Thank you for the suggestion Cinder, but I'm not really grief-stricken even though I do miss my dad a lot. At first I was, but not anymore. Now I just feel a lot of hopelessness because of my particular situation and hopelessness because I wish I could make my mom happy. She seems ok but its hard for me to see her alone all the time. I try to spend time with her but her and I don't really get along well. I usually need to leave the room after not very long. Anyway, I don't know if there even is an answer to these things right now or what.
It sounds like you are going through such a hard time.
Have you ever read the stages of grief? Sometimes stuff can really weigh on ones heart and cause such feelings and reactions, even if you aren't quite aware of how it did, because the thing is, we all handle grief differently, and sometimes there is a stage of numbness or grief in the process that can put you emotionally and mentally in a tough spot. I went through a phase very much like that this last year, feelings of hopelessness, with numbness and heavy brain fog, and I am only 22. I am pretty sure that depression played a big part in how I ended up like that, and I knew I wouldn't be able to work well in the career path I had chosen like that, so I waited. I still am not back to normal yet, but I wanted to say that no matter where you are at in life, there is hope. Your life is a beautiful thing. You just have to take one day at a time and make sure you do things for yourself, even if they seem trifle, that can help bring back hope and such. Like spending time with someone who can make you smile and laugh, or getting enough sunshine and exercise, or listening to music that uplifts the soul, or anything else that can draw you out of that depression. It is hard and not easy, and nothing changes overnight, you might need to find support in this, but don't give up hope, because hope is what makes life worth living and hopelessness is one of the heaviest feelings to bear I think, and that in and of itself can really throw you into a brain fog. I truly hope that this all works out for you, take care of yourself. I will send a prayer.