What is the Difference Between Confidence and Delusion? Can Knowing the Difference Save Us From a Lot of Heartache?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
17,665
6,438
113
#21
Submit the evidence. I'd like to see if I'm able to discern the algorithm that AI used. Perfect teeth? Hair like Elvis? A confident smirk mebbe?

You brought of truth and, characteristically, that is the only thing that endures. Among other things that molded me in childhood, I had a grandmother that always told tell me. "Eww, you're ugly!" under the pretense of being funny. But thank God, grandpa's love sustained me (but @CarriePie you see how trusting one gender more than the other might present its own problems). Even so, from there, I'd always suspect that any confidence I had for anything concerning me was just delusional (my teeth aren't perfect). And that in turn rendered me clueless to the degree of authenticity of any friendship where I was just the catfish (or was I the clickbait...:unsure:) you see the confusion there?

Thanks for sharing your experience with the ranking site but I'd have second guessed it regardless of the outcome. There's the harsh truth and there is truth in love. My friend of mine used to wear a come over to hide his baldness, and he received my suggestion that shaving it all off would hide it in plain sight. Taken with all the love intended with it, he took a wife not too long afterward.

Imo, Jose could add a point to his score, whatever that might be, just by investing in a pair of contact lenses. Even though the alignment of his eyes may off to start with (I didn't readily notice, and his glasses might've camouflaged that but) they significantly distort the visible proportions of his facial features. Likewise, with myself, and @seoulsearch, it's just the drawback of book smarts which readily managed with contact lenses.

This is the story of the professor and his alter ego Buddy Love that he invents to woo Miss Purdy. But in the end Miss Purdy falls in love with the professor. I think it had to do with the realness he showed her after the facade he attempted had crumbled in front of her.
I appreciate these raw, honest stories. They really sting my heart, and I'm grateful that people are willing to be so vulnerable.

@Mem, I just wanted to hug you when you said you always had to question the authenticity of friendships. 😥 Hug, hug, hug!

(I've read that pretty people often have this problem too, because people usually just want something from them, and for women, some men will "help" them when they were never asked -- and expect sex in return.)

One note about the glasses -- I definitely agree that contacts can be a great alternative -- for those who can wear them.

I wore contacts for many years until my eyes started becoming so dry that they can no longer tolerate them. So for all my fellow glasses-wearers out there (who don't have a choice,) I salute you! :geek:

They do have a lot of stylish options and of course, it's also a matter of preference (and what you're willing to pay for,) but for instance, I've seen cases where upgrading from plain plastic frames to metal ones can make a big difference.

@Josepus86, this is just me, but I didn't see your teeth as being any big deal, if it's any consolation. I didn't think they were all that yellow and they looked fine to me, but that's just my own opinion.
 

Mem

Senior Member
Sep 23, 2014
8,092
2,507
113
#22
Just because I didn't mention things that men have said, doesn't mean men haven't said anything negative about my appearance. Actually, just as many men have commented negatively about my appearance as women. I mentioned women because of my mother and how that impacted me.

To go further into the story... several years after my mother said that, I was working on my confidence and had become content with myself. I had became close to a nice gentleman and we were getting to know each other and I felt really close to him. I thought things were going well. Then one day he said something very hurtful about my appearance and that shot me back to working on my confidence again lol.
I've always said that I don't think anyone leaves this harsh world without some form of ptsd. I mean, one enters it outside the traumatic event of birth. :cautious: A bible teacher observed our coming into this world with a fear of not being accepted along with leaving it with a fear of being rejected. For all the standing on their heads to get the applause of the audience, I think the ones that are most mindful of their regard for the audience, rather than the audience's regard for them, are those that turn out the most memorable.
 

CarriePie

Well-known member
Jan 7, 2024
2,701
1,780
113
#23
@Josepus86, this is just me, but I didn't see your teeth as being any big deal, if it's any consolation. I didn't think they were all that yellow and they looked fine to me, but that's just my own opinion.
I agree with this ^

Also, maybe I'm weird, but I like wearing glasses. I worked with a nice lady who was also attractive and was doing some modeling in her spare time. She often wore glasses at work and I thought she looked quite nice with glasses on. I think glasses can be attractive!
 

Mem

Senior Member
Sep 23, 2014
8,092
2,507
113
#24
I appreciate these raw, honest stories. They really sting my heart, and I'm grateful that people are willing to be so vulnerable.

@Mem, I just wanted to hug you when you said you always had to question the authenticity of friendships. 😥 Hug, hug, hug!

(I've read that pretty people often have this problem too, because people usually just want something from them, and for women, some men will "help" them when they were never asked -- and expect sex in return.)

One note about the glasses -- I definitely agree that contacts can be a great alternative -- for those who can wear them.

I wore contacts for many years until my eyes started becoming so dry that they can no longer tolerate them. So for all my fellow glasses-wearers out there (who don't have a choice,) I salute you! :geek:

They do have a lot of stylish options and of course, it's also a matter of preference (and what you're willing to pay for,) but for instance, I've seen cases where upgrading from plain plastic frames to metal ones can make a big difference.

@Josepus86, this is just me, but I didn't see your teeth as being any big deal, if it's any consolation. I didn't think they were all that yellow and they looked fine to me, but that's just my own opinion.
I get that contacts are not for everyone. My daughter in law attempted a pair but just couldn't bring herself to insert comfortably. And I'm at the stage of not being able to wear them very long myself. I'm just going to wait it out for the perfection to come.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
17,665
6,438
113
#25
Another reason why I've been gravitating towards older people with life experience is because it's interesting to see what happens to people who have relied on their looks when they lose them.

It's most obvious in celebrity examples:

It 1752169248869.jpeg

1752169262940.jpeg


1752169297211.jpeg

1752169337481.jpeg



1752169439110.jpeg


We know the Bible tells us that beauty is fleeting, but it's really sobering to watch it happen in real life. And I'm certainly not saying that the best-looking people can't be good or authentic people. But I think there's a genuine temptation to rely on "pretty privilege," just like any other advantage someone might think they have. Other people might rely on their intelligence as a crutch; after all, anything we have becomes out of place if rely on it more than God.

A long time ago, someone extremely good-looking told me, "When you start to lose your looks, and you've relied on them all your life, you see what's left -- and realize you have no substance as a person."

I was reading the comments of a YouTube video and one woman said when she was in her 20's and 30's, she got all kinds of things for free and VIP treatment. But now she was in her 40's, had put on a lot of weight, and said she mostly stayed at home because she was mortified to have anyone recognize her. I honestly felt sorry for her.

But I was also inspired to work harder at having diverse interests that can hopefully be put to good use.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
17,665
6,438
113
#26
Also, maybe I'm weird, but I like wearing glasses. I worked with a nice lady who was also attractive and was doing some modeling in her spare time. She often wore glasses at work and I thought she looked quite nice with glasses on. I think glasses can be attractive!
I get that contacts are not for everyone. My daughter in law attempted a pair but just couldn't bring herself to insert comfortably. And I'm at the stage of not being able to wear them very long myself. I'm just going to wait it out for the perfection to come.
I was DEVASTATED when I found out I couldn't wear contacts anymore, and tried everything, but nothing works. My eyes are so dry (even with constant drops) that I run the risk of them sticking to my eye without coming off, causing permanent damage.

While I think I've found some fairly cute glasses (but they were quite an investment,) I can't wait to shed them in heaven.

But for now, at least I don't have to wear separate sunglasses (I have the transition lenses that change with UV light,) and, it's a funny thing.

As I've gotten older, the circles under my eyes have gotten darker -- but my glasses help hide them at least a little bit! :geek::cool:
 

Mem

Senior Member
Sep 23, 2014
8,092
2,507
113
#27
I was DEVASTATED when I found out I couldn't wear contacts anymore, and tried everything, but nothing works. My eyes are so dry (even with constant drops) that I run the risk of them sticking to my eye without coming off, causing permanent damage.

While I think I've found some fairly cute glasses (but they were quite an investment,) I can't wait to shed them in heaven.

But for now, at least I don't have to wear separate sunglasses (I have the transition lenses that change with UV light,) and, it's a funny thing.

As I've gotten older, the circles under my eyes have gotten darker -- but my glasses help hide them at least a little bit! :geek::cool:
With the smart glasses coming out, everyone will be wearing glasses in as short time as it took for cellphones to catch on.
 
Apr 18, 2025
99
73
18
#28
Ooooh yes, delusional was the exact word I was thinking of reading that thread. :oops:

I like to stay realistic. I know I'm totally average, although who knows, maybe even that's wishful thinking lol. I have my strengths and weaknesses and I'm just normal. If I put on some makeup and a nice outfit I might actually even look cute! But I know I'm very ordinary. The men I've attracted in the past are average looking as well, and I'm happy with that because that's what I like. I don't want someone out of my "league," I'm more content with someone who is on the same level of attractiveness as I am.

Give me a man in coveralls, a beard (not quite as hairy as CarriePie likes them though ;)), and a kind soul. That's my type of guy.

Also, I'm really over the influencer/social media/filtered look. Everyone looks the same. They all get the same procedures, wear the same makeup, the same clothes and hair styles. It's boring!! I love seeing a natural person, maybe their nose is a bit wonky or they have crooked teeth, but, they brighten up a room with their laughter or they are genuinely kind to everyone they meet. It's beautiful because it's real and not this fake, phony performance to attract attention and get validation. Another problem with the social media beauty look is that it's brainwashed so many people into thinking this is what everyone is supposed to look like. It's caused people to think that attracting an "8" is a normal thing to do.
 

CarriePie

Well-known member
Jan 7, 2024
2,701
1,780
113
#29
Ooooh yes, delusional was the exact word I was thinking of reading that thread. :oops:

I like to stay realistic. I know I'm totally average, although who knows, maybe even that's wishful thinking lol. I have my strengths and weaknesses and I'm just normal. If I put on some makeup and a nice outfit I might actually even look cute! But I know I'm very ordinary. The men I've attracted in the past are average looking as well, and I'm happy with that because that's what I like. I don't want someone out of my "league," I'm more content with someone who is on the same level of attractiveness as I am.

Give me a man in coveralls, a beard (not quite as hairy as CarriePie likes them though ;)), and a kind soul. That's my type of guy.

Also, I'm really over the influencer/social media/filtered look. Everyone looks the same. They all get the same procedures, wear the same makeup, the same clothes and hair styles. It's boring!! I love seeing a natural person, maybe their nose is a bit wonky or they have crooked teeth, but, they brighten up a room with their laughter or they are genuinely kind to everyone they meet. It's beautiful because it's real and not this fake, phony performance to attract attention and get validation. Another problem with the social media beauty look is that it's brainwashed so many people into thinking this is what everyone is supposed to look like. It's caused people to think that attracting an "8" is a normal thing to do.

Coveralls?! :love:


Your description is excellent! I definitely agree about being with someone of the same level of attractiveness. I think that is more comfortable, more reasonable, and works out better.
 
Apr 18, 2025
99
73
18
#30
Personally, I've never been drawn to guys that society considers to be the most attractive. For example, I really don't find any actors physically attractive. Not saying there aren't nice looking actors, I just am not attracted to them in that way. To me, they just aren't real. I mean, I know they are real people...but, I want depth and good character (with the addition of a beard, of course lol). My best friend is attracted to guys that society sees as attractive. Her type is guys that look like John Cena. She has always had a terrible time in the dating world, she's been taken advantage of by guys and has been in one failed marriage (he cheated more than once, left her for someone else, and he filed for divorce blaming her for wrongs that he was actually committing). After all this, she has just decided to stay single. She's been single for 9 years now and she says she's prefers her life now. She recently moved out of state with her cat and seems happier than ever.

On the thread called "What are you looking for" @Elizabeth35 had mentioned that I gave myself a low rating (btw, thank you Elizabeth for your nice words!). I honestly hate that 1-10 scale. I've spent most of my life working on my self confidence and honestly, I'm still working on it. My voice is weird (many, many people comment on my voice), my nose is larger than petite noses and people mention it...plus other problems: skin, body, etc. One time in my late 20s, I was dating a guy at work. He hadn't met my family yet. I went to visit my mother one day on my day off. We had lunch and then went outside to sit on her porch swing and talk. She was asking me questions about him. Then things got quiet and then she asked, "Have you wondered why he didn't pick a pretty girl?" I didn't know how to answer, so I just didn't answer and we were just in silence for a while.
After this, she'd come by my apartment and go on and on about how incredibly gorgeous my cousin is. The way she was doing was obvious that she was letting me know how she felt about my appearance.
I'd see those pictures of those fish at the bottom of the ocean that people think are horrid looking and see comments, "That's only a face a mother could love!" I'd ask myself, "If my mother doesn't like my face, I must really be horrid!"

Anyway, not long after my mother said that the relationship ended and it was years before I was in a relationship again.
My mother isn't the only woman who has commented negatively about my appearance. I'd like to know where these women are that are nicer than men when it comes to this sort of thing...I don't think they exist in my area lol. Maybe I need to move :LOL:

Fortunately, the Lord gave me confidence in a different way. I feel my standards are high when it comes to morals and that is what has kept me out of a lot of situations that I have seen others get into. I also thank my father for instilling into me to be a strong woman and have self worth. Even though I struggle with confidence as far as appearance goes, my confidence in my beliefs and other areas that aren't appearance based have helped me immensely.

And just to add... I don't get delusional over guys with beards, just so everyone knows lol. He's gotta have morals and good character behind that beard 😂
I know the opinion of some random girl on the internet isn't going to change things, but I am so so sorry you've been treated that way. You don't deserve that. You deserve to be treated with love, respect, kindness, and dignity.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
17,665
6,438
113
#31
Give me a man in coveralls, a beard (not quite as hairy as CarriePie likes them though ;)), and a kind soul. That's my type of guy.

Also, I'm really over the influencer/social media/filtered look. Everyone looks the same. They all get the same procedures, wear the same makeup, the same clothes and hair styles. It's boring!! I love seeing a natural person, maybe their nose is a bit wonky or they have crooked teeth, but, they brighten up a room with their laughter or they are genuinely kind to everyone they meet. It's beautiful because it's real and not this fake, phony performance to attract attention and get validation. Another problem with the social media beauty look is that it's brainwashed so many people into thinking this is what everyone is supposed to look like. It's caused people to think that attracting an "8" is a normal thing to do.
I loved this!!

One of the most attractive things to me is a man hard at work at his job -- whatever that might be. Flipping burgers, running Door Dash, cutting wood, crunching numbers, running machines... There's nothing quite like a man persisting at hard, honest work and making a living. And no, it's not because I'm after his check. After all, I make one of my own and support myself already.

It's the "living in action" that I am drawn to.

And if a man isn't working a "regular" job, maybe he's volunteering, participating in education, keeping himself busy and prepared -- doing the best with what he has, and inspiring others.

And now I want ringside tickets to watch @Elizabeth35 and @CarriePie rope in all the bearded men!! :LOL:

(Will there be enough to go around?) With you two wholeheartedly singing their praises, I'm afraid all well-bearded men might be on the verge of being hunted to extinction! :oops:
 
Apr 18, 2025
99
73
18
#32
And now I want ringside tickets to watch @Elizabeth35 and @CarriePie rope in all the bearded men!! :LOL:

(Will there be enough to go around?) With you two wholeheartedly singing their praises, I'm afraid all well-bearded men might be on the verge of being hunted to extinction! :oops:
Like a bearded rodeo, we can lasso them in...actually, that's probably a good place to meet men with beards. :sneaky:
 

CarriePie

Well-known member
Jan 7, 2024
2,701
1,780
113
#33
I loved this!!

One of the most attractive things to me is a man hard at work at his job -- whatever that might be. Flipping burgers, running Door Dash, cutting wood, crunching numbers, running machines... There's nothing quite like a man persisting at hard, honest work and making a living. And no, it's not because I'm after his check. After all, I make one of my own and support myself already.

It's the "living in action" that I am drawn to.

And if a man isn't working a "regular" job, maybe he's volunteering, participating in education, keeping himself busy and prepared -- doing the best with what he has, and inspiring others.

And now I want ringside tickets to watch @Elizabeth35 and @CarriePie rope in all the bearded men!! :LOL:

(Will there be enough to go around?) With you two wholeheartedly singing their praises, I'm afraid all well-bearded men might be on the verge of being hunted to extinction! :oops:

I gave this a winner, but it made me laugh too!

Instead of the John Cena type or whatever other fella that society considers most attractive, I'm more into the Grizzly Adams type lol.
 

CarriePie

Well-known member
Jan 7, 2024
2,701
1,780
113
#36
I just assumed, I've never been to one. Perhaps a lumberjack festival would be more appropriate.
The last bearded fella that I was involved with (but ended up not meeting) with was from SoCal. Interestingly, I became friends with a bearded fella several years back who was also from SoCal. Neither were into rodeos or lumberjack activities lol. So, you never know!
 
Apr 18, 2025
99
73
18
#37
The last bearded fella that I was involved with (but ended up not meeting) with was from SoCal. Interestingly, I became friends with a bearded fella several years back who was also from SoCal. Neither were into rodeos or lumberjack activities lol. So, you never know!
Bearded and in SoCal. Hippie types? Or should I just trash all my preconceived notions? :p
 

CarriePie

Well-known member
Jan 7, 2024
2,701
1,780
113
#38
Bearded and in SoCal. Hippie types? Or should I just trash all my preconceived notions? :p
LoL, no. Neither are hippies. I used to study the Bible with the one who I was just friends with, we studied on Skype. He didn't seem like a hippie at all. That was years ago though, I don't know what he's doing now lol.
The more recent fella was actually a member here. He's a Christian. He had a lot he needed to work out though. I was always trying to be forgiving, but he'd make posts about me that only told his side of the story and sometimes his posts weren't very nice. He's no longer a member here.

In other words, just like in all locations and situations, you have to be careful. Whether on this site, or in SoCal, or at the rodeo, etc.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
17,665
6,438
113
#39
Like a bearded rodeo, we can lasso them in...actually, that's probably a good place to meet men with beards. :sneaky:
I just assumed, I've never been to one. Perhaps a lumberjack festival would be more appropriate.
In my area, I don't see very many bearded fellas at rodeos. I guess it's too hot here to have a beard when riding bulls 🤷‍♂️
Why am I picturing a news bulletin something like this:

"This just in. Bearded Men and Lumberjack Populations have been DWINDLING across America!! Authorities have narrowed their search down to 2 Beard-Hunting Bandits (@Elizabeth35 and @CarriePie's pictures flash across the screen.) These ladies are considered armed (with nets/lassos) and HIGHLY DANGEROUS.

DO NOT attempt to apprehend alone. ESPECIALLY if you're a male and wearing plaid -- and doubly so if wearing coveralls!!" :oops:
 
May 10, 2011
1,998
509
113
#40
The more recent fella was actually a member here. He's a Christian. He had a lot he needed to work out though. I was always trying to be forgiving, but he'd make posts about me that only told his side of the story and sometimes his posts weren't very nice. He's no longer a member here.

In other words, just like in all locations and situations, you have to be careful. Whether on this site, or in SoCal, or at the rodeo, etc.
His posts about you lowered my opinion of HIM, not you. It was clear he was being petty and ridiculously one-sided. I didn't even need to hear your side to know that HE was the one with maturity issues. 💙