'No' means 'Yes.' Should guys ask a girl out again quickly after she's said 'no' ?

[GreenNnice]

I understand what happened with that girl Green Nice, I read your post, . That's high school and you aren't a grown up yet. My point was if you are an adult and someone asks you out and you're not interested, a mature woman or man would say, no. If you have an interest in the person but would feel more comfortable getting to know them a little more 1st, then you might want to say, well can we meet for coffee and not call it an official date, just getting to know each other. But to say, no, then say oh well I changed my mind, yes. Those are things grown's up shouldn't do to each other.

That's a very high school thing to do, that's just my opinion. I've been in the situation when someone wouldn't let up, when I said, no thanks, I meant no thanks. I'm not attracted to pushy people at all. You can't force someone to have romantic feelings for you. This is all just my opinion though.

Yes, high school is different, definitely, 'not a grown up yet,' as you say, fen.

But, and, these may be my greeen brains stringing out their own answer as a 'matter' of fact, but, I still think that even the older , more mature folks, speaking of ladies, want to say 'no' because they simply want to see if the guy is really, really liking them.

I don't see that as a game, she should though, as has been said in this thread, let the guy know , a hint, like, 'I'm busy tonight.'

So, that lets the guy know that he should try another night.

Also, I think, a guy should not just stop the conversation dead in its tracks if she says 'no' to his ask. Keep the conversation going to a natural close, let her know that her saying 'no' does not make you just run off like a chicken with it's head cut off or with your ego so easily crushed. Just shrug when she says 'no' and say , 'hey, talk to you later.'

Either way, I don't THINK that asking a girl out a 2nd time is going to get the girl to go think you are a creepy person, it's the ask AFTER that that will get you into stalker, weird, creepola status. But, what do I know, I am just green and nice

 

[Fenner]

Everyone's different, but when I was out there in the dating world, when I said no, I meant no. I was in my twenties then, so I was a woman. As I stated we are all different and different strokes for different folks. I've always been honest and wouldn't lead someone on.

 

[Fenner]

OK Green Nice, I don't want you to get mad at me, and I hope in some sense I'm helping you here. If a woman says,NO, it means no. I wouldn't keep on asking. If she changes her mind then let her come to you. Most women I know would find a pushy man annoying and a little creepy.

Again I am posting this as a woman, who know's women, who have had men pushy men ask them out. Not a turn on.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Men just need to pay attention to what's going on under the surface. If I'm asked out by a random stranger I've never seen before, I'm always going to smile and decline. Partly because I doubt they are actually serious, and partly because... they are a random stranger. However, if I saw them over and over in passing, and every time I saw them they smiled and said hello, maybe asked my name one day, maybe made some small talk another day... and then asked me to go for coffee sometime all casual-like... I might say yes. Circumstances changed. I feel a bit more comfortable.

If it's someone I know and they asked, I thought about it long and hard and gave them an answer of no, supported by some reasoning, I would want them to respect that and not ask again unless they received some definite encouragement that the situation had changed in their favor.

 

[isaria]

Agree with Relena :maybe.
Depends on situation.

If she threatens call police then no is sure a no.


Then again I think she would answer maybe her self if you asked her for coffee and it was maybe and not no.


You could give her your number or email and say "if you change your mind".

That way you are not pushy yet allow her time to reconcider.

 

[GreenNnice]

OK Green Nice, I don't want you to get mad at me, and I hope in some sense I'm helping you here. If a woman says,NO, it means no. I wouldn't keep on asking. If she changes her mind then let her come to you. Most women I know would find a pushy man annoying and a little creepy.

Again I am posting this as a woman, who know's women, who have had men pushy men ask them out. Not a turn on.

I'll never get mad at this kind of thing, I would, hope and pray, anyway, fen.

That's fine, thats you. I respect that.

The worst case scenario,as I said, is the girl can think I'm a creeper.

I gave my story of high school , and, how much I had to work up the nerve to ask this girl out. Over a year ! The actual ask did not go well.

I just wanted girls to know it's not easy for guys to ask you out.

So, don't treat it lightly. The Lord leads.

And, if they ask you out and you really are not sure of yourself in life, or, with this guy, say something like 'Not right now.'

If you absolutely know 100% sure you're feeling the Lord leading you to say 'no,' then, say it.

but, the one who risks being hurt is not the girl, if he asks a 2nd time, she simply is missing out on a guy bold enough to come back to her and make sure he is not making a mistake.

And, fyi, just having ONE girl on here give me a 'maybe' answer let's me know, HEY!, it's quite potentially worth a 2nd rejection to ask this same girl out again and, try and be creative in asking her again and what I would do is probably just go through her line again and I would say, 'I didn't mean any harm by asking you out. I just thought we got along good the time or two we talked so I asked you out.'

Anyhoo, that's just me

 

[kenthomas27]

Green says: ".. gave my story of high school , and, how much I had to work up the nerve to ask this girl out. Over a year ! The actual ask did not go well. "

This is my drawing of Green asking that girl out.




my artwork is stunning....

 

[rachelsedge]

kenthomas, I actually laughed out loud. And then laughed some more.

 

[OGM]

Never ask out a second time in the workplace. At least not in the United States.

 

[Fenner]

Ken I want more cartoons please!

 

[GreenNnice]

This is my drawing of Green asking that girl out.


View attachment 63926

my artwork is stunning....

That wouldn't surprise me, I wasn't exactly going into the ask all that confident. But, if that girl in high school'd said 'yes,' I can just about double-dog guranteee you I wouldn't have missed it.
Maybe, the scariest thing is is that when I began to ask her out and began to crack my voice before going into intense sobs is that her face was all happy at first and then she started to look like she was about to cry too.

 

[DecentGuy]

Apologies..I used Benevolent insted of DecentGuy..ooops!
sorry for being such a spas

DecentGuy

 

[DecentGuy]

Wow !

2 yes.

and, now, 19 'no,' which is four more 'no' votes than the last time I tallied.


Hmmmmmm.....
Maybe the word 'quickly' makes the poll so one-sided.

I just think that if a guy doesn't just give up after one time it shows the girl that IF they are actually IN a relationship, that, that, THAT he is not going to just give up at the first little disagreement they have over something; he is going to be brave.

Brave?

Hmmm, maybe, that's not the best word. Do girls understand how truly hard it is for we guys to ask them out ? Let me explain, as I already explained to dear ole meggarsmoisell. It's the really only TRUE thing I can think of that can bring on a fainting SPELL. SEriously.

OK, I'm going to tell you what happened one time in high school, of my being brave. I was as calm and cool as could be, being a soccer star and just not ever even thinking of crying. Up to that point in my life, IF I had to count how many times I'd cried in some situation--minus umpteen times my dad and mom swatted me with belt, and, stick, respectively -- it would be less than five, I am pretty sure. So, here I was 17 years into my life and NOT a crier, but.....

After school one day, I finally worked up the nerve to ask a girl out so I was going up to her and I was, like sweating bullets, and, I mean, bullets, my perspiration big beads coming off my head could've loaded a BB gun. And, as I began to say the word, 'Would you like to go out with me,' my voice began to crack and then whine and, then, the tears. The TEARS !! They were streaming down my face, I was sobbing much better than any temper tantrum fit throwing baby, though I was not mad at her, of course. I was just soooooo in a state of doing something that I'd NEVER truly done before.


OK, so what happened at that point?

Well, you can guess. She said 'no.'

I, then, walked away, not crying anymore, and, actually feeling exhilarated, because I'd done it !! I had thought about asking this girl out I'd met originally in freshman math. And, here, as a JUNIOR, I finally done did it !! I asked her out ! I was happy as a kid with his hand in a cookie jar and no one around

And, then, the strangest thing happened next. This 'asking' was a Friday afternoon after high school I'd asked this girl out and then, I was at home Sunday night and I got a phone call...............


It was HER ! OK, I'm not going to make this all fairytale happiness, I wish I could, but, I can't. She was calling because of some reason I can't remember now, it was like to let me know of something our junior class was doing, a food drive or something.

Anyway, to make a long story shorter, I told her I would participate and did NOT mention the fact that I was a blubbering fool that last Friday and that I really did like her and that I would not cry in front of her again like that. I hung up the phone and never ever asked her out again and she never showed an interest in me again my junior year, senior year.

OK, moral of the story: Guys, be ready for the unexpected. Because, I think, that any of a number of people calling about the food drive could have called me and she called me ! I think, she wanted me to say something !! To say, "OK, I messed up. But I really like you."

IF I could have said those few words there, who knows, we might be nearly 40 years into marriage now.

Anyway, this is the ladies thread to vote and for guys, mostly to listen, but, IF you have a story of asking out a girl , go ahead and tell it.

Anyway, GUYS, don't we want the miladies to hear how HARD it is for us to muster up the nerve to ask them out.
I wish, back when I was 17, then, a junior, asking that girl out, I would have had God more in my life, I wonder, if, deep down inside I cried, because it's kind of like someone said, I think, it was relena, but, my life was NOT great at this time, chaotic, messy, parents in middle of divorce and I was just not really caring much about church even though God was in my life.

Anyway, that's a story, maybe, I should make another thread and tell that one, i dunno. The Lord leads

Nice posts everyone,
let's take it in another direction, I feel that sometimes women are too aggressive and dificult to deny thier advances

Just a thought
DecentGuy

 

[DecentGuy]

Yes, high school is different, definitely, 'not a grown up yet,' as you say, fen.

But, and, these may be my greeen brains stringing out their own answer as a 'matter' of fact, but, I still think that even the older , more mature folks, speaking of ladies, want to say 'no' because they simply want to see if the guy is really, really liking them.

I don't see that as a game, she should though, as has been said in this thread, let the guy know , a hint, like, 'I'm busy tonight.'

So, that lets the guy know that he should try another night.

Also, I think, a guy should not just stop the conversation dead in its tracks if she says 'no' to his ask. Keep the conversation going to a natural close, let her know that her saying 'no' does not make you just run off like a chicken with it's head cut off or with your ego so easily crushed. Just shrug when she says 'no' and say , 'hey, talk to you later.'

Either way, I don't THINK that asking a girl out a 2nd time is going to get the girl to go think you are a creepy person, it's the ask AFTER that that will get you into stalker, weird, creepola status. But, what do I know, I am just green and nice

I happen to think that @Green nice has an apptitude higher than a lot of folks, age should not be a factor, IMHO of course

DecentGuy

 

[Fenner]

You're one of the good one's in this world Green Nice .

 

[DecentGuy]

You're one of the good one's in this world Green Nice .

Yes she is..
DecenyGuy

 

[DecentGuy]

Yes, high school is different, definitely, 'not a grown up yet,' as you say, fen.

But, and, these may be my greeen brains stringing out their own answer as a 'matter' of fact, but, I still think that even the older , more mature folks, speaking of ladies, want to say 'no' because they simply want to see if the guy is really, really liking them.

I don't see that as a game, she should though, as has been said in this thread, let the guy know , a hint, like, 'I'm busy tonight.'

So, that lets the guy know that he should try another night.

Also, I think, a guy should not just stop the conversation dead in its tracks if she says 'no' to his ask. Keep the conversation going to a natural close, let her know that her saying 'no' does not make you just run off like a chicken with it's head cut off or with your ego so easily crushed. Just shrug when she says 'no' and say , 'hey, talk to you later.'

Either way, I don't THINK that asking a girl out a 2nd time is going to get the girl to go think you are a creepy person, it's the ask AFTER that that will get you into stalker, weird, creepola status. But, what do I know, I am just green and nice

Same with guys ..Koolaid grins

 

[Fenner]

Yes she is..
DecenyGuy

Green Nice is a man.

 

[GreenNnice]

Yes she is..
DecenyGuy

Huh?


[video=youtube;Qw9oX-kZ_9k]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw9oX-kZ_9k[/video]



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Anyhoo, I appreciate everyone's opinions and I see wiseness in the answers of ALL of what you said, miladies, so, thanks, from the all of us guys that are very thankful we can know how to go about things with a little more understanding as asking someone out a 2nd time needs to be done with a good grasp of the girl's initial body language and words said from the 1st time you asked her

The Lord leads, in all things, and, certainly, this asking a girl out idea needs His leading.

Asking a girl out is far worse than girls might imagine, like, for many guys, it's worse to have to ask a girl out than eating some of those yucky maggots from Fear Factor tv show.


But, we should keep in mind that God WILL get us through it If we just are led by Him. Take Him with you wherever you go and that includes asking out a girl. Just ask Him to lead you , His Spirit will lead yours toward a right 'her' and sacrificing that part of ourselves that is 'the ask' is something God sees and will show us other things based on the faith of having been willing to do that one thing that is so tough for us to do.

God will also give you a feelin inside of boldness in going toward that 2nd ask too, if the first ask does not work out, pray, pray, pray, for His wisdom in all things.

 

[Paulibug]

Did someone mention cookies? Where? Me want!