Single Ladies: Please tell me if you are this way when...

[Praus]

This makes me want to derail with a rant about how Wal-Mart stores everywhere

Walmart doesn't sugar coat it.

have done away with their greeters and in their place have hired people who stand on a mat near the door doing nothing at all unless someone goes out with unbagged items in their cart.

Do they save money by paying these new employees less since they do not have to smile, greet, or help anyone with the buggies that are stuck together in the buggy return? I don't get it...

Luke 14:11 For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.

Now I need to be smiled at so I'll feel better... even if I refuse to maintain eye contact.

This is how you prevent war, post kitten pictures.

*end rant*

Thank you please.

This makes me want to derail with a rant about how Wal-Mart stores everywhere

1 Tim 2:11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.

 

[Calmador]

You must love yourself before you can love anyone else. Thinking more highly of yourself than you ought is the sin and we should be confident and sure of who we are in Christ. Most men who are thinking in terms of marriage have told me if a woman lacks confidence it's a turn off cause his will she have your back as a wife? If she is unsure she will depend on you for everything even things you need her input on. It's that kind of confidence I mean.

Basically... you stereotype. You think if someone is confident... the he or she definitely has it all together in the best way possible. And someone that's shy is someone that doesn't have it all together.

You've put connotations on the word confidence. The word confidence literally just means self-assurance. It doesn't mean he or she has all the answers and life all put together.

Here are two confident people...

Person A is confident in who he or she is and has a firm opinion in whatever it is he or she has an opinion in.

Person B is also the same.

Both people are confident.

Person A is confident in Satanism and likes to murder babies and make Satanic Bibles out of Baby skin... He or she is confident that Satanism is the one true religion and stands firm in his or her belief and world view on life.

Person B is confident in Christ and is a reflection of Jesus Christ. He or she is confident in the word of God and his or her Christian world view.

You see... confidence by itself isn't what is valuable.

Lets do it with shy people....

Person A is shy about a certain topic. He or she will not comment or act upon this topic.

Person B is the same.

Both are shy.

Person A is shy about his or her faith in God and won't share the gospel because of what others may think of him or her.

Person B is shy about public speaking because he or she can quickly become prideful since he or she is found to be intelligent when he or she shares his or her insight and its sin to be prideful. So, he or she timidly is unsure, shy about stepping in front of an audience. (This one was tough to find an example of)

But you see... shy-ness and confidence can be either good or evil depending on the heart.

 

[mystdancer50]

Seriously, it was just another day, until I arrived here:

1 Tim 2:11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.

View attachment 61533

Nice! Love the He-man She-ra pic with the verse. Classy.

 

[Phia]

I always try and start off a conversation with things EVERY woman wants to talk about, you know. First, I'll generally pick at something like my nose or whatever and then say.......so......what kinda car you drive?

USE that approach. It's worked like........never.



This was rich! What else was the poor guy going to say? "Isn't illness a rush?" How did you answer him? "since you've known me for about 5 seconds now, could you let me know what that reason is?"

Hahaha dude that was funny. Well when he said all things happen for a reason..he wasn't referring to me being in hospital. My Dad literally met this guy outside my room. This guy came to visit his mom, and my Dad brings him to meet me? Then proceeds to tell this guy that I'm single. Yeah..that's what every girl wants right? for their Dad to find them a guy. So I asked my Dad what he was up to, and this guy starts going on about how good things happen to people when they least expect them, for a reason. And I didn't reply, because that's when I decided to hide my head under my blanket after staring at him in a confused daze. Man, I really wish I could have seen my face, it must have been priceless. -_-

 

[Praus]

Seriously, it was just another day, until I arrived here:

Classy.

"The heads. You're looking at the heads. Sometimes he goes too far. He's the first one to admit it." --Photojournalist, Apocalypse Now (1979)

This is the most important thing you will see today:

Nice! Love the He-man She-ra pic with the verse. Classy.

 

[Jullianna]

Seriously, it was just another day, until I arrived here:



Nice! Love the He-man She-ra pic with the verse. Classy.

I thought that was cute too. The classy thing is that she's not biting his finger.

 

[Oncefallen]

I've been full of typos all week. I give up =P

I'm pretty sure it's because of the reflection from your chrome dome causing a glare on the computer monitor.

 

[Chey60]

Boy calmador you sure read a lot and put a lot into something so simple.
First I'm a Christian so I'm talking about Christians, so that leaves party of your text out.

The confidence in talking about is the difference between knowing who you are in Christ and not. Being bold in your walk or not. Carrying yourself with a purpose or not.
BTW person A. Shy can be confident in who they are in Christ but not confident in speaking to others because the know God won't reject but not people which is where shyness comes from.

 

[Ugly]

I'm pretty sure it's because of the reflection from your chrome dome causing a glare on the computer monitor.

O ye of little hair, mocketh not that which ye yourself doth not possess.

 

[maxwel]

I've been full of typos all week. I give up =P

Personally...
I'm holding out for a nice Christian girl who finds typos attractive.

: )

 

[Calmador]

Boy calmador you sure read a lot and put a lot into something so simple.
First I'm a Christian so I'm talking about Christians, so that leaves party of your text out.

The confidence in talking about is the difference between knowing who you are in Christ and not. Being bold in your walk or not. Carrying yourself with a purpose or not.
BTW person A. Shy can be confident in who they are in Christ but not confident in speaking to others because the know God won't reject but not people which is where shyness comes from.

Here's the thing though, confidence isn't Christian....but we're talking about it. And as I showed you above confidence itself isn't always good. Hitler might've been confidence.

What your talking about is A KIND of confidence, not confidence itself. Your talking about confidence in Christ. The "in Christ" part is what would make confidence great.... take away the "in Christ" part and you can replace it with anything... confidence in Satan... confidence in lying... having confidence in yourself, where you are in life.. who you are.. could mean anything... a rapist can have confidence in himself.

So, its not confidence your valuing. Its someone having confidence in God, not necessarily himself. Because himself can be a rapist. The concept of confidence is a vague one that can be open to both good or evil.

 

[Tintin]

Why must you take your posts to extremes to make your point? Because they just come across as uninformed and sensationalistic.

 

[Loveneverfails]

you can be yourself, cut up be witty, smart, confident and funny around men you have no interest in...and they all find you extremely attractive and wonder why you are still single..
but when you get around a man you are attracted to, you turn 16 and get all shy and lose your thoughts, can't speak and just are embarrassingly awkward?

Actually, for me it's usually the other way around haha. Well, with most men I tend to act in a "funny little sister" sort of way, just being silly and goofy and relaxed. It's with guys that specifically rub me the wrong way somehow that I lose my cool. I don't know how to act like a normal functional human being around guys that strike me as rude/cold/proud/etc. Oddly enough, it's those type of guys that I really want to show warmth and kindness to (because I feel like they need it haha), but I have a really hard time holding conversation or even maintaining eye contact.

When I am around a man that I find attractive, I am totally at ease, because the very reason I find him attraction is because I feel comfortable enough to really be myself.

Also, some of my single friends and I admit that when we see an attractive man look our way, instead of smiling we turn our heads really fast..or just look away..
I get looked at alot and the first thing I think is "whats wrong with me" but sometimes if I think "that man is looking at me like he is attracted,.. look away!!" and I do..
I think sometimes I am afraid he is married or something and I don't want to flirt with a married man..
but other times I just guess I am afraid i will have to actually talk to him if I smile at him..
gosh.. is it just me and my group of single women? or do any of you feel this way too..

I am not like this, but I know many women who would agree with you. I don't think you're alone.

if not? how do you go about safely flirting and letting men know you are approachable..without feeling as if you are being too alluring..

That's the thing. I'm backwards. I don't like flirting. I specifically don't like "sparks" and "butterflies in my stomach", at least not at the very onset of getting to know someone. I just focus on being friendly to everyone. As far as looking approachable, I've found that a genuine smile, and not being constantly surrounded by an army of girlfriends does the trick.

 

[Chey60]

Here's the thing though, confidence isn't Christian....but we're talking about it. And as I showed you above confidence itself isn't always good. Hitler might've been confidence.

What your talking about is A KIND of confidence, not confidence itself. Your talking about confidence in Christ. The "in Christ" part is what would make confidence great.... take away the "in Christ" part and you can replace it with anything... confidence in Satan... confidence in lying... having confidence in yourself, where you are in life.. who you are.. could mean anything... a rapist can have confidence in himself.

So, its not confidence your valuing. Its someone having confidence in God, not necessarily himself. Because himself can be a rapist. The concept of confidence is a vague one that can be open to both good or evil.

Everything you mention here is confidence IN something.. even if it's in yourself Confidence does not exist outside of something or someone..CONFIDENCE: (definition) the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.
You are being redundant..
I am saying that Confidence is attractive.. confidence in who we are in Christ..
why would I be talking about Hitler or a rapist?
It is beyond me what problem you seem to have with confidence and I do believe I was talking about women not being confident in men.. whether it be confident that the man will not reject her or whatever..and that many men I have spoken to (and yes, its been alot of years and alot of talks), say they find confidence in women something they want. They do NOT want a woman who is not sure of herself..but now I find out that truly they mean confidence in Christ not necessarily herself..

So... maybe you should look into the problem you have with the word "Confidence" because you have become completely defensive regarding it..
in my opinion that is..

 

[Chey60]

Actually, for me it's usually the other way around haha. Well, with most men I tend to act in a "funny little sister" sort of way, just being silly and goofy and relaxed. It's with guys that specifically rub me the wrong way somehow that I lose my cool. I don't know how to act like a normal functional human being around guys that strike me as rude/cold/proud/etc. Oddly enough, it's those type of guys that I really want to show warmth and kindness to (because I feel like they need it haha), but I have a really hard time holding conversation or even maintaining eye contact.

When I am around a man that I find attractive, I am totally at ease, because the very reason I find him attraction is because I feel comfortable enough to really be myself.



I am not like this, but I know many women who would agree with you. I don't think you're alone.



That's the thing. I'm backwards. I don't like flirting. I specifically don't like "sparks" and "butterflies in my stomach", at least not at the very onset of getting to know someone. I just focus on being friendly to everyone. As far as looking approachable, I've found that a genuine smile, and not being constantly surrounded by an army of girlfriends does the trick.

you are different!! but that is great!!
I forgot to add I often act aloof around men I am attracted to as well but it's usually the guys who are cocky as well
the thing is, I am not aloof.. I am not stuck up.. I am known to be super loving and super sweet.. and well I hate that I can't show that side of myself to men I think I might like not that I am around alot of them lately.
I will say tho I am working on that.. I know God wants me to smile and make eye contact with people.. I am trying to do that.. I sometimes do it at the store, mostly with women you know, for practice lol I am a joyful person so it's not fake.. it's just.. gosh.. what would happen if all of us made eye contact and smiled at every person we go past..
would it just be weird? we will in a world where we all ignore one another most of the time when we walk past eachother and it should not BE!
so I am gonna pray that I begin forgetting the rejection feeling and start smiling and greeting people like Christ would!!
and who knows what the outcome might be.. maybe I'll one day run into the man of my dreams.. who knows
pray for me?

thank you..

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

I'm sure I am coming to this thread several days late & a gazillion dollar's short,but meh...whatev's.
Which kinda leads me to the whole eye contact thing...confidence,etc...
At 43 I have zero problems making eye contact with a woman fi she happens to be looking at me. Heck,I may even smile.
Now travel back in time with me to let's say age 16-18. I was a bit like Ugly. I was ok around girls I had zero interest in,but ohhh mama...if I liked a girl I was so fearful of rejection or whatever you wanna call it,my insides felt like ectoplasm. (gold star if you know what I am referring to) I'm not really sure when I stopped "caring" or got over my shyness with women I liked,but I'm thinking somewhere in my very early 20's perhaps.

I guess now I just don't care so much about rejection...if I liked a woman I'd have no problems being comfortable around her. I'm not over confident & I certainly don't think I am God's great gift to womankind,I just don't have the energy to expend on my own insecurities nowadays. I have better things to act like a goofball over!

So,umm...what was the question again?




Ugly: "Gosh...she's soooooo dreamy,isn't she?"
iTOREtheSKY: "I wonder if she works at Wal-Mart?"
*sigh*

 

[Chey60]

I'm sure I am coming to this thread several days late & a gazillion dollar's short,but meh...whatev's.
Which kinda leads me to the whole eye contact thing...confidence,etc...
At 43 I have zero problems making eye contact with a woman fi she happens to be looking at me. Heck,I may even smile.
Now travel back in time with me to let's say age 16-18. I was a bit like Ugly. I was ok around girls I had zero interest in,but ohhh mama...if I liked a girl I was so fearful of rejection or whatever you wanna call it,my insides felt like ectoplasm. (gold star if you know what I am referring to) I'm not really sure when I stopped "caring" or got over my shyness with women I liked,but I'm thinking somewhere in my very early 20's perhaps.

I guess now I just don't care so much about rejection...if I liked a woman I'd have no problems being comfortable around her. I'm not over confident & I certainly don't think I am God's great gift to womankind,I just don't have the energy to expend on my own insecurities nowadays. I have better things to act like a goofball over!

So,umm...what was the question again?

\
I'm way past my 20's.. and I am thinking it' stime to get over that ectoplasm feeling thingie as well
thanks for the good message

 

[1corinthians13]

It depends on how the person approaches me. The other day I was walking home and was on the phone. A guy stopped me and said he was sorry to interrupt me but had to tell me I was beautiful and kept walking! I blushed like a 16 year old because it felt so innocent and sincere... as opposed to men that have made me feel unsafe/like a piece of meat when they've approached me. I certainly prefer feeling like a 16 year old girl

 

[Chey60]

It depends on how the person approaches me. The other day I was walking home and was on the phone. A guy stopped me and said he was sorry to interrupt me but had to tell me I was beautiful and kept walking! I blushed like a 16 year old because it felt so innocent and sincere... as opposed to men that have made me feel unsafe/like a piece of meat when they've approached me. I certainly prefer feeling like a 16 year old girl

haha!! that is sooo sweet

then you think..wait..where ya goin???
lol

so yea I like feeling like that
I get alot of women telling me that, I get alot of wives telling me their husbands think that but I just don't get alot of men telling me that not in person anyway
well except last christmas when a guy was walking past me in the dollar store and he said "pretty girl" which was cute for a (then 52) year old woman to hear hehe

but yea.. it's awful to want to talk to someone and be blubbering cause you are attracted

 

[Cee]

Your confidence shows just by you posting this, I think.

I will say this from the man side of the equation, when a girl looks away if I smile at her I do assume she's either taken or not interested. Also, I know that some women think a man approaching them is weird, awkward, unsafe, or just seeing them as a piece of meat, etc etc so I generally don't do this. I used to do this when I was not so nice guy, as a result I'd have new dates all the time, but now that God has changed me, lol I don't do it. So now I never date. Weird right?

Anyways, you seem like a very smart, genuine, woman of God for those reasons I think many men would assume you were married or taken. Since you're not, I think you smiling a lot and being approachable to single attractive men is a good idea. But that being said your personality seems like this wouldn't be an issue as you come across quite bubbly and personal, I think maybe just consciously hanging out at more places where you can meet single godly men, would do the trick.

Oh, and always have cookies on hand.

C.

you can be yourself, cat ut up be witty, smart, confident and funny around men you have no interest in...and they all find you extremely attractive and wonder why you are still single..
but when you get around a man you are attracted to, you turn 16 and get all shy and lose your thoughts, can't speak and just are embarrassingly awkward?

I know that myself and many of my single friends are this way and it's ridonkulous..it's almost involuntary!

Also, some of my single friends and I admit that when we see an attractive man look our way, instead of smiling we turn our heads really fast..or just look away..
I get looked at alot and the first thing I think is "whats wrong with me" but sometimes if I think "that man is looking at me like he is attracted,.. look away!!" and I do..
I think sometimes I am afraid he is married or something and I don't want to flirt with a married man..
but other times I just guess I am afraid i will have to actually talk to him if I smile at him..
gosh.. is it just me and my group of single women? or do any of you feel this way too..
if not? how do you go about safely flirting and letting men know you are approachable..without feeling as if you are being too alluring..