Looks don't matter, ladies? ha!

[Crossfire]

There is another viable option that I doubt many have thought about. One that we joke around about all the time at our church.

Over the last decade, our church has become well known for evangelizing young people. So well known that the number of first year students who apply for our school doubles each year. Because of this, our church is full of gorgeous girls between the ages of 20 to 30. Unfortunately, the guys aren't so good looking however, there are several examples of good looking girls falling for not so attractive guys and not because of money, social status or popularity.

Each will tell you that their secret was / is living a life wholly consecrated to the Lord thus walking in powerful anointing. Each of these guys can preach up a storm, then lay hands on the sick and see results. According to them, if you really want a gorgeous yet Godly wife, then you need to let it go and focus on God. When you make God' s business your priority, then your business becomes His.

 

[Relena7]

I find this an ironic statement since all you ever hear about is how women are so insecure anymore because of the women presented in the media and expecting thats all men want.

Also, if i never hear women talk about what 'is' important, and only hear about 'hot' guys, what am i going to believe? I'm going to believe what i hear... not what i don't hear. Doesn't work that way with men either. A woman doesn't walk in and catch a man looking at porn and think 'thats not what he bases relationships on' and walk out without bother. So when a man hears women repeatedly talk about 'hot' famous men, he's not going to just say 'thats not what women really want in a relationship'. Can't say it applies to only one gender.

Why are you making it sound like it's a women vs. men thing then? If both genders are in the same insecurity boat then I don't see what the issue is in what I said.
I don't think there's any need for either gender to feel insecure about these things, but since you made the topic specifically about women, I thought you might like to hear it from a woman's point of view.

I don't wish insecurity on either gender, and yes I know it happens with both.

As for your porn example, I do NOT think men base realistic relationships off that trash. Seriously. Who thinks that??

 

[violakat]

Why are you making it sound like it's a women vs. men thing then? If both genders are in the same insecurity boat then I don't see what the issue is in what I said.
I don't think there's any need for either gender to feel insecure about these things, but since you made the topic specifically about women, I thought you might like to hear it from a woman's point of view.

I don't wish insecurity on either gender, and yes I know it happens with both.

As for your porn example, I do NOT think men base realistic relationships off that trash. Seriously. Who thinks that??

Relena, there are some men who have been caught in the porn trap, that their minds in regards to relationships have been twisted. They expect all women to look like what they have seen in that trash. And if they don't, then they are not worthy to be noticed.

---------------------
Ugly, yes, looks do matter, however, I think for women, in some ways, it's a little different, because we are not necessarily looking for the same things. Now, there are some women who only want to date the hottest looking man. But, then there are other women who look at men and judge them based on if they can protect them. They may not realize it, but they are. That's why a lot of women tend to go out more with the muscular, bigger men,or macho men, then those who are smaller. Then there are women who see an attractive man, but what makes the man attractive is not necessarily what others find attractive. It could be their smile, eyes, bald heads, floppy hair, crew cut, confidence, integrity.

Yes, we do want to be attracted to our mates. However, attraction is built based on getting to know someone, not just on their looks.

 

[Relena7]

Relena, there are some men who have been caught in the porn trap, that their minds in regards to relationships have been twisted. They expect all women to look like what they have seen in that trash. And if they don't, then they are not worthy to be noticed.

Maybe some. But I've heard another side to the story. the majority of guys seem to completely separate the two.

 

[Relena7]

Why is this thread so hostile?

 

[MariusAlexander]

We can all say looks dont matter to a certain extent but it all depends on the individual, I like to dress real nice I like to be fashionable keeping up with the latest GQ Buckle LV style, now not obsessively of course xD I think a man shouldn't be judged by his appearance but I think the way he presents himself is very important. By NO means am I saying become a slave to the newest trends lol just have a real nice sexy, attractive style that says what kinda of person you are, so overall clothes, body language, attitude, personality, manners, morals and charisma make the man its.best not to become a copy cat and try every style you see on TV. Just be natural, unique have fun and most of all be comfortable dressing to boost your look, if thats your thing

 

[Crossfire]

Maybe some. But I've heard another side to the story. the majority of guys seem to completely separate the two.

Very true. A guy could find a girl to be very attractive physically yet find her utterly unattractive in other ways. I know plenty of guys that are in sin who would sleep with a girl because they find her physically attractive even though they would never actually date her because of a poor attitude something else that they really don't like. Thus for many guys, sex and love are two completely different things.

As for the porn / sex addicts, most are that way because they've never truly experienced affection or intimacy before thus when they desire to feel 'loved' they pursue sex or porn because in their minds that's what love is. Of course, both can never compare to true love and intimacy which is why they become addicts - because their actions never truly satisfy the longing in their hearts. It's like taking an tylenol for a tooth ache when what you really need is a dentist.

 

[violakat]

Why is this thread so hostile?

Relena, I'm not sure where you're getting the hostility at. Maybe your seeing something I'm not. If your thinking I was attacking you, then I'm sorry you felt that way, because I was not trying to attack you.

 

[Relena7]

Relena, I'm not sure where you're getting the hostility at. Maybe your seeing something I'm not. If your thinking I was attacking you, then I'm sorry you felt that way, because I was not trying to attack you.

Oooh no, not you, I was talking about the OP...

 

[simplymeganne]

Looks matter. A lot. End of story.

 

[AnandaHya]

I know i've made this point, probably more than once, in response to other posts. But i've decided to make a post to get answers about it, since most women seem to ignore anytime i say this.

So many women, especially Christian women, love to say 'looks don't matter'. Yet, i find this to be bull. I don't remember ever hearing a group of Christian women sitting around talking about men and going on about how attractive they are because they're such Godly men, how sexy their good character is, etc..

personally I ignore them unless they are talking about someone I know and care about. Gossiping just gets on my nerves. most people stop telling me who they are crushing on because I have a habit of walking up to the person and making sure they KNOW each other.for some reason they find that embarassing.

What i do hear on a regular basis, and have for years is 'this movie star is so hot... drool'... 'this singer is gorgeous'... 'hes hot, id marry him if he was single'. And 95% of this is usually over someone famous and rich on top of it. Women always carry on about rich, handsome men. Most of which probably have bad character, because, lets face it, we're talking rich, famous, worldly celebrities.

yep totally ignore that.

I'd like to know when women will stop telling us looks don't matter, yet going on about mens looks. Of all the guys you've dated vs guys you turned down, how many you good looking vs unattractive? Cause every woman i've heard say 'looks don't matter' ends up with a nice looking guy anyways. So ladies.. whats up?

its not just physical looks that matter, I find rude and ignorant people repulsive. IF they smell bad, that is a turn off right there because I have a hard time hugging them much less trying to get to know them.

I think you have to physically attracted to them but personally that rates after emotional, spiritual and intelligetial attraction which have to be there first.

Hormones should not control your pick of a spouse or mate and people should not date casually. I think its better to be friends and not act upon emotions and hormones until you learn if you are compatible in other areas of your life. it would save heartache, especially for any child conceived in a later "unwanted" union between the two people. it hard to convince the child that they are NOT as "unwanted" as the relationship between their parents.

 

[Crossfire]

There is another viable option that I doubt many have thought about. One that we joke around about all the time at our church.

Over the last decade, our church has become well known for evangelizing young people. So well known that the number of first year students who apply for our school doubles each year. Because of this, our church is full of gorgeous girls between the ages of 20 to 30. Unfortunately, the guys aren't so good looking however, there are several examples of good looking girls falling for not so attractive guys and not because of money, social status or popularity.

Each will tell you that their secret was / is living a life wholly consecrated to the Lord thus walking in powerful anointing. Each of these guys can preach up a storm, then lay hands on the sick and see results. According to them, if you really want a gorgeous yet Godly wife, then you need to let it go and focus on God. When you make God' s business your priority, then your business becomes His.

I've got a funny story to tell which goes along with my previous post above:

One of the students I mentor on occasion and I were talking one day before service when a certain girl walked by who caught his eye.

I looked at him with a grin and said 'Somebody's got a crush'. He then asks my opinion, to which I replied: 'Do you remember when John Wesley was once asked what was the secret as to how he could draw tens of thousands to hear him preach in an old field outside of town?'

He said yeah, they taught us that in class. Wesley replied; 'I set myself on fire (ablaze for the Lord) and people come to watch me burn'.

To which I replied; 'That girl is gorgeous. You might need some gasoline....'

He busts out laughing and says: "Yeah, I might need to borrow a few bucks..."

*lol*

 

[Jullianna]

I saw this yesterday and this seemed like a great place to put it

 

[Stuey]

You decent hardworking Christian men - spend $2000 and go to Australia or New Zealand (although avoid Auckland or Sydney, theyre a bit flaky there). Come wife hunting down here, theres a man drought and the men are pathetic.

Thanks....


No matter how stunning a wall looks, a wall is still pretty boring.

 

[Ugly]

Why are you making it sound like it's a women vs. men thing then? If both genders are in the same insecurity boat then I don't see what the issue is in what I said.
I don't think there's any need for either gender to feel insecure about these things, but since you made the topic specifically about women, I thought you might like to hear it from a woman's point of view.

I don't wish insecurity on either gender, and yes I know it happens with both.

As for your porn example, I do NOT think men base realistic relationships off that trash. Seriously. Who thinks that??

I'm not making it a 'women vs men' thing, i'm pointing out something i've seen thats common of women. Thats not the same. It was just a question geared towards women. And since you don't hear very many men say 'looks don't matter', and in fact, its well known men are more visually oriented it therefore becomes a predominately female aspect. So its not men vs women.

And i didn't say men do make relationships off porn. I was making a point, based off a statement you made. You said that men should not overhear these conversations and let it effect them. I was simply making a point that if a woman see's a man looking at porn, she doesn't ignore it. Most women that find their man in porn and they think 'thats what he wants is a woman that looks like that'. But men overhearing women go on about this 'hot' guy or that 'hot' guy, it may make men feel the same. So its actually the same, is what i was point out.

And hostility? I don't see anyone being hostile. And no one else seems to see it. So no clue what you're talking about.

 

[Relena7]

I guess it sounded like you were a bit annoyed in your first post and picking on women. And I don't appreciate when people generalize what they think a whole gender thinks like.

 

[Catlynn]

I've got a funny story to tell which goes along with my previous post above:

One of the students I mentor on occasion and I were talking one day before service when a certain girl walked by who caught his eye.

I looked at him with a grin and said 'Somebody's got a crush'. He then asks my opinion, to which I replied: 'Do you remember when John Wesley was once asked what was the secret as to how he could draw tens of thousands to hear him preach in an old field outside of town?'

He said yeah, they taught us that in class. Wesley replied; 'I set myself on fire (ablaze for the Lord) and people come to watch me burn'.

To which I replied; 'That girl is gorgeous. You might need some gasoline....'

He busts out laughing and says: "Yeah, I might need to borrow a few bucks..."

*lol*

Hahahahahaha!!!! Awesome!



*grabs some popcorn and watches the thread grow*

 

[genipher_elizabeth]

I'm too lazy to read all the posts so I apologize if someone already said this, but this is my take. Haha

I feel that looks matter but not in the way that you think. Often times we say "looks don't matter" because guys automatically think, "if looks matter, I have to be hot to get her." TOTALLY not the case. You just have to fit what she's attracted to--that doesn't necessarily mean "tall dark and handsome" either.

Sure, a lot of woman share attractions to the same type of men (the Jensen Ackles and Ryan Goslings of this world for example). They were blessed with hot genes. Haha But that doesn't mean that's all that we're attracted to. We'll joke and point them out and talk about them because it's fun, not because that's actually what we want.

Personally, personality comes first for me. I love a guy who's funny, witty, and openly loves God more than anything. A confident guy makes him TOTALLY hot. A compatible personality can spark instant friendship among us. Friendship can easily grow into more. However, attraction is second when it comes to the "could there be more than friendship?" factor. This is not attraction in the traditional sense! I lean towards guys with dark hair and light eyes... my own personal taste. However, I don't care if his nose is crooked or if he has a few extra pounds around the middle. Those don't affect my attraction towards someone. I tend to shy away from balding men, or guys with mustaches (they kind of remind me of my dad... weird). BUT occasionally the personality overpowers any distaste I had towards their baldness. I like tall guys... I can't help it... But I wont turn down a guy because he's short. I try not to make any judgment before really knowing someone. Again, if a guy is radiating confidence it's a lot more likely that I'm going to go for him. Good looking guys tend to have more confidence, but those few balding short guys who are confident get my attention just as much!

To conclude, yes, looks matter. But no, that doesn't mean you have to be drop dead gorgeous to get a girl's attention. You just have to have a bit of what she's attracted to! People can't help who they're attracted to. I think God programmed us to like certain people more than others only to show who we're compatible with. Regardless of what we think we want, God's going to place us with who He's planned for us anyways. So why fight the attraction or try to force yourself to like someone you're not attracted to? Just let God work.

 

[Oncefallen]

Although I am sure there are those among both genders that are shallow enough to only consider physical appearance when considering a possible relationship, I think they are among the minority. I have been in relationships with women that at first meeting I was completely unattracted to physically, but as I got to know them they miraculously became more attractive. I think that for many people this is the case, as someone's inner beauty becomes more apparent, it tends to radiate out and override physical blemishes or homeliness.

 

[Crossfire]

Hahahahahaha!!!! Awesome!



*grabs some popcorn and watches the thread grow*

I'm glad at least one person got the joke.

I'm actually a little taken back how so few Christian singles that I've encountered actually take personal callings and God's anointing on a person into consideration when choosing a potential spouse.

The girls I find myself generally interested in have such a heart for the Lord and the needy, they're the ones who sell all they got and head to Africa or Asia. It's happened to me twice....

I'm seriously thinking of purchasing a a hi def camera and headed overseas for missions myself.