Virgin at 23.

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Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
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#61
Absolutely! He was a smart yet passionate man who quickly channeled his passions into thoughts and was then able to quickly rationalize his rage.

A double-edged sword to be sure!

Oh, yes. I agree. He resented the Jews only much later in life. And like you said, it was more on religious grounds. I really don't think he cared about racial stuff. After all, he believed we are all made in the image of God and are descendants of Adam and Eve.
 
Apr 25, 2015
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#62
My issue with the whole 'only marry a virgin' idea is that you are, in a sense, deeming people unworthy or less than for things they may have done in the past and stopped doing. If a girl has sex, then later gets saved and stops having sex. Is a wonderful person and devoted Christian, now she is deemed not worth considering for marriage because of what she did in the past. This severely limits your choices.
Well I personally think that woman is not deemed unworthy to all men. In fact she would make a wonderful wife to some man who has had a similar background and lifestyle like that of her. And both of them became born again at some stage in their lives, and well we have a match - similar past, and similar future!

"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." [Heb 13:4]

So should we assume that God won't judge? Or would he just *wink* at you and say, "It's okay, I love ya, I got your back!"

Is The Lord Jesus Christ some merciful cuck sitting in Heaven just waiting to forgive ? lol I don't think so...


The issue i've observed with people of your mentality, and who are virgins themselves, is that they are unable to cope with the idea that the person they are with was with another. It seems a sort of intolerance and inability to deal with real life situations.
Well you observed the issue, but you didn't quite fully understand and the repercussions that follow it.

Did you know that a woman can carry the DNA of ALL her male sexual partners in the past?? [through their semen]

Here is an article to englighten you: Research Suggests That A Woman’s Body Incorporates DNA From The Semen Of Her Casual Sex Partners

Wow, it even the great Aristotle believed in it, now it has been proven sought of on a scientific level.

Well no wonder the Lord commanded us not to have sex before marriage. All sorts of problems seem to surface later in the future. But I guess to some young Christian men and women it's like "Meh, we don't care!" We will eat the cake on both sides. Have lots and lots of sex, enjoy our youth and later settle down, cry a few crocodile tears, God forgives and wallah! A hall pass to eternal Life and Heaven!! Beautiful life eh? lol

At the end of the day, if you find a solid Christian woman, and she has had sex in the past, but gave it up after getting saved, or even if she made a mistake while saved and repented, the person she's with in the present will be her focus, not those in her past.
Well, not quite and there is no guarantee of that. 'Where' and on 'what' man - the woman's focus is - that needs to be tested and substantiated by God Himself.. otherwise I wouldn't believe her at all.

Nobody enters the Kingdom of God up until their faith is tested in FIRE!
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,426
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#63
Nobody enters the Kingdom of God up until their faith is tested in FIRE!
And do you not think that the fires of the consequences of sin (your own or someone else's) are enough of a test of a person's faith? Personally, I think that learning to relate in a godly way through all kinds of junk that sin brought into you life will make you a godly person on a much deeper level than just having a good life and never having to deal with anything. And I've got some pretty serious respect for those who used to sleep around but have stopped completely and are committed to waiting now. I think that's likely a harder road to walk than having always waited and not knowing what you're missing (though I can't say I regret missing out on any of the betrayal, heartache, etc that often follows) .
 
Apr 25, 2015
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#64
And do you not think that the fires of the consequences of sin (your own or someone else's) are enough of a test of a person's faith?
My dear not only the consequences of sin (willfully committed) but also general *carnality* which is not subject to the law of God also has to be dealt with. Pride? (even in the most subtlest form)Whose spiritual attribute is that? Christ or the Serpent? What do you think happened in the Garden of Eden? Do you know that yours and my 'natural' mind is a spiritually bastard child in the similitude of the Serpent? God has to TEST me throughout the entire spectrum and test the efficacy of my faith, otherwise adulterers, and borderline 'swingers' can't inherit the kingdom of God. Simply to say, The Lord Jesus Christ is NOT a cuck! If I agree with my natural mind/Serpent, I made my bed with her. And If I agree with the Lord, I have gone to my original spiritual HUSBAND/Christ & that is how it should be.

So, faith testing in fire I meant that every aspect of all thoughts needs to be tested making sure that I am not in agreement with my natural mind.

“Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.” [Rom8: 7]



"S
o that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." [1 Peter 1:7]


And I've got some pretty serious respect for those who used to sleep around but have stopped completely and are committed to waiting now. I think that's likely a harder road to walk than having always waited and not knowing what you're missing (though I can't say I regret missing out on any of the betrayal, heartache, etc that often follows)

Right, and that difficulty is not brought upon them by God, but their own sinful nature. We know God doesn't tempt man, and if a man is tempted he/she is tempted away from his/her own lusts.

Sex creates a soul tie! Any man/woman that fornicates should enter a form of spiritual rehabilitation within their own church under the guidance of the pastor and God and stay put until those soul-ties are broken off. It could take 5-10 years all depending on his/her relationship with Christ and how committed they are to Him. So, while they are in the initial stages of rehabilitation, those late nights of sexual bliss will haunt the soul because the soul is tied up due to that explicit sexual relationship. The keyword here is 'sexual orgasm' which is that potent joining-compound :)

Nevertheless, it is a battle worthy to be fought!







 
G

Galatea

Guest
#65
The verses you need to think about are these I Corinthians 7:1-5 Instead of having fun with random women, if you are saved, your body belongs to your wife- not to you. Your wife's body will belong to you, not herself. I think of virginity as not mine to give away. It belongs to my husband. I am at an age where I realize it will be difficult for me to marry a man who is still a virgin, but I want to marry a Christian man who knows that faithfulness in marriage is all important. "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife." If you look at it that way, then remaining a virgin is looked at differently. It is like giving away something that isn't yours to give away. I recently read a description about a woman getting married and wearing a white dress because she earned it, I like that. I don't know if there is a male corollary to think about. I do know this, if you will stay a virgin until marriage, your wife will appreciate the sacrifice that you made for your mutual happiness.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,162
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#66
My issue with the whole 'only marry a virgin' idea is that you are, in a sense, deeming people unworthy or less than for things they may have done in the past and stopped doing. If a girl has sex, then later gets saved and stops having sex. Is a wonderful person and devoted Christian, now she is deemed not worth considering for marriage because of what she did in the past.
When I was single and looking for a wife, I was only interested in certain types of girls. That included looks. For example, if a girl had fat arms or kind of big shoulders, I just wasn't into that. I liked a certain build. Is that wrong? What about men liking redheads, or Asians, or women like guys who are tall or with big shoulders. What about the man or woman who only wants to marry a musician. Is it right to judge someone for these preferences, even for insisting on them? There are people with a variety of characteristics and people with a variety of preferences who can match up.

What if you were single (can't remember) and your friends, relatives, and everyone kept suggesting you marry this woman that you just found totally physically unappealing to you personally. She had all these great spiritual characteristics. What would you say if they accused you of judging her, of treating her 'unworthy' because of her looks. I think it is a really good thing if a husband is attracted to his wife and the wife is attracted to her husband. Some people are just good-looking, but other people appeal to certain other individuals, and looks aren't as important to everyone, so people marry off. Is it wrong to marry someone who is attractive to you? Why would it be okay to not pursue a spouse based on physical characteristics, but wrong to not pursue someone as a spouse based on a lack of virginity?

Isn't virginity a much more sensible criteria? Look at the Bible. Doesn't it imply that marrying a virgin is a good thing? Why the death penalty for a girl married off as a virgin who was not one if marrying a virgin is not desirable?

This severely limits your choices.
Not so much in parts of Asia. I was living and working in Asia in my 20's. I married a virgin. There seem to be lots of them around here. At least, that's the impression I get.

The issue i've observed with people of your mentality, and who are virgins themselves, is that they are unable to cope with the idea that the person they are with was with another. It seems a sort of intolerance and inability to deal with real life situations.
Do you think a large percentage of Jewish men in the time of Moses or the time of Christ had difficulty dealing with real life situations? What about Joseph in Matthew 1? Would you judge this man of faith the same way?

Another thing to consider is that women who were virgins at marriage or only fornicated with the man they ended up marrying had a way lower rate of 'marital disruption' than those who had multiple partners, according to Teachman 1990. I've seen blogs that present statistical evidence that the rate of divorce goes up proportionately with the number of sex partners, but I am unaware of a peer reviewed study about that.

I wanted to marry a virgin because the Bible says, "Two shall be one flesh." I saw marriages failing in the US (not so much in Indonesia), and I wanted to do things right. I wanted to marry a woman with the same faith and the same values that I held to. I wanted to marry a virgin. I wanted her father's approval.


At the end of the day, if you find a solid Christian woman, and she has had sex in the past, but gave it up after getting saved, or even if she made a mistake while saved and repented, the person she's with in the present will be her focus, not those in her past.
That's an option. But it is not required. Would you chide a woman who did not want to date or marry a man for having spent time in prison, rehab, or a mental hospital?
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,282
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#67
organicbeast: That "research article" about DNA... do the Asari know about this? :p
 
Apr 25, 2015
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#68
organicbeast: That "research article" about DNA... do the Asari know about this? :p
I am not sure ... but if their biology is similar to that of humans then I'd guess they ought to know too :D
 
E

ErinDylan

Guest
#69
You obviously want the girl you marry to be a virgin like you or else you would not have waited and rejected other girls who weren't. It sounds to me like you are starting to get discouraged because you haven't yet found her, and are considering settling. DONT SETTLE. This not only hurts you, but it also hurts the girl your settling for. Today's society doesn't care about purity, but God does. Both men and women are supposed to be practicing absitenence until marriage, but our society makes this seem foolish, and even impossible. You yourself are proof that this is not true however, as you being a male virgin defies all society's hypothesis about male sexuality. You also have to know that the mate God has chosen for you could be facing the same struggle, and considering giving in. If both of you would wait until you are united together, your marriage and sexual union will be greatly blessed. Additionally, you will both be so glad you waited.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#70
When I was single and looking for a wife, I was only interested in certain types of girls. That included looks. For example, if a girl had fat arms or kind of big shoulders, I just wasn't into that. I liked a certain build. Is that wrong? What about men liking redheads, or Asians, or women like guys who are tall or with big shoulders. What about the man or woman who only wants to marry a musician. Is it right to judge someone for these preferences, even for insisting on them? There are people with a variety of characteristics and people with a variety of preferences who can match up.

What if you were single (can't remember) and your friends, relatives, and everyone kept suggesting you marry this woman that you just found totally physically unappealing to you personally. She had all these great spiritual characteristics. What would you say if they accused you of judging her, of treating her 'unworthy' because of her looks. I think it is a really good thing if a husband is attracted to his wife and the wife is attracted to her husband. Some people are just good-looking, but other people appeal to certain other individuals, and looks aren't as important to everyone, so people marry off. Is it wrong to marry someone who is attractive to you? Why would it be okay to not pursue a spouse based on physical characteristics, but wrong to not pursue someone as a spouse based on a lack of virginity?

Isn't virginity a much more sensible criteria? Look at the Bible. Doesn't it imply that marrying a virgin is a good thing? Why the death penalty for a girl married off as a virgin who was not one if marrying a virgin is not desirable?

My point was holding a persons past against them seems inappropriate and non-biblical. You can conjure up more apples to my oranges, but the bible does not state marrying a non-virgin is wrong. God forgives and restores. Who is man to deem that unworthy?


Not so much in parts of Asia. I was living and working in Asia in my 20's. I married a virgin. There seem to be lots of them around here. At least, that's the impression I get.

Parts of Asia? Really? That's your argument? That's as sad as your male dominance, anti-woman stances you take.



Do you think a large percentage of Jewish men in the time of Moses or the time of Christ had difficulty dealing with real life situations? What about Joseph in Matthew 1? Would you judge this man of faith the same way?

Another thing to consider is that women who were virgins at marriage or only fornicated with the man they ended up marrying had a way lower rate of 'marital disruption' than those who had multiple partners, according to Teachman 1990. I've seen blogs that present statistical evidence that the rate of divorce goes up proportionately with the number of sex partners, but I am unaware of a peer reviewed study about that.

I wanted to marry a virgin because the Bible says, "Two shall be one flesh." I saw marriages failing in the US (not so much in Indonesia), and I wanted to do things right. I wanted to marry a woman with the same faith and the same values that I held to. I wanted to marry a virgin. I wanted her father's approval.




That's an option. But it is not required. Would you chide a woman who did not want to date or marry a man for having spent time in prison, rehab, or a mental hospital?
I never stated it was a requirement, i was offering a different point of view. That's what my entire post was, looking at things from another point of view. This is apparently something you find unacceptable and must try to push on others, which is of no surprise to me.
 
Dec 22, 2016
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#72
Hmm I would like to hear some opinions. I have never kissed a girl or gone out on a date with a girl. I have just not met someone who I actually like. Do you think I should just start dating and have fun and see where that leads me? Maybe one of the girls I meet i enjoy being with. Or should I keep waiting to get my first kiss and date and marry the girl I feel is right for me? I forgot to mention that I have been searching for girls who are only virgins so anyone who wasn't I lost interest. Do you think I should just forget about this whole finding a girl who is a virgin like me and waited as well or should I just not care anymore? I'm starting to feel like today's society doesn't care and maybe I shouldn't either. Feels like I'm overthinking since no a days no one cares much. Hmm just unsure and it would be nice to hear some opinions. Thank you.
Amen
I want to commend you for waiting


Wow
 
Dec 22, 2016
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#73
So what's the problem here? You've been sensible enough to realize that playing around with a girl's emotions (and your own) isn't a wise or nice thing to do. Learn from other people's mistakes in that area, and don't be fool enough to think you can just date and fool around for fun and have either of you walk away and just forget it afterward. If anything that's a great way to weaken and cheapen your future marriage because you'll be teaching yourself to fight the very biochemical mechanisms God designed us with the help us stay strong and committed and feel close to each other. Love is meant to bind us together.

Advice from someone another decade down pretty much the same road you are. Recover the idea of the date from our culture of dating. In other words, find a way to feel free to go to 1 dinner without feeling obligated to say yes to another or spend any more time with said person. The downside of "only date someone you think you could marry" is that it puts tremendous pressure on the relationship from the get go, and there's a lot to be said for letting things develop more organically. As to only considering virgins, well the older you get the fewer virgins there will be around your age. In another decade, if you haven't met the perfect person, you'll probably have ended up either 1) settling for someone you weren't too keen on because you felt like they were the only possibility left if you were going to marry 2) resigning yourself to being single forever or 3) realizing that a person's attitudes and present lifestyle are more important a factor than their past. So I'd advise looking for someone who is committed to the Biblical standard that sex is for between a husband and wife in marriage alone and values the fact that you have waited and honors that, but if they happen to have come to that realization later in life ( or overcome a whole bunch of messed up from being abused or been faithful to a former spouse that just walked out on them) that doesn't mean that their moral compass is no good or that they will be an inferior marriage partner.

Feels like this needs some sort of conclusion, nope don't have one. I guess that's for you to come to for yourself.
So true

At the end of the day
choice is the bottomline
 
Dec 22, 2016
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#74
Hmm I would like to hear some opinions. I have never kissed a girl or gone out on a date with a girl. I have just not met someone who I actually like. Do you think I should just start dating and have fun and see where that leads me? Maybe one of the girls I meet i enjoy being with. Or should I keep waiting to get my first kiss and date and marry the girl I feel is right for me? I forgot to mention that I have been searching for girls who are only virgins so anyone who wasn't I lost interest. Do you think I should just forget about this whole finding a girl who is a virgin like me and waited as well or should I just not care anymore? I'm starting to feel like today's society doesn't care and maybe I shouldn't either. Feels like I'm overthinking since no a days no one cares much. Hmm just unsure and it would be nice to hear some opinions. Thank you.
Amen

Brother.. Hugs
 
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Clarence_Lumpy_Rutherford

Guest
#75
Have you that the reason you want to marry a virgin might be because the Lord has a virgin picked out for you? We don't know the mind of the Lord, but some desires we have are from him, and that's worth praying about. I was a vigin before I got married and so was my wife. I could have made a similar post at 22 or so. I do regret kissing a few girls before I got married. Do not awaken love before it so desires, the Song of Solomon says. Also, US dating customs are just totally messed up and do not make sense. We expect our kids ot marry in their 20's, not even their early 20's, but parents will send their 15 year old girls out in a car with some teenage boy they don't know well, who is likely looking for sex, out into the dark of night in a car. Kids start having boyfriends and girlfrriends in elementary school and many parents just think it is cute. What purpose does all this serve except to train the kids in breaking off relationship and to give them plenty of opportunities to fall into fornication? I've spent a great deal of time in Asia. When I was in Korea, boys and girls went to separate schools until college. Then, for those who go to college, the older students would set the younger students up on blind dates until they found a girlfriend or boyfriend. Those who don't find someone this way or for whom it doesn't work out, they hire a matchmaker or their relatives match them up on dates like this. These dates can quickly move toward marriage. It's all marriage-oriented at that stage. In Indonesia, they do have dating, at least in the cities. But it doesn't seem quite as common in high school, and with young adults, it's very marriage focused. When single people talk about not having someone, they talk about looking for a wife or husband, not a boyfriend or girlfriend. They might not call each other boyfriend or girlfriend before announcing an engagement. It's marriage oriented. There is even an Indonesian version of 'Take Me Out' and the comments they make are about husbands and wives. The host may even wish that the couples they match end up getting marriage. Dating is about getting married, not just recreation. If you ever watch one of those movies based on novels from the 1800s that show British courtship, like 'Pride and Prejudice' or a Charles Dickens novel, you will see that a lot of British men had a sense of responsibility about not trying to get a woman to form an 'attachment' to them if they weren't wanting to marry the girl. They knew it was unethical to lead a woman on or to knowingly do things to break her heart. Yet Americans will date for entertainment with no intent to marry. Some Americans will date men they know they will not marry. Wanting to marry a virgin is perfectly normal. Probably, your ancestors wanted the same thing. I think this is a normal expectation that you have, and much of society has lost sight of the fact that this is a reasonable expectations. Of course, there are women who are not virgins through no fault of their own, so it is good that there are some men willing to marry nonvirgins. But if virginity were a bit more prized in a marriage partner, it might be good for reducing fornication. In Indonesia, there is a stigma for either male or female losing virginity before marriage. It seems like the norma that people stay virgins until marriage. I know this is not always the case, but I think it's less of a problem than it is in the US. I suppose, with all the dating website technology, you could do online dating and look for Christian women who say "I am a virgin" or "I'm a virgin" in their profiles. If the site allows a Google site search, you could search for 'a virgin' as a string. You might be able to find a woman who says she is looking for a virgin man. Have you tried that? How common is it? Maybe there is a church in your area where a lot of women are virgins. Or you can just pray for the Lord to match you with the right person. It's not a numbers game. If there is one woman out of millions who is suitable for you, the Lord can help you find her. I was working in Asia during my 20's and I married an Indonesian virgin, but virgins aren't as hard to find in Indonesia as they seem to be in the US.
What you say makes a lot of sense. American culture isn't necessarily "better" in terms of dating and relationships.
 
W

Wild

Guest
#76
Who cares, we all die in the end.