Tell me your lame jokes!
- Thread starter ronnie2796
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Here's some from my end (from non-native English speaking nation, some of them are from real life happenings)-
• The tropic of cancer is a very painful and incurable disease.
• The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called the mummies.
• The previously seen rays are called x-rays.
• Greenland is an island filled with green pastures
• Define LINE?
Ans: Line is a dot going for a walk..
• Who are Earlyman?
Ans: People who wakes up early in the morning are called Earlyman...
• What is a Cold war?
Ans: Cold war is a war fought in Antarctica and North pole
Q. What is an Earthquake?
Ans: The shivering of the earth is known as an Earthquake
Teacher: What is the opposite of gentleman?
Student: Gentlewoman
Teacher: Why is early marriage not good?
Student: Early marriage is not good because marrying in the early morning is very cold. (true story)
Teacher: What is grammar?
Student: English is grammar
•Teacher: What is Ohms law?
Student: I know only the last part of the answer.
Teacher: ok, proceed..
Student:.... Is called Ohms law.
• Science class Teacher: Name three heavy metals.
Student: Metallica, Scorpion, and Mr. Big
(English class in a hindi school)
Teacher: what is your father's name?
Mohan: mera papa ka nam Makan Lal Sarkar hai.
Teacher: Say it in English
Mohan: My father's name is BUTTER RED GOVERNMENT
Ps: In Hindi, makan=butter, lal=red, Sarkar=government, hence the name butter red govt.
• The tropic of cancer is a very painful and incurable disease.
• The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called the mummies.
• The previously seen rays are called x-rays.
• Greenland is an island filled with green pastures
• Define LINE?
Ans: Line is a dot going for a walk..
• Who are Earlyman?
Ans: People who wakes up early in the morning are called Earlyman...
• What is a Cold war?
Ans: Cold war is a war fought in Antarctica and North pole
Q. What is an Earthquake?
Ans: The shivering of the earth is known as an Earthquake
Teacher: What is the opposite of gentleman?
Student: Gentlewoman
Teacher: Why is early marriage not good?
Student: Early marriage is not good because marrying in the early morning is very cold. (true story)
Teacher: What is grammar?
Student: English is grammar
•Teacher: What is Ohms law?
Student: I know only the last part of the answer.
Teacher: ok, proceed..
Student:.... Is called Ohms law.
• Science class Teacher: Name three heavy metals.
Student: Metallica, Scorpion, and Mr. Big
(English class in a hindi school)
Teacher: what is your father's name?
Mohan: mera papa ka nam Makan Lal Sarkar hai.
Teacher: Say it in English
Mohan: My father's name is BUTTER RED GOVERNMENT
Ps: In Hindi, makan=butter, lal=red, Sarkar=government, hence the name butter red govt.
If you've ever been to Minnesota, everybody knows Ole and Lena jokes:
Ole, Sven and Lars die in a tragic Lutefisk accident. They are met by God on the stairway to heaven.
God says, "There are 3,000 steps to heaven. It's very serious up there. I'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell."
So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, Lars laughs out loud and goes straight to hell. Ole and Sven look at each other nervously.
On the 2,000th step God tells another joke, Sven tries his best but laughs and goes to straight to hell.
On the 3,000th step God tells the last and best joke, Ole doesn't laugh and proceeds to the gate.
Suddenly, Ole bursts out laughing hysterically. God asks, "What are you laughing about?".
Ole replies, "Oh dat's funny. I yust got da first yoke!".
Ole, Sven and Lars die in a tragic Lutefisk accident. They are met by God on the stairway to heaven.
God says, "There are 3,000 steps to heaven. It's very serious up there. I'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell."
So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, Lars laughs out loud and goes straight to hell. Ole and Sven look at each other nervously.
On the 2,000th step God tells another joke, Sven tries his best but laughs and goes to straight to hell.
On the 3,000th step God tells the last and best joke, Ole doesn't laugh and proceeds to the gate.
Suddenly, Ole bursts out laughing hysterically. God asks, "What are you laughing about?".
Ole replies, "Oh dat's funny. I yust got da first yoke!".
Sven’s down at the feed store and runs across Ole.
Sven says, "Ole, good to see you! How’ve you been?”
“Fine.”
“And what about your wife, I haven’t seen her in awhile. How’s she doing, Ole?”
“Fine.”
Sven says, “I heard you bought her a piano, didn’t you? That must be real fine. How’d she like it?”
Ole answers, “Fine. But I sold the piano and bought a clarinet.”
“A clarinet? Why would you give her a clarinet instead of a piano?”
Ole glares at Sven a bit, then says, “Because with a clarinet, she can’t sing!”
Sven says, "Ole, good to see you! How’ve you been?”
“Fine.”
“And what about your wife, I haven’t seen her in awhile. How’s she doing, Ole?”
“Fine.”
Sven says, “I heard you bought her a piano, didn’t you? That must be real fine. How’d she like it?”
Ole answers, “Fine. But I sold the piano and bought a clarinet.”
“A clarinet? Why would you give her a clarinet instead of a piano?”
Ole glares at Sven a bit, then says, “Because with a clarinet, she can’t sing!”
Ole hears that Sven just bought a new truck, so he goes over to take a look at it. When he gets there, he sees dents all over the truck, and Sven sitting in the driveway behind the truck.
Ole says, “Sven, why did you buy a truck with dents?”
Sven says, “Oh, I made a real good deal. It got dented in a hailstorm, so the salesman gave me $50 off the price. And he said that all I have to do is blow on the tailpipe, and those dents will pop right out. But I’ve been sitting here blowing on this tailpipe for two hours now, and I don’t think it's working.
Ole says, “Sven, don’t be such a dummy! You have to close the windows first!”
Ole says, “Sven, why did you buy a truck with dents?”
Sven says, “Oh, I made a real good deal. It got dented in a hailstorm, so the salesman gave me $50 off the price. And he said that all I have to do is blow on the tailpipe, and those dents will pop right out. But I’ve been sitting here blowing on this tailpipe for two hours now, and I don’t think it's working.
Ole says, “Sven, don’t be such a dummy! You have to close the windows first!”
Here some more if ya enjoyed tose yokes!
Old Lutheran - The Center for Lutheran Pride! (but not too proud)
Old Lutheran - The Center for Lutheran Pride! (but not too proud)