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I must have been lucky so far, the last person I met off the Internet was like 3 years ago and we are still in contact with each other, and the one before that was about two years prior to the last one. Both of those went very well. Those are the only two I've met since my teenage years. I must have met at least 10-20 people off the internet during my teens though. Only one of them turned out to be a horror story. I'm sure others have experienced worse but I was particularly offended. I had been chatting with a local lady on yahoo chat back when it was still around off and on for a few weeks and she only lived like 10 minutes away so I decided to meet her.
She had sent me a photo and she was pretty cute in that photo. Only problem was, it had to have been at the very least 3 or 4 years old and she didn't bother telling me it was outdated or that she had put on a siiiiignificant amount of weight. I got to her house and knocked on the door.....you guys ever seen that part of Jurassic park where they are chilling in the car and you hear "WHOOOMPH.......WHOOOOMPH!" and the windows start rattling and the coffee in the coffee cup starts rippling? I joke with you not, that's what it was like when she came to the door. lol.
I don't have a problem with ladies that have a few extra pounds or anything like that, but obviously I felt like I was intentionally deceived by her just to get me over. That's when I decided "Welp, maybe I need to cut out this meeting strangers off the Internet stuff....it's been a good run but this is starting to get weird".
As a guy though, I've never been worried. You ladies however, you need to be EXTRA careful. I had a very close friend in high school. She met a man off the Internet and she had spoken with him for about 4 months. They met somewhere semi-public, he raped her in the parking lot. She reported it to the police but his name wasn't what he said it was, he didn't look like what he said he looked like, and he didn't work where he said he worked. Unfortunately, the scumbag got away with it. If your going to meet a man off the internet, he shouldn't have a problem with you bringing a friend along if his intentions are pure.
She had sent me a photo and she was pretty cute in that photo. Only problem was, it had to have been at the very least 3 or 4 years old and she didn't bother telling me it was outdated or that she had put on a siiiiignificant amount of weight. I got to her house and knocked on the door.....you guys ever seen that part of Jurassic park where they are chilling in the car and you hear "WHOOOMPH.......WHOOOOMPH!" and the windows start rattling and the coffee in the coffee cup starts rippling? I joke with you not, that's what it was like when she came to the door. lol.
I don't have a problem with ladies that have a few extra pounds or anything like that, but obviously I felt like I was intentionally deceived by her just to get me over. That's when I decided "Welp, maybe I need to cut out this meeting strangers off the Internet stuff....it's been a good run but this is starting to get weird".
As a guy though, I've never been worried. You ladies however, you need to be EXTRA careful. I had a very close friend in high school. She met a man off the Internet and she had spoken with him for about 4 months. They met somewhere semi-public, he raped her in the parking lot. She reported it to the police but his name wasn't what he said it was, he didn't look like what he said he looked like, and he didn't work where he said he worked. Unfortunately, the scumbag got away with it. If your going to meet a man off the internet, he shouldn't have a problem with you bringing a friend along if his intentions are pure.
B
Jules, that's the main point regarding one's identity. As Christian saints, our identity should be the righteousness of Christ.
Whatever "criminal" we were in our BC times, in Christ we have become a new creation adorned with the virtues of the Savior.
The problem with catfish behavior is that the catfish doesn't come to repentance; she/he continues feeding in deception and in her wrong.
True Christians never have reason to never make their identity unknown. That's the point.
Whatever "criminal" we were in our BC times, in Christ we have become a new creation adorned with the virtues of the Savior.
The problem with catfish behavior is that the catfish doesn't come to repentance; she/he continues feeding in deception and in her wrong.
True Christians never have reason to never make their identity unknown. That's the point.
Wow... that is just sick. I'm sorry, but if I met a man in person and he looked NOTHING like he did in the photo, it was outdated or whatever, then all bets are off. If someone deceives you with an outdated pic, it means two things: 1) insecurity issues, and 2) they're not a fully honest person.
Whatever pics I put on my Facebook, I don't photoshop AT ALL. I've broken out really bad in acne in the past year, and I've taken a couple pictures since then for my Facebook - didn't do a thing to them. Because that's how I actually look, that's how I will present myself. Granted, I'm not going to post a picture that makes me look like a blimp, LOL, but I'm real all the way - what you see is what you get. (The pic in my CC profile is a couple years old, I think. I don't worry about the CC profile - my Facebook is the one I keep updated.)
Yeah, I've taken some pretty stupid risks! I always met the person in public, or with someone, but then I may hop in a car with him after my dad gets a look at him, or something. I got in a car with my first partner and went to OH with him! Oh and I met one guy in a parking lot, hopped in his car, and spent a day with him - no one knew the first thing about him! I used to take wee hour walks - walking up and down a street with like three bars on it, with earbuds on! I grew up a loner, secluded myself, and I know firsthand that this is true:
Proverbs 18:1
A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire;
He rages against all wise judgment.
I met my husband for the first time alone in a public coffeeshop. Like I said, I was lucky. God must've REALLY liked me back then! (One of life's mysteries!
) God watched over me - I was never attacked or anything. I was talking to my husband, back when he was my boyfriend, last summer while I was in MO with him, and I was telling him about all the stupid stuff I used to do. He said "I think you still take risks." I was surprised. In my mind, I had "checked him out" enough, talking to him for hours online everyday and everything, and I said "With what?" And he said "Me." And I said "Yeah, but I knew who you were. I talked long time with you, Skyped with you." And he said "I could've been lying... You're crazy coming all the way out here - most people would've waited like two years to do this with someone... but I'm glad you did [took the risk]."
So yeah, happy ending for me, but for so many other girls who do that - it ends tragically. Scarred for the rest of their lives - if they keep their life. If I ever have a daughter, I will POUND INTO HER HEAD safety measures - maybe she won't even have internet in her room so I know what she's doing. But yeah, I'm truly blessed and grateful that God protected me through all my foolish antics.
Whatever pics I put on my Facebook, I don't photoshop AT ALL. I've broken out really bad in acne in the past year, and I've taken a couple pictures since then for my Facebook - didn't do a thing to them. Because that's how I actually look, that's how I will present myself. Granted, I'm not going to post a picture that makes me look like a blimp, LOL, but I'm real all the way - what you see is what you get. (The pic in my CC profile is a couple years old, I think. I don't worry about the CC profile - my Facebook is the one I keep updated.)
Yeah, I've taken some pretty stupid risks! I always met the person in public, or with someone, but then I may hop in a car with him after my dad gets a look at him, or something. I got in a car with my first partner and went to OH with him! Oh and I met one guy in a parking lot, hopped in his car, and spent a day with him - no one knew the first thing about him! I used to take wee hour walks - walking up and down a street with like three bars on it, with earbuds on! I grew up a loner, secluded myself, and I know firsthand that this is true:
Proverbs 18:1
A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire;
He rages against all wise judgment.
I met my husband for the first time alone in a public coffeeshop. Like I said, I was lucky. God must've REALLY liked me back then! (One of life's mysteries!
) God watched over me - I was never attacked or anything. I was talking to my husband, back when he was my boyfriend, last summer while I was in MO with him, and I was telling him about all the stupid stuff I used to do. He said "I think you still take risks." I was surprised. In my mind, I had "checked him out" enough, talking to him for hours online everyday and everything, and I said "With what?" And he said "Me." And I said "Yeah, but I knew who you were. I talked long time with you, Skyped with you." And he said "I could've been lying... You're crazy coming all the way out here - most people would've waited like two years to do this with someone... but I'm glad you did [took the risk]."So yeah, happy ending for me, but for so many other girls who do that - it ends tragically. Scarred for the rest of their lives - if they keep their life. If I ever have a daughter, I will POUND INTO HER HEAD safety measures - maybe she won't even have internet in her room so I know what she's doing. But yeah, I'm truly blessed and grateful that God protected me through all my foolish antics.
J
My post was not about repentant believers, but those who continue in such behaviors behind charm and "piety". I completely agree that once a person has surrendered such behaviors and given their lives wholly to Christ, they are new creations in Him, some of whom I respect tremendously. Truly. They are blessings.
And it is always wrong to intentionally hurt anyone anytime, any place, anywhere.
As some friends here already know, while my husband lay dying in the hospital, I came home to find my son, who was 13 at the time, in tears. He had, unknown to me or his grandmother (who was caring for him and knew nothing of such things), registered in a teen chat room (NOT THIS SITE) and had been approached sexually, abusively and threateningly. He did not know better than to put too much info online and he was terrified.
I went to the administration of that site (AGAIN, NOT THIS SITE) for assistance and, rather than receiving assistance, I, too, was propositioned. Being in law enforcement at the time, I immediately contacted a State Trooper I knew who worked the Internet and after almost a year and a half we were able to catch the man. I learned a great deal during that time and began to volunteer as a moderator of an LE forum in my spare time for about four years. During that time I met three individuals in person that I considered dating, most of whom, like Donkeyfish's experience, weren't horrible. The first one turned out to be about 20 years older than me. The second was so ill-mannered that I wanted to get away as soon as possible. The third was very nice, but traveling back and forth got to be too much, so we ended it after about six months. I entered into a 3 year relationship with someone I'd met through my work after that, so it became a non-issue.
When that 3 year relationship ended my heart was a mess and I did not feel I was where I should have been with the Lord, but I was trying to turn my life around. I had given up law enforcement and moved to the state where I presently live to do related work in the private sector. I met someone who made me laugh. Someone who loved music. Someone who knew all the right words and enough Bible to make me believe he was a Christian. Once I began to care about him, things changed drastically. He became extremely controlling. It ended very badly and very painfully, but I will be forever thankful that it did so before I trusted him with personal information. He did not tell me his full name, so I never told him mine either.
The way I was raised, Christians mind their business, don't gossip and don't air their dirty laundry, so I kept it to myself. At this point in my life I feel that I should not have done that. Because I did, a friend ended up being hurt even more than I was. I feel very guilty about that, so I will no longer be shy about approaching such matters. I have wondered many times why something like that had to happen, but if this post helps even one person, it will have been worth it. I had never been in a situation like that in my life and will never permit myself to be again. If I see any behavior even remotely like what I saw then, I will apply the brakes no matter who it is, no matter who likes it/doesn't like it or what they have to say about it. I pray others do the same.
What happened to Donkeyfish's friend, my son, my friend and myself are perfect examples of what can happen when we behave in a naïve manner online. Even the majority of Internet crimes are perpetrated by someone the victim "knew", so I'm afraid it will be very difficult for anyone to convince me that there is anything ungodly about not spilling all of one's personal business on the Internet.
There ARE good people online. There are people I care about very much online, including family and friends from my own church. And, as I said in an earlier post, there has even been someone I wanted to get to know and possibly date in real life, whom I entrusted with my work website/address/phone number/personnel extension directory, where he was able to contact me several times over an 8 month period (after which I went into business for myself) and even sent me beautiful flowers that I photographed for him. But we simply cannot afford to be too trusting online. I would far rather see people overprotect themselves online than endanger themselves online, whatever it takes. If I'm wrong, I'll talk with Jesus about it when I get there.
Truly. They are blessings.And it is always wrong to intentionally hurt anyone anytime, any place, anywhere.
As some friends here already know, while my husband lay dying in the hospital, I came home to find my son, who was 13 at the time, in tears. He had, unknown to me or his grandmother (who was caring for him and knew nothing of such things), registered in a teen chat room (NOT THIS SITE) and had been approached sexually, abusively and threateningly. He did not know better than to put too much info online and he was terrified.
I went to the administration of that site (AGAIN, NOT THIS SITE) for assistance and, rather than receiving assistance, I, too, was propositioned. Being in law enforcement at the time, I immediately contacted a State Trooper I knew who worked the Internet and after almost a year and a half we were able to catch the man. I learned a great deal during that time and began to volunteer as a moderator of an LE forum in my spare time for about four years. During that time I met three individuals in person that I considered dating, most of whom, like Donkeyfish's experience, weren't horrible. The first one turned out to be about 20 years older than me. The second was so ill-mannered that I wanted to get away as soon as possible. The third was very nice, but traveling back and forth got to be too much, so we ended it after about six months. I entered into a 3 year relationship with someone I'd met through my work after that, so it became a non-issue.
When that 3 year relationship ended my heart was a mess and I did not feel I was where I should have been with the Lord, but I was trying to turn my life around. I had given up law enforcement and moved to the state where I presently live to do related work in the private sector. I met someone who made me laugh. Someone who loved music. Someone who knew all the right words and enough Bible to make me believe he was a Christian. Once I began to care about him, things changed drastically. He became extremely controlling. It ended very badly and very painfully, but I will be forever thankful that it did so before I trusted him with personal information. He did not tell me his full name, so I never told him mine either.
The way I was raised, Christians mind their business, don't gossip and don't air their dirty laundry, so I kept it to myself. At this point in my life I feel that I should not have done that. Because I did, a friend ended up being hurt even more than I was. I feel very guilty about that, so I will no longer be shy about approaching such matters. I have wondered many times why something like that had to happen, but if this post helps even one person, it will have been worth it. I had never been in a situation like that in my life and will never permit myself to be again. If I see any behavior even remotely like what I saw then, I will apply the brakes no matter who it is, no matter who likes it/doesn't like it or what they have to say about it. I pray others do the same.
What happened to Donkeyfish's friend, my son, my friend and myself are perfect examples of what can happen when we behave in a naïve manner online. Even the majority of Internet crimes are perpetrated by someone the victim "knew", so I'm afraid it will be very difficult for anyone to convince me that there is anything ungodly about not spilling all of one's personal business on the Internet.
There ARE good people online. There are people I care about very much online, including family and friends from my own church. And, as I said in an earlier post, there has even been someone I wanted to get to know and possibly date in real life, whom I entrusted with my work website/address/phone number/personnel extension directory, where he was able to contact me several times over an 8 month period (after which I went into business for myself) and even sent me beautiful flowers that I photographed for him.
But we simply cannot afford to be too trusting online. I would far rather see people overprotect themselves online than endanger themselves online, whatever it takes. If I'm wrong, I'll talk with Jesus about it when I get there.
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I think something needs to be clarified concerning this topic.
I'm saying this because of a conversation we just had in chat over this thread.
The topic of this thread isn't meant to pressure all users on CC to divulge their souls, divulge every detail of their life, or show themselves on webcam. You won't be considered a catfish if you fail to give every detail to users on this site.
This topic is more about general common sense things to look for if you're in a one on one internet relationship and such.
Some reading this thread may be thinking.."Oh no if I don't show the users of CC my face on webcam and divulge personal info they'll think I'm a catfish!"<---Please don't get that perception from this thread. It's not about that at all.
I'm saying this because of a conversation we just had in chat over this thread.
The topic of this thread isn't meant to pressure all users on CC to divulge their souls, divulge every detail of their life, or show themselves on webcam. You won't be considered a catfish if you fail to give every detail to users on this site.
This topic is more about general common sense things to look for if you're in a one on one internet relationship and such.
Some reading this thread may be thinking.."Oh no if I don't show the users of CC my face on webcam and divulge personal info they'll think I'm a catfish!"<---Please don't get that perception from this thread. It's not about that at all.
This happened to me when I first joined CC. Although I had been in forums for over 10 years, the one here cornered me, on the pretext of wanting me to share the gospel and explain Jesus to him. That was my hook, smart man.
I never divulged anything personal, except the fact that I was happily married. But he kept pressing me for my email address, my Skype name so I could "help him understand about Jesus." He was relentless and angry in his PM's.
I left the forum for several years, it scared me so badly! I realize now I should have reported him, hindsight!
I had not heard the term "catfish" before, so thanks for this informative post.
I never divulged anything personal, except the fact that I was happily married. But he kept pressing me for my email address, my Skype name so I could "help him understand about Jesus." He was relentless and angry in his PM's.
I left the forum for several years, it scared me so badly! I realize now I should have reported him, hindsight!
I had not heard the term "catfish" before, so thanks for this informative post.
B
Well, you know me: I recognize tangents.
This thread is about fake romantic relationships some men and some women pursue online, but never intent to meet IRL, and in order to get away with their deceit, these catfishes create phony online identities tied to fake stories they create in your mind. Consequently, these catfishes starve for attention; hence catfishes are friendly, outgoing, popular peeps who only exist online.
Frankly, I can vouch for several of you because I've seen you on video in chatroom over the years. I may not know where you live, or where you work, and I definitely have not been in a romantic relationship with any of you, LOL, but I can surely recognize your real face if I saw you walking down the street.
This thread has always been about being informed on how to recognize and avoid catfishing by both parties having transparency in showing their face to each other if you are in a committed LDR. Otherwise, you're either a catfish, or you're being catfished. It's simple to comprehend, frankly.
This thread is about fake romantic relationships some men and some women pursue online, but never intent to meet IRL, and in order to get away with their deceit, these catfishes create phony online identities tied to fake stories they create in your mind. Consequently, these catfishes starve for attention; hence catfishes are friendly, outgoing, popular peeps who only exist online.
Frankly, I can vouch for several of you because I've seen you on video in chatroom over the years. I may not know where you live, or where you work, and I definitely have not been in a romantic relationship with any of you, LOL, but I can surely recognize your real face if I saw you walking down the street.
This thread has always been about being informed on how to recognize and avoid catfishing by both parties having transparency in showing their face to each other if you are in a committed LDR. Otherwise, you're either a catfish, or you're being catfished. It's simple to comprehend, frankly.
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If you fear the catfish... Pray. Ask God to reveal true intentions of the person you are falling in Love with... Ask God to provide you the strength to follow HIS lead in the relationship. Keep God at the Center and a catfish cannot win. Succumb to selfishly motivated desires and ignore God and you are likely to catch that catfish. God loves you. God does not want you to be harmed emotionally or mentally by a fake persona. Satan is smooth and tricky.. tells you what you want to hear... plays on your emotions. God NEVER plays with your emotions... Never! When in Doubt... pray it out.
Yeah as soon as there is some sorta emotional connection established, and it's clear it's more than hi/bye/how ya doing chit chat, it's time to get the other person on cam to verify they are at least the same person as in the pics. People can be very naive, and buy any excuse someone will give not to get on webcam, or not to take a photo that clearly verifies they are at least real. Folks, don't be naive, if after establishing an emotional connection they make excuses not to show their face on cam, or make excuses NOT to give a photo that clearly identifies they are real, then run for the hills.
If they have true intentions of meeting you eventually, they'll have to show you their face in the end. So don't go buying excuses. No matter how "legit" their excuse sounds. Wise up!
If they have true intentions of meeting you eventually, they'll have to show you their face in the end. So don't go buying excuses. No matter how "legit" their excuse sounds. Wise up!
A big amén.
D
I honestly cannot understand people that are catfish... or even control freaks... I have a trouble enough living my OWN life, let alone trying to manage someone else's or putting on some fake persona.
I gotta say this though. I have had people mistake me for being something I'm not... and they've done that all on their own. Sometimes people are looking so hard for a hero they will throw someone into that role without consent and that DOES not make the Supposed Hero a catfish... it simply means someone wanted something so bad they created it all by themselves. THOSE people... oh my Goodness... these are the dangerous ones... the delusional ones.
What about those people... that scream catfish when their Snow globe explodes in their hand and their hero falls from Grace, unknown that they were seated on some high astute place ... only to fall when the crazy person knocks them off with their delusional expectations?
I gotta say this though. I have had people mistake me for being something I'm not... and they've done that all on their own. Sometimes people are looking so hard for a hero they will throw someone into that role without consent and that DOES not make the Supposed Hero a catfish... it simply means someone wanted something so bad they created it all by themselves. THOSE people... oh my Goodness... these are the dangerous ones... the delusional ones.
What about those people... that scream catfish when their Snow globe explodes in their hand and their hero falls from Grace, unknown that they were seated on some high astute place ... only to fall when the crazy person knocks them off with their delusional expectations?