The Need for Someone...
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Not necessarily. I know men here other than myself have heard the "I wish I could find someone like you" stuff before. At least in my experience it all too often means "I wish I could find someone like you that isn't you because for some really stupid reason I don't want you, just someone like you."
Or makes more money, or has a nicer car, or even occasionally,
I really want you but I'm scared that I don't deserve someone like you and I'll just end up messing the whole thing up and end loosing you as a friend and I couldn't handle possibly not having you in my life at all.
(Yes, I know you ladies think in run on sentences)
I really want you but I'm scared that I don't deserve someone like you and I'll just end up messing the whole thing up and end loosing you as a friend and I couldn't handle possibly not having you in my life at all.
(Yes, I know you ladies think in run on sentences)
I was actually thinking of this thread for a while at work today.
I wonder if this has happened to anyone else as well? I've gone through REALLY intense waves of wanting a significant other but over time and experience, I've come to realize that as long as I have a chance to have a close bonding with someone, I'll be all right. I wonder if this is actually true for a lot of people and they just don't realize it yet or maybe it's just me.
Right after my divorce, I took a full-time job and very quickly became friends with a girl I worked with. We became inseparable--I'd go to her house after work and on weekends and even spent Christmas dinner with them. She and her husband always made me feel welcome, so I was always hanging out with her and/or her kids. It got to a point where someone would ask either one of us a question and the other would answer, because we knew each other that well.
Granted, it was tough at times. When she said she was getting her husband a new wedding band for Christmas, I wanted to throw something through a wall!!! But having that bonding with someone made all the difference for me.
People have come and gone from my life but if I was blessed enough to have that kind of friendship with someone, I would feel somewhat "ok." During my time of writing inmates, putting so much energy into other people's lives was enough to keep me somewhat afloat as well, because they were telling me about their experiences, and God had a surprise blessing in store for me in the midst of it. I used to be a cutter, and it was an inmate who helped me with that rather than all the doctors and counselors I'd been to with big fancy degrees. Not that those things aren't valuable, but God chose someone in a prison as the person who would patiently take the brunt of all my anger and keep talking and praying me through. This person spared me the agony of trying to depend on a romantic partner to try to "cure" or "save" me, which is a burden I'd carried through some of my other relationships and surely contributed to their demise.
I often wonder if our thirst for a relationship is kind of like hunger. Diet experts say that sometimes when we think we're hungry, we are actually dehydrated and need water, not food. In other words, we FEEL a "need" that feels very real... but we misinterpret the need. We think we need to eat a meal, but what we really need is more water.
Could it be that what we're really "thirsting" for might not be a significant other, or at least not as intensely as we think we need one? Maybe what our souls are really "starving" for is something or someone we've never encountered before but it will help us make a huge breakthrough in our lives... And God is putting a relationship on hold in our lives because if we had one, we'd never pay attention to the person or thing that might be there to do a major work in our heart that has to come before a relationship.
Just food for thought. (And I admit, the food I'm thinking about right now is cheesecake... Thanks, Olerica!!!
)
I wonder if this has happened to anyone else as well? I've gone through REALLY intense waves of wanting a significant other but over time and experience, I've come to realize that as long as I have a chance to have a close bonding with someone, I'll be all right. I wonder if this is actually true for a lot of people and they just don't realize it yet or maybe it's just me.
Right after my divorce, I took a full-time job and very quickly became friends with a girl I worked with. We became inseparable--I'd go to her house after work and on weekends and even spent Christmas dinner with them. She and her husband always made me feel welcome, so I was always hanging out with her and/or her kids. It got to a point where someone would ask either one of us a question and the other would answer, because we knew each other that well.
Granted, it was tough at times. When she said she was getting her husband a new wedding band for Christmas, I wanted to throw something through a wall!!! But having that bonding with someone made all the difference for me.
People have come and gone from my life but if I was blessed enough to have that kind of friendship with someone, I would feel somewhat "ok." During my time of writing inmates, putting so much energy into other people's lives was enough to keep me somewhat afloat as well, because they were telling me about their experiences, and God had a surprise blessing in store for me in the midst of it. I used to be a cutter, and it was an inmate who helped me with that rather than all the doctors and counselors I'd been to with big fancy degrees. Not that those things aren't valuable, but God chose someone in a prison as the person who would patiently take the brunt of all my anger and keep talking and praying me through. This person spared me the agony of trying to depend on a romantic partner to try to "cure" or "save" me, which is a burden I'd carried through some of my other relationships and surely contributed to their demise.
I often wonder if our thirst for a relationship is kind of like hunger. Diet experts say that sometimes when we think we're hungry, we are actually dehydrated and need water, not food. In other words, we FEEL a "need" that feels very real... but we misinterpret the need. We think we need to eat a meal, but what we really need is more water.
Could it be that what we're really "thirsting" for might not be a significant other, or at least not as intensely as we think we need one? Maybe what our souls are really "starving" for is something or someone we've never encountered before but it will help us make a huge breakthrough in our lives... And God is putting a relationship on hold in our lives because if we had one, we'd never pay attention to the person or thing that might be there to do a major work in our heart that has to come before a relationship.
Just food for thought. (And I admit, the food I'm thinking about right now is cheesecake... Thanks, Olerica!!!
)
-- All I can think of is, wow, you're so young; you have your whole life ahead of you--- and then I remember the anticipation of being in love (or 'in like', if you wish), and remember how it was such a delicious feeling-----
I wonder if it's part of "growing up"; you know, you're life changes so much when you settle into a career and you have more responsibilities than free-time, and your friends have moved away to begin new chapters, and one day, you look up and wonder, "where did it all go? I used to have fun relationships, right?"
Making and keeping relationships changes as you get older-- it's more difficult, I find. LOL, everything get's more difficult as you age!! My grandparents and parents always instilled in me the importance of cultivating friendships. It's a lot of work, but in the end it's worth it, even for married people.
In my life right now, I am not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, but yes, a lot of times, I am lonley. I do long for emotional connection. Spiritual connection. Sexual connection. Just a connection And I do wonder, how I'll fair, long term sometimes. But most days, I choose to disconnect and watch netflix instead of contemplate it.
I wonder if it's part of "growing up"; you know, you're life changes so much when you settle into a career and you have more responsibilities than free-time, and your friends have moved away to begin new chapters, and one day, you look up and wonder, "where did it all go? I used to have fun relationships, right?"
Making and keeping relationships changes as you get older-- it's more difficult, I find. LOL, everything get's more difficult as you age!! My grandparents and parents always instilled in me the importance of cultivating friendships. It's a lot of work, but in the end it's worth it, even for married people.
In my life right now, I am not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, but yes, a lot of times, I am lonley. I do long for emotional connection. Spiritual connection. Sexual connection. Just a connection
And I do wonder, how I'll fair, long term sometimes. But most days, I choose to disconnect and watch netflix instead of contemplate it. 
I think we singles should make a pact to 1) not use this line on anyone without some explanation of why you aren't good enough but someone like you would be and 2) get a bit upset with friends who use this line on us and show that upsetness because it is insulting and discouraging for people to keep telling you that you are good but not good enough.
As for what seoul was saying, I too have found that having a few close friends can really help tone down the desire for an SO. Feeling connected is of primary importance, romance is secondary or tertiary or somewhere lower ( I was tempted to see how many of those words I knew, but that could get boring really fast).
As for what seoul was saying, I too have found that having a few close friends can really help tone down the desire for an SO. Feeling connected is of primary importance, romance is secondary or tertiary or somewhere lower ( I was tempted to see how many of those words I knew, but that could get boring really fast).