The Need for Someone...

[AsifinPassing]

Hey Everyone! Lying in bed, life laid bare, and not sleeping as has become so common over the years, I've come to a point of interest:

The need (or feeling of need, strong desire) to have someone to talk and share with.

I've come to the realization over the years, this site included, that all the chat sites, role playing, gaming, etc has been done either as a distraction from things in my life (living in a fantasy world), or the sometimes desperate/varying degree search for someone new to learn about, get to know, talk with, spend time with, etc...

The feeling of anticipation and excitement as you await that next message... The depth of heart and reality in life you can sometimes find and share with another... The late night, sleep deprived, hourless conversations about anything and everything... I so deeply enjoy and sometimes bitterly miss.

My most common reason given to those who've asked me over the years to the 'So what brought you here?' question has resoundingly been... "The hope of finding someone to talk to.".

I'm an introvert, but not shy. Strangely enough, I really don't need another casual friend or aquaintance that pops in once Ina while... It's the life on life, day in and day out, joy and sorrow, life-partner sharing that I crave. I'm not even talking about a romantic relationship..just an open, deep, consistent friendship.

I've had friends over the years who used to talk with me via pm, phone, email, text, etc... Throughout the day, everyday. Part of me really misses that, and sometimes feels a nagging 'need' for it.

Can any of you relate to this? What do you do when those feelings bubble up and rob your sleep, thoughts, or attention?

 

[Roh_Chris]

Can any of you relate to this? What do you do when those feelings bubble up and rob your sleep, thoughts, or attention?

Yes, I can relate to what you are going through. But be warned that my reply may or may not help you, depending on how you look at it.

My emotions fluctuate often in a day. There are times when I would like someone to talk to and there are other times when I would like to be left alone. A part of this stems from what I am focussing on and another part from my priority-list. Let me give you an example. If I am driving to/from work, I would like a close friend as a company with whom I can talk and share about what happened during the day. But if I am working on something important or working out at the gym or having a foot-long of tuna sub, then I would like to my myself so that I can focus better.

What do I do when those feelings come up? I do one or two of the actions mentioned in this list -
1. I distract myself by doing those things which require all my focus.
2. I listen to songs.
3. I call up a friend and speak to him/her.
4. I talk it out aloud with God.
5. I come on CC and read the forums (or I go to CC Chat and annoy someone I know).

So far, this has not affected my sleep and I am thankful for it. I am a sound sleeper and even on days I cannot sleep I have mastered this 'secret technique' to getting good sleep. It involves you "focussing" on each part of your body and relaxing it. Start from your little toe on your right foot and move to the big toe. Then start from the little toe on your left foot and move to the big toe. Then move up to your ankles. So on and so forth ...

From my experience, I would say that it is more effective than counting sheep.

 

[wwjd_kilden]

yeah, I know the feeling.
Sometimes one just really needs someone who doesn't go poof and disappears, and more importantly, someone who won't think you are crazy just because you said something "out of character" (which isn't out of character but rather something you don't like to share with anybody). Well, at least that's how I feel.

 

[egeiro]

I can very much relate.

After becoming a Christian, I cut the ties with my old friends because I found it hard to hang around them without stumbling, but since then I haven't established the same kind of long-term transparent friendships I once had.

What I miss: Having friends you can call and hang out with at 9pm at night at some random park to talk about anything and everything.

I miss calling a female friend on those bad days and sleeping over and stealing half of their bed (IN A SISTERLY FASHION)

I really do miss being totally vulnerable, and letting someone see me cry tears that are not tears of joy, I miss putting my walls down. All my friends now are at very different stages of life or have set up walls themselves, and I've made small steps to be transparent with them, and we grew ever so slightly closer, but then I hid away again.

I feel like at my church, everyone tries to act like they have it all together. I've opened up to two friends not long ago about something I was struggling with, and although it was nice they prayed, it was never mentioned again and I felt too uncomfortable to come out of the 'I've got it all together' box.

I miss having another human being, walking a similar path of life with me who I can absolutely share that with. I miss turning to someone, and saying, "I don't get it", and they're willing to walk with me to find an answer.

I miss... I miss being me. I hate these walls. They get heavy.

There's so much more to me than the professional at work, or the young female-musical-worshipper at church, or the focused chick at the gym. But I'm too scared to step out and be all that I am unless someone first draws me out and says that its okay to be me.

I'm pretty silly in that sometimes I feel like I need permission from someone to do the most ordinary in life.

I guess I've been going through bit of a valley lately, so I've stopped thinking about what I can give, crumpled to the ground and have started asking, "What about what I want?"

/Rant - I've had an awful day at work, as well/word-vomit.

 

[cinder]

Well can definitely relate to what people have shared. Grateful for some of the friends who are good to talk to that I have made here. Need spell check to tell me that I always misspell grateful. My slightly useful solution, I hug the stuffings out of my extra pillow (it's kind of my substitute stuffed animal now that I'm too old for stuffed animals). I've also been known to visit other forums on CC and post there (not the BDF, I gave that up a long time ago). At my best moments though, such a desire to connect can motivate me to get in touch with a friend or a person I want to turn into a friend and invite them to do something. Other times it does me a lot of good to get out in nature somewhere and just pour out my heart to God. And sometimes I just sigh and accept that this a lonely season. There have been times when God has provided close friends for me, and when he sees fit another good friend will come along. Until then you just have to keep on keeping on.

 

[Adnil]

Hey Everyone! Lying in bed, life laid bare, and not sleeping as has become so common over the years, I've come to a point of interest:

The need (or feeling of need, strong desire) to have someone to talk and share with.

I've come to the realization over the years, this site included, that all the chat sites, role playing, gaming, etc has been done either as a distraction from things in my life (living in a fantasy world), or the sometimes desperate/varying degree search for someone new to learn about, get to know, talk with, spend time with, etc...

The feeling of anticipation and excitement as you await that next message... The depth of heart and reality in life you can sometimes find and share with another... The late night, sleep deprived, hourless conversations about anything and everything... I so deeply enjoy and sometimes bitterly miss.

My most common reason given to those who've asked me over the years to the 'So what brought you here?' question has resoundingly been... "The hope of finding someone to talk to.".

I'm an introvert, but not shy. Strangely enough, I really don't need another casual friend or aquaintance that pops in once Ina while... It's the life on life, day in and day out, joy and sorrow, life-partner sharing that I crave. I'm not even talking about a romantic relationship..just an open, deep, consistent friendship.

I've had friends over the years who used to talk with me via pm, phone, email, text, etc... Throughout the day, everyday. Part of me really misses that, and sometimes feels a nagging 'need' for it.

Can any of you relate to this? What do you do when those feelings bubble up and rob your sleep, thoughts, or attention?

I, for one, can completley relate to this feeling, and am so glad/reassured not to be the only one. I can't find friends locally to share my faith with and this is often a huge burden to me. Which is why I'm on here, looking for friendships. I don't think that chat sites have to be living a fantasy, we're real soul searching God seeking people and chat sites are just an extension of the need to find others to relate to. I don't think we're meant to be alone (in the human, natural sense) and believe we're hard wired to relate to other humans, God made us this way as he said to Adam, it's not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2.)

i have a great relationship with Father God and it is he who outlines this need to me. So I ask him, what can I do and here I am. And I am so greatful that with international time differences there is always a possibility to speak to some one and share.

Thank you Lord for meeting a prevalent need in the day and age that needs it!
Shalom.

 

[wwjd_kilden]

Adnil, are you far from Inverclyde?

 

[Adnil]

Adnil, are you far from Inverclyde?

Yup!

Love your wee mousie love echo btw <3

 

[wwjd_kilden]

aw, well, hope you find some Christian friends where you are
maybe there are some Christian arrangements over summer where you can meet up with people?

- thanks, it was so cute I just had to have it in there

 

[psychomom]

I feel like at my church, everyone tries to act like they have it all together. I've opened up to two friends not long ago about something I was struggling with, and although it was nice they prayed, it was never mentioned again and I felt too uncomfortable to come out of the 'I've got it all together' box.

hi there

i try not to wander in here too often, but seeing this i wanted to tell you i'm sorry.

this should never, ever happen in the Body of Christ, imo.
CS Lewis said Christianity is beggars telling other beggars where to find bread. (i agree)
no one has it all together, and wearing our masks that make it appear so hurts others.

i don't know why believers are so afraid to be vulnerable and open with each other.
oh, wait! the judgement.

but commendations to you for your courage!
perhaps eventually, others will learn from your example.
may the Lord richly bless you. ♥

 

[melita916]

The need (or feeling of need, strong desire) to have someone to talk and share with.

i know the feels. i've only dated one guy, and even though i don't miss him, i miss being completely honest with someone.

i have this weird concept in my head that i need to be strong for everyone i know, but then i ask, "who will be strong for me?" the only time i had a best friend was with the guy i dated. growing up, i never felt close to anyone. actually, i've always felt out of place.

whenever i start thinking of this, i get sad and lonely. so what do i do? keep my mind occupied with other things.

 

[jsr1221]

i know the feels. i've only dated one guy, and even though i don't miss him, i miss being completely honest with someone.

i have this weird concept in my head that i need to be strong for everyone i know, but then i ask, "who will be strong for me?" the only time i had a best friend was with the guy i dated. growing up, i never felt close to anyone. actually, i've always felt out of place.

whenever i start thinking of this, i get sad and lonely. so what do i do? keep my mind occupied with other things.

Yeah, I struggle with the exact same thing (except I miss being completely honest with a girl. Haha). It seems like the friends I have that are girls are either married, dating someone, or think I'm "such a nice guy" and that "they wish they could find someone like me." *Shrugs*... I dunno... But yeah I used to bowl before going to university. Now I'm working again I'd like to get back to that and maybe even join my uncle in a league. Cause he's the one that got me and my cousin into it. I think that'd be good for me.

 

[AsifinPassing]

Thank you so much for responding! Not that I thought I was the only one, but it's nice to get the affirmation from someone actually taking the time to say, "I relate." as most of you did.

I'm getting a lot of feedback so far to the effect of 'I distract myself with..." (which is Cool), but that's the thing... when it happens to me, it's late at night. Most people I know of are asleep (so it's hard to talk to someone I know already or connect with someone I want to be friends with), and I'm already listening to music or watching some show or on CC to distract myself, but that doesn't work for me.

I've poured my heart out to God, (and pray I/We consistently do so daily!) but that need or desire keeps arising in me on those sleepless nights. I'm not saying every night is like this, but frequently enough to be weekly, and on a particularly bad spell, even daily at times.

For me, part of it is that I was highly social at night. My band, girlfriends, even just close friends for many years seemed to be Night Owls, so it was a time I shared with someone for years. In recent years, though, that hasn't been the case, and despite the benefit of getting more consistent sleep and scheduling (which is a GOOD thing for me), I still can't help but notice the dissonance.

Anyway, not to sound morbid, lol. I guess I'm just reaching out by voicing this for once, and I really appreciate all those who are taking time to notice and reach back a little. Thank you again, so much!

 

[jsr1221]

Thank you so much for responding! Not that I thought I was the only one, but it's nice to get the affirmation from someone actually taking the time to say, "I relate." as most of you did.

I'm getting a lot of feedback so far to the effect of 'I distract myself with..." (which is Cool), but that's the thing... when it happens to me, it's late at night. Most people I know of are asleep (so it's hard to talk to someone I know already or connect with someone I want to be friends with), and I'm already listening to music or watching some show or on CC to distract myself, but that doesn't work for me.

I've poured my heart out to God, (and pray I/We consistently do so daily!) but that need or desire keeps arising in me on those sleepless nights. I'm not saying every night is like this, but frequently enough to be weekly, and on a particularly bad spell, even daily at times.

For me, part of it is that I was highly social at night. My band, girlfriends, even just close friends for many years seemed to be Night Owls, so it was a time I shared with someone for years. In recent years, though, that hasn't been the case, and despite the benefit of getting more consistent sleep and scheduling (which is a GOOD thing for me), I still can't help but notice the dissonance.

Anyway, not to sound morbid, lol. I guess I'm just reaching out by voicing this for once, and I really appreciate all those who are taking time to notice and reach back a little. Thank you again, so much!

Yeah. It's mostly at night for me, too. When all those thoughts come crawling back.. I don't know. Not all of us are called for someone. But we all need someone to some degree. None of us are meant to be alone (not saying that God isn't with us, cause He is. I hope whoever reads this knows what I mean.). My cousin is getting married around Thanksgiving 2016, and I already know my family (particularly my aunt and grandmother after a few drinks) are gonna start asking me "Where's your date? Why don't you have a girlfriend? Are you ever gonna get married? Ohh see that bridesmaid over there. Why don't you go talk to her?" *Sigh*...

 

[Adnil]

My son, who is 8, loves to watch silly animal vids on YouTube - okay, so I like em too, but really, who doesn't? - anyhoo ,so we watched a few where cats and dogs are demanding affection from their owners, they like really demand it.

owner pets animal, then stops, animal is like 'no, you are not yet finished lavishing me with affection."

Had us in stitches, especially the cats because they can seem so serious about it. Makes me remember what Jesus said about how God loves to care for all his creatures (sparrows, lilies etc) and how much more does he want to meet our needs, including our need for affection.
<3

 

[Adnil]

Can any of you relate to this? What do you do when those feelings bubble up and rob your sleep, thoughts, or attention?

I watch silly animal videos on YouTube

 

[Olerica]

Yeah, I struggle with the exact same thing (except I miss being completely honest with a girl. Haha). It seems like the friends I have that are girls are either married, dating someone, or think I'm "such a nice guy" and that "they wish they could find someone like me." *Shrugs*... I dunno... But yeah I used to bowl before going to university. Now I'm working again I'd like to get back to that and maybe even join my uncle in a league. Cause he's the one that got me and my cousin into it. I think that'd be good for me.

To the bolded: If you like the woman saying that to you, your response is, "Would you like to go out with me?" Because as dumb as that sounds? That's a woman giving you the nod, brother.

 

[Olerica]

I can relate. As vulnerable as it may be to admit this, I sometimes talk to the pillow on the other half of the bed. I miss my person, he was a good man... and I like to think I'm ready for a new man, but I just have to keep myself putting that back in God's hands.

I can relate. I really can.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

(...)Can any of you relate to this?

I think so. For the sake of respect to the person, I'll be a little vague: I have (maybe had) a friend who's friendship I value very much. It's so seldom I can connect with someone very deeply, and she remains an exception to that. Our friendship, however, is...spotty, you could say. I do miss it very much when it's out of sight, still.

Thankfully (albeit painfully), I discovered how important it is to not place "self worth" (whatever that means) in others. It makes loneliness a heck of a lot more bearable, and even enjoyable and desirable at times.

But all the same, there's no escaping that deep desire to connect with someone and make that connection last.

When we lift the covers from our feelings
We expose our insecure spots
Trust is just as rare as devotion
Forgive us our cynical thoughts
If we need too much attention
Not content with being cool
We must throw ourselves wide open
And start acting like a fool
If we need too much approval
Then the cuts can seem too cruel

 

[jsr1221]

To the bolded: If you like the woman saying that to you, your response is, "Would you like to go out with me?" Because as dumb as that sounds? That's a woman giving you the nod, brother.

Not in my experience. It's always "Ohh you're so great. I love you like a brother. You'd be just right for another girl."