Predestined For Bachelorhood?

[mykim]

Understood, brother. And although I am no one to give advice to you, I just want to say that cold, sweaty hands shouldn't stop you from socializing. If you're saved (and I hope you are), then join a church. As you grow in grace, God will open many windows and doors, and you'll be able to do many things. God can use anyone in anything He wants.

Although I don't agree with the nasty attitude of one that responded to you, one thing he said can be true: you can find a job eventually. Plus, you know you need one. So although this is a reason women wouldn't consider you (I'm in the same boat, brother), my advice on this to you is to keep trying to find a job. It's godly to work.

I know all about the "looks" problem, my friend. I'm in the same boat with you in that as well. But it sounds to me that you have to use your precious time to figure out how to better yourself at the moment before worrying about women (lol).

Hey ... that goes for me as well.

I do go to church regularly and also attend a christian support group for sexual brokenness. There are tons of people there who's lives have been transformed for the better so I hope God can do the same for me.

I try not to focus on women these days because dwelling on it just causes more depression. I just need a way to deal with the rigors of single life, mostly loneliness and sexual frustration.

 

[AAAPlus]

So this is a thought I've had ever since the Lord saved me back in 2007. I was 18, had never had a girlfriend (not even a little thing in high school), and I knew absolutely NO girl my age that was a Christian. Predestined to be single ... it was an idea formed from impulse. My (new) pastor's wife had asked me about my relationship status & past (which is always embarrassing), and I blurted out that I was predestined to be single, meaning that I was to be alone for the rest of my life. She scoffed at what I told her, responding, What does that even mean?

I admit that I said this somewhat amusingly; at this point in my life, being recently born again and excited of spiritual things, I had never seriously thought of me being with someone, for I had no friends (and I still do not) and I knew no one of the female gender that professed salvation (and, sadly, I still do not). But this idea of God sovereignly setting me to live my days without a mate stayed with me; the thought sometimes haunted me, bringing sadness and fear; sometimes, I would accept it as if it was a commandment from Sinai, proudly, and ready to face the loneliness.

Well, these emotions were like beasts within me, and as I lived life, and heard messages on marriage and holiness in courtship; as I saw young Christians (younger than me) arrive at a relationship, then that beast of sadness and jealousy won, and now I am here; still with the same emotions, still without any promising girl to be my future spouse, still without friends, and still single.

So I'd like to hear how you feel. Have any of you ever had the same thought? Does God foreordain some of His children to remain single, never allowing (through His providence) them to ever marry? Or do we have more of a choice in the matter?

(As a bonus point of discussion, If God predestines us to be saved and others to damnation, then why not some to marriage and others to singleness?)

We all have callings. The way I see it, the Bible lays down some big guidelines; things that are God's will for EVERY person. Don't murder, abide by the laws of the land, love your neighbor, keep yourself from drunkenness, etc. Then there are things that the Bible says nothing about: what city you should live in, what color car to drive, where to serve at church...stuff like that. In those cases, I believe God gives you passions for certain things. If you love kids, you're probably made to serve in children's ministry. If you love the wide open plains of Wyoming, you're probably made to live there.

If you strongly desire to get married, you're probably made to get married. The Bible doesn't say you have to get married, but it talks about marriage a lot and talks about it as a GOOD thing! If you're doubting this, I pose this question: why would God give you the desire to get married and then predestine you to be single forever? Now you weren't married when you were 18 and you decided back then that you'd be single forever. But that just doesn't make any sense; barely ANYONE gets married at 18. So if it wasn't true back then, then it's not true now.

So, God made you to be married and you're marriage age...so why aren't you married? There's something in the way; something that you need to change before you're ready for that Holy commitment. Only you and God know what that thing is. If I were to guess, and I'm trying my best to say this lovingly brother, I would guess it's your attitude. I've taken note of some of the responses you've received to similar threads...some of them were quite adverse. That's how people are. But the way you responded to that adversity could use some work.

"And she won't care about the rest"? LOL! Now that's a load of dung, my friend!

And by the way, next time you want to insult people on my threads, expect to be reported.

I hate curse words, and I hate nasty, abusive behavior from people that give such shallow advice. You've been warned.

You can't expect everyone to hold to the same standards you have. They have different lives, different experiences, and different walks with God. When you find that special girl, she will also have different standards. And it will be your husbandly duty to love her regardless of that. Right now, it's your job to practice love by even loving folks on here like Ugly and Mykim who you don't feel can offer you anything. That kind of love will change your life. And it sounds like life-changing is something you really desire right now.

 

[Art05]

I do go to church regularly and also attend a christian support group for sexual brokenness. There are tons of people there who's lives have been transformed for the better so I hope God can do the same for me.

I try not to focus on women these days because dwelling on it just causes more depression. I just need a way to deal with the rigors of single life, mostly loneliness and sexual frustration.

Hey, gave you some more advice. Focus on getting a job, and try to serve the Lord. It'll be a good mind-occupier.

 

[rachelsedge]

Attitude plays a huge part in whether or not us females are attracted to men (and vice versa).

Just sayin'.

 

[LightningClap0002]

Attitude plays a huge part in whether or not us females are attracted to men (and vice versa).

Just sayin'.

As I've grown up, my attitude has changed pretty dramatically. For a time, I was incredibly shy and unsure of myself. In high school I found something I was actually really good at. My confidence grew and I did notice that women (not really the right kind of women) no longer avoided me A few years later, I lost the skill I had and found myself depressed for a time. In talking to God, He showed me that the confidence I had unknowingly built my confidence on the wrong thing. Since then I have regained a lot of my confidence. This time, though, it is built on Christ. It's because I know that He is with me.

Rachel, maybe you or some other women, can either support or deny this; I think women can often tell whether a man's attitude is driven by his own accomplishments, or simply by His place as a child of God. I think this is particularly good news for those of us who have lost, or don't think we ever really had, any sense of accomplishment to offer.

Or maybe I'm not making any sense.

 

[rachelsedge]

Rachel, maybe you or some other women, can either support or deny this; I think women can often tell whether a man's attitude is driven by his own accomplishments, or simply by His place as a child of God. I think this is particularly good news for those of us who have lost, or don't think we ever really had, any sense of accomplishment to offer.

You make sense, LightningClap0002. I would say for the above section, yes. A God-fearing woman will be able to discern where a man's identity comes from. If she doesn't right away, then rest assured, she will find out eventually.

I'm not saying that people can't or shouldn't be single, be it for a season or for life.

I'm saying that an attitude of "Woe is me, no woman will ever like me because of this this and this" is unattractive in a potential mate. Why would I want to get to know a guy and come to like him if he doesn't even like himself? If he projects all his insecurities onto me and expects me to fix them and make them better? Confidence does not equal outgoing/extrovert. It equals knowing who you are in Christ and resting on that foundation.

Before I get any accusers, I used to be that way: I did not like myself at all and I had a list of reasons why no one would ever want to be with me. I still am that way sometimes, if you've seen me post enough. It's definitely an ongoing journey, but you have to take the first step and refuse to be stuck anymore.

Like LightningClap said, build your confidence on the right thing, on Christ.

 

[Oncefallen]

I am 28, never been in a relationship either. I have already accepted the fact that I will never meet someone. Of course, I am not ok with that.

It is a really awful situation because I fail as a person in every way, so marriage is not in my future. But i also hate being celibate so it is like being in a battle i cannot win. Jokes on me i guess

As numerous others have commented to you in numerous other threads it's all in the attitude. If you go through life with the perception that no woman will ever want to be with you then chances are you'll be right, it will literally become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Not everyone is so shallow as to only value a person based on their looks, income potential, possessions, or lack of physical ailments. My sister is at least 50lbs overweight due to thyroid problems (she's only 4ft 10 so 50 lbs is a lot), and has facial hair because of a rare genetic disorder, yet she has been married for almost 14 years and has two beautiful kids. Her husband saw past what most people would consider to be undesirable physical traits and found the beauty that she truly is.

 

[bless09]

i had the same sentiments as well..i already told my parents ill be single forever but not because i dont have friends but maybe because i have alot of them...maybe that's why ive been single all these years...ironically,the people that encouraged me that the person meant for me will just come and i wont be a lonely old lady are all men ...heheh

 

[rachelsedge]

I'm so glad this topic got brought back up! I'm not even being sarcastic. I just have a message to mykim:

mykim, you say you don't think any woman will want you because of your hands and everything else.

I don't know how to say this without sounding weird, so I'm just gonna say it. There's a guy that I've liked all year (and I'm trying to not like, but that's neither here nor there ) and this past week I found out that he has clammy hands. Like...really clammy. I had him and a few others over to play games this week and he was picking up these plastic game tiles using the palms of his hands because they'd just stick because of the moisture. Guess what? I'd still totally hold his hand. I don't think I'd care. I like him for other reasons, ones that outweigh that.

Just sayin'.

 

[mykim]

I'm so glad this topic got brought back up! I'm not even being sarcastic. I just have a message to mykim:

mykim, you say you don't think any woman will want you because of your hands and everything else.

I don't know how to say this without sounding weird, so I'm just gonna say it. There's a guy that I've liked all year (and I'm trying to not like, but that's neither here nor there ) and this past week I found out that he has clammy hands. Like...really clammy. I had him and a few others over to play games this week and he was picking up these plastic game tiles using the palms of his hands because they'd just stick because of the moisture. Guess what? I'd still totally hold his hand. I don't think I'd care. I like him for other reasons, ones that outweigh that.

Just sayin'.

At least that guy has good qualities that attract you to him. I got nothing to offer women, but I am ok with being single now. Also even when I was trying online dating, I noticed that girls who i have no interest in message me and girls that I am interested ignore my messages. Either way, dating is not for me.

 

[rainin]

I'm so glad this topic got brought back up! I'm not even being sarcastic. I just have a message to mykim:

mykim, you say you don't think any woman will want you because of your hands and everything else.

I don't know how to say this without sounding weird, so I'm just gonna say it. There's a guy that I've liked all year (and I'm trying to not like, but that's neither here nor there ) and this past week I found out that he has clammy hands. Like...really clammy. I had him and a few others over to play games this week and he was picking up these plastic game tiles using the palms of his hands because they'd just stick because of the moisture. Guess what? I'd still totally hold his hand. I don't think I'd care. I like him for other reasons, ones that outweigh that.

Just sayin'.

Just a helpful hint on the hands thing....you can apply an antiperspirant to the palms of your hands to reduce the sweating.

 

[mykim]

Just a helpful hint on the hands thing....you can apply an antiperspirant to the palms of your hands to reduce the sweating.

i did try that but it did not help with the sweating. I even built a home made iontophoresis machine and even that did not help that much. I just live with it now, and try not to shake hands if possible.

 

[rachelsedge]

At least that guy has good qualities that attract you to him.

I didn't even say what qualities he has...

You have zero good qualities? ZERO??

 

[kenthomas27]

I didn't even say what qualities he has...

You have zero good qualities? ZERO??

He knows how to build an iontophoresis machine! Is that like a ray gun?

 

[Ugly]

I didn't even say what qualities he has...

You have zero good qualities? ZERO??

Don't bother. He's not interested in listening. He just wants attention.

 

[mykim]

He knows how to build an iontophoresis machine! Is that like a ray gun?

It's a pretty simple machine. Just a series of batteries connected to each other. A monkey can build it

I didn't even say what qualities he has...

You have zero good qualities? ZERO??

It does not matter what the qualities are. Women are obviously attracted to looks, confidence, personality, financial stability, spirituality, and maybe even social status.

I don't have any of those things, but I am at peace with my single status now thanks to God.

Don't bother. He's not interested in listening. He just wants attention.

I don't need your crappy advice.

 

[Art05]

It's a pretty simple machine. Just a series of batteries connected to each other. A monkey can build it



It does not matter what the qualities are. Women are obviously attracted to looks, confidence, personality, financial stability, spirituality, and maybe even social status.

I don't have any of those things, but I am at peace with my single status now thanks to God.



I don't need your crappy advice.

Don't let these Christian (falsely so called) bullies push you around!

By the way, block that "Ugly" guy. From all the posts he puts on my threads, he seems to get pretty ugly. He probably thinks he's saved, which is worse, but oh well.

Yes! I'm glad that you've found peace! Praise God, brother! The love of Jesus, as the Bible says, passes the conditional, superficial love of women. One day, I feel, one day I will find those women that are wise, loving, kind, and full of the fruits of the Spirit; those precious gems that stand out among the gravel that we see so much today, a few among a thousand, and they will be reserved for the Christ's nice guys.

God, give me the contentment of patience!

 

[ServantStrike]

Don't let these Christian (falsely so called) bullies push you around!

By the way, block that "Ugly" guy. From all the posts he puts on my threads, he seems to get pretty ugly. He probably thinks he's saved, which is worse, but oh well.

Yes! I'm glad that you've found peace! Praise God, brother! The love of Jesus, as the Bible says, passes the conditional, superficial love of women. One day, I feel, one day I will find those women that are wise, loving, kind, and full of the fruits of the Spirit; those precious gems that stand out among the gravel that we see so much today, a few among a thousand, and they will be reserved for the Christ's nice guys.

God, give me the contentment of patience!

I don't think Ugly is trying to attack him, he's trying to get him outside of his comfort zone.

There is nothing unique to the lives of any one here that at least one brother or sister in Christ has not gone through before at one point or another. Maybe it's unusal, maybe many don't have to go through it, but I guarantee you someone has, and they went through it praising God until they either hit the floor or took a dirt nap.

It's very easy to get side tracked away from that, but that is the plain and simple truth. You have to do whatever you have to do to get into that place where you just say "this sucks, but I'm not going down without a fight." I recommend the bible, it offers tremendous clarity.


And I say this as someone who, himself, has struggled with what his place is for many years now. What do I do? I let out a growl, stamp my feet, and proclaim with a roar that I'm not giving up. And in times of prayer and reflection I am thankful that I am not alone. Never alone.

 

[Ugly]

Art.. I've seen numerous people come here to help you in various ways and each one you have insulted, criticized and attacked. and you have the nerve to talk trash about me? and question my salvation? you're a joke. pure hypocrite. and I feel sorry for the people who wasted even two seconds on you.

 

[Art05]

I don't think Ugly is trying to attack him, he's trying to get him outside of his comfort zone.

There is nothing unique to the lives of any one here that at least one brother or sister in Christ has not gone through before at one point or another. Maybe it's unusal, maybe many don't have to go through it, but I guarantee you someone has, and they went through it praising God until they either hit the floor or took a dirt nap.

It's very easy to get side tracked away from that, but that is the plain and simple truth. You have to do whatever you have to do to get into that place where you just say "this sucks, but I'm not going down without a fight." I recommend the bible, it offers tremendous clarity.


And I say this as someone who, himself, has struggled with what his place is for many years now. What do I do? I let out a growl, stamp my feet, and proclaim with a roar that I'm not giving up. And in times of prayer and reflection I am thankful that I am not alone. Never alone.

"I don't think Ugly is trying to attack him, he's trying to get him outside of his comfort zone." ~ I disagree. As I stated, this person has continually become mean, almost a bully, to him and even to me. And to say that he's trying to get him out of his comfort zone is a rather weak way of justifying him. First, why does he want to do that? Christian counseling does not work in that manner; it is done in love, forbearance, and kindness, all of which this person lacks. Secondly, if he really wanted to be of any help to him, then the best way is to contact him personally, pray for him, and actually seek his good sincerely, and not with these "drive-by messages" in an internet forum.

I don't mind the rest of your comment.

God bless you!