Why am I having so much of a problem getting a good Christian girlfriend?
- Thread starter dothackzero
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NO!!!!! I hate, I hate, I hate it when singles are convinced that putting God first is a means to a decent romantic relationship. Yes, one should have God established first in their life before they go looking to be in a serious relationships, because if you're in a serious relationship with someone you really like it's easy for that person to become first in your life and that's not good. You end up like my first boyfriend. However, what I don't like when Christians are told that when they've "achieved" putting God first in their life that God will magically bring the right person out of nowhere and that if you don't have that right person that's God's way of saying that He's not first in your life yet. Really, having God completely lord of your life is something that you work on your entire life. You may be a super Christian and live to be 95 and never fully achieve it. It's like something you always chase after and as long as you're trying that's what counts.
So, if you want a girlfriend, I don't that's a bad thing to want. If you were 14, that would be a different matter, but you're a grown-up now and from what I can tell there's nothing wrong with you wanting to be in a relationship. I suggest that you keep praying about it. I also suggest you read How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr. Henry Cloud. I cannot recommend that book highly enough.
So, if you want a girlfriend, I don't that's a bad thing to want. If you were 14, that would be a different matter, but you're a grown-up now and from what I can tell there's nothing wrong with you wanting to be in a relationship. I suggest that you keep praying about it. I also suggest you read How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr. Henry Cloud. I cannot recommend that book highly enough.
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You got a lot of health problems, my goodness!! I don't suggest you bring that up on a first date. As for when's the best time to bring that up? I have no idea. That's a question I struggle with myself. See, I also have ADD and social anxiety disorder. My SAD is under control thanks to Paxil, but my ADD is really, really bad. I can't even walk around Wal-Mart and remember what I'm supposed to be doing. I spend half my day saying "OK, what am I doing? FOCUS!" And I can't take the Ritalin too late in the day or I won't be able to sleep which means that my evenings are always scattered. And I don't know how you cope with having that and OCD and GAD. That sounds so exhausting. I've had enough obsessive-compulsive behaviours to give me a glimps of what it must be like to have OCD. And GAD. Wow, that sucks. You know, when I started my new job my boss told me that she'd pay me more than she ended up paying me. I finally sent her an e-mail today and I've been putting off asking her about it since January. I have so much trouble explaining to my dad how even just sending her an e-mail about it is just so scary. And she's very approachable person. My fears are totally irrational. I don't even know what it is that I'm afraid of. Oh well, I gotta go to bed.
Oh and one last question. How do you get health insurace.
Oh and one last question. How do you get health insurace.
B
when you said maybe im one of the people that is gonna have the gift of never getting married and staying single. um, no. listen to you. lol. you dont have that gift, because those people dont desire to be in a relationship and control themselves lol. thats hard to do, i cant haha. but no, thats not you lol.
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You know, I need to start a thread on whole "gift of singleness" thing. It just seems so contradictory that one thing, marriage, can be a gift and the opposite of that, singleness can also be a gift. There are two things at play there. One, is that one who is single enjoys certain luxuries that married people don't. I mean, I can spend money without consulting anyone, I can sleep in on Saturdays because I don't have kids to take care of, I can pick up McDonalds after work instead of cooking dinner, I look better in a bikini then a lot of my friends who've had babies, I can leave my appartment a mess because I don't have anyone to complain about it. BUT, those aren't godly things. Those appeal to sins in me such as sloth and vanity and those aren't things from God. So, when someone says they don't mind being single, I'm like "Well, yes, of course, marriage takes work and commitment and sacrifice, there's lots to like about not being married." The other thing is that Paul said that a single woman can focus on God instead of focusing on her husband. But, one of the many thing that I'd love to ask Paul is is he implying that marriage pulls one away from God? Like, one arguement is that singlness is a gift is that one can have uninterupted time with God. But what I don't get is that Jesus said "When two or more are gathered..." Does God like it when we pray alone better? No. I mean, I get that sometimes people are called to do things for God that make marriage difficult. But... I'll get to that later. I have to go.
Yeah, that would probably be a good idea. 
Actually my ADD is pretty well under control right now. You might wanna check this out treat it with out meds. It looks like it's working for me.
http://www.interactivemetronome.com/IMPublic/Home.aspx
Also if need to goto a place where you need help with some anxiety go here:
http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php
Though I mostly hang out in the chat room.
yeah, OCD and GAD are pretty bad. I swear like the GAD is what makes me think of my fears and my ocd is what locks my mind on it and won't let it go. Here's a few examples....
Worrying about being gay - Lasted 6 months
Colon Cancer - Lasted around 7 months
Skin Cancer - Lasted around 4 months
Testicular Cancer - Lasted around 2 months
Well you get the idea, but those where some of my worst fears that lasted longest. But yeah I'm on meds now, and doing a lot better. Though I do hope I'll eventually be able to live fine without the meds.
I'm still covered by my dad's insurace as long as I'm doing 12 credits hours at school. Though my insurence for stuff like therpy maybe going soon. ;_;
Actually my ADD is pretty well under control right now. You might wanna check this out treat it with out meds. It looks like it's working for me.
http://www.interactivemetronome.com/IMPublic/Home.aspx
Also if need to goto a place where you need help with some anxiety go here:
http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php
Though I mostly hang out in the chat room.
yeah, OCD and GAD are pretty bad. I swear like the GAD is what makes me think of my fears and my ocd is what locks my mind on it and won't let it go. Here's a few examples....
Worrying about being gay - Lasted 6 months
Colon Cancer - Lasted around 7 months
Skin Cancer - Lasted around 4 months
Testicular Cancer - Lasted around 2 months
Well you get the idea, but those where some of my worst fears that lasted longest. But yeah I'm on meds now, and doing a lot better. Though I do hope I'll eventually be able to live fine without the meds.
I'm still covered by my dad's insurace as long as I'm doing 12 credits hours at school. Though my insurence for stuff like therpy maybe going soon. ;_;
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I stayed in university as long as I could so my dad's insurance would cover me. But yea, now I'm uninsurable and thankful to be Canadian.
The interactive metrenome thing is very interesting. It said something about helping with motor planning and I work with kids who have autism and motor planning is a big problem for a lot of them for some reason. I don't know if it's really understood why they have motor problems because... I have to go..
The interactive metrenome thing is very interesting. It said something about helping with motor planning and I work with kids who have autism and motor planning is a big problem for a lot of them for some reason. I don't know if it's really understood why they have motor problems because... I have to go..
A
sorry about that. Yeah, so the autism diagnostic criteria doesn't have any motor planning abnormalities in it. But for some reason some kids with autism still have problems in that area. Some also walk on the balls on their feet for reasons that are not understood. I just remind them "flat feet."
I should check out that anxiety forum sometime. For me the anxiety attacks are completely under control with the help of meds. I found meds to be the absolute only thing that helped because for me the anxiety attacks were all about brain chemicals. Some people might think the meds might just have a placebo effect or that if I gave psychotherapy a decent chance or if I just prayed hard enough that I wouldn't have those problems, but I respectfully disagree. I have found that when it comes to illness, especially mental illness, people can be very judgemental about what they don't understand. Furthermore, I don't have time for people who overestimate their understanding about other people's experiences.
I should check out that anxiety forum sometime. For me the anxiety attacks are completely under control with the help of meds. I found meds to be the absolute only thing that helped because for me the anxiety attacks were all about brain chemicals. Some people might think the meds might just have a placebo effect or that if I gave psychotherapy a decent chance or if I just prayed hard enough that I wouldn't have those problems, but I respectfully disagree. I have found that when it comes to illness, especially mental illness, people can be very judgemental about what they don't understand. Furthermore, I don't have time for people who overestimate their understanding about other people's experiences.
A
Yup, that does sound like an accurate discription of OCD. I saw a book once in a med school book store for children with OCD. They were trying to explain how their brain can't turn off the worries or something.
See, I've known for a long time that if I had OCD I'd be a checker. In the summer of 2004 I had a flare up while the oven was on self clean. After that I became somewhat obsessed with not leaving the oven or the burners on when I left the house. Like if I wasn't at home I'd worry that I had left the stove on and it would burn down the house. Sometimes I'd worry about that even if I hadn't used it that day. This is what scared me: I found that just looking at the burners and seeing that they were off wasn't enough to put my mind at ease, but holding my hands on the burners for a certain amount of time did help. I mean, that's kind of like a compulisve behaviour. The good news is that after a few weeks things started to get better, and today checking the stove once or twice in the morning is enough to put my mind at ease. And, I've also had long periods of time in my life when I would turn off the burners after cooking breakfast and not gave it a second thought. So, how I see it is people with OCD have that same kind anxiety I experienced except it's worse, it doesn't get better after a few weeks, it doesn't get better ever, and they spend over an hour a day checking or whatever their compulsive behaviour is and they still don't feel any better (although the compulsive behaviour momentary makes them feel better).
You know, I have a friend with OCD. I should show her the anxiety forum. I remmeber I used to try to talk with her and she'd be so irrational I just wanted to bang my head against the wall. I have a friend with borderline personality disorder and she can be pretty darn irrational too.
See, I've known for a long time that if I had OCD I'd be a checker. In the summer of 2004 I had a flare up while the oven was on self clean. After that I became somewhat obsessed with not leaving the oven or the burners on when I left the house. Like if I wasn't at home I'd worry that I had left the stove on and it would burn down the house. Sometimes I'd worry about that even if I hadn't used it that day. This is what scared me: I found that just looking at the burners and seeing that they were off wasn't enough to put my mind at ease, but holding my hands on the burners for a certain amount of time did help. I mean, that's kind of like a compulisve behaviour. The good news is that after a few weeks things started to get better, and today checking the stove once or twice in the morning is enough to put my mind at ease. And, I've also had long periods of time in my life when I would turn off the burners after cooking breakfast and not gave it a second thought. So, how I see it is people with OCD have that same kind anxiety I experienced except it's worse, it doesn't get better after a few weeks, it doesn't get better ever, and they spend over an hour a day checking or whatever their compulsive behaviour is and they still don't feel any better (although the compulsive behaviour momentary makes them feel better).
You know, I have a friend with OCD. I should show her the anxiety forum. I remmeber I used to try to talk with her and she'd be so irrational I just wanted to bang my head against the wall. I have a friend with borderline personality disorder and she can be pretty darn irrational too.
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Oh, and I know that we're totally off topic, but I really hate popular culture references to OCD and other conditions that are just... not right. Like, I go to the internet movie database every day because I like movies and today the quote of the day was "Good things come to obsessive-compulsives who fixate." I've seen that movie and that character does not have OCD. I mean, The Aviator, that's a better portrayal of OCD, at least how I understand it.
I've got ADD too. It seems alot of people do.
I beat it years ago although I still have trouble remembering things on ocassion. If they are important I write them down. I was originally given Ritalin, but took myself off after a couple years because all it did was make me dopy.
As for the whole girlfriend topic. I've found that the women worth marrying are either a thousand miles away, married or otherwise take, or more than 5 years younger.
That's maybe just me though.
I beat it years ago although I still have trouble remembering things on ocassion. If they are important I write them down. I was originally given Ritalin, but took myself off after a couple years because all it did was make me dopy.
As for the whole girlfriend topic. I've found that the women worth marrying are either a thousand miles away, married or otherwise take, or more than 5 years younger.
That's maybe just me though.