I certainly understand your thinking on the DNA issue. I don't know a lot about it, just what I've heard in the news and talking to some folks. Like you were saying, I'd imagine there may be 2-4 companies in S. Korea that have the DNA databases. Today, I don't think are terribly expensive. It sounds like it's important to you. You can be fine with not knowing, but at the same time be ok if God wants you to find out, or meet them, perhaps you could do a little research, make a few phone calls, and see if what companies you could sign up with to cover S. Korea. It might not be that difficult, and it's certainly growing by leaps and bounds.
We just don't know what we don't know. I'm sure you know better than I, but I would think the vast majority of parents felt they couldn't properly take care of their child.
When you went back to your orphanage, were you able to see your file, get it translated, and if it said anything about how you got there? I would guess not, since you still don't know if the box story is accurate.
With all the questions, I wonder if you may be considering adopting a child?
Hi Sculpt,
One of the issues I'm concerned about with DNA testing is that you don't know who has your information (which will be kept indefinitely,) and what will be done with it. Perhaps you've read about people whose DNA profiles in what are supposed to be "safe" and "confidential" settings, such as for these testing companies, have then actually been used to convict people of crimes, which of course, wasn't supposed to be part of the agreement when they paid money voluntarily to find out their biological heritage.
Now of course, I'm not concerned about being convicted of a crime, but it really made me think of the aftermath of what handing over your most private information might have. I was interested in such tests in the past but now feel a bit more leery about them because of how much data can be manipulated. I've told God that if it's meant to be, He will lead them to find me, because I'm no longer interested in the search.
As I said in my original reply to your post, I came to realize how expensive and emotionally exhaustive searching could be, and I decided it just wasn't worth it to me. I've read about the plight other adoptees spending all they have trying to find a history that continually eludes them, and I decided I didn't want that to be my story. I'd rather concentrate my resources on helping others who are trying to build their own families through adoption themselves.
I also thought about things such as, if I ever did find my biological parents, how awkward that could be. I think most adoptees picture fairytale reunions with flowing tears of joy and huge celebrations of being reunited, but I knew threw my own research that this often wasn't the scenario. Sometimes things are left in the past for a reason. If God wants me to know, I'm sure He'll find a way, and if not, maybe He'll tell me, or even introduce me to my biological relatives in heaven.
You asked about my files in Korea. My adoption agency, Holt International, has Motherland Tours in which adoptees visit their native country. We were able to see our files, and there was no need for translation because they were in English. There wasn't anything in mine that I didn't already know, and yes, at the time, I was very disappointed by that. But not it doesn't really bother me so much.
You asked if I had thought of adopting a child myself.
I've always believed that since I was given a chance, it's important for me (and part of my spiritual duty) to keep the cycle going and continue that for others. I once thought about having 4 children -- 2 by birth and 2 by adoption. My husband at the time said he would want to adopt first in order to give adequate time to demonstrate to our adopted children that they were truly wanted.
I think you might know my story -- our marriage eventually collapsed and I came home from work to a half-empty house, because he had moved out while I was at work without telling me. He didn't even tell me why, but just had the divorce papers sent to me through the mail. I remember getting these papers in my mailbox saying, "You Are Being Sued for Divorce," and feeling like I was having a heart attack. Even remembering that makes me feel like I'm having a bit of a panic attack.
He never talked to me again after our required court date. I found out some time later that he had a girlfriend, and several years later, he had remarried and they had kids.
That was kind of my breaking point. I couldn't understand why God was allowing him to have this and not me (not that I was deserving or anything like that, but I'm sure you can understand what I mean.) I know you might have a host of other questions about all of this but I'd like to leave it here and just move on.
Years later I was in a relationship with an alcoholic who had children. He became unable to care for them, so by default I was pretty much a single parent to them for some time, and for a while, I had thought of adopting them, as their mother had passed away. But it would mean a lengthy and expensive court battle and again, I felt I didn't have the resources for that. In the end, I'm sure that what wound up happening was best. I'd rather not go into the details of all that, but the relationship ended; the kids were young and probably don't remember me; all that mattered is that they wound up safe and loved, and life moved on.
I'm a very open person and used to talk about these things here a lot, but over time, I felt God convicted me because it involves the stories of other people. So, I try to give enough information to answer a question or explain a situation, but also avoid getting too much into the lives of the other people involved.
The years passed by -- if I had started having kids when I had originally "planned," I might very well be a young Grandma today -- and while I had contemplated adopting, I know it all worked out for a reason. God put me in situations over the years in which my main focus had to be other family members, and I couldn't have done that if I'd had a family of my own.
I'm at a stage in life now where I'm looking ahead to retiring, not starting a family, and so I feel my time has passed. But for the most part, God has given me peace about that, and given me an alternate life that's very different from what I had envisioned, but as long as it serves His purpose, I'm much more accepting of that than I used to be.