Platonically in love for 6 years, any advices??

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Lo3o3o

Junior Member
#1
May 6, 2013
18
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0
#1
Hello!
I am desperate. When I was 15, I fell in love to my friend. He was in love with me for a while than he maybe was thinking about me like about his future girl. However, now I don't think he does.
So my question is, what should I do? I gave it to God's hands long time ago, I said "Okay God, you don't want us together, it's fine, just do something, so I would forget about him." Nothing happened, I still love him, no matter what he does and it's killing me.
Did something like that happened to you? I starting to think I am not normal. :)
 
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AcidBurn

Guest
#2
#2
Hi there.

Is that friend around your age?
Are you like "best buddy" friends and do a lot of thinks together or are you just good friends?
Does he know of your love for him?
Are you aware of his shortcomings? (including that he is not aware of the situation....)

Seems to me like your underlying question is: "How can i make him mine?" and not "Am i normal?"



you ARE normal btw. just very very deep in the FriendZone.....
 
R

Raine

Guest
#3
#3
Sounds like it's time to move on. Make sure you are more madly in love with God than him. It hurts to let go but is necessary at times.
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#4
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
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#4
You might try a last-ditch honest conversation with him in which you explain that you have feelings for him. If he doesn't return those feelings, you need to spend less time with him so that you aren't thinking about him as much. Distance is likely the only way you will get over him and be able to move on. And distance will hurt too, but it's necessary and it does usually work.
 
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Lo3o3o

Junior Member
#5
May 6, 2013
18
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#5
He's from our church, two years younger than me. We used to be like "best buddy", but we don't spent time alone now, always in the group with other friends. I think he does not know I have feelings for him now, it's a long time since we had a talk about that.
It's like I would not go out with him now, because he's still young and needs to figure out many things before relationship. And also I'm aware of the shortcomings. I don't like his behaviour sometimes, but you know I accept that.
So I'm not in the mood of "how can I make him mine", I want for him the best, I pray for him, so he could be in a good relationshop with God, find a good wife ect.
 
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Lo3o3o

Junior Member
#6
May 6, 2013
18
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#6
Is it possible that God says "Don't let go. Love him, like in the way I love you?" You know, unconditionally, even he doesn't care at all?

Cause I have been praying a lot about that, I made sure God is the first and this came out to me.
 
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Lo3o3o

Junior Member
#7
May 6, 2013
18
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#7
Grace-Like-Rain said:
You might try a last-ditch honest conversation with him in which you explain that you have feelings for him. If he doesn't return those feelings, you need to spend less time with him so that you aren't thinking about him as much. Distance is likely the only way you will get over him and be able to move on. And distance will hurt too, but it's necessary and it does usually work.
Click to expand...
I cannot see him less, firstly he goes to the same church, secondly we spend time with our teenage group. I would have to stop being friends with all the christians I know.
 
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AcidBurn

Guest
#8
#8
Lo3o3o said:
Is it possible that God says "Don't let go. Love him, like in the way I love you?" You know, unconditionally, even he doesn't care at all?

Cause I have been praying a lot about that, I made sure God is the first and this came out to me.
Click to expand...
God loves and we need his love.
In your case you expect something back.
Don'f use god to justify your position.
If he was close to you once when he was totally green because of his age and is now just a friend he does not have feelings for you.

Nothing bad here from you but you are wasting YEARS of your life.
These thoughts take up sooo much of your focus and energy....
 
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Lo3o3o

Junior Member
#9
May 6, 2013
18
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#9
AcidBurn said:
God loves and we need his love.
In your case you expect something back.
Don'f use god to justify your position.
If he was close to you once when he was totally green because of his age and is now just a friend he does not have feelings for you.

Nothing bad here from you but you are wasting YEARS of your life.
These thoughts take up sooo much of your focus and energy....
Click to expand...
Thanks, I guess you have a point here.
But tell me, why is God so ignorant when I was asking for help to forget and not care about him. I really did for a long time and still do.
 
S

Shouryu

Guest
#10
#10
Lo3o3o said:
Thanks, I guess you have a point here.
But tell me, why is God so ignorant when I was asking for help to forget and not care about him. I really did for a long time and still do.
Click to expand...
God is not ignorant, nor does God ignore those who follow Him.

God knows what you need better than you do, because He already knows what's in your future. To Him, it's already happened. Our tiny, limited, human minds can only see our past, and we really do not have any concept of the BIG PICTURE, where He sees all things, beginning to end, at once. God knows what you need, and if He doesn't give you what you've asked for, then there is a reason for it. You may not see that reason now, tomorrow, maybe not even in ten years...and while that is little comfort to you at this very moment, it requires YOU to truly have FAITH in His plans for you.

Why did God put me in the middle of a family who lost their father suddenly and inconveniently due to a stroke? Why did He place me in a house full of grieving, crying women, which still ranks as the second most painful moment in my life? So that when my best friend died suddenly and unexpectedly three years later, I was better equipped to handle the grieving process myself, and better equipped to help his family cope with their grief. So that, over seven years later, when a young lady lost her mother to cancer, I could be there for her to answer her questions, and to help her cope, and push her to move forward.

Do you think I could see those things seven years ago, when I sat, helpless, among a wailing wife and two wailing daughters (who aren't even a part of my life anymore), overwhelmed by everything around me? Do you think I had ANY clue why God would put me there, seven years ago?

God knows what you're dealing with; He's not ignorant of it. You don't get to stomp your foot and whine at Him like a department store Santa Claus who won't give you what you want. Often times, the best thing He can do is NOT give us what we ask for, because HE knows what we NEED, because HE is the Father, and He knows better than us.

Read your Word, pray, and weather your trial. He is always preparing you for the moment you didn't know was coming.
 
Searching4Truth

Searching4Truth

Senior Member
#11
Jul 25, 2012
1,904
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0
#11
Lo3o3o said:
Hello!
I am desperate. When I was 15, I fell in love to my friend. He was in love with me for a while than he maybe was thinking about me like about his future girl. However, now I don't think he does.
Click to expand...
Teenagers... :rolleyes:

Lo3o3o said:
So my question is, what should I do? I gave it to God's hands long time ago, I said "Okay God, you don't want us together, it's fine, just do something, so I would forget about him." Nothing happened, I still love him, no matter what he does and it's killing me.
Did something like that happened to you? I starting to think I am not normal. :)
Click to expand...
I know what it's like to hold on to a strong feeling of "love" for someone.

If you're really as desperate as you say you are, then you'll throw the dice on the table and see what will happen. You'll have to confront your feelings either way. If it wasn't meant to be, then your love belongs to someone else.
 
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Lo3o3o

Junior Member
#12
May 6, 2013
18
0
0
#12
Shouryu said:
God is not ignorant, nor does God ignore those who follow Him.

God knows what you need better than you do, because He already knows what's in your future.
Click to expand...
Right, I know all of this stuff and I trust God from the bottom of my heart. I pray like "God, I want to follow you, your plan, whatever it is, wherever you go."
And my feeling is like God would say "Don't let go of this boy, love him." And I'm like "No, I can't because I don't have enough strength for that and I don't actually think he's "the right one", so why should I care about him?"

I see you comment, I know I can't see the big picture, but I guess, if God wants him in my heart, it has some reason. Maybe I'll never know what it is. Maybe my prayers will change his life, maybe it is protecting me from other guys while waiting for the perfect one.
 
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AcidBurn

Guest
#13
#13
Lo3o3o said:
Right, I know all of this stuff and I trust God from the bottom of my heart. I pray like "God, I want to follow you, your plan, whatever it is, wherever you go."
And my feeling is like God would say "Don't let go of this boy, love him." And I'm like "No, I can't because I don't have enough strength for that and I don't actually think he's "the right one", so why should I care about him?"

I see you comment, I know I can't see the big picture, but I guess, if God wants him in my heart, it has some reason. Maybe I'll never know what it is. Maybe my prayers will change his life, maybe it is protecting me from other guys while waiting for the perfect one.
Click to expand...
There is a lot of hard stuff in the bible about how we have to "life our lives".
They are hard, super hard somethimes, but not really complicated most of the time....

One exception is the ability to distinguish what you want and what god wants.

For most young people this is easy:

1. I am a christian
2. So I have the holy spirit in me right?
3. When i feel something i like and it is not against scripture (the tiny little bit of scripture known to the person)
then it is god working in me. He wants me to do this / get that / ......marry this person and have a wonderfull life......

Sorry. But the bible says that our human heart is sick, twisted and deceitful.
Not a good measure for his will in our lifes.

There are only a few cases in the Bible where God had a partner prepared.

Adam of course.... well and Hosea... who had to marry a prostitute and have a rotten marriage to symbolize gods
relationship with his people. Be happy you don't have to marry an asshole but instead choose someone of godly
character.

God gave us the freedom to "choose" and it is more about how you put effort and care into a relationship
then about "he has the perfect one prepared for me".


Btw.: You say that maybe god wants you to love him. Sure, we should love out brothers and sisters....
but why does he need that special attention from you. Is he not doing well?


I mean well, sorry if I sound so awfully critical :p
 
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Lo3o3o

Junior Member
#14
May 6, 2013
18
0
0
#14
AcidBurn said:
For most young people this is easy:

1. I am a christian
2. So I have the holy spirit in me right?
3. When i feel something i like and it is not against scripture (the tiny little bit of scripture known to the person)
then it is god working in me. He wants me to do this / get that / ......marry this person and have a wonderfull life......
Click to expand...

Ok, I may have said it wrongly. I agree with your statements about choosing a partner.

I was trying to figure out what God wants. I thought it's loving him, but am not sure about that again. I'm asking again, thinking it's wrong. It's like a roller-coaster, one moment like "Ok God, you want me to love him" and another like "No, this is wrong, I shouldn't."
He's doing well, probably needs to get more closer to God and mature in some areas. Maybe it's not of my bussines.
But when I care about somebody, can be a good friend I'm just unable to stop caring.
Btw. It sounds critical, but it's fine..I agree with almost everything you say. :) but still have a feeling you don't get my problem :D
 
A

AcidBurn

Guest
#15
#15
Lo3o3o said:
but still have a feeling you don't get my problem :D
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Maybe this is a girl-thing....

Don't know how to handle an emotional roller-coaster.
If a girl i liked did not like me back it took me like.... 2-5 days to get over her.

And if i do not know how i feel about her, i can put that matter to sleep until i have a clearer view.

I just hope you can handle the situation cooler than before :cool:

Maybe think about asking him directly. You will have your answer.
Worst case you can move on, best case you have a relationship.
 
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