What can a girl do to get the guy she likes?

[Nick01]

Oh, and just as an addendum - I don't really see how biblical marriage roles have much to do with who should ask who out on a date. I would classify myself as broadly in the complementarian camp, but I don't have a prbolem with the girl asking the guy out. You are DATING, you are not MARRIED. Most people will date people that don't become their spouse - if you have had more than one date in your life, you are in this camp. Whether or not the woman prompts the first date or not says nothing about the man's future capacity to lead a family, if it gets to that. You can't get a read on someone's capacity to fulfill their role in a relationship BEFORE YOU ARE EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP.

But look, if you want to think of it in terms of headship, look at this way - approaching a guy and asking if he would like to go on a date still puts the power in his hands to to decide what to do. Let him decide if he even wants to go out. Let him decide where. Let him decide on every subsequent step in any prospective relationship. But prompting that first move is not emasculating him, or removing headship, or anything like that. It's simply bring clarity out of what is otherwise guesswork.

 

[ChandlerFan]

Oh, and just as an addendum - I don't really see how biblical marriage roles have much to do with who should ask who out on a date. I would classify myself as broadly in the complementarian camp, but I don't have a prbolem with the girl asking the guy out. You are DATING, you are not MARRIED. Most people will date people that don't become their spouse - if you have had more than one date in your life, you are in this camp. Whether or not the woman prompts the first date or not says nothing about the man's future capacity to lead a family, if it gets to that. You can't get a read on someone's capacity to fulfill their role in a relationship BEFORE YOU ARE EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP.

But look, if you want to think of it in terms of headship, look at this way - approaching a guy and asking if he would like to go on a date still puts the power in his hands to to decide what to do. Let him decide if he even wants to go out. Let him decide where. Let him decide on every subsequent step in any prospective relationship. But prompting that first move is not emasculating him, or removing headship, or anything like that. It's simply bring clarity out of what is otherwise guesswork.

Yeah, and I would actually never say it's wrong or sinful for a woman to initiate a relationship let alone make a first move; that relationship would just be starting off on the wrong foot. And that's not even speaking to initiating friendship. If a woman initiates a friendship or is more active in pursuing that in the beginning, there's nothing wrong with that.

It's also good to keep two things in mind in this discussion: 1) Dating is a new practice and wasn't around at all during biblical times, and 2) there are a lot of men out there who try to abdicate themselves of the responsibility that the Bible calls men to. So with that cultural context in mind, a woman should be asking herself, "What will show me that a man is willing and able to fulfill his role in a marriage?" That doesn't mean he has to do everything that a married man should, but showing a willingness to lead, serve, and self-sacrifice in little ways is important for a guy in a relationship.

 

[secularhermit]

Why do you like him if you seem to have very little interaction with him?

Hmm! Good question. If I was asked, I could have said there were times where I liked people (or girls) I interacted WITH too little. So, liking a people could be a wish or a dreaming about it.

 

[secularhermit]

Many of you are behaving like martyrs, and it's ridiculous.

Grow up.

Nice thought!

If "martyrs" are refered to "witnessing", I think millions have that same right you probably saw as ridiculous.

Is there I way I can tell flowers to grow, without fertilizers, just by rough words (and not watering them?)

 

[Crimson_Lark]

Im 19 he's 21 we met through a christian group on campus at the uni we attend we have a fairly solid group of friends but we've never done anything outside that specific group. Anything else?

My tried and true way of breaking the ice:

Find something you have in common & use it to invite him to something that's non-threatening and breaks you out of the group.


Ideas:
You both love a band and you want to go to one of their shows and don't want to go by yourself but your friend can't go, is he interested?

You both love a certain sport and you play on an intramural team. Your team needs a sub for one of their games, would he be interested in subbing? (This one worked for me, it obviously depends on the guy)
etc... you get the picture.


-Make the invite to something active/engaging (Nothing date like, don't try: coffee, dinner, lunch- no way)
-Something you both enjoy, the focus should be on having fun not "us becoming a couple"
-If he wants to invite other people- that's fine, don't be upset. The point is to keep it easy going and fun.

Woman to woman: use your strengths, have fun, be yourself

 

[HLR]

I don't think its necessary to be best friends with someone before becoming attracted to them. I know with my girlfriend, I had seen her many times and always thought she was a beautiful woman from outward appearance, but it had never gone any further than simply thinking she beautiful. Until I finally really talked to her, and instantly, we hit it off. At least I did. I knew she was a special woman; and I knew I wanted to get to know her. We didn't immediately jump into a relationship, mostly due to I had never had a girlfriend and we were both SHY, we talked for a few months as friends, got to know one another, and honestly, I fell in love with her. Hard. We didn't get to see one another as we don't live in the same town, about 2 hours apart give or take a little. We've made it work though, and honestly, I can't picture my life without her. She has helped me through some extremely difficult things.

I'm sorry I get a little excited when I talk about her. Let me say this though, I said all of that to say this: It's certainly possible to have feelings for someone you don't know that well, I think. Because from that first moment I talked to my girlfriend, I knew she was special.

 

[Wormwood]

This is probably the OP by now:

 

[Roh_Chris]

This is probably the OP by now:

I laughed so hard at that!!

 

[livinginfaith]

Just be yourself, dont lie, dont try to be persuasive

 

[Charcoal]

So theres this guy I really like, but there are so many things in the way.....How do I get in? How do I become more than just one of many friends but a good friend then how do I go from that to girlfriend?...
...I can never seem to be able to talk to him on my own and just don't know what to do. Help/advice would be muchly appreciated!!!

Three things dearie:
Fill the hollow part of a post hole driver with cement. It's not subtle but it will then open most any door.
Tazer, ductape and a good sized sedan - Lincon Towncar for example.

I'm not good at flirting and I don't want to come across as stalker-ish or obsessive.

Oh, disregard the prior and just be yourself. If it's a good idea for it to work out it will, otherwise don't sweat it, there's someone better down the road.

 

[spunkycat08]

perhaps this is the unpopular answer, but i don't think it's your job (or best interest) to concoct ways to orchestrate the advancement of your relationship with him.

if you know him in a group/social way, and have had opportunities to spend time with him, and he knows you are alive, exist, and are available, the ball is in his court. hopefully, you have exploited these opportunities to ask him questions, share interaction, and listened with interest so that he is aware that you find him interesting and worthy of your attention/focus. you don't need "alone time", or even a lot of time to do that.

you don't know what is going on in his head, his life, or what his priorities are. you don't know if he's interested in someone else right now.

would you rather be responsible for "orchestrating" an opportunity to "trap yourself a man" or be pursued by a guy who finds you worthy of his time and interested in learning more about you?

by the way, i was totally joking about the "trap yourself a man" comment, but seriously, it's always my experience that:

1) you're always best allowing a guy to pursue you, because the timing is right--he's acting on what he wants, and you are assured he's not distracted by a different/peripheral option. women who throw themselves at men forfeit that luxury.

2) if he's a guy that won't pursue, it's either that he's not interested in you, or he's isn't able/capable of taking action on his own --neither of which makes him someone who you should be wasting your time holding out for.

i don't ask guys out. i don't try to "set scenes" up. i don't orchestrate scenarios or perform cartwheels so that he will notice me even more. i just am myself, but use the chances i get to learn more about him, asking questions, and building rapport. that's it.

i know everyone won't agree with me, but if you don't believe that you are worthy of being pursued by a man who finds you to be attractive and worth getting to know better, what does that say about your view of yourself? or his ability to discern what is attractive to him and acting upon it?

Regarding the bolded part in pink...

You cannot make any guy want to date you. It has to mutual for it to work. A date or dating relationship should not be forced or seem forced.

And even if you were successful in getting a guy to want to date you by *setting scenes up/orchestrating scenarios*, you would have to continue doing this to keep his interest up. Any type of dating relationship should not be like this. Your focus should be on the dating relationship and not what you have to continuously do to keep his interest up.