-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
I'll be occupied AFTER the game... looking up the superbowl commercials online. Best of both worlds, I don't have to watch the game and I get all the commercials in one long list. 
J
Ranting/letting out stupid stuff in this post. Skip if you don't want to see it.
If I have to endure any more of my family's dysfunctional crap, I really want to have the guts to just get up and leave and not care where I go. If only it were to be that easy. I know I'm old enough to try going out on my own, but I don't have the financial means and am lucky if I'm going to get by with school that I've just started. So I'm also frustrated over that.
I am hotheaded, I can be horrible with the way I say things and let out my anger along with many things that have been unsaid for years. But one really can't help it, especially if you knew my father. I can't even say he is one despite that we live under the same roof and I'm expected to be grateful to have my parents in my life. Most of the time, it feels like I'm living with a bunch of strangers and the only form of communication is through arguing.
My father can be one selfish of a person. He expects others to feel bad, to owe him something and heaven forbid he does anything nice for anyone unless it benefits him. He's always been manipulative and used any type of disadvantage in order to control and get what he wants. He has been on medication because of the fact that he had a horrible breakdown a few years ago and has been getting worse, though now thinking about it I don't know if there were to be a time he was better and actually, genuinely cared. As long as everyone else is miserable, that's what he wants, and that probably explains a good majority of the things that have happened over the years where we just couldn't progress. I've had anxiety attacks because of the situations that went on and the things that I feel so hurt and betrayed that I don't think I can list all of them here, I say horrible things to him in turn and pretty much wish he left and worse. I can't let the anger go even though I've tried to forgive in the past. With the way I do ramble on and yell at him, it makes me think that if anything were to happen then it'll be my fault. Ironically, because my father expects people to take blame even for the things he does and tries to turn the tables around and he's done this to my mother plenty of times while I was growing up. No matter what is told to him, he never gets it. He doesn't want to and likely doesn't care how much he's damaging those around him. I'm convinced that he's probably a sociopath or something.
Why am I getting myself involved now? It's hard to not become angry at him. It's the same old song every time and I never learn. I don't know what to do at this point. I want to stop caring and just go. I want to live life without all these things weighing me down and focus on actual issues that I need to take care of. Apparently, that's too much to ask for. I know my faults and having hate and resentment is probably one of them. I'm tired of suppressing everything just to prove something that likely isn't even there to begin with. It's just a complete freakin' joke and I'm not finding it funny anymore. I need to leave. This is where I wish I wasn't such a loner and had some place to stay, even if it's relatives.
If I have to endure any more of my family's dysfunctional crap, I really want to have the guts to just get up and leave and not care where I go. If only it were to be that easy. I know I'm old enough to try going out on my own, but I don't have the financial means and am lucky if I'm going to get by with school that I've just started. So I'm also frustrated over that.
I am hotheaded, I can be horrible with the way I say things and let out my anger along with many things that have been unsaid for years. But one really can't help it, especially if you knew my father. I can't even say he is one despite that we live under the same roof and I'm expected to be grateful to have my parents in my life. Most of the time, it feels like I'm living with a bunch of strangers and the only form of communication is through arguing.
My father can be one selfish of a person. He expects others to feel bad, to owe him something and heaven forbid he does anything nice for anyone unless it benefits him. He's always been manipulative and used any type of disadvantage in order to control and get what he wants. He has been on medication because of the fact that he had a horrible breakdown a few years ago and has been getting worse, though now thinking about it I don't know if there were to be a time he was better and actually, genuinely cared. As long as everyone else is miserable, that's what he wants, and that probably explains a good majority of the things that have happened over the years where we just couldn't progress. I've had anxiety attacks because of the situations that went on and the things that I feel so hurt and betrayed that I don't think I can list all of them here, I say horrible things to him in turn and pretty much wish he left and worse. I can't let the anger go even though I've tried to forgive in the past. With the way I do ramble on and yell at him, it makes me think that if anything were to happen then it'll be my fault. Ironically, because my father expects people to take blame even for the things he does and tries to turn the tables around and he's done this to my mother plenty of times while I was growing up. No matter what is told to him, he never gets it. He doesn't want to and likely doesn't care how much he's damaging those around him. I'm convinced that he's probably a sociopath or something.
Why am I getting myself involved now? It's hard to not become angry at him. It's the same old song every time and I never learn. I don't know what to do at this point. I want to stop caring and just go. I want to live life without all these things weighing me down and focus on actual issues that I need to take care of. Apparently, that's too much to ask for. I know my faults and having hate and resentment is probably one of them. I'm tired of suppressing everything just to prove something that likely isn't even there to begin with. It's just a complete freakin' joke and I'm not finding it funny anymore. I need to leave. This is where I wish I wasn't such a loner and had some place to stay, even if it's relatives.
M
My neighbor's two Jack russels escaped their yard a little while ago. I have no idea where the other one went, but one of them is lying on the couch next to me, waiting for her owner to get home and pick her up. I heard the dogs barking at something, and they sounded like they were in my yard, so I went out and this one came running up to me. The other one was all "Peace out homies" and took off into the dark.
...dogs STINK. Also, my cats are not exactly impressed with this situation...there's a lot of angry growling going on from the corners of the room.
...dogs STINK. Also, my cats are not exactly impressed with this situation...there's a lot of angry growling going on from the corners of the room.
So, I'm pretty sure the stomach pains I've been having are pure stress. I already know when I'm stressed it likes to settle right in my stomach. And I haven't been eating right. That affects me so much... anyways. After three days of stomach pain, I decided I'm going to get some ginger tea and take some time to flippin' chill out, or I'm going to have to go to the doctor. I might still have to go. I'm not sure. The ginger tea is already making me feel amazingly better. It shocked me how much it's working. I didn't know whether it was going to or not.
After reading the rest of your post, I will agree that you need to get out. I don't know exactly what sort of school you're starting but most schools with have campus newspapers or advertising spaces where people might post they are looking for roommates. That's one option. Two more thoughts would be to see if there is free or discount student counseling available through your school (many schools offer it now) or try to talk to some people who work with abused women and children. Even if they can't offer you a place to go, they probably would have other resources that can help you. In my area there were some hotels that did long term rentals where you could pay by the week. I think it ended up being similar cost to an apartment, but you wouldn't need as much money saved up to get into one.
Just some thoughts, and may God provide you a (godly) way out soon.
Just some thoughts, and may God provide you a (godly) way out soon.