The Power of Loneliness

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love_comes_softly

Well-known member
Feb 13, 2019
680
738
93
#1
Loneliness is something that probably everyone has dealt with at some point in his or her lives. It takes on so many different shapes and forms and it can be such a powerful life alternating feeling or experience.

It is a real/deep thing that people go through and yet at the same time, it is a lie from the enemy because we aren’t actually alone.

Being lonely and feeling loneliness is so much deeper than the physical act of actually being alone or by yourself. Though we often look at in the physical sense.

Definition of lonely
1a : being without company : lone too many lonely nights at home
b : cut off from others : solitary the train stopped frequently at lonely little stations— Robert Hichens
2 : not frequented by human beings : desolate a lonely spot in the woods
3 : sad from being alone : lonesome He was feeling lonely without his wife and children.
4 : producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation



What has loneliness looked like in your lives? How about in the lives around you?

How do you overcome different types of loneliness? Do you have any encouragement or advice for those feeling this way or experiencing this in their lives?

What does the Lord say about loneliness?

Loneliness has been magnified in the lives around me in such a way recently that I feel like it’s something the Lord wants me to be aware of.

Thank you for those that choose to share. If nothing else, know that YOU are not alone. You may feel alone or be alone, but you are not, you are loved. I encourage you to reach out to someone, anyone and talk about it.
 

Going_Nowhere

Well-known member
Nov 10, 2019
1,503
671
113
#2
I'm alone most of the time, but I don't feel lonely. I'm one of the people that prefers, and is happy, being alone. I'm by myself and would like to keep it that way.
 
T

tasha66

Guest
#3
I'm a loner. I choose not to be with a man, despite some interest from the opposite sex (even married men). I don't think loneliness in itself is a bad thing. It gives you time to reflect when you're on your own, and cos I work in a job where I'm constantly dealing with & listening to other people's problems, I really don't need the extra stress of a relationship.
I am done with men I think. I tried dating sites but they all want money off of you, and the men are all invariably sleazy and want you to give out personal details from the get go. I'm too cautious to do that, and I don't think it's safe dating online, as you have no idea who that other person is (they could be a stalker, murderer, they could be married, etc). And even if you meet up with men, they could just lie about everything anyway. I have advertised with men just to go for coffee, but nobody wanted to do that, which is weird to me. They all wanted 'intimate, private chats' or to meet up for 'fun'. Like - eeeeewwwww!
When I was younger, we all used to hang out with both sexes, and go out for dinner and/or coffee/drinks or to the cinema as a group or just with each other. There was no jealousy, as we were all just mates.
Though continued loneliness isn't good - I have nobody here where I am for work at present - I think it's something you just get used to. I couldn't imagine having a family of screaming kids to come home to, after a very long & tiring day at work, or having to work, come home, cook, gets kids bathed & dressed, ke ep the hubby/partner happy - it's just not me. If my partner/hubby wanted dinner from me, they'd have a long wait, cos I'd be telling them to cook it themselves! *Gold stickers to the parents on here BTW that do this every day*. Plus I hate noise now, so the above scenario is not one I want to be in. I grew up in a big noisy family and that was enough for me. I guess people with big families and lots of friends just get used to noise and having others around all the time.
Some of my gf's (past & present) are single, some have never been married. They are never lonely, & lead wonderful lives, working, travelling all around the world, and dating when they feel like it.
Loneliness can be a state of mind as we all know, not just the absence of others or pets etc.
I get lonely as I miss my cat. You don't realise how much a pet puts into your life - and is part of your life - until they are suddenly gone. And I don't think you can just replace a pet, as they are all individuals.
Yes talking helps with loneliness. You only get out of relationships what you are usually willing to put into them. But I've never had a big circle of friends or hangers on as I call them - that's just not me.
I think loneliness is something we still don't understand very well, but there are lots about the brain and about mental health as well that we still know very little about.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,311
1,131
113
#4
I'm a loner. I choose not to be with a man, despite some interest from the opposite sex (even married men). I don't think loneliness in itself is a bad thing. It gives you time to reflect when you're on your own, and cos I work in a job where I'm constantly dealing with & listening to other people's problems, I really don't need the extra stress of a relationship.
I am done with men I think. I tried dating sites but they all want money off of you, and the men are all invariably sleazy and want you to give out personal details from the get go. I'm too cautious to do that, and I don't think it's safe dating online, as you have no idea who that other person is (they could be a stalker, murderer, they could be married, etc). And even if you meet up with men, they could just lie about everything anyway. I have advertised with men just to go for coffee, but nobody wanted to do that, which is weird to me. They all wanted 'intimate, private chats' or to meet up for 'fun'. Like - eeeeewwwww!
When I was younger, we all used to hang out with both sexes, and go out for dinner and/or coffee/drinks or to the cinema as a group or just with each other. There was no jealousy, as we were all just mates.
Though continued loneliness isn't good - I have nobody here where I am for work at present - I think it's something you just get used to. I couldn't imagine having a family of screaming kids to come home to, after a very long & tiring day at work, or having to work, come home, cook, gets kids bathed & dressed, ke ep the hubby/partner happy - it's just not me. If my partner/hubby wanted dinner from me, they'd have a long wait, cos I'd be telling them to cook it themselves! *Gold stickers to the parents on here BTW that do this every day*. Plus I hate noise now, so the above scenario is not one I want to be in. I grew up in a big noisy family and that was enough for me. I guess people with big families and lots of friends just get used to noise and having others around all the time.
Some of my gf's (past & present) are single, some have never been married. They are never lonely, & lead wonderful lives, working, travelling all around the world, and dating when they feel like it.
Loneliness can be a state of mind as we all know, not just the absence of others or pets etc.
I get lonely as I miss my cat. You don't realise how much a pet puts into your life - and is part of your life - until they are suddenly gone. And I don't think you can just replace a pet, as they are all individuals.
Yes talking helps with loneliness. You only get out of relationships what you are usually willing to put into them. But I've never had a big circle of friends or hangers on as I call them - that's just not me.
I think loneliness is something we still don't understand very well, but there are lots about the brain and about mental health as well that we still know very little about.
It would be nice to get a little kitten though...and appreciate another little personality😍💕x
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,311
1,131
113
#5
I'm a loner. I choose not to be with a man, despite some interest from the opposite sex (even married men). I don't think loneliness in itself is a bad thing. It gives you time to reflect when you're on your own, and cos I work in a job where I'm constantly dealing with & listening to other people's problems, I really don't need the extra stress of a relationship.
I am done with men I think. I tried dating sites but they all want money off of you, and the men are all invariably sleazy and want you to give out personal details from the get go. I'm too cautious to do that, and I don't think it's safe dating online, as you have no idea who that other person is (they could be a stalker, murderer, they could be married, etc). And even if you meet up with men, they could just lie about everything anyway. I have advertised with men just to go for coffee, but nobody wanted to do that, which is weird to me. They all wanted 'intimate, private chats' or to meet up for 'fun'. Like - eeeeewwwww!
When I was younger, we all used to hang out with both sexes, and go out for dinner and/or coffee/drinks or to the cinema as a group or just with each other. There was no jealousy, as we were all just mates.
Though continued loneliness isn't good - I have nobody here where I am for work at present - I think it's something you just get used to. I couldn't imagine having a family of screaming kids to come home to, after a very long & tiring day at work, or having to work, come home, cook, gets kids bathed & dressed, ke ep the hubby/partner happy - it's just not me. If my partner/hubby wanted dinner from me, they'd have a long wait, cos I'd be telling them to cook it themselves! *Gold stickers to the parents on here BTW that do this every day*. Plus I hate noise now, so the above scenario is not one I want to be in. I grew up in a big noisy family and that was enough for me. I guess people with big families and lots of friends just get used to noise and having others around all the time.
Some of my gf's (past & present) are single, some have never been married. They are never lonely, & lead wonderful lives, working, travelling all around the world, and dating when they feel like it.
Loneliness can be a state of mind as we all know, not just the absence of others or pets etc.
I get lonely as I miss my cat. You don't realise how much a pet puts into your life - and is part of your life - until they are suddenly gone. And I don't think you can just replace a pet, as they are all individuals.
Yes talking helps with loneliness. You only get out of relationships what you are usually willing to put into them. But I've never had a big circle of friends or hangers on as I call them - that's just not me.
I think loneliness is something we still don't understand very well, but there are lots about the brain and about mental health as well that we still know very little about.
I appreciate a lot of things you said...however, my circumstances are very different... I would personally be looking to marry a man who wanted me to be the home-maker rather than the bread-winner...having babies and little children were the best, most fulfilling days of my life... and yes I like peace and quiet and now my kids are older I have more of that...
but I have been a single parent for 9 years and it gets lonely-I love my kids and am thankful for them but they don't always want me around now they're more independent. I am not in a situation where I can go off and travel or even have an evening out whenever I like. I am thankful for my little dogs too but it's not the same as having a man's loving arms around me or being able to give and receive affection.
Sometimes I've noticed I think I am lovely at times when I am actually just over-tired lol... but I do miss an intimate relationship and I find it very hard... I know I must trust God with His will and timing for everything in my life... I know I am His and that the hairs on my head are numbered... that He loves me and cares about everything that concerns me. It helps me to remember that as believers, the Bible is clear that we will suffer in life until we are with the Lord-and that it will be sooo worth it....
Sometimes I ask God to help me with this problem and He does.... but I do hope one day He leads me to a man He wants me to be married to x
Oh and btw...not all guys on Christian sites are stalkers and murderers-yes it's wise to be cautious, discerning and prayerful, but I have met some wonderful Christian men on Christian sites who for one reason or another it didn't work out with. He has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind x
Maybe this is a season in your life or maybe it's just that you are happy being single, as long as you are true to your own heart and to the Lord, I am happy for you xx
 
T

tasha66

Guest
#6
Oh and btw...not all guys on Christian sites are stalkers and murderers-yes it's wise to be cautious, discerning and prayerful, but I have met some wonderful Christian men on Christian sites who for one reason or another it didn't work out with. He has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind x
Maybe this is a season in your life or maybe it's just that you are happy being single, as long as you are true to your own heart and to the Lord, I am happy for you xx
I wasn't clear...I wasn't on Christian websites, just normal ones looking for companionship only, no sex, which I made very, very clear. Anyway, I haven't even looked at Christian websites, as it's not something I feel would work for me at this time in my life, but I will keep them in mind.
I am happy being single, but it would just be nice to have someone to go out to a movie with, or for a coffee/dinner occasionally. Unfortunately, most men I've encountered don't want to do that, and always want to take things further. I've had enough of men letting me down very badly - even last year - but that was partly my fault.
Anyway it must be very hard being a single parent, and yes, you do need adult companionship as you get older.
You need someone to grow old with and to care for you.
I hope it all works out for you!
 

Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
589
502
93
#7
Loneliness is something that probably everyone has dealt with at some point in his or her lives. It takes on so many different shapes and forms and it can be such a powerful life alternating feeling or experience.

It is a real/deep thing that people go through and yet at the same time, it is a lie from the enemy because we aren’t actually alone.

Being lonely and feeling loneliness is so much deeper than the physical act of actually being alone or by yourself. Though we often look at in the physical sense.

Definition of lonely
1a : being without company : lone too many lonely nights at home
b : cut off from others : solitary the train stopped frequently at lonely little stations— Robert Hichens
2 : not frequented by human beings : desolate a lon
Loneliness is something that probably everyone has dealt with at some point in his or her lives. It takes on so many different shapes and forms and it can be such a powerful life alternating feeling or experience.

It is a real/deep thing that people go through and yet at the same time, it is a lie from the enemy because we aren’t actually alone.

Being lonely and feeling loneliness is so much deeper than the physical act of actually being alone or by yourself. Though we often look at in the physical sense.

Definition of lonely
1a : being without company : lone too many lonely nights at home
b : cut off from others : solitary the train stopped frequently at lonely little stations— Robert Hichens
2 : not frequented by human beings : desolate a lonely spot in the woods
3 : sad from being alone : lonesome He was feeling lonely without his wife and children.
4 : producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation



What has loneliness looked like in your lives? How about in the lives around you?

How do you overcome different types of loneliness? Do you have any encouragement or advice for those feeling this way or experiencing this in their lives?

What does the Lord say about loneliness?

Loneliness has been magnified in the lives around me in such a way recently that I feel like it’s something the Lord wants me to be aware of.

Thank you for those that choose to share. If nothing else, know that YOU are not alone. You may feel alone or be alone, but you are not, you are loved. I encourage you to reach out to someone, anyone and talk about it.
A few of my thoughts...
when I read "The hiding Place" Corrie was put in solitary confinement for a number of days or weeks. She told about how awful that was. Yes, she knew Christ. There was an ant that would come into the cell. She would talk to it and one time when it went in its hole or under the door she cried.

I read on another forum somewhere about a woman that lost her husband and was describing loneliness. She is a Christian but also said she misses the presence of a living, breathing, talking, warm person next to her. I get that. Can I survive without someone? Certainly, but I hope that's not where I end up. If that hope is wrong...God can change that.

There is something to be said about an intimate relationship with a spouse. It has the potential to go deeper than any other earthly relationship. I know there are those here that have been cheated out of that. I don't know what that is like and I am sure it certainly changes a person's perspective.

And as I read Butterflyy's post, I understand having children but that is a different relationship. I struggle here on CC even. There are a lot of great people here. I can write out some thoughts and read others but it just doesn't compare to marriage.

Loneliness is a powerful thing. It can lead my mind to places it shouldn't go. But since I DO have Christ, I can stay away from those places or things. For those who do not and are lonely....I'd venture to say they are trying a lot of things to fill that loneliness.
 
T

tasha66

Guest
#8
@Krumbeard: Yes, KB, loneliness causes alot of people to do desperate things.
I do miss a relationship, but many women I know are in very unhappy marriages, or have got divorced, or live with spouses who abuse them in one shape or form. I've counselled and met many men & women who have been in abusive relationships, and it does put one off I must say.
I know not all men / women are bad. But many people like to ingest drugs (legal & illegal, including alcohol), & that doesn't appeal to me. There is a culture down here in Australia (and worldwide probably) where everybody I have met so far (bar one lady), drinks alcohol to get high. People can't seem to just go out and enjoy doing stuff without taking their beers or wine, getting drop down dead drunk then causing trouble. What happened to just going to the beach with your soft drinks, & a packed lunch, and enjoying the time that you have with your family? All the ads on TV promote drinking, and the message is that hey! you can't have a good time without it.
When I was younger, we used to have a designated driver and many times at nightclubs, I'd drink water or diet coke. Other people thought I was mad. I danced all night & didn't need alcohol to have a good time, though I did drink on occasion. I still don't think you need alcohol & other drugs to have a good time - this is something that's indicative of the times we live in, though people since the beginning of time have used alcohol and drugs in some form or other.
So yes people go with the crowd to be popular, to make friends. Women stay with spouses who abuse them out of loneliness and for many other reasons, which are too long to go into.
We even get people signing themselves into our hospitals at Xmas & NYE, cos they're lonely and have no family to care for them. The docs sign them in cos usually the beds aren't full at that time of year, so at least they have someone to talk to, a bed, and decent food.
It's horrid in our society too that people kill themselves out of loneliness too :(
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
6,210
6,784
113
#10
Loneliness is something that probably everyone has dealt with at some point in his or her lives. It takes on so many different shapes and forms and it can be such a powerful life alternating feeling or experience.

It is a real/deep thing that people go through and yet at the same time, it is a lie from the enemy because we aren’t actually alone.

Being lonely and feeling loneliness is so much deeper than the physical act of actually being alone or by yourself. Though we often look at in the physical sense.

Definition of lonely
1a : being without company : lone too many lonely nights at home
b : cut off from others : solitary the train stopped frequently at lonely little stations— Robert Hichens
2 : not frequented by human beings : desolate a lonely spot in the woods
3 : sad from being alone : lonesome He was feeling lonely without his wife and children.
4 : producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation



What has loneliness looked like in your lives? How about in the lives around you?

How do you overcome different types of loneliness? Do you have any encouragement or advice for those feeling this way or experiencing this in their lives?

What does the Lord say about loneliness?

Loneliness has been magnified in the lives around me in such a way recently that I feel like it’s something the Lord wants me to be aware of.

Thank you for those that choose to share. If nothing else, know that YOU are not alone. You may feel alone or be alone, but you are not, you are loved. I encourage you to reach out to someone, anyone and talk about it.
It is extra comforting to talk so openly about loneliness when in a moment of loneliness. Maybe knowing others understand themselves makes us feel less alone. I am sad though knowing others know this ache. Thank you for sharing.

Sending prayers...

God bring us contentment, knowing your grace is sufficient.
 

She_is_Legendary

Well-known member
May 30, 2019
1,282
1,058
113
#11
I think for me loneliness is more of a state of mind you get stuck in sometimes, like if you have personal anxiety issues and or have history of depression, its pretty easy to slip back into that thought process of "Im so lonely" that even the fact you have kids, or are happily married or whatever the case may be you still get that feeling from time to time that you are lonely. Not having a real group of friends to talk too, or to hang out with, or your family lives far away from you... many different factors of this.

As for me personally, I get lonely sometimes... I do have a 2 year old, and a loving and caring husband with a baby on the way... i have friends and family that live close by, but its the mental state of mind that I get sucked into that makes me feel like I'm the only person going through this right now.... and its also part of pregnancy hormones. You can know God as personally as you wish, and be in the word sometimes... but that wont stop the constant running of the mind that you can be lonely every once in awhile.

Just my thoughts on the topic.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,233
4,400
113
#12
I think I was lonely growing up even though I had a sister and two brothers I was the odd one out and it seemed like they rejected me, I was pretty sad to find out one day they didnt like me (you know how kids are, exclude you for no reason) and I had nobody to play with.

My sister was older and had her own friends and didnt include me and my brothers always had each other as they were twins.

God did see this though He gave me a great imagination and pets. Then at school I had friends although I wasnt the most social person, I was happy in my own company a lot of the time. High school was tougher I had a real bad time then and there was a time when I thought I had no real friends. I suffered depression and just couldnt talk to anyone about it. The devil used to give me negative thoughts such as , nobody listens and nobody cares and I used to believe him.

But them Jesus came into my life and I clung to his promise that He would never leave me nor forsake me and so far He hasnt broken his promise. Cos He always listens to me when nobody else will. I dont have the loudest voice so often people just dont hear me or ignore me, but God hears.

And through Him ive been able to make friends with all you lovely people who bear His name.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
17,979
4,778
113
#13
Loneliness can be a tricky thing.

You can be married to a wonderful, attentive spouse and still feel lonely. You can have great kids and still feel lonely. You can have an extended family that meets every week at Grandma's house for supper, a church congregation that is more like family, a job you love with coworkers who are great people, and still feel lonely.

I tried friendship
I called everyone I knew
And invited them over for a party
They ate all the free food
And they told me how much they loved me
But when the food was gone
My friends were gone
And there I was all alone
And empty
- Matthew West
- "Nothing Else"

Being lonely doesn't seem to have anything to do with being alone, but it seems to have everything to do with being isolated. No, those are not the same thing.

There are some people who NEED to be around others all the time, and there are some people who NEED to be alone all the time... but in general most people need both. We need to interact with others to get new information and we need time alone to assimilate available information into our world view. And those who need either extreme are much smaller than we might think. Many of those who think they need social interaction all the time are really trying to turn up the volume of life to drown out their own thoughts, and many who want to be alone all the time don't want to bother trying to learn how to interact with others.

Just a few random thoughts about the topic, in no particular order.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
17,979
4,778
113
#14
Another thing about extremes... If you spend all your time with other people, you never get a chance to figure out what YOU think and believe. If you spend all your time alone, you can't develop a framework for figuring it out.

I remember when I lived alone in an apartment. I never have been the most sociable person so all my interaction came from being at work. I could tell my whole paradigm was shifting, and I knew that was probably a bad thing, but I didn't know how to fix it without finding a roommate and I didn't care enough to try to do that. But yeah, I know from experience that being alone too much can warp a person's whole frame of reference.
 

Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
259
123
43
#15
I was oblivious to the issue until I returned to God. My circle was really large and we spent a lot of time together. In a lot of ways, we were in our own world, Since I’ve started interacting with Christians I’ve heard things that surprise and shock every now and then.

The Lord addressed the topic once and explained what it meant not to be accepted, invited, or fit in. Things I’ve never struggled with. He explained how its absence affects someone and what its constancy brings too.

One of the benefits of forums is hearing questions and challenges I wouldn’t encounter elsewhere. It allows me to consider the dilemma in my response. I typically limit myself to things I’ve experienced or dealt with through others.

Nevertheless, I get a better idea of the things people are enjoying and struggling with. It develops empathy and gratitude. Sometimes I leave an encouraging word. I used to write motivational and inspirational messages in the past. Or listen. Many times that’s what the person wants most of all.