What Does "Moving On" Look Like?
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Been walking my circle(s).
Story time, everyone...feel free to have a seat.
One of my circles (of which there are many, I'm ashamed to admit), is my addiction to spending money that I don't have. I filed bankruptcy within a few years of graduating from college due to the massive credit card debt I had racked up when I was in school. Ten years later, I have been slowly headed back to the same place. This time, I could see it coming and cut up all the cards a while ago. I just started a new job making a lot more money, but requiring 55-60+ hour work weeks. It's interesting to think that I am now working twelve-hour-days to pay off something that I bought on credit four-years-ago. I will be credit-debt free by the end of the year, and hopefully totally debt free by the middle of next year.
I'm not naive enough to think I've beaten this, but if I keep my eyes focused on God, I know he'll let me know that I'm headed back to the same place I started.
Everyone's trudging around in their own circles. What makes the difference is one's reactions to the situation.
There's a lady from my young past who I had been over-the-moon about. She did not have the same feelings that I did, unfortunately, so I was out of luck. For the longest time afterward, I kept pining for her, though she had moved on. I realized that if I were to keep making the same decisions when memories of her surfaced, I would never be able to move on. Years later, I still think of her, and wish her well, but when the memories of her surface, I now smile and laugh instead of ache and yearn.
My modus operandi is to come into the Singles room after a long hiatus, shovel a bunch of scoops of 'wisdom' into a steaming heap in the middle of the room, then split again when I get bored of watching people trudge their circles (whilst I, myself, am wearing my paths ever deeper). Everytime I come back in here, I see the same types of threads...
I see threads from people who are stuck in a mindfield. Not a minefield...a mindfield. These are people who want something so badly that it consumes them, yet they are too afraid to step forward to get closer to their goal for fear of setting something off and being hurt...yet living where they are standing causes them more pain and anguish than they would experience if they just kept moving forward.
We are at war, ladies and gentlemen. We are all scared to some degree or another that the enemy will hurt us. And so we stand. motionless, afraid, while the enemy laughs and taunts. The enemy has scared us into inaction...or perhaps into the same wrong knee-jerk reactions that have failed us in the past. Keep your focus on God, and keep moving forward.
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Catherder said some of the same things I was going to say, but I would like to add that sometimes I think we need to forgive ourselves for allowing ourselves to be in the damaging situation in the first place. This does not apply to every damaging situation, as there is a lot of abuse etc etc that is in no way the victim's fault. But sometimes moving on is about forgiving yourself AND the one who did the hurting.
But honestly, I think that sometimes, jank just hurts. Sometimes life hurts. And people respond to things in different ways, so something that is no big deal to me might crush someone else, and vice versa. So if someone doesn't "get over" something as fast as we think they should, it's important for us to not push them to "hurry up and grieve", or do/think/learn things the way we think they should. They might have more learning and growth to come from it, but it just isn't time yet. People process things in their own way, and that's not always a bad thing. Pray for them, guide them lovingly, but no shoving.
But honestly, I think that sometimes, jank just hurts. Sometimes life hurts. And people respond to things in different ways, so something that is no big deal to me might crush someone else, and vice versa. So if someone doesn't "get over" something as fast as we think they should, it's important for us to not push them to "hurry up and grieve", or do/think/learn things the way we think they should. They might have more learning and growth to come from it, but it just isn't time yet. People process things in their own way, and that's not always a bad thing. Pray for them, guide them lovingly, but no shoving.
I think part of the way we know is that there is a consideration of the past and the person with an absence of pain.
People tend to do one of two things, I think. They tend to obsess about the past event/person and talk about them continually, or they tend to act like the past event/person never happened. But either way, they are defining some parts of their life based on the past. If you allow yourself to process the pain, then you're able to put the event/person in perspective. It's not that you'll suddenly recall them fondly (if they were abusive, for example), but when you do recall them it's more like, "That person had X effect on my life. I'll never forget that person, but now I'm doing Y."
People tend to do one of two things, I think. They tend to obsess about the past event/person and talk about them continually, or they tend to act like the past event/person never happened. But either way, they are defining some parts of their life based on the past. If you allow yourself to process the pain, then you're able to put the event/person in perspective. It's not that you'll suddenly recall them fondly (if they were abusive, for example), but when you do recall them it's more like, "That person had X effect on my life. I'll never forget that person, but now I'm doing Y."
I think you nailed it, Mary. Being able to think of the person or situation without pain is a pretty good sign that you've moved on and healed.
When I was a child, I had a friend who was very manipulative and cruel to me. As an adult, I rarely thought about her (which I thought meant I'd forgiven her) but when I DID think about her, I found myself nursing my grievance and sulking a bit. This went on for so many years. Way more than her injustice to me warranted. It suddenly dawned on me one day that I had not forgiven her or moved on from what happened.
As soon as I realized it, I repented and asked God to help me forgive her and get over it. After that I felt a definite change in myself when I thought about her. No more sulking or feeling victimized. It's funny... all of that happened without her even knowing about it. More proof that forgiveness is mostly for our OWN benefit. She later came to me and specifically asked me to forgive her. She took full responsibility for her actions, which really touched me. This was out of the blue, like 20 years later. God is amazing in his detail over our lives, and his care of us.
This post is mostly about forgiveness and not necessarily healing. The line between the two is a little fuzzy for me though, at least with situations involving being hurt by other people.
When I was a child, I had a friend who was very manipulative and cruel to me. As an adult, I rarely thought about her (which I thought meant I'd forgiven her) but when I DID think about her, I found myself nursing my grievance and sulking a bit. This went on for so many years. Way more than her injustice to me warranted. It suddenly dawned on me one day that I had not forgiven her or moved on from what happened.
As soon as I realized it, I repented and asked God to help me forgive her and get over it. After that I felt a definite change in myself when I thought about her. No more sulking or feeling victimized. It's funny... all of that happened without her even knowing about it. More proof that forgiveness is mostly for our OWN benefit. She later came to me and specifically asked me to forgive her. She took full responsibility for her actions, which really touched me. This was out of the blue, like 20 years later. God is amazing in his detail over our lives, and his care of us.
This post is mostly about forgiveness and not necessarily healing. The line between the two is a little fuzzy for me though, at least with situations involving being hurt by other people.
Moving on means there is no bitterness or that heavy feeling in your heart when the person who hurt you happen to cross your mind. When you are able to forgive that person and forget whatever it is that he owes you. When you have the inner peace that could only come from true forgiveness. Closure is important in moving on but when it feels more of a burden or could lead to more complications then its best to leave it to God's hands. We just need to forgive ourselves and others for God has already forgiven us. God gives us blessings and the bad things that happen are just blessings in disguise. Broken relationships are part of our growth and in time maybe God will heal those broken relationships.
