what to do about a guy friend who talks to me about things i don't want to hear

[ijustwanttheTruth]

ugh. i have this guy friend that i've known since high school. and he battles with sexual purity. but i don't even know how much he fights it. he just gives in. he's a believer but he's not really fighting the good fight if you know what i mean. he was sexually abused as a kid and now he's this young adult with all these stupid addictions.

i have given good advice about what to do. i have tried to help. but it's like talking to a brick wall. he only recently started talking dirty to me and telling me things i do NOT need to know about his sexuality and what turns him on and that i turn him on. ugh! he also is now telling me when he is getting off. and i do not know how to say to him that i will not be spoken to this way. i kind of already told him that loud and clear? and yet he is still involving me in his struggle. i don't know how to break free.

it's not my struggle, btw. he is not a temptation to me. i am merely grossed out and i don't know what to do to make it stop. his perversion is his perversion and i want nothing to do with it. and i wrote a letter to his mom telling her that he's struggling bc he still lives with his mom and she said she is aware of his struggles and she thanked me for telling her.

he has said he needs help. i have told him he needs help. but i clearly am not that help. what should i do?

 

[JimJimmers]

You're right sister, you're not that help. You probably need to break off contact with him. You are feeding his appetite through no fault of your own. He needs some shock therapy, and losing you as a friend may be it. If you told him you won't tolerate any more sexual talk, and he persists, block his number.

In Christ, -JIM

 

[RickShafer]

What to do about a gut that keeps talking to you about things you don't want to hear?

Tell Him to Stop.
(You know....."Shove off mate!" - Just like that)

 

[Hellooo]

If I was faced with the situation, where I've told someone to stop and they did not listen, id just stop talking to them and break things off.

 

[zaoman32]

I wonder if he truly has a desire to leave his sexual addictions. It's really easy to say you want to quite something, and go through the motions of getting help, but it all comes down to the heart. If his heart has not yet made the decision to quite, he will still desire it. Again it's easy to tell yourself you want to quite, but if the hearts not in it, then your not going to go anywhere, you can't force yourself to break an addiction, if you don't truly want it broken.

You mentioned he was sexually abused, so I really have no idea how that plays into everything because I've never been there, but I can't imagine it playing a good part by any means. Just because of that he should probably get some kind of pastoral or professional counseling, which I'm sure you've suggested.

It's very possible he may never get the help or desire for purity he needs, until he has hit rock bottom, a lot of times that is how it happens. I will suggest that since you're understandably uncomfortable with him talking with you about that you HAVE to be abrupt with him. In my experience a lot of times when girls say they have been clear, they haven't. If he starts talking like that you need to tell him "no." Even if you have to interrupt him. Tell him you're not comfortable with it, you don't want to go there, and that if he continues to persist that your done talking with him. And you may very well have to cut off conversation in that case.

That's the best I can think of, other than that keep him in your prayers, and encourage him to talk with another guy about it that's mature and can give him guidance.

 

[Catlynn]

I've found that a swift kick in the pants and a run in the other direction with no contact for a LOOOONNNNNGGG time does the trick nicely.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Historically, Christian men have counseled Christian men and Christian women have counseled Christian women regarding issues dealing with sexual tempation and immorality in the Church.

I advise you to direct him to your Pastor, a godly Christian man in your assembly with counseling competency, or better yet give him a self-help resource such as Celebrate Recovery so that he can begin attending self-help meetings.

In addition to withdrawing from counseling him in this area, I advise you to also stop trying to think that you can fix him. One of the first things many self-help groups, including Celebrate Recovery, instructs new members is that, "We are here to support one another, not 'fix' one another. You need to understand that you cannot fix his problems for him. You can; however, pray for him and direct him to an approprate resource understanding that it's his responsibility to go and not yours.

ugh. i have this guy friend that i've known since high school. and he battles with sexual purity. but i don't even know how much he fights it. he just gives in. he's a believer but he's not really fighting the good fight if you know what i mean. he was sexually abused as a kid and now he's this young adult with all these stupid addictions.

i have given good advice about what to do. i have tried to help. but it's like talking to a brick wall. he only recently started talking dirty to me and telling me things i do NOT need to know about his sexuality and what turns him on and that i turn him on. ugh! he also is now telling me when he is getting off. and i do not know how to say to him that i will not be spoken to this way. i kind of already told him that loud and clear? and yet he is still involving me in his struggle. i don't know how to break free.

it's not my struggle, btw. he is not a temptation to me. i am merely grossed out and i don't know what to do to make it stop. his perversion is his perversion and i want nothing to do with it. and i wrote a letter to his mom telling her that he's struggling bc he still lives with his mom and she said she is aware of his struggles and she thanked me for telling her.

he has said he needs help. i have told him he needs help. but i clearly am not that help. what should i do?

 

[Ritter]

There was this one character in MASH by the name of Colonel Flagg. He trained himself not to laugh by watching a Three Stooges video with a cattle prod. Anytime he had an urge to chuckle, he would stab himself in the groin with the cattle prod.

He didn't laugh.

All I'll say is that this same technique can be applied elsewhere.

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

thanks a million guys. i feel better already. i sent him this link just now http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/
and i told him i will hear nothing more about his struggles or his sexuality. that it's between him and God.

if he violates that i guess i will have to cut him off. gosh doesn't that suck? to know someone for like 10 years and have to cut them off? sigh.

i really appreciate your support. it was perfect.

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

lol ritter. ummmmm. i am going to refrain from advising that. but. achem. thanks

There was this one character in MASH by the name of Colonel Flagg. He trained himself not to laugh by watching a Three Stooges video with a cattle prod. Anytime he had an urge to chuckle, he would stab himself in the groin with the cattle prod.

He didn't laugh.

All I'll say is that this same technique can be applied elsewhere.

 

[GreenNnice]

NOTHINGbuttheTruth, how ya doing, milady

Hope the Hebrew and all going well, mop for Jesus , but, I see all in life for His as workings of His fine kneading us, you in what may very well be an exodus from this decade-king friend need to pray for God's perfect for you to stay best living in Him. The Lord leads, right

So, to stop is probably good advice, and, JJ said it well, first, so I mention his, but, Hear Him, only stop when you're certain that little voice that is Him is saying 'stop.' You will know maybe He is using you to HELP Him stop. You helped someone on c.c. with their addiction of something and, don't be fooled, God used you then and, He , at least , is using you now in some way, this friend needs a witness of Christ, I think, and, God's using you. And, the Enemy is attacking you too, don't listen to the Enemy, rebuke Him, tell your friend too that telling girls fantasies stuff is only His serving Satan.
Ask Him which master He wants in his life. God or the Enemy?

Anyway, pray over things now, and, let the Lord lead , blessings, k

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Lol.. I truly believe God should have made a saltpeter plant. But He didn't.

There was this one character in MASH by the name of Colonel Flagg. He trained himself not to laugh by watching a Three Stooges video with a cattle prod. Anytime he had an urge to chuckle, he would stab himself in the groin with the cattle prod.

He didn't laugh.

All I'll say is that this same technique can be applied elsewhere.

 

[Stuey]

The advice given here is good... Call him on it, and get him to a guy. He does not need to talk to a girl about these things.

 

[Searching4Truth]

Tell him to get a girlfriend.

 

[zaoman32]

Tell him to get a girlfriend.

Not everyone heals as fast as you Logan.

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

Tell him to get a girlfriend.

well i can't do that. he wants me as a girlfriend. which i also didn't know until this whole bamboozle came to light. every time i see your name? i think of this awesome song by a band called by the tree. and the song is 'you invade my soul' and the first lyrics of the song are 'searching for truth...to hold onto...'

i would TOTALLY put a link here but the song's not really around on the net. annnyways

 

[Searching4Truth]

Tell him: It's not me, it's you. Or friendzone him.

 

[See_KING_Truth]

What is up with guys so freely talking about sexual immorality with women? This irritates me, and in your case Keren, it seems like this guy is trying to drag you into his struggles. I'd quit talking to him purely out of the fact that he is making YOU the object of his sinful desires.

 

[ijustwanttheTruth]

yeah i dunno. i guess it feeds their desires to 'share' it with a woman. but i am so not into that. and i am so not into him. if he doesn't respect what i wrote to him i'll have to ignore him and block his behind.
i don't wanna be his object. ew ew ew ew ew.

What is up with guys so freely talking about sexual immorality with women? This irritates me, and in your case Keren, it seems like this guy is trying to drag you into his struggles. I'd quit talking to him purely out of the fact that he is making YOU the object of his sinful desires.

 

[seoulsearch]

People with sexual addictions are often struggling with a root cause of an addiction to attention. He sounds like a classic case. Addicted to the attention he's getting through these relationships... and then addicted to the attention he thinks he can get from a female friend like you ABOUT his addiction. It's a vicious cycle. Why would he want to stop when he's getting so much attention for it?

The true test is what others have suggested--if his only option is to talk to MALE counselors about his choices, things may change. But more female attention DEFINITELY will NOT help.

It IS a bummer to have to cut off someone you've known for 10 years. BUT, it will be worth it... to find someone who is a true friend and not putting you in situations that make you uncomfortable.