Where r we leading from, the heart or ego?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
3,947
4,463
113
#1
Anyone who knows me, knows I struggle with people pleasing..

Boy howdy, the wounded or rejected spirit has been such a recurring theme in the rabbit holes that I visit from time to time. But I am excited about how God is using this to draw me closer to Him. Let me explain...

First, of course He provides ultimate acceptance and belonging but it is so much more than that. He is showing me, that He doesn't have a problem with my desire to please. He actually made me with a heart to care deeply. I am so grateful. I think He designed us all to have a selfless servants heart. The problem is in who I am trying to please.

Filling the cup cathartically seems inevitable when we are putting those same efforts into pleasing Him. He will not only bless us in doing so, but He shows our hearts exactly how to love more authentically, more sincerely. He leads us to a true heart of flesh.

When we are pleasing others with the intention to get the stamp of approval from them, well, that is shallow in its intention and outcome. On the other hand, to just love them and show mercy where they are at, regardless of their opinion, not looking for any reciprocation, of any kind, wow, how empowering and effectual. I like knowing my heart is sincere; it is very important to me. And you know what? Rejection in the striving to please, to be accepted, provides a great opportunity to find out if our heart is where it needs to be, to discern where we are leading from and what our motives are.

Where am I operating from, ego or heart? Am I pleasing from a quenching desire to feed self, to ensure I am ok because of how others define or regard me? Do I genuinely care about others well-being, of taking tender precious care of them? One is a selfish game that no one wins and the other has a nature of selflessness that leaves everyone blessed.
For myself , letting go of pleasing others in vain requires a sincere heart to please God.

Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him.
2 Corinthians 5:9 NASB
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
3,947
4,463
113
#2
Anyone who knows me, knows I struggle with people pleasing..

Boy howdy, the wounded or rejected spirit has been such a recurring theme in the rabbit holes that I visit from time to time. But I am excited about how God is using this to draw me closer to Him. Let me explain...

First, of course He provides ultimate acceptance and belonging but it is so much more than that. He is showing me, that He doesn't have a problem with my desire to please. He actually made me with a heart to care deeply. I am so grateful. I think He designed us all to have a selfless servants heart. The problem is in who I am trying to please.

Filling the cup cathartically seems inevitable when we are putting those same efforts into pleasing Him. He will not only bless us in doing so, but He shows our hearts exactly how to love more authentically, more sincerely. He leads us to a true heart of flesh.

When we are pleasing others with the intention to get the stamp of approval from them, well, that is shallow in its intention and outcome. On the other hand, to just love them and show mercy where they are at, regardless of their opinion, not looking for any reciprocation, of any kind, wow, how empowering and effectual. I like knowing my heart is sincere; it is very important to me. And you know what? Rejection in the striving to please, to be accepted, provides a great opportunity to find out if our heart is where it needs to be, to discern where we are leading from and what our motives are.

Where am I operating from, ego or heart? Am I pleasing from a quenching desire to feed self, to ensure I am ok because of how others define or regard me? Do I genuinely care about others well-being, of taking tender precious care of them? One is a selfish game that no one wins and the other has a nature of selflessness that leaves everyone blessed.
For myself , letting go of pleasing others in vain requires a sincere heart to please God.

Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him.
2 Corinthians 5:9 NASB

Thank you 4 reading
 
Jun 30, 2018
29
38
13
#3
Anyone who knows me, knows I struggle with people pleasing..

Boy howdy, the wounded or rejected spirit has been such a recurring theme in the rabbit holes that I visit from time to time. But I am excited about how God is using this to draw me closer to Him. Let me explain...

First, of course He provides ultimate acceptance and belonging but it is so much more than that. He is showing me, that He doesn't have a problem with my desire to please. He actually made me with a heart to care deeply. I am so grateful. I think He designed us all to have a selfless servants heart. The problem is in who I am trying to please.

Filling the cup cathartically seems inevitable when we are putting those same efforts into pleasing Him. He will not only bless us in doing so, but He shows our hearts exactly how to love more authentically, more sincerely. He leads us to a true heart of flesh.

When we are pleasing others with the intention to get the stamp of approval from them, well, that is shallow in its intention and outcome. On the other hand, to just love them and show mercy where they are at, regardless of their opinion, not looking for any reciprocation, of any kind, wow, how empowering and effectual. I like knowing my heart is sincere; it is very important to me. And you know what? Rejection in the striving to please, to be accepted, provides a great opportunity to find out if our heart is where it needs to be, to discern where we are leading from and what our motives are.

Where am I operating from, ego or heart? Am I pleasing from a quenching desire to feed self, to ensure I am ok because of how others define or regard me? Do I genuinely care about others well-being, of taking tender precious care of them? One is a selfish game that no one wins and the other has a nature of selflessness that leaves everyone blessed.
For myself , letting go of pleasing others in vain requires a sincere heart to please God.

Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him.
2 Corinthians 5:9 NASB
CharliRenee,

I highly recommend two books from Dr. Henry Cloud: "Boundaries" and "Safe People".
May Lord free you from the bondage of pleasing others so that you can be your true self.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
3,947
4,463
113
#4
CharliRenee,

I highly recommend two books from Dr. Henry Cloud: "Boundaries" and "Safe People".
May Lord free you from the bondage of pleasing others so that you can be your true self.
Great advice, the key comes in desiring to please God more than peeps, no? I will look into those books, ty. I pray the same...:)
 
Jun 30, 2018
29
38
13
#5
Great advice, the key comes in desiring to please God more than peeps, no? I will look into those books, ty. I pray the same...:)
And an article I found from Dr. Cloud's blogs:

Transform from People-Pleaser to Respect-Receiver
A woman complained to me (Dr. Cloud) about a coworker who would always interrupt her while she was trying to get her job done. She acted as if her tendency to be behind in her work was her coworker’s fault.
“Why do you talk to her?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” she replied.
“When she comes in and interrupts, why do you get into a conversation with her?”
“Well, I have to. She is standing there talking.”
“Why don’t you just tell her that you have work to do, or close your door and put up a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign?”
The woman looked at me with a blank stare. To have choices and to have control of her own behavior was a concept that hadn’t occurred to her. She felt that if something happened “to her,” then that was the way it had to be. There was nothing she could do to change it.
When I suggested that she had many choices, she quizzed me about them. I gave her five or six suggestions, from talking to the woman about the problem, to talking to a supervisor, to asking to be moved to another area. This was a totally new way of thinking for her; she had never learned that she was free to make choices in relationships and in life.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a “victim”? Victims feel as if they have no choices in life. Life is something that happens to them, and whatever comes their way is their lot.
Joe was such a victim. His company was imposing some new policies that he found difficult to handle, and he was very depressed about the changes.
“What are you going to do about it?” I asked him.
“What do you mean, do about it?” Joe asked.
“I mean what are you going to do about your being stuck in something you don’t like?”
He just looked at me. It took a long time before he realized that he could choose to get his resume out to some other firms and not be a victim to the fifty-hour workweek he hated.
Adults and children raised with good boundaries learn that they are not only responsible for their lives, but also free to live their lives any way they choose, as long as they take responsibility for their choices. For the responsible adult, the sky is the limit.
We live in a society of people-pleasers and victims. People today act as if they have no choices in life and that everything should be done for them. If it’s not, they can’t do it themselves or make changes. This presents a big opportunity for the future: If you learn to take control of your own life, you will be so far ahead of everyone else that success in life is all but guaranteed!


If people-pleasing is a struggle you’d like to overcome, the Boundaries DVD Video Study Kit can help. This resource is one of the most widely-used resources across America and designed for individual and group study.


Click here for details and watch a sample video.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
3,947
4,463
113
#6
And an article I found from Dr. Cloud's blogs:

Transform from People-Pleaser to Respect-Receiver
A woman complained to me (Dr. Cloud) about a coworker who would always interrupt her while she was trying to get her job done. She acted as if her tendency to be behind in her work was her coworker’s fault.
“Why do you talk to her?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” she replied.
“When she comes in and interrupts, why do you get into a conversation with her?”
“Well, I have to. She is standing there talking.”
“Why don’t you just tell her that you have work to do, or close your door and put up a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign?”
The woman looked at me with a blank stare. To have choices and to have control of her own behavior was a concept that hadn’t occurred to her. She felt that if something happened “to her,” then that was the way it had to be. There was nothing she could do to change it.
When I suggested that she had many choices, she quizzed me about them. I gave her five or six suggestions, from talking to the woman about the problem, to talking to a supervisor, to asking to be moved to another area. This was a totally new way of thinking for her; she had never learned that she was free to make choices in relationships and in life.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a “victim”? Victims feel as if they have no choices in life. Life is something that happens to them, and whatever comes their way is their lot.
Joe was such a victim. His company was imposing some new policies that he found difficult to handle, and he was very depressed about the changes.
“What are you going to do about it?” I asked him.
“What do you mean, do about it?” Joe asked.
“I mean what are you going to do about your being stuck in something you don’t like?”
He just looked at me. It took a long time before he realized that he could choose to get his resume out to some other firms and not be a victim to the fifty-hour workweek he hated.
Adults and children raised with good boundaries learn that they are not only responsible for their lives, but also free to live their lives any way they choose, as long as they take responsibility for their choices. For the responsible adult, the sky is the limit.
We live in a society of people-pleasers and victims. People today act as if they have no choices in life and that everything should be done for them. If it’s not, they can’t do it themselves or make changes. This presents a big opportunity for the future: If you learn to take control of your own life, you will be so far ahead of everyone else that success in life is all but guaranteed!


If people-pleasing is a struggle you’d like to overcome, the Boundaries DVD Video Study Kit can help. This resource is one of the most widely-used resources across America and designed for individual and group study.


Click here for details and watch a sample video.
Oh my gosh, this sounds good, lol. I sound like i am doing it again. But seriously perhaps God is leading me to this. Thanks.
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,252
113
#7
Anyone who knows me, knows I struggle with people pleasing..

Boy howdy, the wounded or rejected spirit has been such a recurring theme in the rabbit holes that I visit from time to time. But I am excited about how God is using this to draw me closer to Him. Let me explain...

First, of course He provides ultimate acceptance and belonging but it is so much more than that. He is showing me, that He doesn't have a problem with my desire to please. He actually made me with a heart to care deeply. I am so grateful. I think He designed us all to have a selfless servants heart. The problem is in who I am trying to please.

Filling the cup cathartically seems inevitable when we are putting those same efforts into pleasing Him. He will not only bless us in doing so, but He shows our hearts exactly how to love more authentically, more sincerely. He leads us to a true heart of flesh.

When we are pleasing others with the intention to get the stamp of approval from them, well, that is shallow in its intention and outcome. On the other hand, to just love them and show mercy where they are at, regardless of their opinion, not looking for any reciprocation, of any kind, wow, how empowering and effectual. I like knowing my heart is sincere; it is very important to me. And you know what? Rejection in the striving to please, to be accepted, provides a great opportunity to find out if our heart is where it needs to be, to discern where we are leading from and what our motives are.

Where am I operating from, ego or heart? Am I pleasing from a quenching desire to feed self, to ensure I am ok because of how others define or regard me? Do I genuinely care about others well-being, of taking tender precious care of them? One is a selfish game that no one wins and the other has a nature of selflessness that leaves everyone blessed.
For myself , letting go of pleasing others in vain requires a sincere heart to please God.

Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him.
2 Corinthians 5:9 NASB
Please God first and then He will help you maintain boundaries with others..otherwise people will always take and youll never be able to please no matter how hard you try...:)