Struggling with God

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

CandiceL

New member
Oct 1, 2018
3
0
1
#1
Hi blessed friends, I'm new to this chat. Am single mid-40s lady. My parents have gone to the Lord, my siblings married, am staying alone. Prayed many years for spouse but not fulfilled, struggling with disappointment n frustration with God. Thought that if God created us for fellowship, why isn't my need met? Feel great dissatisfaction and envy seeing others with happy families, at least their parents are still around. How did you cope (those who are facing this)? This has caused me to spiral into depression :(
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
6,498
2,963
113
#2
I accepted it at Gods will and decided to spend my time sharing the Gospel which added great purpose and meaning to my life..

I have at times wondered what it would have been like to have a son or a daughter, to have a family here, But i have full hope that i will be a part of a huge loving family in eternity.. Eternity is Eternal.. Our lives here on earth can seem long to us, but in truth it is as nothing compared to eternity..
 

CandiceL

New member
Oct 1, 2018
3
0
1
#3
I accepted it at Gods will and decided to spend my time sharing the Gospel which added great purpose and meaning to my life..

I have at times wondered what it would have been like to have a son or a daughter, to have a family here, But i have full hope that i will be a part of a huge loving family in eternity.. Eternity is Eternal.. Our lives here on earth can seem long to us, but in truth it is as nothing compared to eternity..
Thank you for the wonderful reminder of our eternity!
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,539
2,105
113
#4
Hi blessed friends, I'm new to this chat. Am single mid-40s lady. My parents have gone to the Lord, my siblings married, am staying alone. Prayed many years for spouse but not fulfilled, struggling with disappointment n frustration with God. Thought that if God created us for fellowship, why isn't my need met? Feel great dissatisfaction and envy seeing others with happy families, at least their parents are still around. How did you cope (those who are facing this)? This has caused me to spiral into depression :(
Being created for fellowship is not what we were created for, first of all. So you're starting out with a false thinking.
And fellowship does not mean marriage. This site, for example, is a fellowship site. So if God put a need and desire to fellowship that does not mean god promises a spouse. In fact marriage is never a promise from God.
Your "need" isn't met because it's not actually a "need", it's a want.
Envy comes from looking at others lives and coveting. If your focus is on what others have and what you feel you're missing you're naturally going to feed the idea that you're lacking something. As well as reinforce the belief you need it.
You've gone this long without a spouse so its not a need.

I get where you're coming from. I, too, am in a similar situation, but once I accepted that it's not promised or guaranteed, nor needed, it made dealing with it all easier.
Really we aren't put here for marriage but first and foremost for God and to be witnesses.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,659
1,747
113
#5
Hi blessed friends, I'm new to this chat. Am single mid-40s lady. My parents have gone to the Lord, my siblings married, am staying alone. Prayed many years for spouse but not fulfilled, struggling with disappointment n frustration with God. Thought that if God created us for fellowship, why isn't my need met? Feel great dissatisfaction and envy seeing others with happy families, at least their parents are still around. How did you cope (those who are facing this)? This has caused me to spiral into depression :(

Hi Candice and welcome. I'm fortunate to be a bit younger than you and to still have my parents around, but I do wonder what I will do when they're gone and I know I will miss them a lot. How long ago did your parents go to be with the Lord? I also live alone and while my brother and his trials with his poorly behaved step kids constantly remind me of some of the beneifits of that, it does get lonely at times and TV and book characters just aren't very good conversationalists.

It's easy to get disappointed and frustrated with how life is going and to blame God, especially if you have a church background that included a lot of people telling you that God has promised to make life good and wonderful and not too difficult. Problem is if you read the Bible and try to find where it says that, it really doesn't say that. It's full of stories of bad things happening to good people and sometimes God eventually comes through and brings bigger blessings and sometimes you get to the end of the story and it just seems plain unfair.

The only real ways I've found to cope are to focus on the positive and work to change what I can about my life and circumstances. As people we do need a certain amount of social interaction and studies I've heard about are starting to show that face to face is better for us than online. So find ways to interact in real life with people (church, meetup.com, library book clubs, volunteer groups, get a second job as a greeter at wal-mart and you can get paid to talk to people, etc.) ; you may have to just keep trying stuff for a bit till you find something that works for you and that is ok too. Because you don't have to have a spouse to go out and do stuff and socialize and have fellowship. When people act surprised that I do stuff alone I just kind of give them a look and say: I'm single, if I didn't do stuff alone I'd never do anything. And even better you might find some people who want to do some of that stuff with you. Also if your parents passed recently (or if the grief is still a huge thing for you that time alone isn't healing), might be worth seeing if there's a grief support group around; it can help you process some of those emotions if you can share the experience of grieving with others.
 

Blackbriar

New member
Sep 23, 2018
2
5
3
#6
God isn't a magic fairy that comes down waves a wand and your husband/wife appears . You have to go out there and put some work into it. Work to better yourself, whether it be losing weight, financially, etc.. Best of luck on your search but don't just sit there and pray , work for it . The men will come , and if not , atleast you tried .
 

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
Sep 17, 2013
4,824
1,815
113
#7
Just pray for grace to accept whatever God has for you. If you ask for grace, He'll give it.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
6,199
6,771
113
#8
As a 53 year old lady, I think to myself, you are still young. I think, "sometimes something is missing, that I'm all alone it the world, bless my heart". Then I think how I can I turn this around, how can I find the blessing in this table for one scenario?

1. More time with God
2. More time to write
3. More time to find creative ways to enjoy my life just as it is.
4. A perfect time to learn how to be happy on my own, to be content and fulfilled in the Lord.
5. Time to work through those lonely times of ache with God, finding your joy in His truths and promises.
6. Getting out and about, even if it is uncomfy at first, reaching out to the community to serve or whatever.
7.
8.
9
10.

I challenge you to fill in the potential blessings of your current status.

About not having your parents around anymore, I am truly sorry. The longing can be quite overwhelming at times, I am sure. Big hugs. I love you and will pray for you.
 

CandiceL

New member
Oct 1, 2018
3
0
1
#9
Thanks so much for ur suggestions n encouragements.. Hugs! May the Lord also fill u with His goodness always
 
C

CandieM

Guest
#10
Hi blessed friends, I'm new to this chat. Am single mid-40s lady. My parents have gone to the Lord, my siblings married, am staying alone. Prayed many years for spouse but not fulfilled, struggling with disappointment n frustration with God. Thought that if God created us for fellowship, why isn't my need met? Feel great dissatisfaction and envy seeing others with happy families, at least their parents are still around. How did you cope (those who are facing this)? This has caused me to spiral into depression :(
👋👋 Hi there to someone with the same first name. 🙂 Welcome to CC.
 

Deade

Called of God
Dec 17, 2017
16,135
9,766
113
74
Vinita, Oklahoma, USA
yeshuaofisrael.org
#11
As a 53 year old lady, I think to myself, you are still young. I think, "sometimes something is missing, that I'm all alone it the world, bless my heart". Then I think how I can I turn this around, how can I find the blessing in this table for one scenario?

1. More time with God
2. More time to write
3. More time to find creative ways to enjoy my life just as it is.
4. A perfect time to learn how to be happy on my own, to be content and fulfilled in the Lord.
5. Time to work through those lonely times of ache with God, finding your joy in His truths and promises.
6. Getting out and about, even if it is uncomfy at first, reaching out to the community to serve or whatever.
7.
8.
9
10.

I challenge you to fill in the potential blessings of your current status.

About not having your parents around anymore, I am truly sorry. The longing can be quite overwhelming at times, I am sure. Big hugs. I love you and will pray for you.
Bottom line we have to learn being comfortable with ourselves sometime in our lives. I have had family all around me but that is now gone. It makes the loneliness all the more profound. Just make the best of what you have to work with and remember God likened this life like a puff of steam compared to eternity.

Jas. 4:14
"Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away."
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
6,199
6,771
113
#12
I couldn't agree more. I understand the ache all too well. But it is in that ache where it seems He so often reveals His Glory. I am thankful but prefer, lol, that He shine His radiance in the seasons of ease, lol
 

Prognostic

Junior Member
Jan 5, 2018
102
61
28
#13
Hey there. Feel for ya! Be strong and be courageous! That's an actual command from God Himself! :)

I don't have all your answers.
Some times the answers don't come.
For now we see through a glass
Darkly and not very focused
But then we will see in clear
We will know all things

However....

I believe that even though we have questions now. By then we'll be so blessed to be stood there with brand new bodies among our loved ones and in the presence of God that our earthly questions and ailments won't even matter any more and will pale into insignificance compared to our lives then.

And of course, all believers are saved. In the end. Whether in this life or the next come the rapture. For a little while, we must suffer. And life will throw many of us a curve ball. It's just something we all have to go through so I feel for you. Things can go awry and it can feel like God has forgotten us. Especially so for someone like yourself outside of fellowship or a church group etc. But it's okay you are loved very much and God hasn't forgotten you. He is in control of your situation. He knows the outcome. He is attentive to your words. His ears are always pricked in your direction. His eyes are always laid upon you. He sits on tenterhooks awaiting for you to speak to Him. He knows every word you will say before you say it. He understands your mumblings and groanings crystal clear. He knows about your weakness. He knows about your pain. He knows about all the things the enemy has done in your life to make things the way they are. He knows what you need right now and knows what you need to know or not right now. He let's you know only when he knows you are ready to know. He uses our trials to test us. To refine us. To help us to learn about faith. As gold or silver is refined in fire so is our faith during trials and tribulations. Truly this is why Job is in the bible. He knew through it all God is God. And God is good. God is always good. God is almighty. God is the only thing. The everything. And God is love. And you are His child. His daughter. In Christ. Hold onto and declare and claim your rightful heir to the throne of God. And do it with joy and gladness because he wants you to. Like any loving parent wants their child to climb upon their bossom. But because God is God. God the almighty God. Who is in control of all things. Now and forever. Who restores all the years the locusts have eaten and makes all things new. Who gives us hope and joy now. Even in the midst of diversity. And forever more.

God bless you sister in Christ.
Always give thanks and praise.
There is a time for everything
And seasons we must face
A time to reap and to sow
A time to mourn and to cry
A time to heal and find peace

Sometimes in life we will have many questions

We ask why when it seems so unfair.
We should just be like Job and just keep praising and thanking God. Even when we don't get the answers and more and more bad things are happening around us.

I pray I can do that. And I pray that you can do that too little sister.

I pray that God gives you strength. That he gives you purpose and direction. That he blesses your life immeasurably! That he would bless us all.

God bless you sister!

God bless Job for the awesome insight.

God bless us all.

God is God. Good is good. God is always good. God is almighty. God is love. God is pursuing you. Right now. He's crafty! He comes up with ways to get your attention. Without you even suspecting it. He's real subtle. He never forces anything! He loves you so much, He let's you decide on what to do. But he never gives up! He's a bit jealous. He's very jealous! He knows what you'll do or not. And all he does is for an eternal reason. He's in full control of every life. Is He only in control a little bit? Only partially in control? Does He only have most control but not all control? God is in full control. That's why He commands us to be strong and courageous!

We've won. Through Christ. We've won. It might be a but if a bumpy ride for a while on this journey. But our destination will make it all worth it.

Paradise Jesus called it.

So hold on and hold in there!

You got this!

God got you.

He got us all. All who believe. Even those that never even heard of the bible. But especially those that have and believe it. And you know if you believe it or not as does God. So if you do, rejoice! Praise and worship Him. Host a Christian party celebrating them. Hold prayers and singing. Organize something weekly. Get something going. Some kind of Christian fellowship. Make new friends and family. Bless people's lives. Bless your own life. Bless God and God bless! :)

Amen.