Waiting Till Marriage, Confess on 1st or 2nd Date...or 3rd?

[kthespis]

Thanks, Kitten! That's a great point about getting to know others, inviting other people along and making it a group thing instead of a date. I've not thought of that but see real possibilities in that scenario. Thanks!

 

[Desdichado]

Oh, I had forgotten the meaning of born-again virgin. You're right, he wasn't being as demanding as I had supposed.

Sorry.

 

[BELIEVE]

As a Christian male virgin in his 30s, waiting till marriage, I run into a little problem dating. I would like my future wife to have values that align with my own, meaning marrying a virgin or possibly a born-again virgin. The first date is supposed to be the get-to-know-you date. Experts recommend to keep things light and frivolous.

My issue is I like to put my cards on the table. "I am a believer and waiting till marriage. What about you?" If she says she is sexually active chances are my interest level drops dramatically. I probably won't ask for a second date. My dilemma is should I wait till the second date to broach the sex question and try to see if we have chemistry? Isn't chemistry all-important? Help me out, family. I feel sometimes I can be too brutally honest too early in the dating game.

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dear brother kthespis.

that is great that you are saving yourself for that one true love brother... but this is your commitment to god...

and yes... god does require this from us... yet people can and do change from their past.

but let me ask you something dear brother... what does it matter if she is a virgin or not... you have judged her and you yourself stated you would move on from her as you called her impure... how is this a godly love.

brother... sometimes we get so caught up in our own notions we desire on ourselves and we expect the world to comply with the same in return.

didn't god say... LOVE CONQUERS ALL... a godly love will overlook what we assume and perceive as righteous in our own eyes.

then boaz should of never married ruth... for she wasn't a virgin... our lord jesus christ should never accept his bride... for we are not virgins.

just saying brother... if she is not being sexually active now and is desiring a godly relationship... then why miss out on someone just because their past is tainted one way or another brother... for your life is tainted in many other ways brother... just as mine.

much love and god bless you brother...

so stop with the... are you a virgin... and lets see if you meet my requirements.

and instead look pass her past... and ask... how can we grow together as god requires us to be as one body... one mind... and being made in his holy image... together.

or else... our lord jesus christ... could ask you the same thing brother... if you haven't sinned... then by all means... cast the first stone brother.

 

[kthespis]

dear brother kthespis.

that is great that you are saving yourself for that one true love brother... but this is your commitment to god...

and yes... god does require this from us... yet people can and do change from their past.

but let me ask you something dear brother... what does it matter if she is a virgin or not... you have judged her and you yourself stated you would move on from her as you called her impure... how is this a godly love.

brother... sometimes we get so caught up in our own notions we desire on ourselves and we expect the world to comply with the same in return.

didn't god say... LOVE CONQUERS ALL... a godly love will overlook what we assume and perceive as righteous in our own eyes.

then boaz should of never married ruth... for she wasn't a virgin... our lord jesus christ should never accept his bride... for we are not virgins.

just saying brother... if she is not being sexually active now and is desiring a godly relationship... then why miss out on someone just because their past is tainted one way or another brother... for your life is tainted in many other ways brother... just as mine.

much love and god bless you brother...

so stop with the... are you a virgin... and lets see if you meet my requirements.

and instead look pass her past... and ask... how can we grow together as god requires us to be as one body... one mind... and being made in his holy image... together.

or else... our lord jesus christ... could ask you the same thing brother... if you haven't sinned... then by all means... cast the first stone brother.

Thank you, Believe! I appreciate your words of wisdom. My overall concern, of course, is the alignment of values. The same like-minded values you looked for or are looking for in a spouse. While I do not dismiss a woman based "impurity", it's important to me that she honors her body. I am open to born-again virgins and perhaps celibacy. Everybody dates based on a value system -- commonalities are the wellspring of chemistry and a successful match. The bible also speaks of being equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14). While the scripture forewarns believers to join with the wicked, there is also truth in being unequally united. I am a virgin and I would like to marry a virgin. I don't feel there is anything wrong with that. Only virgins understand the sacrifice. But I understand things happen and people can recommit their lives. So, I'm not completely bullheaded, rather, hopeful to align values. Thank you again for your insight!

 

[BELIEVE]

Thank you, Believe! I appreciate your words of wisdom. My overall concern, of course, is the alignment of values. The same like-minded values you looked for or are looking for in a spouse. While I do not dismiss a woman based "impurity", it's important to me that she honors her body. I am open to born-again virgins and perhaps celibacy. Everybody dates based on a value system -- commonalities are the wellspring of chemistry and a successful match. The bible also speaks of being equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14). While the scripture forewarns believers to join with the wicked, there is also truth in being unequally united. I am a virgin and I would like to marry a virgin. I don't feel there is anything wrong with that. Only virgins understand the sacrifice. But I understand things happen and people can recommit their lives. So, I'm not completely bullheaded, rather, hopeful to align values. Thank you again for your insight!

like i said brother kthespis...

i commend you brother... for your sacrifice.

but to state that only a virgin can understand the sacrifice is one sided brother.

tell that to a single mother or father... struggling in this day and age... or to a wife or husband who chooses to remain in his/her abusive marriage with children.

for we are imperfect humans... and we will always have regrets and remorse.

and if that is your desire to marry a virgin... then that is your choice and not anyone else brother.

and if i offended you brother and made it sound as if i was calling or implying that you are bullheaded... i apologize.

also... instead of looking for a list of commonalities brother... search for a godly character.

for we all know this saying... cut from the same rug... if you know what i mean.

also brother... our lord jesus christ didn't come looking for commonalities in us all... instead our lord jesus christ came looking for that godly character in us all... looking beyond our past... looking beyond our mistakes... and welcomed each one of us with open arms... no matter how the world viewed us or thought of us.

this is what i look for brother... and we all should as well... a godly character.

this is from a godly man who preached this about a godly character compared to a worldly view of what the world calls acceptance or commonalities.

"""... a godly man and a godly woman shouldn't be concerned of outer appearances... such as... tall, skinny, short, more to love, ugly, beautiful, etc... BUT a godly man and a godly woman... should be looking for that godly character from within that godly man or from that godly woman reflecting out to the world... a godly loving character.

for a godly character builds on a solid foundation based upon... meekness, understanding, gentleness, compassion, long suffering, loyalty, respectfulness, temperate, strength for each other, courage to stand together, joyfulness, trust, righteousness between each other, to live to god's holy word together and for the family, patience, and a holy godly love for each other.

for if our lord jesus christ gave the ultimate act of love for you and i... then shouldn't we give to each other that same godly love to one another based upon finished works of glory and of a godly love for us all.

so don't be scared how the world views your godly character of love expressed to one another... for the world will never understand..."""

much love and god bless you brother.

 

[Pipp]

my suggestion is to become friends with the woman you intend on dating..... anyone I plan on dating will already know this about me because it will already have been brought up sometime in the friendship ..... I don't wanna be friends with someone you cant talk to comfortably about standards and convictions.

 

[BELIEVE]

my suggestion is to become friends with the woman you intend on dating..... anyone I plan on dating will already know this about me because it will already have been brought up sometime in the friendship ..... I don't wanna be friends with someone you cant talk to comfortably about standards and convictions.

amen sister pipp amen.

much love and god bless you sister pipp... always.

 

[kayem77]

It really depends on the person. If you date within Christian circles, I would assume the person has the same values, especially if you know them through friends or church. Personally, I would feel awkward if someone asked me about my sexuality right away. Rather, I would ask other questions that give you insight on their view of purity and marriage. To be honest, I wouldn't care so much about their past sexual sins unless they were still a part of their life, so I wouldn't ask unless we had a very serious relationship. If it's very important to you though, find the proper time to ask in a proper way. And I would suggest dating Christians only, because otherwise most women won't share your views on purity.

 

[kthespis]

my suggestion is to become friends with the woman you intend on dating..... anyone I plan on dating will already know this about me because it will already have been brought up sometime in the friendship ..... I don't wanna be friends with someone you cant talk to comfortably about standards and convictions.

Very good suggestion, Pipp! Thank you! I do feel friendship opens the lines of communication and takes a lot of pressure off the first date

 

[kthespis]

It really depends on the person. If you date within Christian circles, I would assume the person has the same values, especially if you know them through friends or church. Personally, I would feel awkward if someone asked me about my sexuality right away. Rather, I would ask other questions that give you insight on their view of purity and marriage. To be honest, I wouldn't care so much about their past sexual sins unless they were still a part of their life, so I wouldn't ask unless we had a very serious relationship. If it's very important to you though, find the proper time to ask in a proper way. And I would suggest dating Christians only, because otherwise most women won't share your views on purity.

Thank you, Kayem. I only date Christians. It is very important to me, regarding their sexual past, but having dated extensively through the years I've learned it's not always a person's fault or they can grow. This is why I am open to dating non-virgins and even celibate people. It's an important value of mine. We all have something that we hold dear or considered a deal-breaker. It's quite a deal-breaker, but it's up there on my short list Thanks again for suggesting finding a proper time and proper way and out of respect

 

[becky1984]

Hi kthespis, this is a good thread I think if I was dating a guy I would tell him on the first date that I'm waiting till marriage and to respect that. If he doesn't then I wouldn't see him again. I'm 29 and a virgin and plan on waiting till I'm married and I would love my future husband to be a virgin too but if he isn't than that would be okay too just as long as he waits until marriage that would be good. Being friends first is good see if you have similar interests and both love God and the Lord. Being friends first is good way to start a relationship instead of rushing and getting hurt. happy valentine's day everybody

 

[kthespis]

Hi kthespis, this is a good thread I think if I was dating a guy I would tell him on the first date that I'm waiting till marriage and to respect that. If he doesn't then I wouldn't see him again. I'm 29 and a virgin and plan on waiting till I'm married and I would love my future husband to be a virgin too but if he isn't than that would be okay too just as long as he waits until marriage that would be good. Being friends first is good see if you have similar interests and both love God and the Lord. Being friends first is good way to start a relationship instead of rushing and getting hurt. happy valentine's day everybody

Thank you, Becky, for your support. There aren't too many of us out there, holding out and navigating the crazy dating world. Sometimes I feel like the only people who get what we are going through are the ones who have waited late into their 20s or 30s. I appreciate your support and wisdom on the matter. Friendship is an awesome way to see if two people have similar interests and both love God. Let's support each other along the way! Praying for your success, Becky! Please pray for mine

 

[TJ]

Well, if you're dating a Christian woman, and she knows you're a believer as well, then she should know that you're waiting until marriage. If you're not dating a christian woman and you tell her that you're a christian, then that comes with it. She should know that we are commanded to wait until marriage. But if she doesn't it creates a good opportunity to witness.

 

[kthespis]

Well, if you're dating a Christian woman, and she knows you're a believer as well, then she should know that you're waiting until marriage. If you're not dating a christian woman and you tell her that you're a christian, then that comes with it. She should know that we are commanded to wait until marriage. But if she doesn't it creates a good opportunity to witness.

I agree, it does create a wonderful opportunity to witness. Thank you for helping me out

 

[thecreationtutor]

As a Christian male virgin in his 30s, waiting till marriage, I run into a little problem dating. I would like my future wife to have values that align with my own, meaning marrying a virgin or possibly a born-again virgin. The first date is supposed to be the get-to-know-you date. Experts recommend to keep things light and frivolous.

My issue is I like to put my cards on the table. "I am a believer and waiting till marriage. What about you?" If she says she is sexually active chances are my interest level drops dramatically. I probably won't ask for a second date. My dilemma is should I wait till the second date to broach the sex question and try to see if we have chemistry? Isn't chemistry all-important? Help me out, family. I feel sometimes I can be too brutally honest too early in the dating game.

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As a guy - you should be leading - which shouldn't even get to the point of having sex while just dating.

 

[FireWire]

He has to be very, very careful with whom he give out such sensitive info because if it falls into the wrong hands, whether it is from the uninterested woman or women and her friends, it could wind up on YouTube as a horrific joke: a male virgin in the 21st century? The social media is no joke when it gets into the sexual exploitation business.

Nonetheless Gods standards still stand.

Such people will be judged and are likely on the road to perdition anyway.

 

[keep_on_smiling]

I would be highly offended if someone started talking about sex on the first date. Unless a friendship is turning into something more I think it's non of anyone else's buisness if I saved myself for marriage or not.

If a guy can't wait to get to know me and take that time before that type of conversation, he's not worth it in my eyes.

In saying that, I don't have anything against expressing my views on marriage, but it most likely would not lead me to talk about my experiences or lack of.

 

[John_David]

You should always be who you are. Never feel like you need to act like someone else for anyone to like you, even if that means your views may at times clash. That being said, I think one must use wisdom in dealing with people. Many come from various backgrounds and influences. Try and not judge someone to quickly. You never know, you could be the difference in another persons life. Remember the way of the Master. Love, patience, kindness and a heart that cares for others.

 

[kthespis]

You should always be who you are. Never feel like you need to act like someone else for anyone to like you, even if that means your views may at times clash. That being said, I think one must use wisdom in dealing with people. Many come from various backgrounds and influences. Try and not judge someone to quickly. You never know, you could be the difference in another persons life. Remember the way of the Master. Love, patience, kindness and a heart that cares for others.

Thank you, John. Great point, I will remember the way of the Master.

 

[G4JC]

Or ... that awkward moment when you both watch Courageous together and get to this scene:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w__jZbXYwCg
Then ya just start chatting about how amazing purity is in the show and........

Yeah, I've never done it, but just a thought! Waiting until marriage is definitely and great thing.