Why Are So Many Marriage Proposals Done in Public?

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,413
3,575
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

A while back, I was having a discussion with some people about how many marriage proposal videos you can find on YouTube. I honestly felt bad that in some of them, the guys were actually turned down on camera.

When I was 18, my then-boyfriend proposed to me--to my horror--at a big family dinner in front of everyone. While I appreciated his willingness to declare his intentions in public, what I didn't appreciate was that when we had talked about getting engaged, I asked him to please make it something private just between the two of us. The last thing I wanted was a public show.

I didn't want a big spectacle and I didn't want people oogling over us--I'm not Kim Kardashian, for Pete's sake! Rather, I wanted something of that caliber to be just a very special moment between the other him and I.

I'm not quite sure why he decided to do it in the way that he did, but the fact that he seemed to override many of my other concerns within our relationships as well was a big reason as to why our relationship didn't work out.

And so, I've been thinking:

* Why do so many men seem to propose in public? Is it because they feel there is less of a chance of being rejected if an entire crowd is rooting for them? (I'm not trying to be sarcastic here; this is a genuine question.)

* In the age of social media and everyone trying to one-up each other, do men just assume that a big public spectacle is what women want? Or are women asking these men to make their proposals in public?

* Guys, do you plan on proposing to your potential wife in public if you have the opportunity? Why or why not?

* Ladies, do you want your future spouse to propose to you in public or in private, and why?

* Marrieds--was your proposal in public or in private? If you could do it all over again, would you choose differently, and why?

Now, I certainly have NOTHING against public proposals IF that's what both people want and how they feel they should approach it. But in an age of the social media circus, I can't help but shake my head that so many people seem to think that even the most private aspects of lives need to be presented as a show that is meant to impress other people.

What are your thoughts?
 

YHello

Well-known member
Aug 12, 2018
508
271
63
#2
I'm a lady who's unmarried and I want to say that there's this comedian named Ken Davis and he said he would proposal to his wife in private everyday and pretend to put a ring on her finger for so long she didn't even check if there was a ring. One day Ken slipped the ring on her finger, she went to another room then Ken heard a yell and she was like 'Yes! Yes!' So honestly I like that kind of proposal so not as many people would hear my excitement lol. So I would like a private one if I had a choice
 

RedeemedGift

Senior Member
May 28, 2017
158
41
28
31
#3
It puts pressure on the woman to not deny the proposal. Maybe I'm cynical.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
6,670
3,054
113
#5
Hey Everyone,

A while back, I was having a discussion with some people about how many marriage proposal videos you can find on YouTube. I honestly felt bad that in some of them, the guys were actually turned down on camera.

When I was 18, my then-boyfriend proposed to me--to my horror--at a big family dinner in front of everyone. While I appreciated his willingness to declare his intentions in public, what I didn't appreciate was that when we had talked about getting engaged, I asked him to please make it something private just between the two of us. The last thing I wanted was a public show.

I didn't want a big spectacle and I didn't want people oogling over us--I'm not Kim Kardashian, for Pete's sake! Rather, I wanted something of that caliber to be just a very special moment between the other him and I.

I'm not quite sure why he decided to do it in the way that he did, but the fact that he seemed to override many of my other concerns within our relationships as well was a big reason as to why our relationship didn't work out.

And so, I've been thinking:

* Why do so many men seem to propose in public? Is it because they feel there is less of a chance of being rejected if an entire crowd is rooting for them? (I'm not trying to be sarcastic here; this is a genuine question.)

* In the age of social media and everyone trying to one-up each other, do men just assume that a big public spectacle is what women want? Or are women asking these men to make their proposals in public?

* Guys, do you plan on proposing to your potential wife in public if you have the opportunity? Why or why not?

* Ladies, do you want your future spouse to propose to you in public or in private, and why?

* Marrieds--was your proposal in public or in private? If you could do it all over again, would you choose differently, and why?

Now, I certainly have NOTHING against public proposals IF that's what both people want and how they feel they should approach it. But in an age of the social media circus, I can't help but shake my head that so many people seem to think that even the most private aspects of lives need to be presented as a show that is meant to impress other people.

What are your thoughts?
There are a lot of woman who want a big public proposal because they want to be the centre of attention in font of a big crowd..

Some woman prefer things private.. Different personalities want different things..

You wanted things to be private.. Your former boy-friend should have respected your wish.. But He didn't.. That's where he stuffed up..

But if a woman does not make it clear she wants it done privately then she should expect that most guys will do it in public..
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
19,324
10,617
113
#6
I did the proposing... twice. Once privately and once publicly. In both cases she was surprised. That should be a lesson to me in itself!

I don't know the origins of the tradition, but I suspect it has something to do with a public declaration. Now I look at it as manipulative, and I'm kind of glad that a few guys have been publicly declined... not for their embarrassment, but for the general culture to question the practice.
 
J

Jennie-Mae

Guest
#7
In private.

It’s a real private moment that should not be shared with a crowd.

It was between the two of us and of no others concern.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,194
2,385
113
#8
He asked me ahead of time what I wanted. I thought about it. A few days later, I said I wanted it to be private. He said, “I had a feeling you wanted it that way.” Lol.

And that’s exactly what happened! Afterwards, I called my parents to let them know. I texted my siblings. And after, we posted about it on FB.

It was perfect.
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,405
4,115
113
#9
Because they want it to go viral so they can have their 15 minutes of fame.

 
L

LittleMermaid

Guest
#10
It's so tacky. If I get proposed to, I want it to be semi-private. By that I mean, I want one person hiding and taking pictures while it happens. :p

The worst ones are proposals at other people's special events...esp a wedding!

Like this one..

In that case, the bride seemed okay with it. But I can imagine it takes away from their day. After the proposal, people are focused on the new couple.
If I had a big wedding (which I probably won't but if I did and had to pay for it...) I would be really annoyed if someone did that at my wedding. I don't like sharing! :p
 

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
Jun 25, 2017
4,363
2,539
113
#11
I guess I'm of the mind and tend to be too trusting of people's intentions...

Yes, while there are potentially those naive few who many wrongly believe the public approach might just give them a statistical advantage that they otherwise might not have had... They likely have self-worth issues, and not a very good grasp for the bigger emotional impact for the person they supposed love more than anything...

Yes, I suspect that there are couples that have been in love and dating longer than they should have; where everyone knows that she is and has been ready to settle down - but he just needed a little longer to come around... I suspect a woman in this scenario is exactly the type who would appreciate the public display...

Yes, I also suspect that if a relationship is developing at relatively the same 'happy' pace for both people and they are both in the same state of mind for love and marriage than the private surprise would likely be just as romantic if not more romantic than the public...

Bottomline: If a guy (or gal) does not have a good gauge for what is right for his gal at that time - than I'm afraid he just might not be as in touch with the feelings of the person he claims to love more than anyone else... This lack of knowing and believing he is in love - may simply cause well intended people to do and make some not so rational decisions...

After all "Love is Blind" - A research study in 2004 by University College London found that feelings of love suppressed the activity of the areas of the brain that control critical thought.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,861
2,334
113
#12
I suspect, in this day and age, many prone to public proposals also have YouTube channels in need of content.
Social media has turned our private worlds public and cause many to seek attention at every turn. Those would include proposals.
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,270
113
#13
Because its usually done in a place thats special to the couple for whatever reason n thats usually in a public place..PERSONALLY i like it done in a more private setting..
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,270
113
#14
Itll probably soon be the norm to propose via TEXT! :(
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,270
113
#15
If my man went public with a proposal he better have a huge diamond on that ring to show off as well! Lol
 

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
May 29, 2018
8,268
5,470
113
Anaheim, Cali.
#16
I can't spell in French but here goes. To me it seems much more galla'nt to profess your love and ask for marriage in front of witnesses. The bride (?) will know we're on the level and we are not trying to manipulate them by being sneaky and we wouldn't be able to deny we did such a radical thing.
 

Jewel5712

Well-known member
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,270
113
#17
I can't spell in French but here goes. To me it seems much more galla'nt to profess your love and ask for marriage in front of witnesses. The bride (?) will know we're on the level and we are not trying to manipulate them by being sneaky and we wouldn't be able to deny we did such a radical thing.
Proposal is personal profession of love..wedding PUBLIC profession of love ;)
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,194
2,385
113
#19
It’s whatever preference the couple has.

One guy at my home church proposed at church in front of the congregation.
 

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
May 29, 2018
8,268
5,470
113
Anaheim, Cali.
#20
Proposal is personal profession of love..wedding PUBLIC profession of love ;)
Asking for marriage is a lot more serious than saying I love you. Mind you I've never done it that way and I'd never do it in a ball park on a jumbotron, I'm just not that romantic.