes interpret friendliness as romantic interest.
So, what do you guys think? Is it better to be shut off cold-turkey? Does continuing a friendship with someone who is "still hoping" send the message "Not now, but maybe someday"?
I welcome all comments, suggestions, and criticisms!
12 years is a considerable amount of time to be in a friendship with a guy, obviously, a lots in common, no?
So, this is what was lacking in some advices and, truth be told (and it is), a couple decades ago I got in trouble with God because things were going great for me in life and I was ABOUT to take the next fruitful step of my life with God there but.......
....in the distance. Good thing, He only scourged me, He let me, literally, crash back into reality that was His way or my way, and,vI'd chosen His way whebln a boy of 16 and so...
Anyhoo, and, wb, snaxmom, those be my green brains of two cents worth advice. 'Course, I'm a businessman, not to mention, grew up with the 'Peanuts' gang, so....
....'5 cents, please.'
Why is this hypothetical person ruling out the guy in question? You know he may not seem like the gal's type, but sometimes those are the best relationships that last the longest. If it were me, I'd give him a shot. You never know, he may be just the right person you're looking for.
Then again, I'm open to that kind of stuff. I try to not set a 'type' for myself, because I could be ruling out a lot of people that could be an ideal match for me.
I'm not saying have no standards at all, but there has to be a few things this girl likes about this guy or else they wouldn't have been friends for so long. I could understand the risk of losing a friendship though, if that's the case.
Consider it.
Then again, I'm open to that kind of stuff. I try to not set a 'type' for myself, because I could be ruling out a lot of people that could be an ideal match for me.
I'm not saying have no standards at all, but there has to be a few things this girl likes about this guy or else they wouldn't have been friends for so long. I could understand the risk of losing a friendship though, if that's the case.
Consider it.
Snackers!! Good to see you Sorry I'm a little late to the party.
I had this situation in my life once with a guy I've known and worked with for over 10 years as well. We used to go out to eat and watch movies, etc., and then after some time he made it clear he wanted it to be a relationship...
I'm not sure if this will work for you but I had to put a lot of distance between us because there was a time when he wasn't really taking no for an answer. He'd ask me out every single week and start showing up at places he knew I'd be... It was starting to make me uncomfortable.
But the amazing thing is (and it did take a long time) that God worked it out--he became involved in a lot of other activities and started dating, etc., and his desire to date me soon faded away. When his feelings subsided, we were able to talk and be friends again. In fact, he's now had a girlfriend for some time and is still a great friend. What I realized was, he was lonely and at the time, if we would have dated, it would have been more about filling a void than about us being right for each other.
My best advice to you would be to prayerfully put some distance between this person and yourself for a while. People are in our lives for a time and season, and in this particular season, it may be necessary to give him space and time to sort out his feelings.
Sorry I'm a little late to the party. I had this situation in my life once with a guy I've known and worked with for over 10 years as well. We used to go out to eat and watch movies, etc., and then after some time he made it clear he wanted it to be a relationship...
I'm not sure if this will work for you but I had to put a lot of distance between us because there was a time when he wasn't really taking no for an answer. He'd ask me out every single week and start showing up at places he knew I'd be... It was starting to make me uncomfortable.
But the amazing thing is (and it did take a long time) that God worked it out--he became involved in a lot of other activities and started dating, etc., and his desire to date me soon faded away. When his feelings subsided, we were able to talk and be friends again. In fact, he's now had a girlfriend for some time and is still a great friend. What I realized was, he was lonely and at the time, if we would have dated, it would have been more about filling a void than about us being right for each other.
My best advice to you would be to prayerfully put some distance between this person and yourself for a while. People are in our lives for a time and season, and in this particular season, it may be necessary to give him space and time to sort out his feelings.
J
It's wierd how sometimes you can start out not being friends ...being really crazy about someone...and then something unforeseen can happen, and one or the other of you backs off or shuts down emotionally, and there it is....the friendzone. And then they come back around again after whatever it was is over and you're not sure how to get out of the friendzone or whether you even should..
Okay, so, I need some advice (mark the calendar, I don't ask for it often ).
Say, for instance, that a guy likes a girl, and has made it clear that he would like to be more than "just friends".
However, said girl doesn't think that he's "The One", and she's reluctant to start something she can't finish (plus she's a minimalist that doesn't like to let things get unnecessarily complicated. Also she doesn't want to toy with his heart. Also she wants to stay in God's will, and she doesn't think it would be right to take things further).
Would it count as "leading on" for the girl to remain on friendly terms with the guy? I would think not, but I also know that guys can sometimes interpret friendliness as romantic interest.
So, what do you guys think? Is it better to be shut off cold-turkey? Does continuing a friendship with someone who is "still hoping" send the message "Not now, but maybe someday"?
I welcome all comments, suggestions, and criticisms!
).Say, for instance, that a guy likes a girl, and has made it clear that he would like to be more than "just friends".
However, said girl doesn't think that he's "The One", and she's reluctant to start something she can't finish (plus she's a minimalist that doesn't like to let things get unnecessarily complicated. Also she doesn't want to toy with his heart. Also she wants to stay in God's will, and she doesn't think it would be right to take things further).
Would it count as "leading on" for the girl to remain on friendly terms with the guy? I would think not, but I also know that guys can sometimes interpret friendliness as romantic interest.
So, what do you guys think? Is it better to be shut off cold-turkey? Does continuing a friendship with someone who is "still hoping" send the message "Not now, but maybe someday"?
I welcome all comments, suggestions, and criticisms!
C
I've found that being blunt and up front about the impossibility of more than friends as soon as the situation presents itself has been very effective. I'm tactful and just casually matter of fact about it. I explain why, openly and honestly, and leave it at that. After an admittance of their feelings I usually back off a BIT from the friendship in order to give them time to kinda rearrange their thoughts and feelings and then continue to be friends, unless they don't want to. I don't make a huge deal of reassuring them or making sure they know that they're super loved as a friend/brother because that's like a kick in the face and very confusing for them I think. The matter of fact attitude about it all seems to work best for me. Open and honest about it all. Yep. *nodnod* but that's just my experience with this sort of situation.
Best advice I've gotten all week! Do you think I should hire some airplanes to pull a banner across the skies, reading: "Hey, (insert his name here) Get Lost, Looser!"........Could be expensive, though......Hey, I should see if Jerry Springer is interested! Anyone know where I can get a bulk pricing on temporary tattoos?
To Mr. Green, Miss Liberty, and Madam Maggie Mae:
I (just call me "hypothetical girl") actually did consider the possibility that there might be "something more" there. Our differences in personality don't particularly bother me: I have no interest in marrying a carbon-copy of myself. Praying about it was a good suggestion (Thanks, Libertygirl! ), but I actually already have, and I don't think that it's meant to be, which I feel peaceful about.
Like Popclick and Kayem, I'm not very good at being blunt. I'm also reluctant to bring up something that might not need to be brought up, especially if it could cause hurt. But, I also don't want to cause hurt by NOT saying something that needs to be said. I'm thinking that I'll level with him if it comes up again.
Seoulsearch (Hi, Kim!) and Catlynn made good point about being distant for a while......I actually don't see him that often, but when I do, I guess I could act more distant (I'm not very good at that, though, which might be part of my problem).
As If! I'm all for staying friends, too, as long as both parties are open to it. The problem is, we were never really dating, so there's never been an official separation. Awwwwwwkwaaaaaaaard!
Lol to Relena about fixin' him up......the problem is, most of my friends are guys! But, I'll keep an eye out, just in case someone comes along. He's a good guy, and I do want him to find the right girl!
Thanks for your input, everyone! Keep commenting, if you have anything else to add
To Mr. Green, Miss Liberty, and Madam Maggie Mae:
I (just call me "hypothetical girl"
) actually did consider the possibility that there might be "something more" there. Our differences in personality don't particularly bother me: I have no interest in marrying a carbon-copy of myself. Praying about it was a good suggestion (Thanks, Libertygirl! ), but I actually already have, and I don't think that it's meant to be, which I feel peaceful about.Like Popclick and Kayem, I'm not very good at being blunt. I'm also reluctant to bring up something that might not need to be brought up, especially if it could cause hurt. But, I also don't want to cause hurt by NOT saying something that needs to be said. I'm thinking that I'll level with him if it comes up again.
Seoulsearch (Hi, Kim!) and Catlynn made good point about being distant for a while......I actually don't see him that often, but when I do, I guess I could act more distant (I'm not very good at that, though, which might be part of my problem).
As If!
I'm all for staying friends, too, as long as both parties are open to it. The problem is, we were never really dating, so there's never been an official separation. Awwwwwwkwaaaaaaaard!Lol to Relena about fixin' him up......the problem is, most of my friends are guys! But, I'll keep an eye out, just in case someone comes along
. He's a good guy, and I do want him to find the right girl! Thanks for your input, everyone! Keep commenting, if you have anything else to add
