Will God Send You THE Perfect Person... While They're Dating Someone Else?

[seoulsearch]

Hey everyone,

I've been contemplating this question for a long time. Will God send you the person He wants you to marry... while they're dating someone else?

As I usually do in threads, I'll give you examples to ponder (true stories of people I've known or heard):

1. A guy I was talking to on CC a long time ago (he's no longer here, at least, under the name I spoke with) who said he'd met THE perfect girl for him... but that she had a boyfriend, and he was "tempted to steal her away from him."

2. A girl who was engaged to her abusive boyfriend. Guy #2 came into her life, decided she was perfect for him, and actively began pursuing her. She left for Guy #2, but their relationship was full of turmoil and did not last. Both she and Guy #2 wound up with other people.

3. A youth pastor who had a girlfriend when he met Girl #2. I'm not sure what the time frame was, but he felt that God put it on his heart to break up with his girlfriend and actively pursue Girl #2. He and Girl #2 later married and had a family.

To tell you the honest truth, I'm a little torn. I never thought God would send you the person He had for you while you were dating someone or while they were dating someone else... I would also never advocate pursuing someone who is seeing someone else because wouldn't this be the sin of covetousness?

But maybe I'm just confused? I've heard many Christians say they became involved with, or even married the wrong person... and later left for someone else, pursued someone else, or were pursued by another person. Exactly where are the boundaries?

Have you ever actively pursued someone who was in a relationship? Have you left a relationship for someone else? Would God tell you that you're with the wrong person and that you need to pursue someone else, who happens to be right there? Does it depend on whether the person or persons are in all-out relationships or just casually dating?

I'm very curious to see what everyone's answers will be.

 

[violakat]

I think, that sometimes we focus so much on our desires that we tend to ignore what God is saying to us. So, it very possible that God will bring the one he has for you to marry while you are in a relationship.

 

[LightningClap0002]

Hey everyone,

I've been contemplating this question for a long time. Will God send you the person He wants you to marry... while they're dating someone else?

...

To tell you the honest truth, I'm a little torn. I never thought God would send you the person He had for you while you were dating someone or while they were dating someone else... I would also never advocate pursuing someone who is seeing someone else because wouldn't this be the sin of covetousness?

I'm very curious to see what everyone's answers will be.

Re: Covetousness (is that a word?)

How can you covet what is yours?

- Do not covet "your neighbor's WIFE" doesn't really apply. Lots of people date and never marry (often don't even consider marriage?)

- Do not covet "anything that belongs to your neighbor" also doesn't really apply. If God has given you this woman, then she most certainly doesn't belong to your neighbor.

That said, there are some tricky issues involved for sure. The first issue is honesty(or a lack thereof). I think you need to be straightforward with her, maybe not tell her straight-up that you're going to marry her, so she has to break up with, but at least let her know that it seems that God may have plans for the two of you. No matter what happens, it's a bad idea to put her in a position that could be construed as cheating. The second issue that comes to mind is the level of certainty that it is God's will. It's quite a big thing you're doing. I'm a firm believer that (even in the little things) God's perfect Will is done. If you're fighting it (unknowingly even) you will end up in more pain and suffering than you need to be in. (Balaam's donkey, Jonah and the whale).

 

[seoulsearch]

Yes, when speaking of the sin of coveting, what I meant is, how can God send you the right person if they're dating someone else, because to want that person for yourself would be coveting.

The reason this whole issue kind of messed with my head is because if God WOULD send you the right person and they're with someone else, how are we any different from the rest of the world? (Actively going after what isn't ours...)

 

[LightningClap0002]

Yes, when speaking of the sin of coveting, what I meant is, how can God send you the right person if they're dating someone else, because to want that person for yourself would be coveting.

The reason this whole issue kind of messed with my head is because if God WOULD send you the right person and they're with someone else, how are we any different from the rest of the world? (Actively going after what isn't ours...)

But that was my point... If God has given her to you (she is the one God has chosen for you to marry), then she IS yours. The other person is in the wrong, they are holding onto something that God has given you. You can't covet something that is yours.

But again, you have to be very careful because God's will isn't always clear. If you're going to take action; if you're going to desire someone (in or out of a relationship), uncertainty in God's will can lead to much heartache for all involved. When you add a third person(their current significant other) to the mix, the stakes get even higher.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

If you prayed about who your dating in the first place, i dont believe you would have that prediciment. I dont think god would give the go ahead for you to date one person knowing that particular guy or girl is not for you, and just to have the "right" one come along shortly down the road.

And this is all really speculation because as been having discussed before, is there really even a right one, or just a personal choice

 

[AAAPlus]

While each person should do what God is calling them to do, there are a few general "red flags" that I've found to be rather obvious signs that you're NOT meant to be together. One of those is if you live far away from each other. Obviously there are exceptions to that, like if one of you is in the military, etc. If God has someone for you, it will generally be someone who lives in your town. Another one is if that person is with someone else. If they are taken, it is not your job to steal them from their significant other.

And all this is assuming that there is just one person out there that God has for you. They call that "destiny" and it's a lie from an animistic worldview. There are many people you could be happy with. Don't go trying to steal away someone; that's shady, and it leads to dissension among believers.

 

[zeroturbulence]

So the moral of the story is that its better to be girl #2 when it comes to attracting men.

 

[seoulsearch]

While each person should do what God is calling them to do, there are a few general "red flags" that I've found to be rather obvious signs that you're NOT meant to be together. One of those is if you live far away from each other. Obviously there are exceptions to that, like if one of you is in the military, etc. If God has someone for you, it will generally be someone who lives in your town. Another one is if that person is with someone else. If they are taken, it is not your job to steal them from their significant other.

I completely agree that no one should try to steal someone else's significant other. Not only is it dishonest, but the Bible tells us we reap what we sow. If a person steals someone's boyfriend/girlfriend or leaves their own relationship for someone else... don't be surprised if later on down the road, it comes back to bite you. I personally believe that if someone is willing to leave their current significant other for someone else, it will be even easier in the future for them to leave that person as well for the supposed next best thing that comes along.

I do have to disagree with the point about distance--this could be very true for most people, in that most people don't seem to be able to deal with long distances... but some can. I have a good friend who met a girl in Russia... They dated (of course, it was a bit unconventional) for a year and a half--he went there for a month to meet her and her family in person, she came here for several weeks as well... Voila! They married, have a family, and have been together something like 8 years.

And no, she wasn't just looking for a way into the US--she looks like a model, has two Master's degrees, and gave up a full-time position to follow what she believed God had for her--a husband here in the US. If things would have been more favorable the other way around, they would have chosen to live in Russia.

I personally want to feel open to whoever God has for me, wherever he may be. You may meet and marry someone in your home town but that person may not always be with you. I know many, MANY couples who've had things happen where a spouse, for working purposes, has to be away for several weeks at a time or more. (What if your spouse joins the military and winds up on the other side of the world? I know a couple who went through that, even though they met in college.) I have a close friend from childhood who is married to someone who is often gone 2 weeks out of every month because of his job with a well-known corporation. Proximity, while important to most, can be deceiving.


And no, Zero, it's not a trick question. I've met so many people who have been convinced the right person for them was dating someone else (plus... it's a subject in a lot of popular songs right now... case in point, several of them from Taylor Swift) and I was wondering how other Christian people felt about the subject, or what they have experienced.

 

[violakat]

So the moral of the story is that its better to be girl #2 when it comes to attracting men.

 

[LovingtheLord]

Re: Covetousness (is that a word?)

How can you covet what is yours?

- Do not covet "your neighbor's WIFE" doesn't really apply. Lots of people date and never marry (often don't even consider marriage?)

- Do not covet "anything that belongs to your neighbor" also doesn't really apply. If God has given you this woman, then she most certainly doesn't belong to your neighbor.

That said, there are some tricky issues involved for sure. The first issue is honesty(or a lack thereof). I think you need to be straightforward with her, maybe not tell her straight-up that you're going to marry her, so she has to break up with, but at least let her know that it seems that God may have plans for the two of you. No matter what happens, it's a bad idea to put her in a position that could be construed as cheating. The second issue that comes to mind is the level of certainty that it is God's will. It's quite a big thing you're doing. I'm a firm believer that (even in the little things) God's perfect Will is done. If you're fighting it (unknowingly even) you will end up in more pain and suffering than you need to be in. (Balaam's donkey, Jonah and the whale).

Treat others how you would like to be treated, you would'nt like someone stealing your woman/man.

So you are saying it is okay to take a woman who is not yours?

Think of the poor guy at the other end, you probably stole his future wife?

Is not the greatest commandment love your God with all your heart, and love you neigbour as yourself?

Would you like it if you love a girl and some guy came and litterely stole her from you? you would be heart broken, this guy would have sinned because he did not consider your feelings.

 

[LightningClap0002]

Treat others how you would like to be treated, you would'nt like someone stealing your woman/man.

So you are saying it is okay to take a woman who is not yours?

Think of the poor guy at the other end, you probably stole his future wife?

Is not the greatest commandment love your God with all your heart, and love you neigbour as yourself?

Would you like it if you love a girl and some guy came and litterely stole her from you? you would be heart broken, this guy would have sinned because he did not consider your feelings.

Again, it's not stealing to take something that is yours. Who are you to know that guys' future? What if he needs to be out of that relationship in order to meet someone better for him? Feelings are fickle friends, they come and go and change constantly. If you're claiming that loving your neighbor is never doing anything that hurts their feelings or causes them emotional pain, then we've got a much bigger issue to address before we can even begin to address the issue presented in this thread.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Oh yea, my post originally said "Is this a trick question?" Sorry I changed it on u, Violakat. Everyone was probably wondering what that meant lol.

 

[seoulsearch]

Again, it's not stealing to take something that is yours. Who are you to know that guys' future? What if he needs to be out of that relationship in order to meet someone better for him? Feelings are fickle friends, they come and go and change constantly. If you're claiming that loving your neighbor is never doing anything that hurts their feelings or causes them emotional pain, then we've got a much bigger issue to address before we can even begin to address the issue presented in this thread.

I think though, that God is a God of order and wants us to retain a sense of morality and respect.

As humans, we make mistakes. So, let's say God would have liked for me to marry Guy X but he's decided to date Girl Y and not me. If that decision has been made, I would feel I had to respect it and would ask God what I should do. Maybe God knows they will break up... someday... or maybe God will say, "He's made his choice," and I need to move on.

If someone says, "Well, that person is mine--God gave him/her to me and I have a right to go after them," when they're in a relationship, what's to stop someone from thinking that about a married person as well? This may just be me but I personally believe that if someone has decided to be with someone else, we have to respect that and leave the situation alone.

God may say something is ours but we have to wait on Him to either give it to us or tell us that we need to move on to something else. God declared that the kingdom of Israel would be handed over to David... The kingdom was HIS--did he not have a right to take it??? You would think so, but David was not allowed to touch the reigning king or his family, and it took YEARS. The Holy Spirit convicted David of even cutting off a corner of Saul's robe, let alone doing anything to harm the royal family. And every time someone came to David saying, "I killed a member of Saul's family for you!", David rewarded that person with death.

Now, this may just be personal speculation, but I think that while God may give you something, if we don't get the ok from him as to how to obtain it, we can't just barge in on a relationship or we're no different from unbelievers. We either have to wait on God or trust that He has another plan for us. It could also take many years, just as it took many years for David to actually become king. I'm also envisioning a mass of people trying to steal others from their relationships saying, "Well, GOD GAVE THIS PERSON TO ME! THEY'RE MINE, SO I HAVE A RIGHT TO BREAK UP THIS RELATIONSHIP" For some reason... and again, it may just be me, I don't think this is what God would want us to do.

Personally, if there was someone for me and it was going to take years and he had to go through a messy breakup, waiting time to get over her, etc... If I had a choice, I'd ask God to choose someone else for me, but... We have to choose God's will and not ours... Is that why so many of us are waiting for so long? Are we actually waiting on a person who is currently with someone else? And what if that person never chooses to be with us or seek us out? To me, that means either God will have us be single and have to learn to be content with it, or there will be someone else we have to wait for.

 

[LightningClap0002]

I think though, that God is a God of order and wants us to retain a sense of morality and respect.

As humans, we make mistakes. So, let's say God would have liked for me to marry Guy X but he's decided to date Girl Y and not me. If that decision has been made, I would feel I had to respect it and would ask God what I should do. Maybe God knows they will break up... someday... or maybe God will say, "He's made his choice," and I need to move on.

If someone says, "Well, that person is mine--God gave him/her to me and I have a right to go after them," when they're in a relationship, what's to stop someone from thinking that about a married person as well? This may just be me but I personally believe that if someone has decided to be with someone else, we have to respect that and leave the situation alone.

God may say something is ours but we have to wait on Him to either give it to us or tell us that we need to move on to something else. God declared that the kingdom of Israel would be handed over to David... The kingdom was HIS--did he not have a right to take it??? You would think so, but David was not allowed to touch the reigning king or his family, and it took YEARS. The Holy Spirit convicted David of even cutting off a corner of Saul's robe, let alone doing anything to harm the royal family. And every time someone came to David saying, "I killed a member of Saul's family for you!", David rewarded that person with death.

Now, this may just be personal speculation, but I think that while God may give you something, if we don't get the ok from him as to how to obtain it, we can't just barge in on a relationship or we're no different from unbelievers. We either have to wait on God or trust that He has another plan for us. It could also take many years, just as it took many years for David to actually become king. I'm also envisioning a mass of people trying to steal others from their relationships saying, "Well, GOD GAVE THIS PERSON TO ME! THEY'RE MINE, SO I HAVE A RIGHT TO BREAK UP THIS RELATIONSHIP" For some reason... and again, it may just be me, I don't think this is what God would want us to do.

Personally, if there was someone for me and it was going to take years and he had to go through a messy breakup, waiting time to get over her, etc... If I had a choice, I'd ask God to choose someone else for me, but... We have to choose God's will and not ours... Is that why so many of us are waiting for so long? Are we actually waiting on a person who is currently with someone else? And what if that person never chooses to be with us or seek us out? To me, that means either God will have us be single and have to learn to be content with it, or there will be someone else we have to wait for.

Sorry, my response has gotten split over a couple of posts... I wasn't suggesting that anyone "TAKE" anything.

Here are the highlights:

To want them isn't covetting because God has given them to you. Not that this means that you have the right to take them, simply that it isn't sin to want them.

That there are some pretty big issues involved with situations like this, so it shouldn't be taken lightly. When relationships end, people's feelings get hurt. In my experience it happens no matter how things end. However, as I had previously stated, things go much easier when we seek and follow God's will. If all parties involved are truly doing so, once the bruised feelings subside, things should work out perfectly.

In conclusion, I have never claimed that you should "steal" someone away, just to be open and honest. I think it is entirely possible that God may use someone as a tool to help get someone out of a relationship that they "shouldn't" be in. But if someone is going to act on that, they had better be pretty certain that it is God's will.

 

[Liamson]

This also brings me back to a question that I had a while ago. I think Guys date women that they like and are interested in but, I think women date guys to find out if they are interested in them.


A person who does not fish should not complain about having caught none.


People date. Be patient. The truth is that which lasts.



I know far too many women who are incapable of being single for longer than a couple of weeks. If I was interested in one I would wait. I'm in a relationship now and trying to end it gracefully but, if I fell in love with someone else, it would certainly not be the end of the world.

 

[rainacorn]

When I met my husband, he had a girlfriend. They were actually pretty serious. Well...as serious as people can be on the internet. I hadn't even considered dating him in the beginning. He was taken and I wasn't especially interested anyway.

She came to visit him and while she went back home absolutely sure that they would be together forever. However, he knew the second they met each other face to face that it wasn't going anywhere.

They broke up.

A few weeks later, we were dating.

I gotta say, I found it a bit strange. Being a woman, I know how hard it is to get over a break up. I was shocked that he was over her so quickly. It actually made me quite nervous that he could walk away from our relationship at any time and not give it another thought. Surprisingly, that dynamic was really good for us. It stopped me from jumping in head first like I usually do and made him work harder at proving his commitment. God's hand in our relationship is obvious. He yanked us both out of our comfort zones and forced us to step up our game to be together. 2 years later, we were married.

 

[Jullianna]

I wanted to give this one a lot of thought before I posted. If I was interested in someone and found out they were in a relationship, I would in no way pursue them. If I want others to respect my relationships, I should do no less. And I don't want to be anyone's rebound girl either.
Far too many people jump out of the frying pan and into the fire because they are afraid of being alone or think the grass will be greener on the other side. Good things come to those who wait. If it's forever, it will still be forever tomorrow, right?

Wow...I'm just a fountain of cliches today, huh?

 

[Matthew]

I think the right person can come along when we are with someone else, especially for people who have the need to be in a relationship at all times, of which there are a great many.

What's important is what you do when that situation arises. Ideally people would accept the realisation that they are in a relationship that now has no future and try and end it in the most considerate and mature way possible.

I also agree with the view that if you want anyone to respect your relationship you must do the same in kind, so if I fell for someone in a relationship I would not pursue them, that said I also would not be dishonest about my feelings if asked.

 

[KiwiCA]

There is biblically no such thing as the perfect person. Are we Christian or not? The bible clearly states we're all sinners and that Jesus is the only perfect one. SO WHY, are you letting so many stupid hollywood films convince you single people otherwise??

1 sinner + 1 sinner does not = perfection and sunshine and daisies.

Get your standards for a wife or husband from the bible but don't be surprised when they sin against you and act like God didnt warn you and hes a big fat meanie.

Secondly, if you like a person whose in a relationship, soberly ask for advice (esp if you and the two others are all christian) from someone outside of the situation who would give you clear advice and not instantly join your argument and tell you to go get em.
Isnt one of the 10 commandments - do not covet. Just because a relationship worked from 'stealing' a person away from another doesnt means its right. Should you try to take a woman away from an abusive husband, yes, but it should be done with a clear conscious not to date them right away, but to help them find their own footing and build their relationship with Jesus first.