Struggle of Being Single

[VTHokie]

I am a college sophomore, and quite honestly I struggle a lot with being single. A vast majority of my friends are Christians, and in my close Christian group of girlfriends every single one is in a committed, Jesus loving relationship. Honestly, I am unrightfully jealous of them. I know I want to wait for the right guy, and more than anything I want a relationship with a guy that includes Jesus. I would think it was because of my looks, but by societies standards I am 'pretty'. Do you have any suggestions to help me be patient in this experience or any advice that might aide my single lonely heart?

 

[jrccomputer]

I am a college sophomore, and quite honestly I struggle a lot with being single. A vast majority of my friends are Christians, and in my close Christian group of girlfriends every single one is in a committed, Jesus loving relationship. Honestly, I am unrightfully jealous of them. I know I want to wait for the right guy, and more than anything I want a relationship with a guy that includes Jesus. I would think it was because of my looks, but by societies standards I am 'pretty'. Do you have any suggestions to help me be patient in this experience or any advice that might aide my single lonely heart?

I feel the same way as you. Honestly, I'm just waiting. Be patient is all I can say. In time we will both know who god has for us. Pray often and read the bible often too.

 

[ForgivenNChosen]

There's a great book "trusting God even when life hurts" that really helps with this sort of struggle. Best advice i can give u is if u try to rush it, it wont be right n ull feel the same void either way so continue to be patient n pray for ur future husband who u want him to be n wht u want him to bring to ur life n most importantly that he love the lord above all else. U r not alone...god bless.

 

[xXErraticEmilyXx]

I am a college sophomore, and quite honestly I struggle a lot with being single. A vast majority of my friends are Christians, and in my close Christian group of girlfriends every single one is in a committed, Jesus loving relationship. Honestly, I am unrightfully jealous of them. I know I want to wait for the right guy, and more than anything I want a relationship with a guy that includes Jesus. I would think it was because of my looks, but by societies standards I am 'pretty'. Do you have any suggestions to help me be patient in this experience or any advice that might aide my single lonely heart?

Why do you feel as if it is a challenge?

 

[rachelsedge]

I went to a Christian college for 4 years, was single the whole time with no pursuers, while all around me my friends were getting boyfriends and getting engaged. I definitely know where you're coming from. It can be hard to be surrounded by that when you long for it yourself.

I would encourage you to look at singleness less as a curse and more of time to grow as a person and get to know God more; not because you have to, or because you want Him to give you things because of it, but because you want Him to have your heart, fully.

You are young. You have a lot of years of growth ahead of you, in your education, spiritually, emotionally, mentally. Looking back and seeing the changes in myself from when I was 19 to now at 23, it just blows my mind. Also, looking back, I can see how I was totally not ready for a boyfriend at 19, even though I thought I was. Not that you're ever truly 100% "ready", or that once you're "ready" one will come along, but if I had had a boyfriend then, it likely would have ended disastrously because there were insecurities that I had not fought through yet that would have destroyed a relationship.

 

[woka]

I truly do say this to you in love, all of us, myself included always look to someone to complete us somehow, even though at times we don't like to admit it. Well for me I had to realise that I was a complete person with myself and Christ. We somehow have to have someone to feel like we are important, we do matter, we are lovable, we are pretty, we are accepted and special, we are unique. But you see the Lord already tells us we are all these things.

It is hard, but you already know that the Lord's timing is always the perfect timing, hang in there.

 

[Misty77]

Learning to find contentment and purpose in singlehood is insanely hard, and something I'm struggling with again. After a failed marriage, I can tell you that being single is far better than being with the wrong person. It still gets lonely, and some nights seem to drag on forever. But I'm getting better at turning to The Lord and seeking fellowship with groups of believers regardless of marital status.

Thankfully, I'm at a place now where I see every encounter, every relationship as ordained by God. Some people will be with you for life, some only cross your path on a 2 hour layover in Miami. God has a purpose for bringing them to you, and they only leave when it is His will. That has been the most liberating revelation because it takes the burden off of me. Now I am free to meet people without expectations, enjoying each moment for what it is, not what I try to manipulate it to be. When our time together ends, I'm able to happily remember the encounter instead of wondering what I did to make them leave. (I hope that makes sense.)

Adventurously live the life Christ has placed before you, daughter of God. Don't place your life on hold waiting for a man. Pursue The Lord with all of your being.

 

[jrccomputer]

Something that is really difficult is the pressure the world puts on us single people.

They world tells us being single is bad. I'm used to world pressure, but it is still hard. If you don't have a girlfriend, your just not cool.

I'm ok with waiting for God. It gives me time to learn and ask questions.

 

[mystdancer50]

In the past, I never understood the struggle of singleness. I originally thought it was because I love being single, that I have no desire or design on marrying, and so I thought I was just content in my single life. Yes, I would have moments of loneliness and when I was younger, bouts of jealousy, but they were short-lived and only mildly inconvenient.

Recently, however, Jesus Christ revealed the truth to me. I was (and am) content being single because I know what He has planned for me. Does that make sense? A great many Christians do not know if God intends for them to marry or not and so they live their lives in a holding pattern, wishing and hoping and praying and believing, yet trying not to believe too intensely, for fear that God doesn't, in fact, have marriage for them.

I think that this is the reason so many Christians fall into fornication. They reach a point of desperation outweighing hopeful expectation and along comes a smooth talking "Christian" and compromises set in and choices are made. But what if you knew, absolutely knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, if God had marriage in the future for you...or not? Would it change things, or would it make things worse?

I daresay that you can know. God will tell you. It's just that sometimes we don't want to hear His answer. It may not be no, but rather "not for many years". More years of being single? How can I handle that?

It is rather interesting when you read these posts where someone asks what they would do if they knew that Jesus Christ wanted them to serve Him their entire life as a single person. What would they do? How would they respond? All the answers were the same:

I would be okay with it, BUT I don't believe He has called me to that.

Interesting. So, do you know? Do you know if He has called you to marry one day and how far in the future that day is? Trust me, if you ask Him, He will tell you. Just be prepared to receive His answer.

Only then will you have the assurance and the strength it takes to enjoy and properly invest yourself during your single life, be it short, long or indefinite.

 

[TheBoswalox]

Being single is difficult; there is no point in lying. I get a lot of stick because of my age and that I'm "too young to know what love is", but everyone develops at a different rate.

There is a mental attitude in the current society that it is fashionable to be single, and to go out partying, getting along with many different people, and even hoping around partners. However, when you've been single for a long time (I have been for 3) and you can't seem to find anyone, it does get difficult. I've even been pulled into a "Reserve Boyfriend" contract!!

The thing to remember is that being in a relationship is just like being really close friends with someone, but at the same time a lot more intimate. And intimacy doesn't just mean the physical side of things - it can also mean the little things that you do for someone and they do for you. There are many relationships that do fine without sex, but still have some physical elements to them, like hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc.

There's not much to be said in ways of encouragement for being single, but how about this? Try finding someone you enjoy spending time with and being with, regardless of whether they're a Christian or not, and see how it goes (providing they respect your faith that is). Don't make the mistake I've made and look for something serious, but try looking for something a little more innocent. If it develops from there, then you may want to ask a few questions about their standing with their faith, and if and when it comes to it, don't be afraid to ask those questions. Under no circumstances should you let your faith take the back seat.

Finally, just try and have fun. Be around people you like spending time with, and use it as an excuse to get together more often with them. And if it is meant to be, then God will work in them. If it's not, then hopefully you haven't lost a friend, and maybe you've introduced someone else to the love of Christ.

 

[VTHokie]

I feel as if it is a challenge because I really want that supportive relationship with a man, and after watching all my friends have it, I find it a challenge to not be jealous.

 

[VTHokie]

Overall these responses are great - thank you for taking the time to answer my thread! I don't think God has it in my plan that I will never get married, but I need to have more confidence in that plan, knowing that God will bring into my life something that is already planned out. Thanks again everyone! God bless you all!

 

[Ritter]

I am a college sophomore, and quite honestly I struggle a lot with being single. A vast majority of my friends are Christians, and in my close Christian group of girlfriends every single one is in a committed, Jesus loving relationship. Honestly, I am unrightfully jealous of them. I know I want to wait for the right guy, and more than anything I want a relationship with a guy that includes Jesus. I would think it was because of my looks, but by societies standards I am 'pretty'. Do you have any suggestions to help me be patient in this experience or any advice that might aide my single lonely heart?

Pray, seek the Lord, and consider other options.

Go online (Christian Mingle comes highly recommended on my end).

Transfer to a Christian school (Lynchburg isn't THAT far from Blacksburg).

 

[Ritter]

Like I said. Pray and seek the Lord.

Patience is always admirable, but sometimes the Lord has us act.

 

[mystdancer50]

You know what my only battle is in regards to loneliness? Friends. I really and truly want godly friends. I had some for about a year...maybe a year and a half...but then flesh and world and compromise got involved and it imploded.

I had a really tough day yesterday and I just had no one to talk to. It really drove it home how I have no friends. It was more this morning than last night, truly. I just really want friendships and that is the one thing as I live for Christ that I can never seem to have.

Anyone else encounter this?

 

[Misty77]

You know what my only battle is in regards to loneliness? Friends. I really and truly want godly friends. I had some for about a year...maybe a year and a half...but then flesh and world and compromise got involved and it imploded.

I had a really tough day yesterday and I just had no one to talk to. It really drove it home how I have no friends. It was more this morning than last night, truly. I just really want friendships and that is the one thing as I live for Christ that I can never seem to have.

Anyone else encounter this?

A big, resounding "YES!"

I was actually just crying about that to my mom on the phone last night. My family is awesome, so I am very blessed with that, but the few friends that I have moved to different states—one to a different continent. My one friend since childhood is going through a really tough time staying home with her 5 kids with different medical issues while her husband is on his 5th deployment. She has too much on her plate for me add to it.

I HATE asking for help, and I only do that when there is no physical or financial way for me to do that on my own. Of course, the nice married people always say, "Just let us know how to help!" And I know they really mean well, but they aren't available when I need them. I don't blame them, but it really sucks that no one can help me meet a need because they are too busy doing "good" things that I have neither time nor money to do.

The most help I get is from the meth-head neighbor, the pothead neighbors, a homeless family, and other single parents. It's sad that the people who have the resources to help usually don't. They are more willing to throw money at a charity or do something attention-worthy like a mission trip than to help with the daily burdens of an abandoned ex-wife and her essentially fatherless child. I know that not every single parent's situation is like that: I'm still trying to recover from the financial ruin that my ex left us in while establishing a career and raising a son. If nothing is breaking or wearing out, I'm okay. It's just that while trying to crawl out of this pit, life keeps throwing medical bills, clogged up sinks, broken toasters, root canals, expired registrations, and gushing washing machines at me.

Also, the married people hang out with the other married people. I don't mind as much for me as I do for my son. There are few single parents where I live so my son misses out on getting to spend time with other kids. I know quite a few people that are friendly, and we hug and say "hi" at church. But there really isn't any non-relative within a 300 mile radius that I could just call to talk to.

It's also the first time in a long time that I don't have roommates. I miss having adults around to talk to after work or to cook something other than mac and cheese for. Anyone want to move to Texas?

 

[mystdancer50]

I totally hear you, Misty77. I was recently in a discussion with others regarding tithing and through my own study of God's word and intentions I was challenged. I had already started to pay off all my debts, but now I am not doing it so that I can have more money, but rather so that I can have less. And, I will continue tithing and giving to the church, but the rest of the extra blessing God has given me will be held for His word and will and timing and for the very things like you mentioned. Though sometimes it will go toward charities and mission work, I want God to be able to use me in His will and plan to bless another. There is nothing quite like someone praying to God and not saying a word and then suddenly there is help out of nowhere. Awesome!

Of course, it must be said that we shouldn't be ashamed or afraid to ask for help, too. I am right there with you. I don't ask for help. It takes a lot for me to even think of asking for help. The only ones I ask for help is Jesus Christ and my mom.

I don't really have anyone my age that is single and available. It is hard to have deep relationships/friendships with married women, though it isn't impossible. One of my dearest friends is married, but we truly never see each other. I guess we're more acquaintances than friends, now. That's sad to think about.

 

[jrccomputer]

Being single, I really don't like the weekends. They are a hard time for me.

 

[Searching4Truth]

Exemplify love. It's gonna hurt, but anything worth doing is worth doing well, right?

___ is patient, ____ is kind. ____ does not envy, ____ does not boast, ____ is not proud. ____ does not dishonor others, ____ is not self-seeking, ____ is not easily angered, ____ keeps no record of wrongs. ____ does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ____ always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Fill in the blanks with your name, and see if you qualify. It'll keep you busy.

 

[jrccomputer]

Exemplify love. It's gonna hurt, but anything worth doing is worth doing well, right?

___ is patient, ____ is kind. ____ does not envy, ____ does not boast, ____ is not proud. ____ does not dishonor others, ____ is not self-seeking, ____ is not easily angered, ____ keeps no record of wrongs. ____ does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ____ always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Fill in the blanks with your name, and see if you qualify. It'll keep you busy.

Yes, I do. Sadly!!