The Need for Someone...

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
48
#21
I understand Jsr/Olerica... I've had many of those convos myself in the past. Thank you also for the replies (Andil included).
 

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
6,061
3,407
113
#22
To the bolded: If you like the woman saying that to you, your response is, "Would you like to go out with me?" Because as dumb as that sounds? That's a woman giving you the nod, brother.
Not necessarily. I know men here other than myself have heard the "I wish I could find someone like you" stuff before. At least in my experience it all too often means "I wish I could find someone like you that isn't you because for some really stupid reason I don't want you, just someone like you."
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,432
5,378
113
#23
Not necessarily. I know men here other than myself have heard the "I wish I could find someone like you" stuff before. At least in my experience it all too often means "I wish I could find someone like you that isn't you because for some really stupid reason I don't want you, just someone like you."
Usually it means they want someone with the same kinds of morals and values... but they want someone "hotter."
 

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
6,061
3,407
113
#24
Usually it means they want someone with the same kinds of morals and values... but they want someone "hotter."
Or makes more money, or has a nicer car, or even occasionally,

I really want you but I'm scared that I don't deserve someone like you and I'll just end up messing the whole thing up and end loosing you as a friend and I couldn't handle possibly not having you in my life at all.

(Yes, I know you ladies think in run on sentences)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,432
5,378
113
#25
I was actually thinking of this thread for a while at work today.

I wonder if this has happened to anyone else as well? I've gone through REALLY intense waves of wanting a significant other but over time and experience, I've come to realize that as long as I have a chance to have a close bonding with someone, I'll be all right. I wonder if this is actually true for a lot of people and they just don't realize it yet or maybe it's just me.

Right after my divorce, I took a full-time job and very quickly became friends with a girl I worked with. We became inseparable--I'd go to her house after work and on weekends and even spent Christmas dinner with them. She and her husband always made me feel welcome, so I was always hanging out with her and/or her kids. It got to a point where someone would ask either one of us a question and the other would answer, because we knew each other that well.

Granted, it was tough at times. When she said she was getting her husband a new wedding band for Christmas, I wanted to throw something through a wall!!! But having that bonding with someone made all the difference for me.

People have come and gone from my life but if I was blessed enough to have that kind of friendship with someone, I would feel somewhat "ok." During my time of writing inmates, putting so much energy into other people's lives was enough to keep me somewhat afloat as well, because they were telling me about their experiences, and God had a surprise blessing in store for me in the midst of it. I used to be a cutter, and it was an inmate who helped me with that rather than all the doctors and counselors I'd been to with big fancy degrees. Not that those things aren't valuable, but God chose someone in a prison as the person who would patiently take the brunt of all my anger and keep talking and praying me through. This person spared me the agony of trying to depend on a romantic partner to try to "cure" or "save" me, which is a burden I'd carried through some of my other relationships and surely contributed to their demise.

I often wonder if our thirst for a relationship is kind of like hunger. Diet experts say that sometimes when we think we're hungry, we are actually dehydrated and need water, not food. In other words, we FEEL a "need" that feels very real... but we misinterpret the need. We think we need to eat a meal, but what we really need is more water.

Could it be that what we're really "thirsting" for might not be a significant other, or at least not as intensely as we think we need one? Maybe what our souls are really "starving" for is something or someone we've never encountered before but it will help us make a huge breakthrough in our lives... And God is putting a relationship on hold in our lives because if we had one, we'd never pay attention to the person or thing that might be there to do a major work in our heart that has to come before a relationship.

Just food for thought. (And I admit, the food I'm thinking about right now is cheesecake... Thanks, Olerica!!!:p)
 

Shannon50

Senior Member
May 9, 2015
184
2
18
#26
Hey Everyone! Lying in bed, life laid bare, and not sleeping as has become so common over the years, I've come to a point of interest:

The need (or feeling of need, strong desire) to have someone to talk and share with.

I've come to the realization over the years, this site included, that all the chat sites, role playing, gaming, etc has been done either as a distraction from things in my life (living in a fantasy world), or the sometimes desperate/varying degree search for someone new to learn about, get to know, talk with, spend time with, etc...

The feeling of anticipation and excitement as you await that next message... The depth of heart and reality in life you can sometimes find and share with another... The late night, sleep deprived, hourless conversations about anything and everything... I so deeply enjoy and sometimes bitterly miss.

My most common reason given to those who've asked me over the years to the 'So what brought you here?' question has resoundingly been... "The hope of finding someone to talk to.".

I'm an introvert, but not shy. Strangely enough, I really don't need another casual friend or aquaintance that pops in once Ina while... It's the life on life, day in and day out, joy and sorrow, life-partner sharing that I crave. I'm not even talking about a romantic relationship..just an open, deep, consistent friendship.

I've had friends over the years who used to talk with me via pm, phone, email, text, etc... Throughout the day, everyday. Part of me really misses that, and sometimes feels a nagging 'need' for it.

Can any of you relate to this? What do you do when those feelings bubble up and rob your sleep, thoughts, or attention?
-- All I can think of is, wow, you're so young; you have your whole life ahead of you--- and then I remember the anticipation of being in love (or 'in like', if you wish), and remember how it was such a delicious feeling-----

I wonder if it's part of "growing up"; you know, you're life changes so much when you settle into a career and you have more responsibilities than free-time, and your friends have moved away to begin new chapters, and one day, you look up and wonder, "where did it all go? I used to have fun relationships, right?"

Making and keeping relationships changes as you get older-- it's more difficult, I find. LOL, everything get's more difficult as you age!! My grandparents and parents always instilled in me the importance of cultivating friendships. It's a lot of work, but in the end it's worth it, even for married people.

In my life right now, I am not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, but yes, a lot of times, I am lonley. I do long for emotional connection. Spiritual connection. Sexual connection. Just a connection :D And I do wonder, how I'll fair, long term sometimes. But most days, I choose to disconnect and watch netflix instead of contemplate it. :D
 
W

Witness45

Guest
#27
Hey Everyone! Lying in bed, life laid bare, and not sleeping as has become so common over the years, I've come to a point of interest:

The need (or feeling of need, strong desire) to have someone to talk and share with.

I've come to the realization over the years, this site included, that all the chat sites, role playing, gaming, etc has been done either as a distraction from things in my life (living in a fantasy world), or the sometimes desperate/varying degree search for someone new to learn about, get to know, talk with, spend time with, etc...

The feeling of anticipation and excitement as you await that next message... The depth of heart and reality in life you can sometimes find and share with another... The late night, sleep deprived, hourless conversations about anything and everything... I so deeply enjoy and sometimes bitterly miss.

My most common reason given to those who've asked me over the years to the 'So what brought you here?' question has resoundingly been... "The hope of finding someone to talk to.".

I'm an introvert, but not shy. Strangely enough, I really don't need another casual friend or aquaintance that pops in once Ina while... It's the life on life, day in and day out, joy and sorrow, life-partner sharing that I crave. I'm not even talking about a romantic relationship..just an open, deep, consistent friendship.

I've had friends over the years who used to talk with me via pm, phone, email, text, etc... Throughout the day, everyday. Part of me really misses that, and sometimes feels a nagging 'need' for it.

Can any of you relate to this? What do you do when those feelings bubble up and rob your sleep, thoughts, or attention?
Could've written this myself.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,425
2,416
113
#28
Yeah, I struggle with the exact same thing (except I miss being completely honest with a girl. Haha). It seems like the friends I have that are girls are either married, dating someone, or think I'm "such a nice guy" and that "they wish they could find someone like me." *Shrugs*... I dunno... But yeah I used to bowl before going to university. Now I'm working again I'd like to get back to that and maybe even join my uncle in a league. Cause he's the one that got me and my cousin into it. I think that'd be good for me.
I think we singles should make a pact to 1) not use this line on anyone without some explanation of why you aren't good enough but someone like you would be and 2) get a bit upset with friends who use this line on us and show that upsetness because it is insulting and discouraging for people to keep telling you that you are good but not good enough.


As for what seoul was saying, I too have found that having a few close friends can really help tone down the desire for an SO. Feeling connected is of primary importance, romance is secondary or tertiary or somewhere lower ( I was tempted to see how many of those words I knew, but that could get boring really fast).