Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#761
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
48
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#761
I apologize for apologizing. :p haha but thank you :)

I must warn you guys though....this week, especially NEXT Friday and maybe a little bit after that will be VEEEERRRRYYY rough on me. And might see more sad posts coming from me. I can't really say why either which makes it worse. Because I don't want to A) Gossip and B) spill a bunch of drama into CC. Especially my personal drama.

and worship helps me keep my feet on the ground...keeps me stable when I'm being rocked every which-way.
 
I

iTOREtheSKY

Guest
#762
#762
lil_christian said:
I apologize for apologizing. :p haha but thank you :)

I must warn you guys though....this week, especially NEXT Friday and maybe a little bit after that will be VEEEERRRRYYY rough on me. And might see more sad posts coming from me. I can't really say why either which makes it worse. Because I don't want to A) Gossip and B) spill a bunch of drama into CC. Especially my personal drama.

and worship helps me keep my feet on the ground...keeps me stable when I'm being rocked every which-way.
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Well how about this..you just tell us or vent what you feel comfortable with & we'll (I'll at least) be praying for you? Sound ok?
 
A

arwen83

Guest
#763
#763
I read this poem tonight and I really like it so I shall share it:

Following by G. Kay
Of you in the slowly dark I'm thinking
Feeling the twilight as music
Marred by the chord of your absence

One afternoon
You lamented the curl of your hair
And the shape of your feet

I told you that I couldn't possibly love
A freckled woman. And you
Were laughing. My finger found

A blue vein running along
Your thoat and followed it down
Though I had said that if you ran

I would not follow
And so I am entangled
In a promise I may break,

Because I would have you want me
At the very least, enough to take
These offerings for what they are

Craftings in the hollow of a sleepless night,
Shot through with the discord
Of your being far away, and not mine.
 
lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#764
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
48
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#764
iTOREtheSKY said:
Well how about this..you just tell us or vent what you feel comfortable with & we'll (I'll at least) be praying for you? Sound ok?
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a close family member of mine is moving and it's super messy the situation is (oy I sounded like Yoda there. But I'm too tired to fix it) on why they're moving. And I'm very close to them and love them like crazy. I can't go into detail because it's like a spiderweb....everything is linked to a bunch of different things.

and they're moving next Friday exactly (well now it's 6 days until they leave since Saturday decided to creep up on me.)
 
I

iTOREtheSKY

Guest
#765
#765
lil_christian said:
a close family member of mine is moving and it's super messy the situation is (oy I sounded like Yoda there. But I'm too tired to fix it) on why they're moving. And I'm very close to them and love them like crazy. I can't go into detail because it's like a spiderweb....everything is linked to a bunch of different things.

and they're moving next Friday exactly (well now it's 6 days until they leave since Saturday decided to creep up on me.)
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So we pray & believe that God will grant you his peace that surpasses ALL understanding! and that he will strengthen & heal your heart from any sadness or confusion. Stand strong little one!:)
 
lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#766
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
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#766
haha yeah, I think God's on a roll or somethin' because that's the third time someone told me they'll pray for that very thing :) which I'm glad they are because there's not much else I can do about the situation! Yup, the fact I can't do anything digs a deep dagger in my heart.



and I'm sorry if my sleepy brain doesn't make much sense at 12:40 a.m....my eyes are deceiving me right now. Quite evident it's time to recharge and refresh.

Goodnight everyone!
 
P

Powemm

Guest
#767
#767
Theology debates wear me out!!!
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#768
#768
lil_christian said:
haha yeah, I think God's on a roll or somethin' because that's the third time someone told me they'll pray for that very thing :) which I'm glad they are because there's not much else I can do about the situation! Yup, the fact I can't do anything digs a deep dagger in my heart.


and I'm sorry if my sleepy brain doesn't make much sense at 12:40 a.m....my eyes are deceiving me right now. Quite evident it's time to recharge and refresh.

Goodnight everyone!
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Goodnight, Kiddo. Hugs! God's got this. Trust Him no matter what it looks like!
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#769
#769
Powemm said:
Theology debates wear me out!!!
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Do they?

Phil. 4:13 :)

Edit: Why are they wearing you out, powEM? Could it be that it's just your being tired cuz its nearly 1AM in Okie land :D

Edit2: Our tests are to strengthen us, in heart, in spirit, in faith, littleChristone, so, God does have this, like julieannie says, and, though you may not understand His peace does surround us as Phil 4:7 of LIGHTupthesky verse-saying said. Be strong in Him and keep on going to Him, in worship, guitaring when things bother you/stress you in life, that is good, that is God in you :)
 
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J

Jullianna

Guest
#770
#770
meh.................................
 
C

Catlynn

Guest
#771
#771
I've been house-sitting for the family that I used to work for who lost their son last July. For those that don't know, he was special needs and I helped care for him and other things around the house.
Being in this house again every day brings fun, happy memories but also the occasional sting in realizing that he's gone. Just yesterday I was remembering what his back felt like (random, I know) and how it was way too hairy for a 3 1/2 year old and then I laughed because we always had access to his back because he never wore more than a diaper because he was sooo stinkin sweaty! lol but I remembered what it felt like to rub his back, to cuddle with him, to have him lay his huge noggin on my shoulder...I certainly miss that kid.
 
I

iTOREtheSKY

Guest
#772
#772
I woke up this morning kinda sad & a bit upset with myself. I find myself feeling emotional a lot lately when thinking about my Mom...guilty for the fact that I even miss her & feel sad. It's that stupid "christian guilt" where I feel like I have no right to mourn the loss of her. In a few months she will have been gone a year. I still can't wrap my head around it. So pointless! I'm not mad at God,but sometimes I really hate the way he's structured things. Why is everything so fleeting? Nothing to hold on to...nothing but his word.
Ha! Here I am being even hypocritical...I tell other CC Member's "hang in there...God's got yer' back" yup...do I take my own preaching? I guess I just feel a bit short changed because her death happened so quick. So much more I wish I could have said. I don't think I'll ever feel satisfied with our last conversation. I know she tried so hard to be coherent,but by the end of the convo,I could tell I was losing her & this would be the last time I'd ever hear her voice. All I still ever think is what a disappointment my life turned out to be for her. I can only imagine what God must feel. I'm sure I let him down in worse ways. So I sit & reflect on Mother's Day coming soon & think of all the stupid cards & silly things I got my Mom over the years. How she never wanted roses..she loved carnations,because they lasted longer & were prettier. I think she was just trying to save me money....ha. Maybe I'll go back to bed & hide today. The sun is shinning but that makes me angry. I wish it would rain...hard & be overcast. It's easier to justify sleeping the day away if the weather is gloomy. People are so bizzare...why do we enjoy feeling like poo? I suppose like everything else,this sadness too shall pass...I just wish it would pass quicker.
 
AzureAfire

AzureAfire

Senior Member
#773
Apr 16, 2013
490
22
18
#773
Sir, it's ok to feel bad about not being able to show enough love for those who are so important to us...but you don't have to beat yourself up over it. I know it's not an easy thing to go through...i've lost a dearly beloved grandpa some years ago, and to this day, i feel sooo bad, coz i was training to be a doctor then, but i never, ever even got to help him get better, or to take care of him, or spend enough time with him, until that morning hour just came, and we knew he was gone...

I myself tend to give my friends such good advice that i myself couldnt follow...at least, not when i'm so overwhelmed by emotions that just surge all over me, to the point that i feel like almost drowning... And yes, i have questioned and muttered against God for countless times, asking all my whys and how could yous... Thinking i am entitled to all the right answers... Saying to Him that i've had enough pain and suffering to endure so please, could you just give me break and be kind to me for once? XD

The audacity and the rudeness of my thought processes have led me to ask why He hasnt struck me dead on the spot for several years ago... And all i could think of it, looking back now is, He is just simply, incredibly, lovingly awesome. He knows everything that we're going through, what we'll say and feel about Him.... But He loves us so perfectly and unconditionally. As for the answers we do not know, well, i guess He knows those are things we don't need to know, and we couldnt do anything about. He always just places before us what He believes will make us grow stronger in our faith, and more like Him and spirit and in truth.

Our emotions make us who we are: human. And God wouldnt want us to pretend, for He always desires truth inside us. But we also have to be careful that our thought patterns don't trap us into unhealthy feelings of hate, or resentment and such. *sigh* i feel for you and your burden, sir. Just remember how much she loved you, and how much you love her, and how much God loves us all. Pour it all before Papa God like a rain from your heart. And He will fill it with all that is good :) I'll be praying for us all struggling brethren. God bless your mourning heart, dear brother!!
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#774
#774
My mom thought it was funny that I called to check that she was alive. Really, she laughed at me. So I laughed at myself too, while I talked to her, but inside I just felt...

I don't know. Why can't I show my family that I care about them, without it becoming a joke? It was NOT funny that I was scared out of my mind for those fifteen or so minutes.

My mother-in-law knows more about me than my mom does. More about our babies, too. It's hard to not be upset with my mom a lot of the time, when she's so lost in her own little world that she doesn't have any idea what's going on with me, and then somebody else's mother calls once a day just to see how I'm holding up.

Forgive, forgive, forgive, I guess.
 
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A

arwen83

Guest
#775
#775
Went to a different Starbucks this morning since I've moved. I wasn't impressed, they made my dirty chai, but forgot chai syrup and probably the shot of espresso, cus it tasted like steamed milk. Then they talk to each other in a different language in front of customers. I just think that's rude. I think I'll take the extra time to drive to my regular one.
 
CatHerder

CatHerder

Senior Member
#776
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
79
48
#776
Well, this is turning into quite the musical weekend.

A choir concert last night, with a repeat tomorrow night. I responded to a facebook invite to attend a new community orchestra's premiere concert tonight. It turns out that a french horn player has a work emergency and the director asked me to fill in. So, a concert that I had originally intended to attend I am now in and will practically be sight-reading.

Earlier this morning, I dropped my youngest off for her orchestra field trip. It was so much fun having here take note of which car her cello was in and watching her go to her bus. They were very organized. The dad who was bus #4 chaperone even had them line up alphabetically and checked off their names as they got in. I could see the bus driver and was immediately pleased with what I saw. She had a loud shirt on and big sunglasses, and was drinking from a thermos - which told me that she has done such field trips before and was not opposed to doing them again. She looked like one of the "fun" school bus drivers and not one of those who yells at kids for stupid reasons.
 
lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#777
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
48
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#777
Sleep and coffee are my two best friends right now. lol

And I honestly can't wait to go grocery shopping today. I need foods and stuff. lol
 
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#779
#779
CatHerder said:
Well, this is turning into quite the musical weekend.

A choir concert last night, with a repeat tomorrow night. I responded to a facebook invite to attend a new community orchestra's premiere concert tonight. It turns out that a french horn player has a work emergency and the director asked me to fill in. So, a concert that I had originally intended to attend I am now in and will practically be sight-reading.

Earlier this morning, I dropped my youngest off for her orchestra field trip. It was so much fun having here take note of which car her cello was in and watching her go to her bus. They were very organized. The dad who was bus #4 chaperone even had them line up alphabetically and checked off their names as they got in. I could see the bus driver and was immediately pleased with what I saw. She had a loud shirt on and big sunglasses, and was drinking from a thermos - which told me that she has done such field trips before and was not opposed to doing them again. She looked like one of the "fun" school bus drivers and not one of those who yells at kids for stupid reasons.
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For LIGHTupthesky: God knows. Give 'that' to God, He has other ways now for you to do things on Mother's Day. Do them well. The Lord leads :)

For skybluefire: Beautiful , especially the last paragraph, emotionally powerful words , I see having came from Him :)

^^^^^^^^^ Divine appointments, LIGHT :) ^^^^^^^

I have to go and get brek-fost and get some work done toDay. Have g-r-r-r-r-eat days, and, that's not just Tony the Tigger talking to you there, ya know :D

Edit: LOL, I forgot to say what I was going to say, based on catstaffer's said stuff. The french horn mention makes me think of this kid who played that instrument in junior high school way back when I was a little munchkin and played the trumpet. I forget his name but he was very fair skin and disheveled head of hair that looked like a mop, and, not saying it's all bad, just sayin' . He was always teased and that french horn seemed to be just one more thing different about him, as there were around 100 students in band class and he was the only french horn player.
 
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lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#780
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
73
48
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#780
"God ultimately wants you to be happy?" Ugh. What a bunch of Baloney Sandwiches.
 
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