What Do You Want in a Mate?

[rachelsedge]

presidente, that's a good point. My sister is married now, and when going through her old stuff, she found a list of "Qualities I want in a husband" that she wrote when she was 16. She said she just laughed at how her husband doesn't have some of those, but they are still happily married.

For the record, though, it's small things, like "Wants to work out with me". He is physically fit, but he doesn't like working out. It's not huge issues, in which case if there were big differences there, I think it'd be a bit more important.

 

[Shouryu]

For the record, though, it's small things, like "Wants to work out with me". He is physically fit, but he doesn't like working out. It's not huge issues, in which case if there were big differences there, I think it'd be a bit more important.

For me, that's a sticking point for two reasons, one of which I will divulge here. (Keep in mind, we're all individuals.)

I initially started working out in college to boost my attractiveness to the fairer sex AND to have something, ANYTHING, to do outside of the music building. (Music majors burn out and switch majors real quick because of the amount of practice invovled.) I began to enjoy it more, so I stuck with it. After my old man had a heart attack and The Ex's father died from preventable health issues 8 years ago, I looked at my own family and took stock of how many of them had grown obese as they aged, and how no man in my family had ever made it to 70. So THAT became my primary motivation, and it still is...but I still enjoy the workout. It de-stresses me, it challenges me, it gives me a different sense of accomplishment when I feel like I'm spinning my wheels at work.

My desire for a partner who enjoys a workout has to do with wanting to spend more time with that partner. I spend a good chunk of time with a barbell on my back or in my hand. Once you get into a relationship, you start sacrificing time elsewhere to make more time for your partner. It's one of the same reasons why dating a Christian is so important: I don't want to give up my time working for God to make time for my partner...I'd rather I work for God with my partner TOGETHER! (That includes studying the Word together.) I apply the same line of thinking to the gym - I want to keep spending 4-5 hours a week in the gym, and if we can spend that time together and we both enjoy it, everyone wins. Does that make sense?

I'll also throw out that I'm just as hip to us being in the same place doing different service, and that's still time together in my mind. We're both at church, but I'm running worship rehearsal and she's working with the children. We're both reading together, but I'm reading whereever I'm at in the Word, and she's reading where she's at in the Word. We're both at the gym, but I'm doing my thing and she's doing her thing. Although, optimally, in a year or two, I'll have my own home gym. ^_^


I've been wanting to throw this gag out since the thread appeared, so I'll do it now. When I first read the title, the first word that popped into my mind was organs. I want organs in my mate. But I didn't say that because it can be interpreted sexually...the reaction came from the joke that happens at the end of this classic little gem:

Tandy 400!!!

 

[rachelsedge]

Shouryu, that's true (woot, accidental rhyming). I suppose it boils down to what is important to you. For some, being able to enjoy the same hobbies is important and, at times, a requirement because of the amount of time involved in some hobbies. To others, it may not matter as much.

 

[Shouryu]

I think certain hobbies...the ones you are most passionate about...definitely need to line up. Most people have one passionate hobby, others have more, and I don't know how they have time. Mine is fitness; music is not a hobby, it's just what I do. If I have a partner who's hobby is music, that kind of counts, because I do plenty of music stuff outside of work as well; we could practice praise and worship together, or she could play in one of the performing ensembles with me. (There are a fair number of couples who are in El Paso Wind Symphony and Edge of Texas Concert Band together.) It would be like me finding a mate who is a personal trainer - fitness isn't her hobby, it's her job, but it's a passion we share, even if it's a passion on different levels.

I think having differing hobbies isn't necessarily detrimental. My now married former roommate and his wife have that deal going on, but they spend the time together. He might be watching one of his TV shows, she's next to him on the couch with her Kindle. She's cross-stitching next to him while he's X-Boxing his brains out. For them, it was still time together. I had times like that with The Ex, too, while she was finishing up grad school. In some ways, I want my mate to have a couple different hobbies. I want her to be an individual, and not simply a mirror image of me. Not even a Star Trek mirror of me, because that would just be me with a goatee.

But I do think that in addition to our faith, we should share one major passion, because that passion is where our time is going to be spent outside of church and work.

 

[Buff_Old_Guy]

A Christian woman with commitment to God. That means because the scriptures say... thou shalt not steal, she doesn't steal... or if the scripture don't seem to feel too nice like how it says,"submit to your husband", she will still follow through. That kind of behavior should cover everything.

Bonus: She also hates feminism as much as I do.

 

[TyC113]

Agree with tyC113

also would fancy a funny fellow, sense of humour and charm to embrace and welcome more laughter and playfulness.
Honest, genuine, committed, faithful , wise, stable steady secure and down to earth and humble yet not to knickers in knott.

A good match good for and to eachother, encouraging to church and the good ways ,
Affectionate and loving and romantic and wonderful intimately in love making in holy union so he doesnt (oh head ache always when he may not which does not agree with honesty also on list ) I want a living daily active love life as i am very affectionate i like spouse be same

Attractive (to me) as i to he
sweet (not to sour)

open to same or similar things and goals and way of life as i

I would like him to be wise and interesting and stimulating for each other

mm hmm and several other things but there are some things i like in partner.
He does not have to understand english but i happy if he does or we can communicate very well and understand each other

Yeah, I never got the whole "Honey I have a headache excuse" passing anyway. If that isn't deceitful? I understand not wanting it every day, but that is lying all the way. Plus, I read somewhere that a great cure for a headache is physical intimacy. So if a person had a headache, wouldn't the remedy be to be intimate anyway? I don't know.

 

[rachelsedge]

Really then, Shour, perhaps there is a difference between hobbies and what you are passionate about.

One of my hobbies is art. One of my passions is working with children who come from less than fortunate backgrounds; the difference being the time spent on each and the importance each one holds in my life.

Perhaps I'm just becoming nitpicky on semantics, but I think that helps me, at least, to see what I'd be looking for.

 

[Catlynn]

Hmm...I have tons of different hobbies and things that I enjoy doing, like drawing, knitting, photography, gardening, martial arts, sports....etc., but their importance is very low in comparison to serving single mothers, taking care of children with single parents/poor people/people who can't take care of themselves in general, working with my church in the community, health and nutrition, and being a mother to my own daughter. So I can see how passions and hobbies might be grouped into different categories. On a side note: I'd love to be with someone who has the same sense of silly/twisted humor that I do and who also enjoys playing video games and watching Hayao Miyazaki films. Hehe

 

[DuchessAimee]

I personally want someone who smokes, drinks, and parties too much.


That's super attractive to me.

 

[taggerung]

View attachment 53429

(For everyone else who DIDN'T...Tags used an MLP reference to make her list.)

Its crazy how much the important qualities of friendship, are just as important in a relationship.MLP:FIM has helped me grow quite a lot as a person XD

 

[TyC113]

I eventually kept thinking about some of the dating qualities. I mean, hobbies may be a big deal to me too. I think one hobby or passion that may be a big deal to me is having the same taste in music. I am such a big Hip Hop (Christian hip-hop) fan, and I love to listen to lots of music. I am a music lover. I listen to praise and worship and even old Choral music. I am a lyric person and an artsy person too. So I think having someone who at least appreciate Christian art would be a big deal. I guess it all centers on Christ at the end of the day. I don't think this one would be as particularly big a deal as being a kind, gracious woman to everybody.

I would like to add, though, that even though I ask for these things, I still would have to live up to my end of the bill.

 

[Paul62]

I can relate to that

 

[presidente]

Yeah, I never got the whole "Honey I have a headache excuse" passing anyway. If that isn't deceitful? I understand not wanting it every day, but that is lying all the way. Plus, I read somewhere that a great cure for a headache is physical intimacy. So if a person had a headache, wouldn't the remedy be to be intimate anyway? I don't know.

One guy I worked with was always cracking jokes and doing funny stuff. He said yesterday, he brought an aspirin and a glass of water to his wife. She said, "what is this for?" She said, "It's for your headache." His wife said, "I don't have a headache." I'll not quote what he said he told her next. This was on a construction site.

 

[Jullianna]

To those who were talking about intimacy (or the lack thereof ), in talking with other women/having worked with mostly men who spoke too freely about their personal business/having been married for a very long time, it seems that it really is not about desire most of the time. It's about an abundance of stress/fatigue and/or hormone changes for both men and women.

This is one of many reasons it is so very important for men and women to work together on their marriages so that neither of them is needlessly overwhelmed or overburdened. Intimacy is VERY important to a relationship, no matter how long you've been married, and I mean more than sex by that. But the sex part is pretty great too.

 

[IDEAtor]

A dune buggy must be part of our relational contract.

Actually, she needs to be a praying woman, who gets her confidence from God.
She must be about loving people more than politics. She needs to be open to walking with me, exercising with me.
She cannot be a material girl, nor should she be a sweatpants all the time gal. She cannot be allergic to peanuts, as
peanut butter is a staple food for me. (Of course if she contracts an allergy to said goodness, then I will be forgiving ).
She needs to be better at math than me, but she should not wave that skill/gift in my face. Otherwise, I reserve the right to
learn math from her and then get better than her; thereafter, I will put my math skills against hers in a Math-a-thon, which will
actually convey what is and will be known: She, not me, is better... at math.

She needs to be a miracle from God, someone who understands me. Forget humor, she just needs to understand me.
Of course, thanks to my ability to share feelings on various subject matter, she will always know what I am thinking.
Not having to guess, she would only need to interpret. This, of course, is where "understand me" becomes a practical
point.

Then again, God could just change my heart, mind, soul, and body to find someone else altogether attractive to me.
For now, though, I am what I am: A puzzle without all of the pieces. She will be one more piece to help form me... as God intends. This does not mean she will "complete me," or I her. Rather, the goal is we will enrich each other's life, as hectic or mundane it can get. (It probably will lean to adventurous, compared to boring.)

 

[MelissaL]

In all fairness, toast can be difficult.

 

[MelissaL]

I want a girl who won't make fun of me in the kitchen,
because I have trouble cooking stuff... like... toast...
and water.

In all fairness, toast can be difficult (Made a lot more sense once I remembered to add the quote, didn't it?!?)

 

[MelissaL]

I have found that the older I get, the more I really know about who I am. Surprisingly (at least to me) this results in me having a much smaller 'wish list' for someone else to fill. I have learned that a lot of what I hoped for in a mate were things that would be nice but really, in the big picture, not the important things. All the hobbies and interests I would have thought important when I was younger now seem less important. If he has an interest in something I will inevitably be exposed to it and more likely than not I will have some interest in it too. (I know this from experience - my 15 yr old daughter has an inexplicable love of Korean pop music....hear it enough and you develop your own favorites {Rock on 2NE1!}) If it's important to him, it will be to me too....even if it is just peripherally. I have found that the traits that matter to me are really the core of the man, and I can't expect these from someone else without being sure I possess them myself!
1. Sincere faith in Jesus Christ, and a true desire to live like it.
2. Integrity - you can trust what he says and what he does because of who he is within himself, not because he thinks
that is who you want him to be.
3. Love, but not the fireworks kind of love, Biblical love..."patient, kind, humble, forgiving". Few people love like that, and
none of us have it mastered but even good, honest attempts will make all the difference.
4. Someone who can speak from his heart and cares when I do it too. Tell me you love me. Talk out problems. Talk
out worries. Share your dreams.

There are other things too...but if I think them through they really seem to come back down to one of these four. Oh, and though it is not the most important, I'm a big fan of the fireworks kind of love and a guy who smells good (Don't underestimate the power of the nose)!

 

[Deva_1972]

Heh....these kinds of threads crack me up because 80 percent say the same thing, which are things that are pretty much common sense with most people in the world such as being honest, faithful, etc. Why not talk about things that are unique above and beyond that...and I am sorry, anyone is kidding themselves when they say looks aren't important LOL

 

[PrettyBelle]

I personally want someone who smokes, drinks, and parties too much.


That's super attractive to me.

Dutchess I love your sarcasm.