C
I joined this forum/site because, as a Christian, I think it's easier to speak freely to other Christians...It's gonna be a bit of a long post, but for those of you who read, thank you.
When I was about seven years old, I was subject to bullying every single day, from taunting, to being called names every day at recess. This bullying followed me through the rest of elementary school. When I started high school, I attened a Christian school, but it was that in name only. The bullying there only got worse. In Gr. 9, my old best friend started treating me horribly, and dicthed me by Gr. 10. I lost my grandmother the same year, and I felt more alone than ever.
I'd made another group of 'friends' that I would hang out with. I also met a guy who liked some of the same things I liked, so I was pretty happy. Of course, by Gr. 11, he and this one girl in my group started dating. Since I was friends with him, she didn't like that at all, so she would resort to excluding me, which everyone else followed her suit. From being ignored, to being called names, to purposfully treating me like garbage, this continued everyday. I basically became a doormat for them all.
At this time in my life, I had become so depressed I stopped eating, and started physically harming myself. My relationship with God was basically non-existant. I felt that he didn't care. I attempted to kill myself three times, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I ended up switching high schools, making great friends, and building my relationship with God up again. I was even baptised recently, since I graduated high school last month.
But recently, I've felt myself wondering why I'm even here. I wasn't accpeted into any colleges, and my friendships, save a few, feel so fake. I feel alone, empty and sad. I'm never going back to those dark days, but I'm slowly starting feel unwanted and alone. I know it's not true, and I've been praying to God like crazy, but...I just don't know what to do anymore .And these memories keep coming back again and again...it's haunting.
I feel I don't belong in this world, with, really, only Jesus beside me. It's comforting, but lonely.
I think I'm lost...
When I was about seven years old, I was subject to bullying every single day, from taunting, to being called names every day at recess. This bullying followed me through the rest of elementary school. When I started high school, I attened a Christian school, but it was that in name only. The bullying there only got worse. In Gr. 9, my old best friend started treating me horribly, and dicthed me by Gr. 10. I lost my grandmother the same year, and I felt more alone than ever.
I'd made another group of 'friends' that I would hang out with. I also met a guy who liked some of the same things I liked, so I was pretty happy. Of course, by Gr. 11, he and this one girl in my group started dating. Since I was friends with him, she didn't like that at all, so she would resort to excluding me, which everyone else followed her suit. From being ignored, to being called names, to purposfully treating me like garbage, this continued everyday. I basically became a doormat for them all.
At this time in my life, I had become so depressed I stopped eating, and started physically harming myself. My relationship with God was basically non-existant. I felt that he didn't care. I attempted to kill myself three times, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I ended up switching high schools, making great friends, and building my relationship with God up again. I was even baptised recently, since I graduated high school last month.
But recently, I've felt myself wondering why I'm even here. I wasn't accpeted into any colleges, and my friendships, save a few, feel so fake. I feel alone, empty and sad. I'm never going back to those dark days, but I'm slowly starting feel unwanted and alone. I know it's not true, and I've been praying to God like crazy, but...I just don't know what to do anymore .And these memories keep coming back again and again...it's haunting.
I feel I don't belong in this world, with, really, only Jesus beside me. It's comforting, but lonely.
I think I'm lost...
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