SeoulSearch's Date with a "Good Christian Guy". (Act 1: Escaping the Dragon's Lair.)
Hey Everybody:
First of all, I have to being with a few disclaimers to this thread so that I can hopefully avoid offending too many people in the audience. I would like to start by saying that I am NOT trying to turn the Singles Forum into my own personal dating blog
(mods, if I am out of line in anyway, please let me know), but rather, I am wondering if anyone else is having experiences like this (please tell me I'm not the only one!)
Next, I want to say this very emphatically: GUYS, I AM NOT TRYING TO BEAT UP ON YOU IN ANYWAY, IF ANYTHING, I'M ASKING THAT YOU GOOD, STRONG, TRUE CHRISTIAN MEN WILL MAKE YOURSELVES KNOWN AND LET US LADIES KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE. PLEASE GIVE US SOME HOPE!!
Having said that... I would imagine this next set of threads will draw several comments so instead of trying to write a small novel all in one thread, I am going to break it up into several different ideas.
The theme I would like everyone to keep in mind for this particular thread is: what have been your experiences and frustrations in trying to date a "'good Christian person" who is "equally yoked"?
(All names and identifying information has been changed to protect both the innocent... and the guilty... perhaps I should change my own name in this thread as well!) This past weekend, a good friend of mine whom we'll call Kristin set me up on a blind date. I've known her for years, and she and her husband are children's pastors at my old church.
"Kim," she said, "I know this guy... I don't know if you'd be interested in meeting him, but..." Long story short--the particular gentleman she told me about, whom I'll call X, is a little older than I am but not outlandishly so, is a core member of his church's worship team and very active in his church, still gets tears in his eyes talking about a close relative (who passed away not long ago and he had taken care of her), has a good job (this is important to me NOT because of materialism, but because every guy I dated could never hold a steady job and I always wound up supporting him) and is the brother of a former elder at my church who was good friends with my parents.
What could possibly go wrong, right? Because in my head I'm thinking... wow... responsible, loves God, is dedicated in his faith, solid family values, and is sensitive to the needs of others. Sign me up!!!
(Lord, please deliver me from my own naive stupidity, Amen.)
X and I talked briefly on the phone and set up a lunch date at a restaurant the next day. I would be lying if I didn't say I had high hopes... X arrived right on time (I was a little early), and was very polite, opening doors, pulling out my chairs, etc. Things were off to a great start!!! So I thought.
X told me right away that he is very straightforward and just says what he's thinking. Great! Me too! I have always said that I would rather have the ugly truth than a pretty lie (Lord, please, once again, deliver me from my own stupidity.)
Our conversation started off fairly well--not only was he heavily involved with his church now, but had worked as a youth missionary in his teens and twenties. We shared many similar views, frustrations, and general questions about faith, the church, etc. I was raised to be polite in all situations as best as possible, but I liked that X would occasionally tell me, "Kim, it's all right, you don't have to hold back, I just want you to be you."
Things were going well... until... I started asking questions such as, did he ever want kids (he is divorced without children.) He said yes, he'd always wanted kids and would welcome them even now, but that his ex-wife "never wanted to have sex on her most fertile days, but even now, I can practice all day."
He then paused, and, I kid you not, looked straight at me and said, "And I wouldn't mind practicing with you."
To say that I was a bit shocked would be the understatement of the year, and believe me, I may be naive but I don't think of myself as a pansy in particular.
And it only got worse from that point on. He asked if I like chick flicks... I said, "Well... I have to admit, I don't really like them at all... I always prefer a good sci fi or action film to a chick flick..." to which he replied, "Oh, I like you already, but the good thing about chick flicks is that (you're guaranteed to get sex afterwards) so I don't mind them if there's going to be a payoff at the end."
EXCUSE ME???!! Yes, I do realize that's the reason a lot of men (not all of you!! Guys, please don't be offended but let me be real here as well!), including good Christian husbands, would watch such a movie... but to tell a first date this so blatantly?
I asked about whether or not he likes amusement parks, as I'm a huge fan of roller coasters, to which he kind of gasped and said, "Oh, well I went on a roller coaster once... but my ex-wife had to bribe me... and I would LOVE it if YOU tried to bribe me."
Without hesitation, I said,"NO THANKS, I can go by myself."
He also kept saying, "You're much more attractive than I expected... (I'm thinking, is this a compliment or an insult) because you never know when someone is going to have an eye hanging or something...
To which I replied, without hesitation, "Well, you're in luck. Normally, I just use silly putty to attach my gimpy eye... but on special occasions, I actually take the time to use a much stronger adhesive."
He nearly spit out his drink, which would not have been good, seeing as I was sitting right across from him.
I have several other things to share about this experience (I think I'd rather go through Chinese Water Torture--several time--than go on another date like this) but will stop right here and ask for some feedback from my fellow CC'ers.
I know some will say, "Ah, he wasn't a real Christian!"--please refrain from saying this just yet, as I plan to save this topic for another thread.
Rather, I would like to know what the rest of you have been experiencing out there in your quest to find a "good Christian" significant other... And, am I simply being too harsh in saying I was completely shocked and more than a little offended by this guy's behavior, especially since he was in his 40's???? (No excuses of teenage hormones in this case... sorry guys... not trying to offend at all...)But what do YOU think? Was he "just being a guy" or was he way out of line, because I certainly thought so!!!
I also know the other questions that will come up: "How were you dressed? Maybe you provoked him?" (I'm a jeans-and-t-shirt girl and that's exactly what I wore, thanks!)
All I can say is... I am praying for some serious temper-control... because the next person who tells me to "find a good Christian guy" (and there are a lot of people who tell me this, so I hope God answers my prayer very quickly) is seriously in danger of being choked on the spot.
Hey Everybody:
First of all, I have to being with a few disclaimers to this thread so that I can hopefully avoid offending too many people in the audience. I would like to start by saying that I am NOT trying to turn the Singles Forum into my own personal dating blog
(mods, if I am out of line in anyway, please let me know), but rather, I am wondering if anyone else is having experiences like this (please tell me I'm not the only one!) Next, I want to say this very emphatically: GUYS, I AM NOT TRYING TO BEAT UP ON YOU IN ANYWAY, IF ANYTHING, I'M ASKING THAT YOU GOOD, STRONG, TRUE CHRISTIAN MEN WILL MAKE YOURSELVES KNOWN AND LET US LADIES KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE. PLEASE GIVE US SOME HOPE!!
Having said that... I would imagine this next set of threads will draw several comments so instead of trying to write a small novel all in one thread, I am going to break it up into several different ideas.
The theme I would like everyone to keep in mind for this particular thread is: what have been your experiences and frustrations in trying to date a "'good Christian person" who is "equally yoked"?
(All names and identifying information has been changed to protect both the innocent... and the guilty... perhaps I should change my own name in this thread as well!
) This past weekend, a good friend of mine whom we'll call Kristin set me up on a blind date. I've known her for years, and she and her husband are children's pastors at my old church."Kim," she said, "I know this guy... I don't know if you'd be interested in meeting him, but..." Long story short--the particular gentleman she told me about, whom I'll call X, is a little older than I am but not outlandishly so, is a core member of his church's worship team and very active in his church, still gets tears in his eyes talking about a close relative (who passed away not long ago and he had taken care of her), has a good job (this is important to me NOT because of materialism, but because every guy I dated could never hold a steady job and I always wound up supporting him) and is the brother of a former elder at my church who was good friends with my parents.
What could possibly go wrong, right? Because in my head I'm thinking... wow... responsible, loves God, is dedicated in his faith, solid family values, and is sensitive to the needs of others. Sign me up!!!
(Lord, please deliver me from my own naive stupidity, Amen.)
X and I talked briefly on the phone and set up a lunch date at a restaurant the next day. I would be lying if I didn't say I had high hopes... X arrived right on time (I was a little early), and was very polite, opening doors, pulling out my chairs, etc. Things were off to a great start!!! So I thought.
X told me right away that he is very straightforward and just says what he's thinking. Great! Me too! I have always said that I would rather have the ugly truth than a pretty lie (Lord, please, once again, deliver me from my own stupidity.)
Our conversation started off fairly well--not only was he heavily involved with his church now, but had worked as a youth missionary in his teens and twenties. We shared many similar views, frustrations, and general questions about faith, the church, etc. I was raised to be polite in all situations as best as possible, but I liked that X would occasionally tell me, "Kim, it's all right, you don't have to hold back, I just want you to be you."
Things were going well... until... I started asking questions such as, did he ever want kids (he is divorced without children.) He said yes, he'd always wanted kids and would welcome them even now, but that his ex-wife "never wanted to have sex on her most fertile days, but even now, I can practice all day."
He then paused, and, I kid you not, looked straight at me and said, "And I wouldn't mind practicing with you."
To say that I was a bit shocked would be the understatement of the year, and believe me, I may be naive but I don't think of myself as a pansy in particular.
And it only got worse from that point on. He asked if I like chick flicks... I said, "Well... I have to admit, I don't really like them at all... I always prefer a good sci fi or action film to a chick flick..." to which he replied, "Oh, I like you already, but the good thing about chick flicks is that (you're guaranteed to get sex afterwards) so I don't mind them if there's going to be a payoff at the end."
EXCUSE ME???!! Yes, I do realize that's the reason a lot of men (not all of you!! Guys, please don't be offended but let me be real here as well!), including good Christian husbands, would watch such a movie... but to tell a first date this so blatantly?
I asked about whether or not he likes amusement parks, as I'm a huge fan of roller coasters, to which he kind of gasped and said, "Oh, well I went on a roller coaster once... but my ex-wife had to bribe me... and I would LOVE it if YOU tried to bribe me."
Without hesitation, I said,"NO THANKS, I can go by myself."
He also kept saying, "You're much more attractive than I expected... (I'm thinking, is this a compliment or an insult) because you never know when someone is going to have an eye hanging or something...
To which I replied, without hesitation, "Well, you're in luck. Normally, I just use silly putty to attach my gimpy eye... but on special occasions, I actually take the time to use a much stronger adhesive."
He nearly spit out his drink, which would not have been good, seeing as I was sitting right across from him.
I have several other things to share about this experience (I think I'd rather go through Chinese Water Torture--several time--than go on another date like this) but will stop right here and ask for some feedback from my fellow CC'ers.
I know some will say, "Ah, he wasn't a real Christian!"--please refrain from saying this just yet, as I plan to save this topic for another thread.
Rather, I would like to know what the rest of you have been experiencing out there in your quest to find a "good Christian" significant other... And, am I simply being too harsh in saying I was completely shocked and more than a little offended by this guy's behavior, especially since he was in his 40's???? (No excuses of teenage hormones in this case... sorry guys... not trying to offend at all...)But what do YOU think? Was he "just being a guy" or was he way out of line, because I certainly thought so!!!
I also know the other questions that will come up: "How were you dressed? Maybe you provoked him?" (I'm a jeans-and-t-shirt girl and that's exactly what I wore, thanks!)
All I can say is... I am praying for some serious temper-control... because the next person who tells me to "find a good Christian guy" (and there are a lot of people who tell me this, so I hope God answers my prayer very quickly) is seriously in danger of being choked on the spot.
