Setting the Bar High
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Well context matters very much, especially online.
Men react negatively because the quote can easily be perceived as a re-worded parrot of the same things we always hear, it's certainly what i thought. But as your reputation grows and people, men in this case, grow to understand your overall views on such matters you'll find less defensive reactions from regulars since they will understand your thoughts on the matter more clearly.
But i can see such a quote being spoken by a man that adores his wife as well. And that's what many who teach this 'elevated woman' concept miss. When two people behave and engage in a positive manner and with mutual respect good things come out of it, such as your married friend. Telling half the group to demand this and the other half it's required to give doesn't foster that positive interaction. Teach people to respect others, and be a respectable person. That's the correct way to teach.
And i'm rambling quite a bit on this haha.
Men react negatively because the quote can easily be perceived as a re-worded parrot of the same things we always hear, it's certainly what i thought. But as your reputation grows and people, men in this case, grow to understand your overall views on such matters you'll find less defensive reactions from regulars since they will understand your thoughts on the matter more clearly.
But i can see such a quote being spoken by a man that adores his wife as well. And that's what many who teach this 'elevated woman' concept miss. When two people behave and engage in a positive manner and with mutual respect good things come out of it, such as your married friend. Telling half the group to demand this and the other half it's required to give doesn't foster that positive interaction. Teach people to respect others, and be a respectable person. That's the correct way to teach.
And i'm rambling quite a bit on this haha.
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H
Maybe I'm not looking in the right places, but I rarely, if ever, see discussions like that aimed at women. There's an awful lot of these types of statements made directed towards men, though. It does make it look it does put women on a pedestal where men have to go through hoops to prove they are worthy enough. This is something I personally struggle with due to some past issues I am working through. It's also very common in the "nice guy" type behavior, to worship and then resent women for being placed above them.
It doesn't help there are a lot of teachings in general about men being more sinful, less spiritual, etc. I might be on the lookout for this sort of thing a little after just finishing reading "No More Christian Mr Nice Guy" and "Why Men Hate Going to Church". This topic is touched on a bit in both of those.
It doesn't help there are a lot of teachings in general about men being more sinful, less spiritual, etc. I might be on the lookout for this sort of thing a little after just finishing reading "No More Christian Mr Nice Guy" and "Why Men Hate Going to Church". This topic is touched on a bit in both of those.
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Hi Hallmark,
your observations are valid - observations...
So it would appear that your 'study in expectations' has served as a pseudo social experiment within the lense of a small sampling of feedback from a single CC forum... Meaning - this small data sample is merely a small representation of men/women, and like any small data sample it is only a small representation and at best only provides 'generalizations via observations.'
Yes, while a man wrote this quote, and lots of man-folk here have even ribbed at the author being a male outlier...
While it is likely that the author is somewhat of a male outlier - that does not mean that there are not other men out there like him (albeit maybe not as many as hoped - but still possible).
After all this thread is all about 'setting the bar high'...
My observation is that this thread has served to validate that hypothesis... Meaning christian standards should be set higher than the norm...
Yes, it is commendable and admirable, and yes evidently it is possible, it is not common - but it is still possible to hope for such a dream... and it may be worth holding those standards high... we should at least hope and pray...
No one said this would be easy... If it were easy - we wouldn't have to set the bar so high... All we can hope for is to give it the ol' college try...
your observations are valid - observations...
So it would appear that your 'study in expectations' has served as a pseudo social experiment within the lense of a small sampling of feedback from a single CC forum... Meaning - this small data sample is merely a small representation of men/women, and like any small data sample it is only a small representation and at best only provides 'generalizations via observations.'
Yes, while a man wrote this quote, and lots of man-folk here have even ribbed at the author being a male outlier...
While it is likely that the author is somewhat of a male outlier - that does not mean that there are not other men out there like him (albeit maybe not as many as hoped - but still possible).
After all this thread is all about 'setting the bar high'...
My observation is that this thread has served to validate that hypothesis... Meaning christian standards should be set higher than the norm...
Yes, it is commendable and admirable, and yes evidently it is possible, it is not common - but it is still possible to hope for such a dream... and it may be worth holding those standards high... we should at least hope and pray...
No one said this would be easy... If it were easy - we wouldn't have to set the bar so high... All we can hope for is to give it the ol' college try...
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You know, when I first read the quote, my original thought was "do men really have the capability to love a woman that intensely?"
Speaking only from my own personal experience, I can say I have never had that in my life. I guess that is why I enjoyed it and thought how blessed she must be.
I, personally, happen to be incredibly thankful for me. I pray that I, one day, may get to experience something even close to this. I have that high bar set and if it does not come to fruition, then it was not God's will for my life.
It still makes me kind of sad that so many men see that statement as derogatory. I guess I just value men too much to view it that way. 🙂
Speaking only from my own personal experience, I can say I have never had that in my life. I guess that is why I enjoyed it and thought how blessed she must be.
I, personally, happen to be incredibly thankful for me. I pray that I, one day, may get to experience something even close to this. I have that high bar set and if it does not come to fruition, then it was not God's will for my life.
It still makes me kind of sad that so many men see that statement as derogatory. I guess I just value men too much to view it that way. 🙂
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It is possible for a man to love like that. My own father was like that toward my mom. And I have once felt that way as well.
But as a man it's also not common to see in women anymore either. Mostly people approach relationships selfishly. It takes becoming selfless to love like that and that's something few people of either gender are willing to attempt.
But as a man it's also not common to see in women anymore either. Mostly people approach relationships selfishly. It takes becoming selfless to love like that and that's something few people of either gender are willing to attempt.
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Setting the bar high is one thing but having unreasonable expectations is another thing altogether. Set the bar too high and combined with naïve requirements and one will probably remain single and alone all of their life. There are no perfect men or women but there are many Christian men and women.
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Consider some potential script flipping in this regard:
Rather than you feeling sad about what so many men think - pray for those who seemingly fall short of your christian beliefs and expectations...
But more importantly praise Him for revealing that there are still a select few men who still do measure up to holding these common values... + or - a few indiscretions/imperfections along the way... mindful that: 'to err is human - to forgive is divine.'
After all it is more likely those few who do measure up who are the most hopeful candidates likely to be the one for you...
At the same time it is important to be realistic, understanding and aware of the danger of setting the bar too high.
Mindful that at the end of the day 'there is no such thing as a perfect union - only two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.'
Rather than you feeling sad about what so many men think - pray for those who seemingly fall short of your christian beliefs and expectations...
But more importantly praise Him for revealing that there are still a select few men who still do measure up to holding these common values... + or - a few indiscretions/imperfections along the way... mindful that: 'to err is human - to forgive is divine.'
After all it is more likely those few who do measure up who are the most hopeful candidates likely to be the one for you...
At the same time it is important to be realistic, understanding and aware of the danger of setting the bar too high.
Mindful that at the end of the day 'there is no such thing as a perfect union - only two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.'
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This was really just a discussion about that quote. I am single, but not really looking one way or the other for someone in my life. It was just more of a discussion about the quote and a man's love for his wife which seems quite rare these days.
Perfection only exists in one and that is the one I love with all of my heart. Here on earth, we all fall short. It was just nice to see a man who adores his wife.
Perfection only exists in one and that is the one I love with all of my heart. Here on earth, we all fall short. It was just nice to see a man who adores his wife.
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Yeah, like a 40 year old Christian man who has never been married requiring a future wife to be a virgin. Odds are, at an age that is comparable, the woman will probably not be a virgin, probably has a couple kids also. Another naïve requirement would be for his future wife to be totally submissive to him in all things, probably with the idea that this woman will become his personal slave, waiting on his every whim and desire. These are probably the two main naïve requirements which in all likelihood will never be met. Probably wants her to keep perfectly quiet in church too and have her hair covered. I think that perhaps you get the picture now of what I am referring to.
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My personal standard is this:
That he love the Lord with all His heart, mind, soul, and strength and loves his neighbor as hisself. Now, I don't expect him to be perfect at this because no one is, but if he places the Lord above all else all the little things will fall into place.
I look for a man who displays the fruit of the Spirit. I have a list of wants but every single thing is negotiable except the words I've written above.
That he love the Lord with all His heart, mind, soul, and strength and loves his neighbor as hisself. Now, I don't expect him to be perfect at this because no one is, but if he places the Lord above all else all the little things will fall into place.
I look for a man who displays the fruit of the Spirit. I have a list of wants but every single thing is negotiable except the words I've written above.
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