I've been keeping my virginity for a long time now and was successful for 20 years. But recently my desire to have sex has been so over powering. To the point where I masturbate. Although I do not ever put anything in my little lady. But yesterday I consciously sinned with a guy. We performed oral sex and although I was not penetrated I was fingered. I am so sorry about the explicit detail but I am absolutely devasted. I feel so bad! God has been giving me so much opportunities and I am so grateful but I just couldn't control how I felt any longer. The total horrific part is that I don't regret the intimacy I shared with my guy. I just don't think it was worth risking my entire salvation and almost guaranteeing my place in hell. I don't know what to do because I know I can't pick and choose scriptures to live by. I'm so sad I've lost my innocence this way. In my heart God knows I wanted to keep myself pure for my husband. :-( devesated soul. X x
Alright, here's my response:
Technically, you are still a virgin. And I see that you consider yourself 'saved', so there must be a time when you realized your sin and separation from your holy God, and believed on Christ as the love of God Himself to save you.
Now, if you are saved, then this means that you read the word of God (without it, you cannot be a Christian; those that are Christians are Christians because of the word of God), you pray to your Father, and you attend a Bible-believing church.
Alright then. Now, if you've read the Bible for some time now, you know that Christians are separate from the world; God has delivered us from this present evil world, and by the renewing of our minds we know that we must not live in the ways of the world. So then, in our love for God and gratefulness of His salvation and quickening, we seek to please Him in our lives, and we know how to please the Lord by His word.
His word says that His children are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, meaning that our relationships (your boyfriends are the prime example, also friends) must not be intimate with those that are unconverted, for they are yet in their sins, and their minds are at enmity against God (not my words, His words).
Shalomandme, God tells us to flee fornication. You abstained from sexual relations because you wanted to stay pure for the Lord. But I will tell you this, that it's never been about just not having sex, or purity rings, or anything like that; it's always been about walking with the Lord intimately, and staying in the light AS HE IS IN the light. Our salvation is not just a set of moral ideals or rules or ways to keep better than the rest of society, but is a relationship of pure faith and reverence and love of Jesus Christ, who first loved us; who loved us and gave Himself for us.
So, keep Christ as your focus. Remember that it is by grace that we have been saved through faith, and this is not of ourselves; it is the free gift of God, and not of our own effort whatsoever.
Having said this, I'd like to add that your struggles with lust, and your desire to have sex is not uncommon. You are not a freak. You are normal. Lust is not a 'guy problem', it's a human problem. Your desire for intimacy is not rare either (that's obvious). You want to be with someone, and that is normal; nevertheless, you are a daughter of God, and God has a greater plan than any guy that will compromise your purity, your relationship with God, and even your emotions, for his own sinful pleasure. Again, God has a greater, greater plan for your desires of intimacy and sex!
Masturbation (also not only a guy problem, but many women masturbate, even if they tell you they don't, or make it seem so) is a sin as well, for it is a fruit of your lust. Masturbation will not appease your lust, but strengthen it; masturbation is like food for your lust and desires, for as you do it the chemicals in the brain from sexual arousal and pleasure are released, and can become habitual. These chemicals, I've heard, are like bonding agents for our mind and emotions; this is why sex in marriage is so important and beautiful. Our very mental desire will be 'as one flesh' with our spouse.
I'm sure you know that fornication (in this case, any sexual intimacy outside of marriage, and masturbation) is a wicked sin, so then, you can move on towards healing.
You're, obviously, no longer in a pure relationship with this man, and so you must begin as fast process of separating from all things which caused you to stumble. This is a difficult first step, I'm sure, but very necessary. Nevertheless, this is only a first step, and I'm sure there are more experienced and wise believers which can help you take the next steps.
You may have lost your innocence (actually, if you've been masturbating, you lost it long ago), but your purity can still be in check. The words of Oswald Chambers:
The pure man or woman is the one who is shielded from harm, not the innocent person. The so-called innocent man or woman is never safe. Men and women have no business trying to be innocent; God demands that they be pure and virtuous. Innocence is the characteristic of a child. Any person is deserving of blame if he is unwilling to reconcile himself to the fact of sin.
