When is someone married???

[thefightinglamb]

I was reading Genesis tonight at a Bible study, specifically the story of how Jacob was deceived into sleeping with Leah instead of Rachel...and then it looks like though the celebration was for Him and Rachel, since he slept with Leah, He is married to her...and then all throughout scripture, you have someone taking some other person of the opposite sex into thier tent...and thus they are married...

So are you married when you have sex with your wife?
Are you married when a pirest or some other official marries you?
Are you married when you give your heart to the other?
Are you married when you truly give your body to the other?
If you go through a ceremony, but do not have sex, are you already married? Legally, they said at the meeting if you never have sex with the person you had a ceremony with, the marriage can be 'anulled'--I thought that was just the Catholic term for divorce, I guess I am wrong...

When are you married?
Are people spiritually married to everyone they have ever had sex with, and thus also have had divorces with all those people if they did not work out?

Jacob's scenerio seems to suggest that the marriage happens in the tent...aka on the bed...but when, O when does it happen???

The question this leads to is "Are those who have sex before the ceremony' actually married before the ceremony? Or are they just immoral? I tend towards them being just immoral, as I think there is not covenant before the ceremony; and thus both perhaps they can still pull out even if they are having sex...but perhaps they do not...perhaps, they believe that they are married the first time they have sex???

God bless
tony

ps...i have got to be extremely careful...No, I am not saying 'go out and have sex with who you want to be married to and you will be married to them...I am just unsure of when a marriage is 'consumated'...and do believe that sex has the ability to spiritually unite lives--even when done out of lust, and pieces are torn with those that have sex with people other than their spouse...but also believe the Lord can mend these people to be fully whole again...

 

[SamIam]

some one is married when you say i do.... and your not married when they say I DONT!

 

[seoulsearch]

Very intriguing question... and somewhat frightening for some of us, depending on the answers. I haven't had many relationships, but I wish I could go back and erase most of them. I would shudder to think that God may have considered me married to them. I hope not!

And I've talked to some Christians who believe, according to Paul's teachings in the NT, that if I married again, I would be committing adultery, even though I was not the one who chose the divorce. It's quite a thing to be told at 25 that your life is basically over (and you can never get married again because that would be an ultimate sin) because your husband decided he wanted someone else. And then they wonder why you fall into a sense of depression that seems fatal, criticize your faith, and wonder why you're not "filled with the joy of the Lord."

I'm sorry I don't have any answers for your questions, but I'm glad you brought them up.

 

[pinkstix56]

i think you are spiritually married when you guys...well you know...... . thats when i think your inner spirit men get attatched.

but you proclaim your covenant together when you say your vows.

 

[seoulsearch]

I'm not sure about whether sex would automatically be classified as "married" to God, but I do think there is some truth to this. One of my pastors gave a fascinating (and downright scary, when you really thought about it) sermon about the unholy attachments we make to some people in the relationships we choose, and how your spirit basically bonds with demons, and that this is why He reserved sex for marriage--because He wants spirits to bond within a holy, sanctified union, because you are literally given something away and/or having something taken from you, whether you are a man or a woman.

She said, "Why do you think it's called 'getting a piece'"? and that before you're ready to get married, you have to ask God to take you through the process of asking Him to take back all the pieces that you gave away or were stolen from you and make you whole again before you're ready to commit to marriage.

I don't know if this is absolute, but it sure was interesting.

 

[grace]

This is a good topic. Scripture does say that we become *one flesh* once you have been intimate with someone. BUT, I believe marriage is when you have made that commitment with vows and consecrated it with the physical act of giving yourself to the other person.
I have known people that were widowed, and even after years and years never took off their wedding bands.....they still considered themselves married because of how strongly they felt. That passion....is marriage I think. Undieing love and devotion physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually no matter what.
Marriage, although at times not easy, is very wonderful.

 

[grace]

On the thoughts of being physically intimate with someone before marriage (the vows and commitment being made)......that is sin. And forgivable. It is out of Gods *perfect* plan.....but once we ask for forgiveness and repent...that wall of sin is down between us and God.
Saving full intimacy for out spouse to consecrate the vows is such a wonderful gift to give to each other. Do not hold yourself captive to past mistakes and sins...repent....and go foward in any future relationships in the right way and save that gift for each other until your wedding night.

(anyways, just my thoughts )

 

[chelsers]

As soon as I club them and drag them back to my lair...

No seriously, as soon as you exchange vows.

 

[seoulsearch]

I guess I need to start carrying a bigger club... it's the dragging part that always slows me down because he's still kicking and screaming.

 

[chelsers]

I guess I need to start carrying a bigger club... it's the dragging part that always slows me down because he's still kicking and screaming.

Haha, yes see there's always something right?

 

[missy2shoes]

As soon as I club them and drag them back to my lair...

No seriously, as soon as you exchange vows.

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

[WENSPI]

the gypsies in spain used to throw some botijos (pottery) to the air and they where broken in pieaces they where married

 

[thefightinglamb]

I still have not voted as I do not know....I tend toward believing the truth is either...engaged (Remember Mary and Joseph were considered married and she could have been stoned if she had been found cheating), marriage bed (as in only after you actually "make love" on the marriage bed is it finalized), ONLY when God connects someone in marriage (sinners like to hijack things, what happens when someone pretends to be someone they are not and fool someone into getting a marriage certificate--or those two souls ever one? I think not...), anytime someone has sex (the story of Jacob actually suggests this....for otherwise him and Leah commited adultry), or possibly, another option...perhaps you are only married when you truly become one person with another person of the opposite sex...as in you see you and her/him being one person and there is no longer a division...but you are both just different parts of one body...

Just thoughts...I am like equally divided between all of these...
I really pray that you all actually justify or witness to why you vote the way you do...as I need convinving, as I seem to be on like 7 fences at one time...lol

God bless
tony

 

[Narn]

The way you are married the ceremony is different in every culture. For the Christian Culture its vows taken and a promise made to each and God to stick together till death does part. In Jacobs time it was the sex act. In the Secular American Culture its a legal paper stated your marriage and changing your tax status. But no one does that anymore these days they just move in together.

 

[e-Sword86]

I still have not voted as I do not know....I tend toward believing the truth is either...engaged (Remember Mary and Joseph were considered married and she could have been stoned if she had been found cheating), marriage bed (as in only after you actually "make love" on the marriage bed is it finalized), ONLY when God connects someone in marriage (sinners like to hijack things, what happens when someone pretends to be someone they are not and fool someone into getting a marriage certificate--or those two souls ever one? I think not...), anytime someone has sex (the story of Jacob actually suggests this....for otherwise him and Leah commited adultry), or possibly, another option...perhaps you are only married when you truly become one person with another person of the opposite sex...as in you see you and her/him being one person and there is no longer a division...but you are both just different parts of one body...

I'm convinced that someone is "biblicaly" married when they obtain a marriage license, along with their vows, issued by the state declaring it legal. Then the sexual union of both is blessed by God. If you are not by law married to someone you have sex with, then you enter into an "illegal union" (fornication) which is sin and not blessed by God. To answer your question "Are people spiritually married to everyone they have ever had sex with, and thus also have had divorces with all those people if they did not work out? My answer would be yes, but it's an illegal union and there would be no divorce since it's fornication.


Speaking of sexual immorality in 1Co 6:15,16."Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For "THE TWO," He says, "SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH." This verse would certainly apply to a b/f, g/f or anyone doing the same thing.


As far as people like Jacob, perhaps in those days the custom was to have a verbal "agreement" between the father of the daughters and the husband to be.
Read these verses very closely concerning Leah and Rachel. In both cases they are first declared as wife before Jacob "goes into them".


1.Regarding Leah

Then Jacob said to Laban, "Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in to her."Gen 29:21

2.Regarding Rachel

Then Jacob did so and fulfilled her week. So he gave him his daughter Rachel as wife also. And Laban gave his maid Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as a maid. Then Jacob also went in to Rachel, and he also loved Rachel more than Leah. And he served with Laban still another seven years. Gen 29:28-30


Remember we still have a conscience and the Holy Spirit to lead us and guide us into all truth. As Christians God still expects us to be law abiding citizens and that would include following the state laws declaring a marriage legal. " Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves". Rom 13:1

 

[greatkraw]

marriage is not dependant on a ceremony in a church
neither are 2 people married if they are shacked up together

marriage is a PUBLIC STATEMENT of a mutual lifetime commitment to each other - the rest follows

 

[Charlotte91]

you are married after u engage the vows , but u have to consummate(have sex) the marriage unless otherwise agreed before marriage , cause if u dont the marriage can be anulled at anytime.

 

[MahogonySnail]

"honey, we must have sex otherwise our legal document will be void"

"is there a 10 day cooling off period?"

"I think so, ok let's wait until the 9th day"..

 

[Ladiwingz]

I'm not sure about replying, but I'm gonna add my two cents...and may even be totally off the topic. My husband and I have been married for ten years in December...we have been separated since July. He has been the only man I have ever kissed, dated, slept with...We got engaged, got married...etc. I believe wholeheartedly that when someone is married, they share one body...both physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, the whole nine yards. It is a union brought by God, and blessed by God and only when the vows are stated before God and the two intimately become one, that you enter into a joined union and the marriage is whole. Now I'm saying this because it is something that I have struggled with and will continue to struggle with...why you may ask? Because my husband and I have never consummated our marriage...



As for being able to annul the marriage any time, you have to have proof within 90 days of being married that the marriage was false...and there's some more legal jargon in there because I have asked about getting my marriage annulled but after 10 years it would be hard to prove the marriage was false. and it's just hard for me to explain.

 

[Pheonix]

In my opinion a person is spiritually married from the second they ask for a persons hand in marriage and it is accepted. The reason is they are making a vow to God that this is the person they will spend the rest of their life with. Even if they don't realize it. Look at Issac and rebecca as an example. They were for each other and no one else from the time the servant presented the offer of marriage and she accepted, even though the ceremony didn't occur until maybe months later. That being said they did not know each other until the ceremony took place (Have sex).

With everything I just said, while I believe the marriage has taken place from the instant of engagement, I do not believe this gives us the right to sleep with our fiance until the wedding night after the marriage ceremony takes place. The ceremony is a public declaration of the vow before God for the benefit of everyone around so they know the marriage has taken place.

Yes, I know this goes against the accepted doctrine, but this is what I've learned.

Make of it what you will.