Relationship Boundaries?

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abby98023

Guest
#1
#1
Im new to christianchat.com but I am a Christian and am just looking for some help.

I am 16 and have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. We both love the Lord with everything we have. That is our favorite thing about each other.
The question I have is on physical boundaries. He is a rare boy in the world that doesnt watch porn and he doesnt even think about sex. You guys can say im lying but Im not. so if you dont believe me then please just let someone else help me.

We are so confused on where to stop with our boundaries. We know that touching boobs, butt, other genitals, is wrong, but why? why is it wrong if he isnt lusting and I am not lusting either. It just feels good.

I want to know, from a biblical standpoint, where is the wrong in touching each other, if we arent having actual intercourse, oral, or any other forms of sex until marriage.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#2
Mar 13, 2014
41,361
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Tennessee
#2
There should be no confusion.

The 3 things that you mentioned can and will lead to pre-marital sex. If it feels good then you probably should not be doing it. Kissing, hand-holding and hugs are alright, IMO, from a biblical standpoint.

As you are only 16 it is extremely unlikely that this guy you are with will become your future husband.

Your boyfriend may not watch porn but he probably is most definitely thinking about sex. I don't think that he is rare, just careful, up until this point.

Don't fall for the line "If you love me you will do this". I can see this coming.

You state that your age is 16 but your profile says it's 25. This may lead to confusion down the road.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
I believe you. It's him I don't believe.
Bible says to flee from temptation. Certain kinds of touching is a precursor to sex. Married partners start by touching. Because it feels good and it generates more interest and excitement. So doing these things is putting yourself IN temptation, not fleeing from it.
That you believe neither of you could do this and not lust shows just how little you know on the topic.

You say neither of you are tempted and he claims he doesn't even think of sex, yet, here you are trying to question why certain things are wrong. The tone of your question comes across as 'we want to do this, so we better make sure it's wrong so we are t missing out if it's ok'.

Touching arouses sexual desire. The end. If you think you are magically immune to it you are lying to yourselves.
You touch a little. It's exciting, but eventually stops being so exciting, so you take it farther. This pattern continues over and over. It doesn't take long before you sprint past boundaries without a second thought and make decisions you can't take back and you will regret the rest of your life.


I'll reiterate. The bible says flee temptation. What you are asking about IS temptation. If you justify touching now you'll be justifying a Lot more in your mind later on.
 
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abby98023

Guest
#4
#4
Ugly said:
I believe you. It's him I don't believe.
Bible says to flee from temptation. Certain kinds of touching is a precursor to sex. Married partners start by touching. Because it feels good and it generates more interest and excitement. So doing these things is putting yourself IN temptation, not fleeing from it.
That you believe neither of you could do this and not lust shows just how little you know on the topic.

You say neither of you are tempted and he claims he doesn't even think of sex, yet, here you are trying to question why certain things are wrong. The tone of your question comes across as 'we want to do this, so we better make sure it's wrong so we are t missing out if it's ok'.

Touching arouses sexual desire. The end. If you think you are magically immune to it you are lying to yourselves.
You touch a little. It's exciting, but eventually stops being so exciting, so you take it farther. This pattern continues over and over. It doesn't take long before you sprint past boundaries without a second thought and make decisions you can't take back and you will regret the rest of your life.


I'll reiterate. The bible says flee temptation. What you are asking about IS temptation. If you justify touching now you'll be justifying a Lot more in your mind later on.
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You're so right. That's why it feels wrong. I did tell him that little by little we would want to do more and more and eventually end up going all the way but he is saying that we will be strong enough to resist it. Thank you for giving me examples from the bible and not just your personal opinion. thank you
 
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jb

Senior Member
#5
Feb 27, 2010
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#5
abby98023 said:
... I did tell him that little by little we would want to do more and more and eventually end up going all the way but he is saying that we will be strong enough to resist it...
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The thought that you'll (both) be strong enough to resist temptation is absolute nonsense...YOU WON'T BE STRONG ENOUGH!

By going down that line you are simply INVITING temptation...BIG time!

2Tim 2v22: "Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."

Phil 4v8: "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy — meditate on these things."

QED!
 
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coby

Guest
#6
#6
abby98023 said:
You're so right. That's why it feels wrong. I did tell him that little by little we would want to do more and more and eventually end up going all the way but he is saying that we will be strong enough to resist it. Thank you for giving me examples from the bible and not just your personal opinion. thank you
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Watch out with that guy. Don't give in. Dated one who said that about kissing. All he wanted was sex. Could hardly push him away from me.
 
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Xeano321

Guest
#7
#7
he is saying that we will be strong enough to resist it
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Dude, watch out right there. That is dangerous territory. A guy using lines like that has more on his mind. I don't recall (somebody may correct me on this) seeing anything in the bible about testing your own faith. Why would you purposely tempt yourself to prove you can overcome it? Seems a bit risky.

I'm not implying that it's not possible he couldn't be, but take it from me: Teenage guys think about sex a lot. I've always considered myself better then average in comparison with my peers when dealing with temptation about sex, but I've had a ton of struggles with it (nothing physical, fortunately.) Sex is on his mind. I would almost guarantee it, use extreme caution here. Remember, whatever you give away for the first time now, you may regret that you never waited to give it to your husband.

If you want biblical reference, read through Proverbs and the Song of Solomon. Good stuff in there relating to your problem.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#8
#8
abby98023 said:
You're so right. That's why it feels wrong. I did tell him that little by little we would want to do more and more and eventually end up going all the way but he is saying that we will be strong enough to resist it. Thank you for giving me examples from the bible and not just your personal opinion. thank you
Click to expand...

Famous last words. Don't do something you can't undo. The strongest of Christians can fall into temptation,then you have to live with guilt and regret.
 
Elizabeth619

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
#9
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
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#9
Want to know why those parts of the body feel good when touched? Because they're sexual organs. They're supposed to feel good for that purpose. Touching will lead to sex.
You wouldn't let a random guy grab you would you because you don't think about sex with him would you? It would be inappropriate wouldn't it? So is lover boy touching you. A 16 yr old male that says he doesn't think about sex is lying btw. You may not but guys are wired different than girls. If he doesn't think about sex then why grab your breasts and butt? Play with your elbow or kneecap for crying out loud. There's a lot more to sex than just penetration.
 
GOP

GOP

Senior Member
#10
Jul 12, 2015
1,668
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#10
Peace be with you in JESUS NAME.
The members at CC have given you a very good advise according to the Word of GOD. Listen to their advises. Don't tempt the devil to tempt you.
Also, right your age on your profile and put the right age.
 
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