Even by uttering those words, you are denying Jesus' love for you. If you commit suicide, you will NOT be going to see Jesus. You'll be headed much farther down south..
As Blain suggested, read my two threads below.. Just click the links.. Suicide is the cowards way out and I know you're not a coward.
Reading your words above, I get the sense you're just doing it for attention so we will help you. I really don't think you want to kill yourself at all. Life is hard and it's painful. You have nothing to live for?? Girl, you're a christian!! Live for Jesus!! Now smarten up and fly right..