The Banned Game

[jennymae]

The walk in wardrobe was probably great. Too bad the correctional facility in Mosestaria didn’t grant her access to it. She was convicted of unpleasant behavior, whatever that meant, but the felony carried a five years sentence.

Charles had witnessed against her and stressed that she had a bad temper and that she was no friend of Mosestaria. She also didn’t like cold weather. Not taking a liking to cold weather was considered high treason in Mosestaria. It was just because she was a foreigner she had escaped life without parole.

 

[Lanolin]

Dang thought Saint Valentine. Its not good doing a miracle for Miss Jenny when I cant do one for whats his name. Charlieboy.

Charlieboy has to fall in love with her otherwise He who must not be named has another prisoner mouth to feed.

There seemed to be no way out of this one. And agapanthus wasnt really growing this far south.

Saint Valentine prayed for guidance, surely inspiration would come?

 

[jennymae]

While Ms Jenny was waiting on a knight in shining armor things were going sideways back home. Charles had returned to Jennymaesia, and he was deeply disturbed by the disappearance of his beloved Jenny, he could inform the people. In the meantime he would rule the country. For the sake of the people’s security Jennymaesia would, temporarily of course, be a part of Mosestaria. The Chieftain had in a most honorable way agreed to take upon himself to be bothered with Jennymaesia. A great sacrifice it was. For the peoples own safety a number of arrests were inevitable, but in the course of time they would all understand. Also, he would be spending all his time on finding Ms Jenny.

 

[Lanolin]

Saint Valentine waved his magic wand. He was going to do a miracle for Charlieboy but just a random one because he couldn't think of anything.
Nothing happened.

Maybe it only works on girls?

He tried to think of what Miss Jenny saw in Charlieboy but wasn't really coming up with anything. His fake accent? His brand name wardrobe? His looks that looked too much like his clone-dad, He who must not be named? His phony moustache??

 

[Lanolin]

What, Kevin saw his on his geomap that Miss Jenny had abidicated yet again. like for the 20th time and now Jennymaesia had changed its name to Cheerupcharlieland.

They were now manufacturing chocolates for both Valentines Day and Easter because Willie Wonka had handed his chocolate factory over.

At least, thats what the Lanolinlanders believed when they found that their chocolates were now banned from exporting to former Jennymaesia, though they were still exporting their ripped up old jeans.

 

[jennymae]

Lynette, a good hearted woman from the heart of Dixie, heard the terrible news about the destiny of Ms Jenny. “That poor girl!” she said to her husband. “We have to help her!” He took another sip of his coffee and offered her a deep sigh. “We’re gonna help a girl out of a dungeon in far away Antarctica?” Lynette nodded eagerly. “Ain’t nobody else doin’ nothin’!” Jimmy, her husband, was shaking his head in disbelief. “I take it that you’re familiar with the situation down yonder?” Lynette knew, but she didn’t think that was a major issue. They just had to go down there and get her out. “Go down there? Sure, I’m getting tickets for the next American Airlines flight to Antarctica!” her husband said ironically, “ain’t no commercial flights going there!” She pondered this for a spell. “What about hiring a plane? You used to fly those military planes before!” she was jumping up and down in excitement. “That’s ten years ago! Besides, I ain’t got no time for that, I’m up to my ears in trouble at work. The Union is on strike and I can’t hire anyone to do their jobs. Management has to do everything. I’m exhausted!”

Lynette realized she wouldn’t get any help from her husband. Then she got an idea!

 

[Moses_Young]

Or rather, she saw an idea in the latest edition of her Indefatigable Housewives magazine. A tall, dark, handsome man - mysterious looking with a pointy beard, and with a gold tooth that gleamed as if to say "You can trust me - I'm not one of those sell-out doctors" was winking at her. A breath-takingly beautiful woman was by his side, gazing admiringly up into the man's wisdom-filled eyes. Lynette couldn't tell why, but the advertisement made her feel a little jealous.

"Antarctic Flights - for those who would journey to the edge of the world, but on a budget even a bogan can afford".

"Well", Lynette thought to herself, "I'm not a bogan, and the advertising agency for Mosestarian Mosquito-ways certainly wasn't the most expensive or impressive, but it might just be her path to helping that poor Miss Jenny".

 

[Lanolin]

Lynette was no fool.
She didnt read no hags mags...she only ever used them for toilet paper when CostCo and Walmart ran out. She wasnt no meek housewife either.

He who must not be named was still in chauvinist patronising mode thinking his looks would influence anyone. Lynette sent a firm Twitter to all Mosetarians and Charlieboy.

STOP FLUFFING AROUND. BE A MAN and rescue Miss Jenny already OK. I ain't coming down. I've got enough work to do Frying my Green Tomatoes.

 

[jennymae]

The Chieftain and Charles had a good laugh at Lynette’s expense. Saving Ms Jenny? Good one! We are the ones keeping her in custody. They went out for a stroll and decided to pay their prisoner a visit.

“Good news, Ms Jenny, there’s actually one person who cares”, the Chieftain said, “just too bad she’s a daydreamer from the badlands of Dixie. She just sent us an email threatening us with all sorts of stuff”. Ms Jenny offered no response. They went on teasing her. No reaction. “My goodness”, Charles said nervously, “is she by any chance dead?” They opened the door. “Listen, Jen, you’re in no position to be playing games with us!”

The bunk was empty. Some towels and a pillow made it look like a person was sleeping there, but the prisoner was not there…

High up in the air an old airplane fought its way towards an American base. “See, darlin’, I knew you could fix this”, Lynette said to her husband.

 

[Lanolin]

What a mess. In the neglected part of East Lanolinland it had rained and the rivers had flooded with a deluge of biblical proportions thanks to decades of poor decision making under the previous govts who had planted pine plantations on the eroded hills instead of properly reforesting them. All the slashed logs had fallen down and blocked the rivers causing huge flooding. It was now up to Miss Greenlips Hine to deal with it, but President Lanolin claimed she had a better idea.

What is that, President Lanolin? I thought your portfolio was Sports and Recreation, not Agriculture and Fisheries.

Well I thought we could turn the rivers into log flumes and white water rafting fun rides as a way of protecting them.

What, you mean like extend Rainbows End all the way to the East Cape?

President Lanolin nodded.

That will be the longest rollercoaster ride ever!

Everyone will now only get there by flying fox and helicopter since all the roads are blocked and the bridges are washed away. And zorbs.

Wait till the Chipmunks hear about this!

 

[jennymae]

Pines? Golly, Ms Jenny didn’t really like pines. The old expression “High as a Georgia Pine” was still haunting that log making tree. While she was at it she came to think of how uppity folks from Georgia could be whenever they were looking down their nose at Alabamians. Okay, they were polite, prosperous and had a nice accent, but what else?

 

[Lanolin]

Keisha was busy ferrying injured and flood stricken wet animals to Shortland Street Vet hospital in her rescue helicopter. The whales though were making themselves at home in the floodwaters, and somehow seemed quite happy in the mud.

I heard President Lanolin is going to extend Rainbows End right to the East Cape, she told the chipmunks.

Oh boy! said Alvin.
Theodore exclaimed it was the best idea ever.
Simon wondered if there would be cotton candy stalls. Keisha said I dont think so, but there would be a log flume ride called Wet and Wild, near the old papermill, and one near the ex vineyards called the Grapes of Wrath, which was a fifty metre drop into a tank of grapes which you had to then crush with your feet to make wine.

Keisha also said Lanolins govt was providing emergency beehives for all the homeless bees to relocate to Wellington.

 

[Lanolin]

The sowing of the mountains of the South Island with lupins was starting in earnest so that the bees who ventures south would have plenty of nectar over spring.

In flood devastated East Lanolinland President Lanolin ordered clovers and manuka seeds to be broadcast over the muddy plains and the hills to be sown with agapanthus, which would cling tenanciously to the slopes unlike the shallowrooted pine trees that just all fell over. The valleys had willows to soak up the water and the swamps had taro and lotus and water lilies.

Keisha had her work cut out for her as bags of seeds and sheep pellets where scattered via helicopter. The greening and colouring in of the empty land had begun.

Bloody Pinus Radiata softwood trees! exclaimed Kevin. I knew they wouldnt last long but some fulla gave us a whole lot of them and now we cant get rid of them. Must have been that Santa Claus, though why the previous govt expected us to make a huge profit out of selling Christmas Trees is beyond me.

 

[Lanolin]

The Moas started laying their eggs in random places in perparation for Easter
Kevin considered importing giant rabbits for a two working week holiday visa from Rubyland, after all it WAS Year of the Rabbit, but decided it might be too much for flood stricken East Lanolinland to cope with.

 

[Lanolin]

Miss Jenny had returned to Sweet Home Alabama. Lynettes and her husband took her to one of Miss Dolly's hair salons. She said welcome back and did you get to visitin' Miss Bluebell and Miss Tailfeather on your way back? They due home too, and ah've got a homecoming parade prepared for them.

Miss Jenny couldnt speak for some strange reason.

 

[jennymae]

“Gadnitealivin’!” Ms Jenny finally managed to utter. “Where’em belles a been? How be dem?” Ms Jenny suddenly couldn’t speak without the accent outsiders tended to call thick. “Aww, honey, you ain’t gon believe what kinda bidniss been goin’ here since you gone!” Ms Dolly said flashing all her freshly bleached teeth.

 

[Lanolin]

Miss Bluebell and MissTailfeather traveled back to Dixieland after the devasting disasters in Lanolinland had rendered many kiwis homeless. They were shaken but resolved to do the best they could for peace in Dixieland, and while they didnt have kiwis they could at least save some alligators and send them to Rubyland where they needed more to deal with their mosetarian baby killing eagle problem.

 

[Lanolin]

It was decided that rabbits were useful after all in Lanolinland after for so long being viewed as pests, because they could dig new homes for the kiwis whos forest cover had been decimated by the floods.

The rabbits all banded together to dig extensive burrows they called HobbitHomes for the kiwis to rent and move in. The rabbits got paid in extra orange Ohakune Carrots.

Kevin was rather pleased at the new developments, instead of Kiwibuild which had sunk without a trace, it was now called RabbitDigs.

 

[Lanolin]

RabbitDigs was expanding, every kiwi now wanted a HobbitHome. Why live in a tree cavity when you could live in a hole in the ground?

The HobbitHomes were very cozy and quiet the kiwis could lay their eggs in peace. Also you couldnt really see them from above, and dogs couldnt get to them, if by chance they ever did enter Lanolinland again.

President Lanolin decided she would take a well earned break in her library hammock and read a book. She had to get away from the Beehive, now that it was swarming with extra bees. Of course when it was first built, only politicians could work there. But now she had turned it into an real Beehive the politicians had to move out because the bees were so noisy.

The politicians that had followed Jacinda ended up washed up on a beach somewhere in the Cayman Islands where they all had their tax shelters.

 

[Lanolin]

Miss Goodbooks was surprised to see President Lanolin at the library again so soon. What finished reading all your books?

Yes I need new ones.

Having read everything in the library Miss Goodbooks was at loss to recommend something to President Lanolin that she hadnt already read. Until she spied some books in the corner that could keep her occuped for hours, no reading involved.

How about these ones?

She held up a copy of Where's Kiwi? Its like Where's Wally, except you have to find the little brown kiwi hiding in every page.