I just finished reading "I kissed dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris and it got me thinking that dating isn't such a good idea. It is kinda worldly and it makes it appear as if you have to dress up and look your best and act a certain way while you date. Whereas courting is something more serious where you get to know the person on a more personal level and get to know their family as well. You go into it with the intention of marrying, not just "having fun". What do you all think?
Should Christians Date or Court?
- Thread starter PowerPuffGirl
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Well, considering that I haven't seen very many couples who actually Date or Court I couldn't say.
I feel like the Book is based on a Narrative that I haven't seen. Where This is a Date and we need an escort to accompany us through the interview process for a suitor.
People are tooLaissez-faire about relationships in general. I meet a lot of women who want to be wooed and romantically Teed-Off on.
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And I meet a lot of guys who would love to give the world to someone, if they could simply find someone willing to accept it and understand it.
The tradeoff is that we have casual non-dating relationships that slowly develop into more. "wanna hang out?" "Sure" six months later its Facebook official, with no real dating to speak of.
Or there is the Rush Courtship extravaganza, where people meet the criteria so they expedite engagements and get married quickly.
I feel like the Book is based on a Narrative that I haven't seen. Where This is a Date and we need an escort to accompany us through the interview process for a suitor.
People are tooLaissez-faire about relationships in general. I meet a lot of women who want to be wooed and romantically Teed-Off on.
[FONT=arial, sans-serif][/FONT]
And I meet a lot of guys who would love to give the world to someone, if they could simply find someone willing to accept it and understand it.
The tradeoff is that we have casual non-dating relationships that slowly develop into more. "wanna hang out?" "Sure" six months later its Facebook official, with no real dating to speak of.
Or there is the Rush Courtship extravaganza, where people meet the criteria so they expedite engagements and get married quickly.
Personally, I am against dating, as the world defines it. I am all about letting God arrange my marriage, should He have marriage for me at all. I haven't read that book yet, but I plan to. Most of the books I've read, however, advocate dating until you find the right fit...date and date and date...and they consider the books Christian books. Yup.
Here is what I think: If you feel that God is telling you that dating isn't what He wants for you, embrace the call to wait on Him and to only enter into courtship. I advocate this idea completely, however, I refuse to force this way of thinking on everyone else.
Too frustrating. All one can do is seek God and hear what He says on the matter, remembering that it will never go against His word.
Here is what I think: If you feel that God is telling you that dating isn't what He wants for you, embrace the call to wait on Him and to only enter into courtship. I advocate this idea completely, however, I refuse to force this way of thinking on everyone else.
Too frustrating. All one can do is seek God and hear what He says on the matter, remembering that it will never go against His word. 
The best thing for Christians to do these days is a combination of both. Free dating can be really taxing on one's heart and soul, but it does fit well in today's Western society. (Not that society is that great.)
Courting has its good parts (like those that you mentioned), but it's all originally based around patriarchy. Historically, it is descended from the ancient period's arranged marriage system, which evolved into the 'courtship' mentality during the Late Middle Ages (an upper class novelty). How a courting relationships traditionally begin is when one father saying to another father "Hey, our families could both benefit from our kids getting together." It doesn't work quite as well if one/both family(s) (or fathers) are not on board, and it seems to work best for younger individuals. 100 years ago people were still getting married between the ages of 14 and 18, so such an aged system doesn't work so well for people in their 30s or older. (Though don't get me wrong, it still can.)
Then again, as I think about it, most Christians who claim to be 'courting' are still dating, just with an intent to marry. Dating can be just as serious as courting, and courting can be just as frivolous as dating.
My 2¢.
Courting has its good parts (like those that you mentioned), but it's all originally based around patriarchy. Historically, it is descended from the ancient period's arranged marriage system, which evolved into the 'courtship' mentality during the Late Middle Ages (an upper class novelty). How a courting relationships traditionally begin is when one father saying to another father "Hey, our families could both benefit from our kids getting together." It doesn't work quite as well if one/both family(s) (or fathers) are not on board, and it seems to work best for younger individuals. 100 years ago people were still getting married between the ages of 14 and 18, so such an aged system doesn't work so well for people in their 30s or older. (Though don't get me wrong, it still can.)
Then again, as I think about it, most Christians who claim to be 'courting' are still dating, just with an intent to marry. Dating can be just as serious as courting, and courting can be just as frivolous as dating.
My 2¢.
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I'm married, and if I weren't married, I would want to marry my wife. But if I were someone else, a young, single American man and looking for an American wife and had my current philosophy, I might try to find a woman who'd kissed dating goodbye or never kissed it hello for a wife.
That sounds like a good wife candidate, some young woman who grew up in a patriarchal home, homeschooled so as not to be corrupted by the American education system, not shown a lot of TV, so as not to be corrupted by sin, feminism, and the Oprah Winfrey show (or whatever they have on now.) She would be experienced at taking care of babies after taking care of her 15 younger quiverful siblings. She would embrace taking care of the home and her husband, be committed to being a respectful, loving, submissive wife. And a virgin at marriage who is very anti-divorce. She wouldn't scowl at me for opening a door for her or think me a chauvinist for wanting to work outside the home while my wife cooked and took care of the kids. Having godly values and dedication to the home and marriage trump being cool, having worldly experiences and tatoos or piercings as far as I'm concerned.
Being raised in that environment doesn't guarantee anything. She'd have to have self-control, kindness, love, etc. have to hit it off with the man in question, etc. It would be worth it to jump through a future father-in-laws hoops to court. Saving the kiss for the wedding day sounds like a good idea to prevent fornication, too. Should people really marry based on the feelings stirred up by kissing or raging hormones.
I don't know exactly where a young man could meet such a woman. Maybe one of those virgin daughter balls put on by Christians encouraging virgin pride, a virgin pride parade. There may be some home school conventions or just some really conservative churches where you can find people like that. But how many are there in the US? Several thousand girls who fit that description?
That's one of the problems with courtship. How many potential partners can you find, just as serious about the Lord as yourself, who do courtship? If you are male and you find a girl who read a book and wants to try courtship, doesn't her dad have to embrace the idea to make it work? The family needs to provide the chaperones, or you do, I suppose. The father may think the whole thing is weird or silly and not go along with it, especially if he is an unbeliever. So you end up having to police yourself, a problem with dating, and coming up with your own chaperones, and things like that. Of course, you can just get rid of the chaperones if you feel like it. If she isn't living at home, then the rigid courtship thing won't probably work out.
I haven't read the kissed dating good-bye book, but I agree with the general idea of people who think that way that dating for recreation is a bad idea, and that any kind of courtship should be marriage-oriented. In the good old days of Jane Austen and Charles Dickens novels (or movies and TV series, since I haven't read the books), it was considered immoral to play with a young woman's heart by showing too much interest in her if you had no intentions of marriage. We could use some of that kind of morality in our society again.
But if I were someone else, a young, single American man and looking for an American wife and had my current philosophy, I might try to find a woman who'd kissed dating goodbye or never kissed it hello for a wife. That sounds like a good wife candidate, some young woman who grew up in a patriarchal home, homeschooled so as not to be corrupted by the American education system, not shown a lot of TV, so as not to be corrupted by sin, feminism, and the Oprah Winfrey show (or whatever they have on now.) She would be experienced at taking care of babies after taking care of her 15 younger quiverful siblings. She would embrace taking care of the home and her husband, be committed to being a respectful, loving, submissive wife. And a virgin at marriage who is very anti-divorce. She wouldn't scowl at me for opening a door for her or think me a chauvinist for wanting to work outside the home while my wife cooked and took care of the kids. Having godly values and dedication to the home and marriage trump being cool, having worldly experiences and tatoos or piercings as far as I'm concerned.
Being raised in that environment doesn't guarantee anything. She'd have to have self-control, kindness, love, etc. have to hit it off with the man in question, etc. It would be worth it to jump through a future father-in-laws hoops to court. Saving the kiss for the wedding day sounds like a good idea to prevent fornication, too. Should people really marry based on the feelings stirred up by kissing or raging hormones.
I don't know exactly where a young man could meet such a woman. Maybe one of those virgin daughter balls put on by Christians encouraging virgin pride, a virgin pride parade. There may be some home school conventions or just some really conservative churches where you can find people like that. But how many are there in the US? Several thousand girls who fit that description?
That's one of the problems with courtship. How many potential partners can you find, just as serious about the Lord as yourself, who do courtship? If you are male and you find a girl who read a book and wants to try courtship, doesn't her dad have to embrace the idea to make it work? The family needs to provide the chaperones, or you do, I suppose. The father may think the whole thing is weird or silly and not go along with it, especially if he is an unbeliever. So you end up having to police yourself, a problem with dating, and coming up with your own chaperones, and things like that. Of course, you can just get rid of the chaperones if you feel like it. If she isn't living at home, then the rigid courtship thing won't probably work out.
I haven't read the kissed dating good-bye book, but I agree with the general idea of people who think that way that dating for recreation is a bad idea, and that any kind of courtship should be marriage-oriented. In the good old days of Jane Austen and Charles Dickens novels (or movies and TV series, since I haven't read the books), it was considered immoral to play with a young woman's heart by showing too much interest in her if you had no intentions of marriage. We could use some of that kind of morality in our society again.
G
Book is with a slant of God, too, and, I think, that's where it's at with me, or, would be, if I was dating someone. Date, court, meh, the words mean nothing to me, really, except, they sound the same with different sounds, LOL.
But, yeah, that's what the world goes by, dating. And, courtship, and, it becomes a game of romance and love and God can get LOST from one when one goes about seeing a girl or guy in this way.
But, if we focus on God first and the relationship, second, then , it's going to turn out perfect regardless of it's being called dating or courting. This would bring to mind another word, for me, anyway, 'following.' The Lord leads
But, yeah, that's what the world goes by, dating. And, courtship, and, it becomes a game of romance and love and God can get LOST from one when one goes about seeing a girl or guy in this way.
But, if we focus on God first and the relationship, second, then , it's going to turn out perfect regardless of it's being called dating or courting. This would bring to mind another word, for me, anyway, 'following.' The Lord leads
A
Here's my situation: I am a man of great faith who is found to be attractive by a woman who has all the traits of a good wife My strategy is to do whatever I feel The Lord is leading me to. And right now, I see no reason to believe He didn't send this woman to me. The thing is, she's "not really religious",.. But you know what? That doesn't bother me, as long as my faith doesn't bother her, we will continue in harmony. I don't advocate actively seeking to date. I took this up because she came to me. It was in God's hands and remains as so. Don't take it into your own hands to actively seek a mate,..
I
I feel as if I have never dated "in real life" or been courted.
Some cultures beleive one should marry before first date . "aaaaaa" ...... "is thaaaat what my spouse is like...aaaaa"
I tried join a dating sites but no one real really contacted me and have had account hacked and trolled.
It happens people cheat with fake profiles and files and also some bully by trolling and pretend be profile and want date them when they ridiculing them with friends....
How does courting occur though or start?
What if one lives isolated or does not have friends or attend church or those do not have family..........
There a spriritual courting or what do you mean by courting?
Flowers to some one is concidered courting to some but there are many levels of it and depths of display of affection.
One may court by being chaste despite being a "wild thing" lol (waiting for the )
People are marrying on line now adays and yes.... apparently it does happen.
They may have some priest of judge on skype or similar and off they go... and how do they know it is right "meat" sitting there chatting when they may not met in real life.....
"i maried the wrong dal " "surely this cant be so...the veil off and whoz dis dal"....... aaaa
Ammiammiel maybe once you have spent deeper time with her she will become religious and or share values of great importantce with you at least.
You can introduce her to your faith in a wonderful way.
God may of indeed led you to this woman of no religion but there may be good reason she for you that we could not know or understand but God knows.
Some cultures beleive one should marry before first date . "aaaaaa" ...... "is thaaaat what my spouse is like...aaaaa"
I tried join a dating sites but no one real really contacted me and have had account hacked and trolled.
It happens people cheat with fake profiles and files and also some bully by trolling and pretend be profile and want date them when they ridiculing them with friends....
How does courting occur though or start?
What if one lives isolated or does not have friends or attend church or those do not have family..........
There a spriritual courting or what do you mean by courting?
Flowers to some one is concidered courting to some but there are many levels of it and depths of display of affection.
One may court by being chaste despite being a "wild thing" lol (waiting for the )
People are marrying on line now adays and yes.... apparently it does happen.
They may have some priest of judge on skype or similar and off they go... and how do they know it is right "meat" sitting there chatting when they may not met in real life.....
"i maried the wrong dal " "surely this cant be so...the veil off and whoz dis dal"....... aaaa
Ammiammiel maybe once you have spent deeper time with her she will become religious and or share values of great importantce with you at least.
You can introduce her to your faith in a wonderful way.
God may of indeed led you to this woman of no religion but there may be good reason she for you that we could not know or understand but God knows.
C
I don't date, and I agree with you that it doesn't seem like a good idea. It's pretty much setting ourselves up for temptation, and plus when we date a whole bunch of people that means we're trying to find a spouse, instead of letting God find a spouse for us. I don't ask girls out on dates or anything like that, because I don't see the point. I'll talk to them and be friends with them, but that's it. As long as I interact with girls to a degree, at one point i'll meet the one that God has for me.
Now it's not good to not interact with the opposite sex at all, because if God wants to bring the right person into my life, then I won't cross paths with them. Also, it'll make me shy. I'm not that good when it comes to girls, and I can be shy. But it would be even worse if I stayed away from girls all together. Not good.
My hope is that when I meet that special girl, we will become best friends first. Relationships should start out as friendships in my opinion.
Now it's not good to not interact with the opposite sex at all, because if God wants to bring the right person into my life, then I won't cross paths with them. Also, it'll make me shy. I'm not that good when it comes to girls, and I can be shy. But it would be even worse if I stayed away from girls all together. Not good.
My hope is that when I meet that special girl, we will become best friends first. Relationships should start out as friendships in my opinion.
G
Are looks a skill? Well, I sure hope so, since you'll need to look for those qualifying godly characteristics in the girl, right?
But, yeah, I cannot tell a lie, I mean, looks looks too o-O And, yeah, let's be honest, we guys LOOK for that 'skill' even more so than girls do
We shouldn't, we should look for, like you say, milady, for 'godly characteristics.'
The Lord leads .
