When he checks out another girl in front of you.

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ashlaa

ashlaa

Senior Member
#1
May 19, 2010
145
5
18
#1
I know I'm posting in the singles thread but I wasn't too sure where else this post might be suited.

I've been with my bf for almost a year now and one thing I've struggled in dealing with is that when we're out together he always seems to be checking out other girls. Now I don't know if it's because he's a guy and he just likes to look because 'men are visual' as I myself have received similar glances from other guys who are with their girlfriends or if he's doing it to see if they're checking him out.

I know he loves me and he very well does his part in showing me that he does but it's just this one little habbit I just cannot come to terms with because it is now starting to make me feel really insecure and although I didn't mind at first and just ignored it, I'm now left in a state of confusement and in need of enlightenment!

Help?
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#2
#2
No man can claim that because he is "visual" he's allowed to look at other women. No man.

No man may gawk at any woman other than his wife, and that is biblical truth right there. I know more than a few guys who will back me up on this.

Job 31:1
I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?


Matthew 5
[SUP]27 [/SUP]Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
[SUP]28 [/SUP]But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.


Just because there is no sex involved doesn't mean there isn't a fair degree of lust. A man gawking at another woman isn't thinking "gee, I like her dress", he's thinking thoughts which I do not care to elaborate on.
 
buckets

buckets

Banned by Admin Team (verified fraud)
#3
Dec 14, 2013
374
18
0
#3
I'd not ever be okay with that
me personally I'd trade him in for a puppy :D you can still exchange boyfriends for puppies right :p
 
Loveneverfails

Loveneverfails

Senior Member
#4
Feb 18, 2013
1,294
26
0
#4
Amen to both servantstrike and buckets. I wouldn't be okay with it, and men being visual is no excuse for checking out other women.

1. Confront him.
2. If he apologizes AND changes his ways, good. If he gets defensive, is in denial, or refuses to change, dump him.
3. If you dump him, buy a puppy.

:)
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#5
#5
What do you mean by checking out?

1. Glancing over for a split second.
2. Staring a hole in the back of her head?

You shouldn't fret if it's option one. I mean it be like holding it against someone for blinking when a bright flashlight is put in their face. Some things are simply reflex.
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#6
#6
1still_waters said:
What do you mean by checking out?

1. Glancing over for a split second.
2. Staring a hole in the back of her head?

You shouldn't fret if it's option one. I mean it be like holding it against someone for blinking when a bright flashlight is put in their face. Some things are simply reflex.
Click to expand...
Does he go beyond option 1 and lean toward and into option 2?
Yes?
Then time for a new guy.
 
buckets

buckets

Banned by Admin Team (verified fraud)
#7
Dec 14, 2013
374
18
0
#7
1still_waters said:
What do you mean by checking out?

1. Glancing over for a split second.
2. Staring a hole in the back of her head?

You shouldn't fret if it's option one. I mean it be like holding it against someone for blinking when a bright flashlight is put in their face. Some things are simply reflex.
Click to expand...
This is a good point :) I took "checking out" as like a hound dog eyeing a steak

​Maybe before the puppy exchange talk to him :D I'd still consider the puppy :cool:
 
I

Isdaniel

Banned
#8
Oct 14, 2013
4,750
21
0
#8
ashlaa said:
I know I'm posting in the singles thread but I wasn't too sure where else this post might be suited.

I've been with my bf for almost a year now and one thing I've struggled in dealing with is that when we're out together he always seems to be checking out other girls. Now I don't know if it's because he's a guy and he just likes to look because 'men are visual' as I myself have received similar glances from other guys who are with their girlfriends or if he's doing it to see if they're checking him out.

I know he loves me and he very well does his part in showing me that he does but it's just this one little habbit I just cannot come to terms with because it is now starting to make me feel really insecure and although I didn't mind at first and just ignored it, I'm now left in a state of confusement and in need of enlightenment!

Help?
Click to expand...

Lets just say if Halle Berry passed by or your favourite Male or female actor or actress

What then

Dont look or would you not look

just a thought :)
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#9
#9
Men- AND women- are going to notice other people, in a relationship or not.

The key word here is notice.

If your boyfriend is looking, and then staring, and then ignoring you, and then mentioning the girl he was ogling...
I don't know how to make him stop, but I do know that's a pretty big red flag in a relationship.
 
R

rainin

Guest
#10
#10
I was married to a man like that. I put up with it and over time it really had an negative affect on my self esteem. Over time our relationship suffered a great deal because of it. If he doesn't care that it bothers you, that is a red flag you shouldn't ignore. You may be able to overlook it now but it gets pretty old after a few years.
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#11
#11
Isdaniel said:
Lets just say if Halle Berry passed by or your favourite Male or female actor or actress

What then

Dont look or would you not look

just a thought :)
Click to expand...
What does that prove?

I stopped having "favorite actresses" when I found Christ. Seriously, your work is either good or it isn't.


If a naked woman walks by, I'm going to be the guy who's staring at the ground or the ceiling, not at her. This is what we are to strive for, even if it hurts.

The more you practice this, the easier it gets, and the harder it is to set you off. In your mind you might say something "crap, my eyes moved, sorry Jesus", and then you immediately do not allow your eyes to move any further. Bored, mind wandering, think something you shouldnt? You immediately say (in your head) "no, not happening, I'm going to think about something completely unrelated, or pray."
 
JesusChica1991

JesusChica1991

Banned
#12
May 9, 2012
1,514
25
0
#12
If the guy is looking at her eyes to recognize she is there, ok...maybe I can tolerate it. But if he zooms his eyes all over her privacy areas, that'll cause problems for me and I'll call him out on it.
 
Loveneverfails

Loveneverfails

Senior Member
#13
Feb 18, 2013
1,294
26
0
#13
I assumed that by "checking out" she meant lingering stares and ogling, because she seems really bothered by it. I know some women can be irrationally jealous about their boyfriends even looking in the general direction of anything that is female.. but that's not the vibe I got from the OP. I could be wrong, but that's my hunch.

I think most reasonable women understand that it's okay for a man to glance at a woman the same way one might glance at passing cars, or to make eye contact with a woman with whom he's conversing. But if he's staring at a woman with lust in his eyes, I understand why that might make her feel insecure and hurt, as she mentioned in her post.
 
buckets

buckets

Banned by Admin Team (verified fraud)
#14
Dec 14, 2013
374
18
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#14
I would think we can assume he is not simply acknowledging the existence ofa fellow human

She said "seems to be checking out other girls"
I guess he may not be but to me that's more than simply noticing he isn't alone on the planet

I'm way friendly and make eye contact but never "check anyone out"
We are Christians but we know what the term means in secular society
I know the OP is not from USA
but here that term basically means to lust after

I do agree with everyone who has posted saying find out
It is also wise to add if he is just acknowledging them that's different
also agree with that it's not okay if he is "checking out" other girls
 
I

Isdaniel

Banned
#15
Oct 14, 2013
4,750
21
0
#15
Someone goes to the garden and purchase a beautiful flower and spent hours to purchase this flower hmmm then on their way out see another flower more blossoming than the one they have hmmm they cannot buy nor touch that other flower because of their current investments hmm does that say they cannot look hmm Jesus said lust not look hmmmm

That is why relationships fall apart because society has defined what is acceptible and what is not


When I am with my friends I always point out beautiful women even if they are more beautiful than they
Why? praise God for His creation we are all unique hmm who say this cannot be fun laughing about

All I am saying what is wrong with looking you will always see someone from time to time more beautiful than your current parther

What ever pet name you call them eg liscious hmm look at the girl she is beautifllll wow look t her expression how it changes and then hmm but she still cannot compare to u hmmm

thats just me i know some ladies like this it is a boost from mild jealous to elated relief and assurance that your partner likes you alot


Thats just me thats all
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#16
#16
Isdaniel said:
Someone goes to the garden and purchase a beautiful flower and spent hours to purchase this flower hmmm then on their way out see another flower more blossoming than the one they have hmmm they cannot buy nor touch that other flower because of their current investments hmm does that say they cannot look hmm Jesus said lust not look hmmmm

That is why relationships fall apart because society has defined what is acceptible and what is not


When I am with my friends I always point out beautiful women even if they are more beautiful than they
Why? praise God for His creation we are all unique hmm who say this cannot be fun laughing about

All I am saying what is wrong with looking you will always see someone from time to time more beautiful than your current parther

What ever pet name you call them eg liscious hmm look at the girl she is beautifllll wow look t her expression how it changes and then hmm but she still cannot compare to u hmmm

thats just me i know some ladies like this it is a boost from mild jealous to elated relief and assurance that your partner likes you alot


Thats just me thats all
Click to expand...

I don't think it's ever acceptable to point out a beautiful woman to temporarily make your partner jealous. Why are you scanning the room in the first place?

What will you do when your wife is 40, 50, 60 years old? Lie and say she's more beautiful than a 20 year old? She should be in your eyes, but why are you still scanning the room 10, 20, or 30 years later?
 
buckets

buckets

Banned by Admin Team (verified fraud)
#17
Dec 14, 2013
374
18
0
#17
Isdaniel said:
Someone goes to the garden and purchase a beautiful flower and spent hours to purchase this flower hmmm then on their way out see another flower more blossoming than the one they have hmmm they cannot buy nor touch that other flower because of their current investments hmm does that say they cannot look hmm Jesus said lust not look hmmmm

That is why relationships fall apart because society has defined what is acceptible and what is not


When I am with my friends I always point out beautiful women even if they are more beautiful than they
Why? praise God for His creation we are all unique hmm who say this cannot be fun laughing about

All I am saying what is wrong with looking you will always see someone from time to time more beautiful than your current parther

What ever pet name you call them eg liscious hmm look at the girl she is beautifllll wow look t her expression how it changes and then hmm but she still cannot compare to u hmmm

thats just me i know some ladies like this it is a boost from mild jealous to elated relief and assurance that your partner likes you alot


Thats just me thats all
Click to expand...
Daniel I agree noticing someone is beautiful or pretty can have a place
yet I don't think at least in the USA "checking them out" means this

We are to not look at others in lust
if a guy approached me and said "I noticed you are pretty"
I would say I am as God created me
if a guy approached me and said "I was checking you out"
I would turn and walk away
if he was older than about 18 I would tell my Dad

In other words to notice God created me beautifully is fine
to "check me out" and look upon me sexually is not in any way alright
because it is a sin and I am 14

Now when I am older and date if my boyfriend continually tells me how pretty girls are I will have an issue with this
it first is rude
second the whole guys looking at pretty girls and acknowledging how the look vs who they are is what has resulted in tons of girls with eating disorders and way worse

I can see admiring God's creation but Christ warned about even the thought being adultery
 
buckets

buckets

Banned by Admin Team (verified fraud)
#18
Dec 14, 2013
374
18
0
#18
also if I am ever in a relationship with a guy who compares me to another girl
even if to say I am prettier
he will at that momment find himself single

I am not insecure about my looks at all
simply put he should not be comparing me to others in any way
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#19
#19
buckets said:
also if I am ever in a relationship with a guy who compares me to another girl
even if to say I am prettier
he will at that momment find himself single

I am not insecure about my looks at all
simply put he should not be comparing me to others in any way
Click to expand...
I do not say this all the time because it's cliched but...

YOU GO GIRL!!!
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#20
#20
I dated a guy who did that. It irritated me so i told him. He said that he was so used to doing it that he didn't it realize when he was doing it. Anyway, he was all.. i'll stop. Turns out he never did. So i said bye bye.

My point is, you need to talk to him about it. That's totally not an ok thing to do.

I want to say this as well. Him staring at other women is no reflection on you and how you look. I know it's hard, but don't take it personally. He would be staring at other women no matter who he was dating.
Seriously.... talk to him about it. Nothing will change if you keep silent on this.
 
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