Potential Partner - What to tell and what not to tell

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Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#21
Jan 15, 2011
6,058
3,373
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#21
Siberian_Khatru said:
All up to personal discretion. Maybe reveal things in phases as the trust grows.
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Olerica said:
Well, I don't think you reveal it ALL right away.... but yeah, transparency is imperative
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This^^^^^

The key to any serious relationship is emotional intimacy which of course in a marriage extends to physical intimacy. In order for true intimacy to be existent complete transparency is absolutely necessary otherwise you're settling for a cheap facade.

The best definition I've ever heard for intimacy (sorry Mirriam Webster's is too vague) is being "fully known and fully loved" not just because of who you are, but in some ways in spite of yourself. As long as you are holding out about your past or putting on any form of facade of who you are today there will always be the question in the back of your mind if your partner truly loves you for who you are, or if they just love the you that you've allowed them to see and also the fear in the back of your mind that they may reject you if they were to find out what you're hiding. Personally when I was still single I would by far have preferred to be kicked to the curb because of my past than to be kicked to the curb because I didn't disclose my past and got found out.

By all means you need to use discretion as to how much information or even how much detail is handed out about your past how early in a relationship in the interest of letting someone get to know who you are now, but as a relationship progresses your partner has the reasonable expectation of knowing more information.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#22
#22
Problem with waiting and waiting to share things is that eventually you will have to share something that may have a negative impact on your relationship. And the longer you're involved in it the worse an effect it will have on each person.
Or thinking you can simply not share means that there is always this lingering chance that something will come up that forces it out and then you have not only that issue, but then the issue of your partner wondering why you withheld from them.

If you share something and it causes problems then the person is not accepting of you. I'm glad my gf has opened up her past to me. Now i can accept all of her, not just the parts she wants me to see, that make the best impression of her. I know all of her flaws and hurts. And now i can help her through the things that rise up as a result. Also anything that caused any sort of trouble was already worked through and resolved and is now behind us. No surprises in the future.
And yes, i have shared my past as well, and she has been accepting of me, regardless, as well. Actually i think us both knowing helps us be closer. This way we don't have a worry about something that we fear may cause them reject us, we already know we are accepted for all our flaws, past and present. It also allows us to know where we have things in common and helps us to understand each other in the present. Any relationship that can't share openly and communicate with each other will fail.
 
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