Prayers please

[LittleMermaid]

Hey! I just thought I would tell you that you're one of the coolest users here on CC. Some of your posts crack me up and I love that you're so honest with us. I too have had problems like the ones you are describing.
Remember that the work of the Holy Spirit starts when we accept Jesus as our Savior. But His work doesn't end until we pass away. It's a lifetime of work to make us into the image of Christ. And even then we will never truly be sinless like Jesus. Don't stress so much about messing up. God knows you are going to mess up. That's why he sent Jesus.

If you haven't already, start reading the Bible daily. Start wherever you want...but I like the Psalms and the NT.
I think that maybe you are listening to the lies of the enemy. If you are doing things that don't match up with the Bible, try to leave them. I know it's hard but you need to try. Start off with a balance. For example, if you like horror movies, for every horror movie you watch, read a chapter of the Bible. Balance it out. Soon you will see that your Spirit will want to learn more about Jesus. You will crave less and less of the world. It's too hard to leave horror movies all at once.
Horror movies is just an example but I think you get what I mean. Praying for you. God bless you.

I also wanted to add...evil spirits exist. I've seen them. But they don't like to be around the light. Light meaning Jesus and the truth. By reading the Bible and singing hymns to God, you can make them leave. I think that could be your problem. Evil spirits love things of the world. They will hang around where they are comfortable. Make them uncomfortable. And don't be afraid of them. They can't do much to you if you are a child of God. Try to pray and say the name of Jesus whenever you feel something isn't right.

 

[tourist]

Hello Koji, I am so sorry to hear you feel you are spiralling out of control like that. Do you know that the Scriptures teach that it is God Who gives the growth? For we are only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.

Paul goes on to say: By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.

Koji, have you found a church home yet? I think you could benefit greatly by being involved with people face-to-face, those with whom you could share your heart concerns and be involved doing some kind of ministry work. Joining any kind of support group may be beneficial to you a this point, also, some place where you can listen to other people share a bit of their crazies while also presenting solutions, for then you would not only not feel so all alone but be better equipped to deal with your neuroses, and feel connected on a deeper level to a power greater than yourself while becoming more intentional regarding self acceptance, and learning to be kind to yourself.

I like the part about people sharing a bit of their crazies. Crazies can make life interesting if they can be successfully navigated and resolved. Crazies can tend to make us more sane. Crazy huh?

 

[Kojikun]

It really isn't the matter of which substances really and they don't have to be chemical either. I'm a former gambler. Black jack was my favorite game. I've sat at tables in Vegas over 30 hours straight and only got up to eat or use the restroom. Sometimes in fact if I was on a roll I'd ask for a sandwich to be delivered to my table. I like to sit at the end. 3rd base. The last player before the dealer has a turn. From there I could see which cards were dealt and by deductive reasoning I had a pretty good idea which cards were left that's how to split, bump the bet, double down. Hit or stay. or in some cases buy insurance. I also worked a full time job.

I was the thrill and rush of winning combined with taking chances. The doubts and fear or losing that effected my brain chemistry that I was addicted to. Not the cards, atmosphere, 2nd hand smoke or bad music. Most addictions come from the brain and that's why cross addiction also becomes prevalent. Amoung us addicts also. habit to habit, substance to substance. The human mind cannot fix itself at this point. it's like fixing a broken tool with the same broken tool. Good luck with that!

There is one however that has all power. His name is Jesus. There are others a step or two ahead of you with the same or similar problem. Seek and pray. then seek and pray again. But when you pray listen and when you seek, look. An addict alone is in bad company.

Yes I know it's the same. Just the way I said it may have seemed like I was in AA or something lol. The reason I never got heavily into drinking or smoking because my addictive tendencies. I new even when young if I got hooked on this I would die. So thankfully my anxiety has severed its purpose at times. I live in Wisconsin too your a strange person if you dont get drunk every once in a while.

 

[Kojikun]

Hey Kojikun.
I really think that you need to talk to your health care provider - if you already have, then you need to go back and see them. Your post alarmed me, to say the least. Medication and talking to someone re your problems can help. Severe anxiety needs to be managed correctly and with the proper support, otherwise you will not be able to function.
Stop, sit & let your mind rest - BREATHE. Nobody is expecting big things from you, except yourself. God certainly doesn't - he know what your struggles are. He is not expecting you to do more than you are capable of. He knows we are human and have faults. Just do what you can each week, month or year. Set yourself small, manageable goals and if you don't manage to reach them, just do better next time, or take a break from trying to achieve your goals - it's OK to be selfish sometimes and just look after you. Don't have lofty goals that you know you personally can't reach. A person confined to a wheelchair for life after a spinal accident knows they can't walk again, so they re-adjust their goals to do what they can within their capabilities. Many people who have had disabilites (anxiety can be classsed as a disability), use their anxiety to channel into good things to help others, ie: you could help others by listening to their problems, or reduce your anxiety by painting, writing, exercising, etc. I'd start writing a journal as well, so you can reflect back upon your anxiety attacks and your problems - you might see a pattern and surprise yourself. It's also good to keep a record for your health care provider to view.
Just take everything one day at a time, and just do what you can each day.
My prayer for you:
Our loving heavenly Lord, please help Kojikun to cope with their panic attacks, and to manage their day better, so that they can become more productive and caring for themselves. Amen.
Hope you feel better soon!

Thank you and yes I am currently under medication for my symptoms. I started a new medication a few weeks ago. I've been on meds for this kind of stuff since I was 6 and I've been going to therapy on and off since. I was diagnosed with autism when I was 22. It's nothing new but it is getting worse. Today I broke down and cried for the first time in many years. Thankfully my mom was here.

 

[Magenta]

Thank you and yes I am currently under medication for my symptoms. I started a new medication a few weeks ago. I've been on meds for this kind of stuff since I was 6 and I've been going to therapy on and off since. I was diagnosed with autism when I was 22. It's nothing new but it is getting worse. Today I broke down and cried for the first time in many years. Thankfully my mom was here.

Shedding tears can be very therapeutic One thing grief does is bring into sharper focus that which we value.

 

[Hamarr]

Yes I know it's the same. Just the way I said it may have seemed like I was in AA or something lol. The reason I never got heavily into drinking or smoking because my addictive tendencies. I new even when young if I got hooked on this I would die. So thankfully my anxiety has severed its purpose at times. I live in Wisconsin too your a strange person if you dont get drunk every once in a while.

One of RLM's videos made a joke about Wisconsin having like 2/3s of the drunkest cities. I looked up a top 20 drunkest cities list for the states and it was true. lol.

I've been in a similar bad spot for quite awhile. If you ever want to talk, shoot me a PM or something.

I would recommend checking out something like Adult Children of Alcoholics. They are a 12 step group but address other issues besides just the addiction. It might be helpful to have some support folks around you besides those in church. Not sure where in Wisconsin you are, but there are a lot of meetings. CR might also be good. I have heard of people going there just for things like depression.
Support groups have helped me a ton in the last couple of years and I have made some great friends there. A couple of them have helped me with rekindling my faith.

 

[calibob]

Yes I know it's the same. Just the way I said it may have seemed like I was in AA or something lol. The reason I never got heavily into drinking or smoking because my addictive tendencies. I new even when young if I got hooked on this I would die. So thankfully my anxiety has severed its purpose at times. I live in Wisconsin too your a strange person if you dont get drunk every once in a while.

I remember. Everybody my age I knew drenk beer almost daily. The barracks were the only place but beer was $3-4 a case between PBR - Bud., party in the day room! Everybody was 18-25 in the barracks. But there radios, guitars & 8 track tapes.