what men THINK women Want vs what women THINK men Want.
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Because Guys like me don't have a clue. And women are super confusing. Just like someone else posted. They don't want the right guy, and they wind up pregnant by some d-bag, because they like attention.
I ask one out and she says, "You are really cute but, I don't know you well enough."
I ask another one out and she says, "That ship has sailed, long ago. If you wanted to be with me, you would have asked me when you met me."
So I was just wondering what to expect in the future. LISTS and EXPECTATIONS are exactly what I'm looking for.
People say its not "Gospel" to make lists but the Bible is FULL of lists of expectations. Do's and Do nots. Blessed are these people. A fool does this, a wise man does this. Don't be silly.
Its completely reasonable for me to expect expectations when its expectations that I'm not meeting. If I was just overflowing with poetic grace and intimacy dripping from the essence of my being, I'm sure I would need a stick to fight off the hoards of women who would gather at my feet. BUT I DON'T.
I'm not just asking questions to get responses for the sake of good conversation. I don't live my life in books or devoid of life experience. Perhaps I'm asking questions because I want answers.
I ask one out and she says, "You are really cute but, I don't know you well enough."
I ask another one out and she says, "That ship has sailed, long ago. If you wanted to be with me, you would have asked me when you met me."
So I was just wondering what to expect in the future. LISTS and EXPECTATIONS are exactly what I'm looking for.
People say its not "Gospel" to make lists but the Bible is FULL of lists of expectations. Do's and Do nots. Blessed are these people. A fool does this, a wise man does this. Don't be silly.
Its completely reasonable for me to expect expectations when its expectations that I'm not meeting. If I was just overflowing with poetic grace and intimacy dripping from the essence of my being, I'm sure I would need a stick to fight off the hoards of women who would gather at my feet. BUT I DON'T.
I'm not just asking questions to get responses for the sake of good conversation. I don't live my life in books or devoid of life experience. Perhaps I'm asking questions because I want answers.
E
I don't know about the men in this forum. But if anyone so repeatedly asks for lists of behaviors that you see fit to ask why, it's that.
And when it occurs, they're given praise and honor, much like the Proverbs 31 woman. Yet, sometimes it doesn't happen. Nevertheless, God is still faithful when they do not conform to the lists. All the prophets attest to that.
Again, praise, honor, shame, blame, etc. are based on your behavior. Nobody's disputing that.
However, the husband is to be to the wife as Christ was to the church. And Jesus' teachings on marriage and his church are hard to accept. Most people will continue to try to maximize whatever metric in choosing their mate. And they'll choose a mate. And that has nothing to do with what Jesus or Paul taught about marriage or the gospel.
People say marriage is sacred, but they're not really sure why. Because God instituted it? He instituted gravity, but we don't see it as sacred. Marriage is one of the primary channels of grace, where we learn to act like God when others don't act in accordance with our lists. It's the primary place many of us we get to practice forgiveness and acceptance in the face of unacceptable behavior.
It's the same with having kids and why Paul can talk about being "saved through childbirth." The first time you realize you didn't write off your kid as unacceptable because of his bad behaviors, the gospel doesn't seem so unreasonable.
I'm not surprised people don't get that. I'm not surprised people argue in favor of list-making. Having hurdles for potential wives is nothing but common sense.
And when it occurs, they're given praise and honor, much like the Proverbs 31 woman. Yet, sometimes it doesn't happen. Nevertheless, God is still faithful when they do not conform to the lists. All the prophets attest to that.
Again, praise, honor, shame, blame, etc. are based on your behavior. Nobody's disputing that.
However, the husband is to be to the wife as Christ was to the church. And Jesus' teachings on marriage and his church are hard to accept. Most people will continue to try to maximize whatever metric in choosing their mate. And they'll choose a mate. And that has nothing to do with what Jesus or Paul taught about marriage or the gospel.
People say marriage is sacred, but they're not really sure why. Because God instituted it? He instituted gravity, but we don't see it as sacred. Marriage is one of the primary channels of grace, where we learn to act like God when others don't act in accordance with our lists. It's the primary place many of us we get to practice forgiveness and acceptance in the face of unacceptable behavior.
It's the same with having kids and why Paul can talk about being "saved through childbirth." The first time you realize you didn't write off your kid as unacceptable because of his bad behaviors, the gospel doesn't seem so unreasonable.
I'm not surprised people don't get that. I'm not surprised people argue in favor of list-making. Having hurdles for potential wives is nothing but common sense.
I'm not looking for hurdles for someone else.
I'm looking for hurdles for me. I can't be the best, without practice. I can't practice if I don't what I'm practicing for.
You've taken my question to mean something it doesn't. My own EXPECTATIONS are irrelevant. My behavior is what I'm trying to effect. I'm not asking questions, because I want someone else to change. I want to grow into something more than I was yesterday.
I don't know how else to say this, and get you to stop pretending that this is something that its not. Wisdom is the practical application of knowledge. I'm not just going to dance around in a field of fluffy feelings and address my prayers to fate, hoping that the person I am is just okay enough for God.
I want to be the very best husband, boyfriend, fiance, father, etc and it starts long before I'm in the last relationship I'll ever know. It starts by acknowledging that who I am is constantly seeking improvement in my own life.
I'm looking for hurdles for me. I can't be the best, without practice. I can't practice if I don't what I'm practicing for.
You've taken my question to mean something it doesn't. My own EXPECTATIONS are irrelevant. My behavior is what I'm trying to effect. I'm not asking questions, because I want someone else to change. I want to grow into something more than I was yesterday.
I don't know how else to say this, and get you to stop pretending that this is something that its not. Wisdom is the practical application of knowledge. I'm not just going to dance around in a field of fluffy feelings and address my prayers to fate, hoping that the person I am is just okay enough for God.
I want to be the very best husband, boyfriend, fiance, father, etc and it starts long before I'm in the last relationship I'll ever know. It starts by acknowledging that who I am is constantly seeking improvement in my own life.
E
Perhaps, but I doubt it. Internalizing, externalizing, and fretting over lists of acceptable behaviors have dogged singles, Christians, and Christianity from the beginning. It's not just this website's concern and more has been written and understood elsewhere than the posts in these forums. In any case, if the posts are as countless and helpful as you're implying, this thread wouldn't be necessary.
I'm sorry that I didn't make it clear, but it's the other side of the same coin. When I say setting up a hurdle for a wife, that might be yourself as a husband. We're crueler to ourselves than anybody else, but just because it's internal doesn't mean it's acceptable. The gospel applies to you too.
That's a path of ascent and, in my experience, it's one of hidden violence. As far as I can tell, this is still the max/min thinking of someone who doesn't recognize the place of marriage in a Christian's life. You're not called to be the very best.
I'm sorry that I didn't make it clear, but it's the other side of the same coin. When I say setting up a hurdle for a wife, that might be yourself as a husband. We're crueler to ourselves than anybody else, but just because it's internal doesn't mean it's acceptable. The gospel applies to you too.
That's a path of ascent and, in my experience, it's one of hidden violence. As far as I can tell, this is still the max/min thinking of someone who doesn't recognize the place of marriage in a Christian's life. You're not called to be the very best.
Whoever heeds instruction is on the path to life, but he who rejects reproof leads others astray. -Proverbs 10:17 (ESV)
I would rather grow than become complacent and self-assured. If I am not to be the best that I can be, then what am doing?
Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom. -Ecclesiastes 9:10
I would rather grow than become complacent and self-assured. If I am not to be the best that I can be, then what am doing?
Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom. -Ecclesiastes 9:10
E
Recognizing your nature, working within the framework that God has provided, which takes into account how often you'll be anything but the best you could have been. Demonstrating God's grace by knowing what you could have been, knowing what you are, and knowing that nevertheless you're accepted. Praised, honored? Perhaps not, but that's apparently not the point.
The advice I give both guys and women is become a gift worth giving.
Many guys are nice because that's their way of getting something, women can usually smell this a mile away.
Many women say they want a nice guy, but are attracted to guys who challenge them.
You asked 2 girls out and they both said not interested, I think you shouldn't look at their REASONS because that pre-supposes you need to change into something else. In my experience, women like a guy who isn't trying to change himself to be attractive. Just be who's God calling you to be. You hear it all the time, but sincerely just be you. Don't try to change yourself to be attractive, change yourself to more like Christ, to be a gift worth being given.
Besides at the end of the day, do you want a partner because of how you "appeared to be" or who you really are?
Also, if you like certain things in girls, do your best to be them as well, if you want a smart, funny, healthy girl... be the same, and don't let fear stop you, that's not Christ like at all, girls aren't rejecting you they are just giving you feedback.
You can tell the difference between rejection and feedback, one says: wow, I guess she's not the right girl for me after all and the other says: hmm, what's wrong with me
Scripture says you are a new creation, perfected by the Holy Spirit, focus on being who God is calling you to be and the right girl will be attracted to that, and until then watch for red flags that they might not be the right girl...
For instance, if a guy or girl changes the subject when you talk about God, red flag.
If you change the subject, you're giving red flags yourself to the guy or girl you think you want.
Don't ignore them red flags because they will keep getting more and more obvious until you're forced to make a choice if you'll change your morals for this person. Accidents happen when you ignore warning signs.
Ladies: remember you can't change people only God can, so no missionary dating. And guys, it's your responsibility to suck it up and at least talk to a girl you're interested in because you know those "bad boys" will be and looking for any type of weakness to exploit.
Just my .02
Many guys are nice because that's their way of getting something, women can usually smell this a mile away.
Many women say they want a nice guy, but are attracted to guys who challenge them.
You asked 2 girls out and they both said not interested, I think you shouldn't look at their REASONS because that pre-supposes you need to change into something else. In my experience, women like a guy who isn't trying to change himself to be attractive. Just be who's God calling you to be. You hear it all the time, but sincerely just be you. Don't try to change yourself to be attractive, change yourself to more like Christ, to be a gift worth being given.
Besides at the end of the day, do you want a partner because of how you "appeared to be" or who you really are?
Also, if you like certain things in girls, do your best to be them as well, if you want a smart, funny, healthy girl... be the same, and don't let fear stop you, that's not Christ like at all, girls aren't rejecting you they are just giving you feedback.
You can tell the difference between rejection and feedback, one says: wow, I guess she's not the right girl for me after all and the other says: hmm, what's wrong with me
Scripture says you are a new creation, perfected by the Holy Spirit, focus on being who God is calling you to be and the right girl will be attracted to that, and until then watch for red flags that they might not be the right girl...
For instance, if a guy or girl changes the subject when you talk about God, red flag.
If you change the subject, you're giving red flags yourself to the guy or girl you think you want.
Don't ignore them red flags because they will keep getting more and more obvious until you're forced to make a choice if you'll change your morals for this person. Accidents happen when you ignore warning signs.
Ladies: remember you can't change people only God can, so no missionary dating. And guys, it's your responsibility to suck it up and at least talk to a girl you're interested in because you know those "bad boys" will be and looking for any type of weakness to exploit.
Just my .02
K
I believe godly men want a woman who shows love and expresses admiration and support to his guy , a smart woman capable of having a decent conversation, a woman who has a fun side in her even if she looks shy, a woman who loves God and shows it with actions and words, not compromising her faith when she has the chance to do so.
I've seen Christian guys pursuing wordly women, but as some other ladies said, I wouldn't consider those guys spiritually mature. I've seen Christian guys complaining about women not being godly enough when they themselves aren't "godly enough", so I don't see the point of bothering about what they say.
What I want from a man is authenticity, both in his faith and his character. I don't want a guy who lives a superficial Christiniaty. I want someone who is able to have a discussion about God, and not just the "oh yeah God is great, amen!" , and then change the topic... I want REAL conversation. And not just about God, also about topics like politics, social events, movies,books,etc. but God, for obvious reasons, is a topic that will always have priority over the others. I want someone who LOVES, who isn't afraid to say I love you, to give a hug, and smile. God knows I have my emotional or crazy brain moments so I would really want someone who has my back and encourages me when I need it. I want a man who is not afraid of trying something new...like going camping to the forest ( I always wanted to do that) . I want someone who corrects me in a loving way, whose heart doesn't rejoice because he is right and I'm wrong and he won the battle.
Well my list could be really long, so I will just close with this : I don't think all women want the same things I want, but in general we reaaaaaaaaaally want to feel loved, safe, encouraged, and inspired to be more for God, and eventually others.
I've seen Christian guys pursuing wordly women, but as some other ladies said, I wouldn't consider those guys spiritually mature. I've seen Christian guys complaining about women not being godly enough when they themselves aren't "godly enough", so I don't see the point of bothering about what they say.
What I want from a man is authenticity, both in his faith and his character. I don't want a guy who lives a superficial Christiniaty. I want someone who is able to have a discussion about God, and not just the "oh yeah God is great, amen!" , and then change the topic... I want REAL conversation. And not just about God, also about topics like politics, social events, movies,books,etc. but God, for obvious reasons, is a topic that will always have priority over the others. I want someone who LOVES, who isn't afraid to say I love you, to give a hug, and smile. God knows I have my emotional or crazy brain moments so I would really want someone who has my back and encourages me when I need it. I want a man who is not afraid of trying something new...like going camping to the forest ( I always wanted to do that
) . I want someone who corrects me in a loving way, whose heart doesn't rejoice because he is right and I'm wrong and he won the battle.Well my list could be really long, so I will just close with this : I don't think all women want the same things I want, but in general we reaaaaaaaaaally want to feel loved, safe, encouraged, and inspired to be more for God, and eventually others.
J
*peeks in to see if the King of Perfectville has gone home yet*
Katie: Would love to read that too
Gabe: You're no help haha!
Cee: I agree. I'm totally for adapting, learning and growing, but some folks take that as trying to be something they aren't, and you can't pretend for a lifetime. And if things don't work out with someone, I don't see why anyone should take it personally either. We're not all compatible. It's as simple as that. There's nothing shameful in that. I would rather wait for the better thing than settle for something I have to force or convince myself of.
Liamson: I agree. We should always question ourselves and others. That's how we learn. It's how we grow. I know what I think. I'm interested in learning what others think. I could be wrong. I could be missing something. I could be hurting people and not realize it. There are certainly things I could be doing a lot better. When we stop learning/stop growing/stand still too long we start to stink up the place a lil bit, huh?
Katie: Would love to read that too
Gabe: You're no help haha!
Cee: I agree. I'm totally for adapting, learning and growing, but some folks take that as trying to be something they aren't, and you can't pretend for a lifetime. And if things don't work out with someone, I don't see why anyone should take it personally either. We're not all compatible. It's as simple as that. There's nothing shameful in that. I would rather wait for the better thing than settle for something I have to force or convince myself of.
Liamson: I agree. We should always question ourselves and others. That's how we learn. It's how we grow. I know what I think. I'm interested in learning what others think. I could be wrong. I could be missing something. I could be hurting people and not realize it. There are certainly things I could be doing a lot better. When we stop learning/stop growing/stand still too long we start to stink up the place a lil bit, huh?
