something I've noticed...

[Desdichado]

I have noticed this repeatedly in life, but keep forgetting about it.

When in any kind of group, be it social or Christian setting, when women have problems with divorce and coping, they get lots of support from their group.

But if a man dares mention this in the same situation, he's treated as damaged goods, or a failure.

Is this a surviving leftover from pre-feminist America? (joking...)

It makes me wonder what we are supposed to say in groups, maybe we're always supposed to be uplifting?

I think these observation holds well in most times and places. Women tend to be more socially sensitive and nurturing. Men tend to focus more on respect associated with positions of authority or spheres of expertise. That and other men have a tendency to reinforce what the man already knows to be true than provide novel alternatives that he may be seeking. Whereas a woman would be more likely to simply be heard and not necessarily fix the problem.

This, ladies and gents, is why the family unit and friends closer then brothers are so important to the life of a man. Nobody can nurture like a woman. Nobody can understand the man better than the friend closer than a brother.

A criticism I do have of modern evangelicalism is its tendency toward getting men to open up in ways we are simply not wired to open up. .

 

[Desdichado]

Yeah, I switched from White Knight to roguish longbowman in my early twenties. More success with women, more self-respect, and those bodkin points do a number. Move over, cupid.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

normally, the average person, is seeking society's way. they don't care what GOD'S WORD says.
and
what society does and says is opposed to what GOD'S WORD says and what GOD says to do.

What does God's Word and God's way have to say about whether or not men are supported and comforted as equally as women when suffering from divorce in our present culture?

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

As to the OP - I haven't noticed there being a big difference, except when it comes to the kids. Single parenting is hard, and I find that people tend to want to help out (emotionally and in other ways) a lot more when someone is suddenly raising kids alone. That seems to be women, much of the time. So it's definitely possible. If true, this makes me sad.

On the flip side, I have noticed that widowers seem to receive more sympathy and help than widows when a spouse passes away.

 

[ServantStrike]

Yeah, I switched from White Knight to roguish longbowman in my early twenties. More success with women, more self-respect, and those bodkin points do a number. Move over, cupid.

I always tell people that white knights get slaughtered. Even if you somehow manage to accidentally find a woman that isn't trying to destroy you (and white knights attract them), you're still never going to be able to fill the void in that other person's life - ever.

As with all messages, take away from it what you can qualify true and leave the rest behind in the waste bin. As people who align with God's holiness (even though we're imperfect and don't always successfully adhere to it), we believe in celibacy before marriage and absolute monogamy within marriage. The person who created that picture may not have. So we leave that behind.

Age, you're being far too serious.

You need to go visit a firing range or something... blow off some steam and smile. I'm horsing around here.

 

[Desdichado]

I always tell people that white knights get slaughtered. Even if you somehow manage to accidentally find a woman that isn't trying to destroy you (and white knights attract them), you're still never going to be able to fill the void in that other person's life - ever.




Age, you're being far too serious.

You need to go visit a firing range or something... blow off some steam and smile. I'm horsing around here.

White Knighting stopped being cool in Agincourt.

 

[PoetMary]

I always tell people that white knights get slaughtered. Even if you somehow manage to accidentally find a woman that isn't trying to destroy you (and white knights attract them), you're still never going to be able to fill the void in that other person's life - ever.

In my experience, it's the White Knight who is fatally attracted to the chaos girl. Men who are self-described "knights" will step over 1247 "solid" or "sorted" women to get to the chaos girl who needs to be "rescued." If the story that you're writing about yourself is that you are a "protector" and "rescuer," then by definition you need someone to protect and rescue.

So, the girl who actually has a rather peaceful, drama-free life doesn't qualify.

Men who aren't writing the "rescuer" story won't fall for the chaos chick. They'll recognize trouble when it's coming their way.

 

[seoulsearch]

^^^ Awesome post, PoetMary.

The "chaos" chick is often also very good-looking...

Which is why a lot of "white knights" are usually willing to put up with a lot more/exert much more effort to try to win her over (and then be heartbroken when she doesn't run off with him.) Many of these women are surrounded by the drama of having several white knights trying to rescue them due to their looks...

Maybe it's just me, but I don't see many, if any white knights falling for the size 22 girl with her nose in a book.

Of course, both genders fall for this. What woman hasn't fallen victim to a handsome face and charming smile herself, even if it's cloaking a world of chaos underneath.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

The "chaos" chick is often also very good-looking...

Which is why a lot of "white knights" are usually willing to put up with a lot more/exert much more effort to try to win her over (and then be heartbroken when she doesn't run off with him.) Many of these women are surrounded by the drama of having several white knights trying to rescue them due to their looks...

Maybe it's just me, but I don't see many, if any white knights falling for the size 22 girl with her nose in a book.

Of course, both genders fall for this. What woman hasn't fallen victim to a handsome face and charming smile herself, even if it's cloaking a world of chaos underneath.

Stereotypes ahoy! I smell a Nicholas Sparks story brewing.

 

[Anneliese]

Stereotypes ahoy! I smell a Nicholas Sparks story brewing.

Yay, Nicholas Sparks!

 

[seoulsearch]

Stereotypes ahoy! I smell a Nicholas Sparks story brewing.

Unfortunately, I've fallen for a few "chaos boys" myself.

I'm a bit more cautious now.

 

[seoulsearch]

I wonder if the reason men feel less supported is because women tend to be more nurturing. I don't mean this as a stereotype, but if someone is offering comfort, it's usually a woman who will offer a hug and a sympathetic ear, and a woman may be more reluctant to offer that to a man because of boundaries.

The divorced men I've known haven't mentioned feeling TREATED as being "damaged" or unsupported but I know they've expressed feeling that way themselves until they've been part of men's groups who have been through the same thing. I'm certainly not saying it doesn't happen, and I know that men usually don't exactly hug each other and offer that kind of comfort, which can feel like something is definitely missing.

I guess my experience has been very different--I often see single moms treated rather harshly because they were expected to take on the full burden of parenthood, whereas the single dads in the midst were treated like the white knights because in the area where I lived, it was often rare to see a father fight to financially support his kids. It was more common to see men doing everything they could to avoid paying child support. I'm sure it's very different in different areas though, and I know there are a lot of good guys out there.

Makes me wonder what can be done to offer both genders a more supportive environment.

 

[Calmador]

I have noticed this repeatedly in life, but keep forgetting about it.

When in any kind of group, be it social or Christian setting, when women have problems with divorce and coping, they get lots of support from their group.

But if a man dares mention this in the same situation, he's treated as damaged goods, or a failure.

Is this a surviving leftover from pre-feminist America? (joking...)

It makes me wonder what we are supposed to say in groups, maybe we're always supposed to be uplifting?

I think it's because women are often viewed as victims while men are viewed as responsible which makes sense to some extent. Men are leaders of the household and are responsible for what happened.

I think it's simply because we're men and they are women.

Men don't want to look weak so when problems come up... we try to stick through by ourselves as much as we can. Women don't care about looking weak, so they're fine with support when problems come up.

That's not the whole picture, but I think that's what's going on to an extent.

Anyways, I think men have a right and should have support as-well. It's tougher cause it's just not in "our male culture."

 

[secularhermit]

I have noticed this repeatedly in life, but keep forgetting about it.

When in any kind of group, be it social or Christian setting, when women have problems with divorce and coping, they get lots of support from their group.

But if a man dares mention this in the same situation, he's treated as damaged goods, or a failure.

Is this a surviving leftover from pre-feminist America? (joking...)

It makes me wonder what we are supposed to say in groups, maybe we're always supposed to be uplifting?

Don´t be jealous! Women often take those kids and men are "permitted" to marry a young and childless woman.

They have to deal with a new spouse, men are abandonent to ramdom love, even to more loneliness.

A man may say: "Men do not cry" (like those clowns)

and ladies, sometimes, need that help to start life anew (particularly when a loner knows she is alone, and willing to remarry).

 

[PoetMary]

I think it's because women are often viewed as victims while men are viewed as responsible which makes sense to some extent. Men are leaders of the household and are responsible for what happened.

I think it's simply because we're men and they are women.

Men don't want to look weak so when problems come up... we try to stick through by ourselves as much as we can. Women don't care about looking weak, so they're fine with support when problems come up.

That's not the whole picture, but I think that's what's going on to an extent.

Anyways, I think men have a right and should have support as-well. It's tougher cause it's just not in "our male culture."

According to shame/vulnerability researcher Brene Brown, the number one shame trigger for men is being perceived as weak.

However, part of the problem is that our culture associates vulnerability with weakness. (Btw, an inability to be vulnerable is likely what will lead to the end of a marriage because you cannot have true intimacy without being vulnerable). So, a man's been kicked via divorce and now in order to recover he has to expose his underbelly and risk potential ridicule, judgement, and criticism. Ummm...no. He'll opt out and instead go to the gym and pretend he can get that six-pack, invest in a new hair cut, and start screwing around with a series of younger women. For him, problem solved. He can numb out the pain of his divorce and just die of a heart attack at like age 57 because he buried painful emotions instead of processing them.

By comparison, a woman is able to express herself emotionally to friends and family. Of course, it's also just as likely that her income will go down (about 25% of custodial parents live below the poverty line) and she'll have the primary responsibility for the kids (5 out of 6 custodial parents are women). If she'd been a stay-at-home mom, she'll likely have to go to work and find someone to help her manage the children during her work hours. People will feel for her because her position is difficult and she talks about how it's difficult. But at the end of the day, she's still pretty much going it alone.

There are no free passes given to anyone here. The only winners in divorce are lawyers.

 

[Lynx]

With regard to the OP:

[video=youtube;rqIlnE-_TgU]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqIlnE-_TgU[/video]

Most of the song tells the story, but the last few lines have the meaning.

 

[jeremyPJ]

(2) ditto. "not no one." (but for very very different reasons).

(1) RE >>> < Originally Posted by Jeff_56 " are you seeking yahweh's(god's) way or society's(mankind's carnal natural fleshy) way ? they are opposed to each other......>

normally, the average person, is seeking society's way. they don't care what GOD'S WORD says.
and
what society does and says is opposed to what GOD'S WORD says and what GOD says to do.

Jeff, I do not pay attention to society's way. My ex's factory friends live and breathe by society's way, I got QUITE enough of all that. I can't stand that way. I want to follow Jesus' way.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

[video=youtube;Es1pADNS78w]https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=44&amp;v=Es1pADNS78w[/video]

 

[Lynx]

Infowars? Really? They have made a business of telling conspiracy theorists what they want to hear.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Ad hominem is fallacious argumentation. That said, I agree with you . However, Lee Ann McAdoo is nice Christian Austin Texas girl who majored in journalism and production and produces pieces for a variety of media news outlets. One just happens to be for InfoWars . Now back to the content...