Lost

[Ciel]

I joined this forum/site because, as a Christian, I think it's easier to speak freely to other Christians...It's gonna be a bit of a long post, but for those of you who read, thank you.
When I was about seven years old, I was subject to bullying every single day, from taunting, to being called names every day at recess. This bullying followed me through the rest of elementary school. When I started high school, I attened a Christian school, but it was that in name only. The bullying there only got worse. In Gr. 9, my old best friend started treating me horribly, and dicthed me by Gr. 10. I lost my grandmother the same year, and I felt more alone than ever.
I'd made another group of 'friends' that I would hang out with. I also met a guy who liked some of the same things I liked, so I was pretty happy. Of course, by Gr. 11, he and this one girl in my group started dating. Since I was friends with him, she didn't like that at all, so she would resort to excluding me, which everyone else followed her suit. From being ignored, to being called names, to purposfully treating me like garbage, this continued everyday. I basically became a doormat for them all.
At this time in my life, I had become so depressed I stopped eating, and started physically harming myself. My relationship with God was basically non-existant. I felt that he didn't care. I attempted to kill myself three times, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I ended up switching high schools, making great friends, and building my relationship with God up again. I was even baptised recently, since I graduated high school last month.
But recently, I've felt myself wondering why I'm even here. I wasn't accpeted into any colleges, and my friendships, save a few, feel so fake. I feel alone, empty and sad. I'm never going back to those dark days, but I'm slowly starting feel unwanted and alone. I know it's not true, and I've been praying to God like crazy, but...I just don't know what to do anymore .And these memories keep coming back again and again...it's haunting.
I feel I don't belong in this world, with, really, only Jesus beside me. It's comforting, but lonely.
I think I'm lost...

 

[Spartacus1122]

I've felt myself wondering why I'm even here. I wasn't accpeted into any colleges, and my friendships, save a few, feel so fake. I feel alone, empty and sad. I'm never going back to those dark days, but I'm slowly starting feel unwanted and alone. I know it's not true, and I've been praying to God like crazy, but...I just don't know what to do anymore .

Remember Christ the night of His arrest? While the disciples fell asleep, He felt the weight of His mission, and asked God to "lift this calice/burden". Even Christ, in all His divinity, had a moment of weakness, reflective of His humanity. Yet He found strength to carry on His mission, and suffer immeasurable pain, to save us all.

Now you are going through pain, and loneliness, and wish for God to lift off this burden you've been carrying for so long. The time will come when life will turn around, and good days will be just ahead. So many people have gone through so much, from family loss, to homelessness, prison, physical disability... and yet they found strength in God, and strength in themselves.

The day will come that you will make a life of your own. You're young, and helplessness is common at that age. If colleges won't take you for now, find another mean to acquire a diploma (associate degree, certificate for XYZ, etc...) or specialized skill, that will allow you to be productive. Do voluntary work, and helping others will give you additional strength and self-esteem.

No matter how dark a storm may seem, always have faith that beyond the storm you will find light and clear blue skies.
Post nubila, phoebus.
After the clouds, comes the sun.

Be blessed.

p.s. feel free to come here for help. There are some good people on this website, even your age!

 

[Ciel]

No matter how dark a storm may seem, always have faith that beyond the storm you will find light and clear blue skies.
Post nubila, phoebus.
After the clouds, comes the sun.

Be blessed.

p.s. feel free to come here for help. There are some good people on this website, even your age!

This is all so true, as humans, we're just so fragile, but Christ uses us in ways we don't always understand, and I know I surely don't.
And that's why I came here, it seemed very supportive, and a strong sense of Godly love here

 

[Ugly]

hi Ciel
Something i've learned over the years, that a Lot of people feel the same way you do. I've even been there myself in some ways. Especially the 'i don't belong' concept. How we arrived at this point may vary from person to person. Some of the details may be different. But the complaints of lonliness, isolation, not belonging, trouble with friends, etc... its so very common. I know what you're thinking 'but in my case its different'. I used to think that too, til one day i realized, no, its not. We're all the same. All that you're feeling is rather common and felt by countless others over the years.
Now, my point in saying that is not to make you feel like your pain isn't important. But to first show you that what you're experiencing isn't unique. To show you that countless others have had to deal with it, and have been able to overcome it. You're not the only one in 6 billion going through these things, so i suggest listening to the people who tell you they've been there and follow their advice. Don't argue, or explain to them how they don't understand, or how your situation is 'different'. It doesn't help you any. And its not true. I wish i had understood that when i was your age and going through similar feelings. It would have saved me a lot of grief.

Also, if i could put a little perspective into things. A lot of what you're referencing back to is how other children treated you. Now we all can say 'oh i know it was just kids, no big deal', but in reality that's not the mindset you have. So i encourage you to observe kids and teens. Look at how they treat each other. Think on the fact that they are, even as teens, children. And then, as you look at these children, think to yourself 'would i let one of these children ruin my self esteem?'. It seems silly at that point. But thats whats going on still.
I wasn't exactly a popular kid either, and i had my share of rough times growing up. Sometimes its tempting to let those situations haunt you, but then i remind myself that these were just children and that i need to move beyond this. Time to grow up a little. I know its not easy, it will take some time and effort. But its worth it.

You seem like a smart young lady, I hope you can find some way to overcome this. I hope something i said can help as well. I'm kind of tired and not feeling well, or i would have more to say... and i'd say it better haha.

 

[AdorableNoel]

Oh hon, that really made my heart ache for you.
Don't EVER let someone use you as a doormat, i bet God is furious.. darn, IM furious!! You are God's precious child, His princess!
You weren't hanging around the right people in my opinion, You're still young, better friends will come. "You don't choose your friends, your friends choose you"- keep that in mind.
You are never alone, many people are hurting because of similar situations. I've had to say goodbye to ..let's see.. ALL of my friends because they were bad for me , I've just recently met some people-christians- who are helping me get stronger in christ.. and i also help them. That's what a friendship is! When you both build eachother up! If you feel left out and put down, maybe you need to stand back and think.

And when you pray.. are you listening? Are you just talking and talking but not taking a moment to listen to God? And God heard you the first time you asked!! -Dont forget to say 'in Jesus name' (A lot of people dont say that >.<)
Whenever you feel lonely, You can talk to me.. i may not be able to help but I'll always listen! <3

God Bless! <3

 

[mm]

Oh hon, that really made my heart ache for you.
Don't EVER let someone use you as a doormat, i bet God is furious.. darn, IM furious!! You are God's precious child, His princess!
You weren't hanging around the right people in my opinion, You're still young, better friends will come. "You don't choose your friends, your friends choose you"- keep that in mind.
You are never alone, many people are hurting because of similar situations. I've had to say goodbye to ..let's see.. ALL of my friends because they were bad for me , I've just recently met some people-christians- who are helping me get stronger in christ.. and i also help them. That's what a friendship is! When you both build eachother up! If you feel left out and put down, maybe you need to stand back and think.

And when you pray.. are you listening? Are you just talking and talking but not taking a moment to listen to God? And God heard you the first time you asked!! -Dont forget to say 'in Jesus name' (A lot of people dont say that >.<)
Whenever you feel lonely, You can talk to me.. i may not be able to help but I'll always listen! <3

God Bless! <3

This is just lovely! you are indeed adorable.. Yea, I definitely want to be your friend

And I so agree about the prayer thing. I used to just talk and talk in my prayers and ended up still depressed. I thought God did not even have time to listen to me, but it turned out that I was just too focused on my problem and did not bother to listen to Him.

So count me in dear, you now have AdorableNoel, me and the rest of us to talk to.. you are not alone

God bless!

 

[Tommy4Christ]

You are a precious jewel to God, He created you in your mothers womb, and is calling you into a real relationship with Him, through His son Jesus Christ, you are being attacked by the god of this age, and you must use your free will to first come to the mercy seat of God, through repentance and faith, laying aside all wickedness and filthiness in your life, and receive the truth from God. You cannot serve two masters, God wants all or none of you, you are worth more than all His creation to Him, as He wants none to perish but ALL to come to repentance!

You cannot mix with the world and its evil ways, we must conform our mind to Christ, renewing it daily through His word and prayer, no you wont be popular, and will stand alone, but you will be standing alone with God! He is the rock and power over sin, the flesh, and the devil.

So seek Him now, in repentance, and He will give you all the power and strength to walk in peace with Him, stay out of the churches that preach a worldly gospel, seek Him first, there are no magic formulas to end your pain and confusion, but seeking Him with all your heart and soul, apart from the false ways being taught today!

Remember Jesus said the truth will set you free, and it will, but you must diligently seek it as if seeking buried treasure!

I will be praying for you,

Love in Him,
Tommy

 

[eugenius]

Ciel I know how you feel. I hardly ever had any friends in my life. People messed with me since I was little. I'm very lonely all the time. I didn't want to live many times. This turned me into an angry cynical misanthrope. I know how you feel. Let me just tell you that I will be your friend. Nobody deserves to be treated like you were. I will pray for you. You just met the most real and honest and sincere person you ever met. Trust me. God bless.

 

[TomB_2012]

Ciel, I was bullied in primary school (elementary). I was bullied in middle school. I was bullied in high school (I'm still in high school, but I leave in a few weeks). I'm still bullied now.

I have been bullied because of my weight.
I have been bullied because of the clothes I wore in the past (not stylish etc).
I have been bullied because of the fact that I'm a Christian.
I have been bullied because of the fact that I still have my virginity.
People have said stuff about my dad, who is deceased.
Recently, someone said stuff about one of my grandmothers. She is also deceased.
Even my own mother and her uncle and his brother have had their fair share.

I have thought about suicide. It wrecks your head. You just need to keep your chin up. Your just need to keep your eyes on the Lord.

Yeah, there will be times when you wish that someone will get their 'just desserts', but you just got to move on.

Don't dwell in the past, that is something you cannot change. What you can change is what you're going to do NOW.

Here's is a little technique that might be helpful. I did this with a teacher last year.

Close your eyes. Explore your past, and search for happy memories. Find the happiest one and describe it. Where you are. Who is there with you? Why are you there?. Then, 'pick up' that memory and put it into a bottle (in your mind of course lol). When you feel down or angry, open that bottle.

Hope this was of any help to you.

With love. GBU.