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So there was a girl I almost dated. We volunteered together at a Inter-denominational charity thing Called LOVE INC or Love in the Name of Christ.
Anyways, she is getting married in about a month to my old room mate. I'm really excited for them BUT....
I'm kind of MORE excited because I have an awesome +1 to take to the Wedding.
Anyways, she is getting married in about a month to my old room mate. I'm really excited for them BUT....
I'm kind of MORE excited because I have an awesome +1 to take to the Wedding.
P
I had the most PRIME awkward introvert experience yesterday: I was at church early and alone, and ran into an acquaintance leaving my purse in the pew, and you know how much introverts LOVE small talk... Well I was enduring it and the conversation began to dwindle (I was also looking at the corner of my eye for that guy), she sees someone she knows knows, excuses herself saying she should say hello. I reply, 'yeah, I need to go to see my...ah...purse'. *face-palm* Smooth there. So smooth. I need to go see my purse?! Who says that?!
Right now, I'm looking into full-time jobs for when I graduate in the next two months. There's surprisingly quite a few jobs that I feel like I could very well succeed in, and not feel overwhelmed. 
I just hope and pray that some of them will be waiting for me when I get my diploma.
(Note: Reason why I'm waiting until I graduate is, in the state of Ohio, it is required anyone in school or under 18 to obtain a work permit. To get a work permit, you have to get hired first. THEN you have to go to your local high school, fill out a bunch of paperwork, get a physical, have the thing signed by your doctor. I think there's also some other stuff you have to do, too. But it's really silly.)
I just hope and pray that some of them will be waiting for me when I get my diploma. (Note: Reason why I'm waiting until I graduate is, in the state of Ohio, it is required anyone in school or under 18 to obtain a work permit. To get a work permit, you have to get hired first. THEN you have to go to your local high school, fill out a bunch of paperwork, get a physical, have the thing signed by your doctor. I think there's also some other stuff you have to do, too. But it's really silly.)
D
Right now, I'm looking into full-time jobs for when I graduate in the next two months. There's surprisingly quite a few jobs that I feel like I could very well succeed in, and not feel overwhelmed. I just hope and pray that some of them will be waiting for me when I get my diploma.
(Note: Reason why I'm waiting until I graduate is, in the state of Ohio, it is required anyone in school or under 18 to obtain a work permit. To get a work permit, you have to get hired first. THEN you have to go to your local high school, fill out a bunch of paperwork, get a physical, have the thing signed by your doctor. I think there's also some other stuff you have to do, too. But it's really silly.)
I just hope and pray that some of them will be waiting for me when I get my diploma. (Note: Reason why I'm waiting until I graduate is, in the state of Ohio, it is required anyone in school or under 18 to obtain a work permit. To get a work permit, you have to get hired first. THEN you have to go to your local high school, fill out a bunch of paperwork, get a physical, have the thing signed by your doctor. I think there's also some other stuff you have to do, too. But it's really silly.)
M
Today is kind of really a big deal for me here.
I made a decision well before Thanksgiving, and I have since been fine-tuning logistics, storing up courage, and doing one heck of a lot of praying about the entire thing.
Three months on, it's time to put plans into action.
I am terrified.
Yet at the same time, I feel very much like God is in control of the whole thing, more than I can see or ever will know. I feel at peace, if not entirely content about my decision.
I always wonder how I'm supposed to know if I'm doing what God wants, or if I'm trying to take over and just doing what I want.
But the thing here is, the decision I've made is not something that I wanted. It's opposite of ideal; it's something that I've fought with myself against for a very long time, always finding reasons against it...but I've finally realized that my "reasons" were actually excuses born of fear.
The fear I feel isn't about the decision itself; that, I believe is right. Maybe not "good", according to so many people, but right.
I'm scared because I've never done this before. Scared because I have my babies to think of, and I underestimate my abilities, and I always tell myself I can't do things.
I know better, yet there's still the nagging doubts- Am I really capable of this?
And I have the answer to that...
No, I on my own, am not capable.
But there is absolutely no question that God is more than capable, and I am learning, albeit slowly, to lean on Him.
While yes, I came to this decision on my own in a lot of ways, I am now doing my very best to allow God to get me through it.
I know I'm being all annoyingly vague and all about things; sorry for that. There will be a point in the near future when I can just say what I mean, and honestly, that will be a huge relief for me. I'm sure I'll take a lot of flack over it...and that's fine. I made the decision knowing that plenty of people wouldn't agree with it. I made it knowing that I would probably even lose friends over it, and that some of my own family will be upset with me.
Like I said- not ideal, but right nonetheless.
It's going to be a really busy week.
I made a decision well before Thanksgiving, and I have since been fine-tuning logistics, storing up courage, and doing one heck of a lot of praying about the entire thing.
Three months on, it's time to put plans into action.
I am terrified.
Yet at the same time, I feel very much like God is in control of the whole thing, more than I can see or ever will know. I feel at peace, if not entirely content about my decision.
I always wonder how I'm supposed to know if I'm doing what God wants, or if I'm trying to take over and just doing what I want.
But the thing here is, the decision I've made is not something that I wanted. It's opposite of ideal; it's something that I've fought with myself against for a very long time, always finding reasons against it...but I've finally realized that my "reasons" were actually excuses born of fear.
The fear I feel isn't about the decision itself; that, I believe is right. Maybe not "good", according to so many people, but right.
I'm scared because I've never done this before. Scared because I have my babies to think of, and I underestimate my abilities, and I always tell myself I can't do things.
I know better, yet there's still the nagging doubts- Am I really capable of this?
And I have the answer to that...
No, I on my own, am not capable.
But there is absolutely no question that God is more than capable, and I am learning, albeit slowly, to lean on Him.
While yes, I came to this decision on my own in a lot of ways, I am now doing my very best to allow God to get me through it.
I know I'm being all annoyingly vague and all about things; sorry for that. There will be a point in the near future when I can just say what I mean, and honestly, that will be a huge relief for me. I'm sure I'll take a lot of flack over it...and that's fine. I made the decision knowing that plenty of people wouldn't agree with it. I made it knowing that I would probably even lose friends over it, and that some of my own family will be upset with me.
Like I said- not ideal, but right nonetheless.
It's going to be a really busy week.
Yesterday I was scanning through Facebook. My friend posted a picture of another friend that died 25 years ago, he was 19 and I was 17 when he died. I haven't thought about him in a while.
Seeing his picture was a little shocking for some reason. It was his high school year book photo and that's how I remember him. When someone dies so young it's like they're frozen in time. The whole thing seemed surreal then and sometimes it still does.
I know that probably sounds weird because it's been so long. I grew up living next door to him. We grew up together. It's still strange when I think about those things from growing up that he's not there. It doesn't make me cry really anymore, sometimes, but just when I think about those times I threw hoops with him in the driveway, I remind myself, oh yeah he's gone.
Just pondering that goes on in my weird brain.
Seeing his picture was a little shocking for some reason. It was his high school year book photo and that's how I remember him. When someone dies so young it's like they're frozen in time. The whole thing seemed surreal then and sometimes it still does.
I know that probably sounds weird because it's been so long. I grew up living next door to him. We grew up together. It's still strange when I think about those things from growing up that he's not there. It doesn't make me cry really anymore, sometimes, but just when I think about those times I threw hoops with him in the driveway, I remind myself, oh yeah he's gone.
Just pondering that goes on in my weird brain.
