If God was truly good, I wouldn't be this "dysfunctional" monster you see presented before you.
The problem is the language you use is a language that has a lot of assumptions, but some of what you say contradicts those assumptions.
Two statements - 1. If God was truly good.
This has two concepts. God - your idea of God maybe different to mine.
Good - your idea of good maybe different to mine
2. Dysfunctional monster
You do not sound like a monster, and your function or lack of it is not defined.
So these ideas make sense to you but I do not think anyone else understands what you are saying.
Jesus uses the idea of becoming like a child to enter the kingdom.
Do you understand this idea? The idea is to suggest within the way people measure success and failure is actually wrong.
Until you can see things differently and start measuring things on a different basis, you will not discover what Jesus is talking about.
You can sell your soul in the hope of wealth. It sounds like this is what you want to do, as if what you will gain something that is better than learning what it is to be rich in life.
You then talk about being bound to christ, as if there is no choice. This is not a whole picture but fractured areas of your life.
You talk with words like God is a nuisance. Is this how you feel about your parents, or teachers in school, or the people who pay your salary, or your customers who give you money for your work. What you are expressing is arrogance, as if there is another way of life or dependency and you want to deny reality and where you have come from and the debts you owe for what you are. That is sin and rebellion. You hate your life and want to blame others for where you are, taking no responsibility for your actions.
You claim leadership skills. You have just failed at lesson one, ownership of a task. Your task is to live and be responsible.
So no I cannot take you seriously because you are not consistent in your position or being honest with yourself or others.
"Rip you to shreds" - you are not being honest but want people to believe what you are saying is ok and just accept it.
That would be dishonest. Does a doctor who sees someone walking on a broken leg say "Your leg is fine, the pain you are feeling is just from a head ache." You would say they are negligent.
So I am being honest with you and telling you how things are. If you want to walk with Jesus you have to begin by learning how to be truthful about life and yourself. Until then nothing will actually matter, because it will get you nowhere.
I wish you well and hope you find some reality, because to date you are just a confused frustrated individual who is really lost.
