Letting Go.

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Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#1
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#1
I need to break up with her but, I don't know how.

Every time I try to bring it up in a way that seems mutually beneficial, she talks me out of it. When I say I can't see it, she says we are learning and this is still new.

I don't want to hurt her but, I will never be her husband. I don't know what to say.
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#2
#2
Every time I try to bring it up in a way that seems mutually beneficial, she talks me out of it.

So it sounds like she gets where you're going with the conversation and totally understands what you want and it sounds like she might get it too, but she still talks you both out of it?

If so, it sounds like she knows it isn't going to work also. If this is the case, give her time. Women usually take a while for their emotions to catch up with their brain. Sounds like she knows it too, but isn't ready to let go, so she's going to rationalize keeping this thing going, until she's emotionally able to accept letting go.

That is if I understand you correctly.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#3
Jan 15, 2011
6,031
3,270
113
#3
My rule of thumb has become, if it becomes obvious that she is not my future bride, then it's time for us both to move on. No, it hasn't always been easy because of emotional attachments and not wanting to hurt them but the sooner the better. Sometimes just giving people the cold hard truth is absolutely necessary and sooner than better. No point in wasting your time (or hers for that matter) if you don't foresee a future together. The longer you put it off, the more attached she will become, and the more it will hurt in the long run.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#4
#4
Liamson said:
Every time I try to bring it up in a way that seems mutually beneficial, she talks me out of it. When I say I can't see it, she says we are learning and this is still new.

I don't want to hurt her but, I will never be her husband. I don't know what to say.
Click to expand...
It sounds like she thinks you are reacting to fear and is trying to reassure you by saying it's still new and you're learning etc...

If you're certain that it needs to end you should explain the next time you talk about it that what you are feeling is not fear but that you just know that it isn't the right relationship for you, and therefore, her as well.

Considering she clearly wants to stay with you it's going to be difficult for you to do, but you know that if you let her keep talking you out of it things will be worse for you both in the end. I wish I could tell you what to say, I wish we all knew, but hard words that are honest are better than gentle words that are not.
You'll just have to resolve yourself to being hard for those few moments, and not let your heart be swayed.
 
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A

AnandaHya

Guest
#5
#5
the longer you prolong it the more its going to hurt.

if you allow a seed to grow into a tree, when you unroot it there will be more damage than if you take it out when its just a seedling.
 
S

Sarah88

Guest
#6
#6
Oncefallen said:
Sometimes just giving people the cold hard truth is absolutely necessary and sooner than better. No point in wasting your time (or hers for that matter) if you don't foresee a future together. The longer you put it off, the more attached she will become, and the more it will hurt in the long run.
Click to expand...
This is exactly what I was going to say in other words :D If she doesn't let go when you tell her nicely, then do it frankly. She's still going to get hurt either way. I think it's best if you tell her right away. The more time that passes, it will be more difficult for her.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#7
#7
I agree with the other posters. If you know it will never be more and she wants more, it's just prolonging the misery for both of you. The kindest thing, and the most difficult thing, is a clean break. Just did the same thing myself a few days ago. Wasn't easy, but it WAS honest.

All you need to say is that you can't continue the relationship and don't cooperate in the way of communication. No need to be unkind, simply firm will do. She should be as respectful of you as you are trying to be toward her, right?

Praying for BOTH of you.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#8
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#8
I just hope for your sake that she's not a real-life version of..

(scene from the movie Fatal Attraction)
 
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